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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..141142143144145146147..596Next> |
#55082 (184/342) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<fizzer> and we had to put condoms on the boys bananas
<fizzer> and there were too many girls in my class, so it was me and another girl with Luke
<fizzer> and he was mighty embarrassed
<koshua> Were the guys given half a nectarine and told to find the clitoris?Comment: Sex Ed, Ozzie style
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#55033 (264/394) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Sanguini> My friend was over, he asked me to get "a good pron movie"
<Sanguini> I got him a prawn, swimming contentedly along
<Sanguini> He didn't like it :( |
#55023 (76/254) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Xeno: I'll work for anyone who pays me enough and treats me good
Tony: how about I smack you around and pay you $5.15 an hour?
Xeno: haha i dont wanna do fast food |
#54998 (278/438) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<KArmA> just overheard in the office "look man its not an exact science. We don't have any formal QA procedures that say 'if the customer sets the box up like a complete assworshiping rimjobber fucktard with a button pushing fetish then subsystems A, B, C and 12 will break horrifically'"Comment: #bifemunix on EFnet
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#54995 (105/313) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<jared> GRAB YOUR DICK AND DOUBLECLICK FOR PORN, PORN, PORN!
<Pen_Pen> jared- It's not working. >:\
<Pen_Pen> All I get is channel info. |
#54895 (229/393) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<HotStud> what i want is for you to stop screwing with my head and start screwing with my dick!
<ingenue> Okay, box it up and mail it USPS, and my girlfriend and I will give it a try.
<ingenue> Oh, wait, what size battery does it take? 'Cos I think my AA are all dead.
<HotStud> ...
<HotStud> goddam lezbo
<HotStud> you just haven't had the right man, then youd learn that there are some things a chick just can't do
<ingenue> You know, that could work for you, too... |
#54886 (90/274) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@phaxx> why on earth would somebody name a function 'T'
< drusilla> troublemaker?
<@phaxx> teabagger.
< drusilla> I don't like tea
<@phaxx> teabaggin' has nothing to do with tea.
<@phaxx> although somehow I suspect you wouldn't like it anyway.Comment: #lobby
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#54878 (55/311) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
JonathanThompson: Hey helf, if you dispose of an IP address, does it end up in a LANfill? |
#54860 (394/558) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(Deranged): Haha... me and a friend were riding around today, and we stopped at a traffic light where there were two high school girls standing on the corner waiting to cross.
(Deranged): So my friend rolls down his window and asked one of the girls, "Hey, what can I get for ten dollars?"
(Deranged): They both opened their mouths in shock, so I leaned over and said, "Really? Then what can I get for $20?"
(Deranged): Turns out we can get cussed out for free. :/ |
#54851 (121/309) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Katze> bronchitis rules.
<Katze> means every time Jen coughs, she'll tense up
<Chris-> LOL
<Chris-> no need to donkey punch?
<Katze> bingo |
#54848 (126/296) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<GSGold> that reminds me of some robot from power rangers
<GSGold> back when i thoguht that show as cool when i was 5
<GSGold> in retrospect that's probably why i am who i am today
<Elyscape> yes
<Elyscape> yes, that's why |
#54790 (158/380) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Trey: I want to play games like Half-Life 2 at full settings and shit, what card do I need?
Amarok: So what about HDD fluid? Do you have enough of that? Because you don't want it to seize up and die right?
Trey: oh shit, I'll grab some of that when I go get some more blinker fluid at Wal-mart tomorrow
Amarok: blinker fluid?
Amarok: what the fuck is blinker fluid?
Trey: what the fuck is HDD fluid?
Amarok: Its the fluid that makes the tiny little wheels turn so that your data can be read.
Trey: oh, I thought you were joking
Trey: You don't have to buy that shit do you, I've never even heard of it
Amarok: ...
Amarok: you tool
Trey: fuck it's not real is it
Trey: goddamn |
#54903 (353/493) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<taste.it> mh... if one of us had to die right now and you could decide if it was you or me, who would you choose?
<wiesel> that's hard... well, i'd say i'd let you die... people are egoistic, that's the way it is
<taste.it> and you think you could live with that decision?
<wiesel> better than with the other one. |
#54900 (426/568) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<XenoDemon> So it is 3am, and I am sleeping
<XenoDemon> Some girl comes into my dorm room (Door isin't locked, room mate is still on computer)
<XenoDemon> She mumbles something to my room mate who had no idea who she was
<XenoDemon> Sits on my bed, then lays down in my bed (I am still in it), takes my blanket, and starts to go to sleep, then knocks her head against mine.
<XenoDemon> I go "Who the hell are you? What's your name?" "Aisha" "Where do you live?" "Ogg" (Another dorm)
<XenoDemon> "you're in the wrong dorm" "what? no I'm not" "Well um I need to use this bed, go back to Ogg ok?" "Haha... Ok... bye" and then she leaves
<XenoDemon> I know it is easy to get random drunk girls into bed, but that was just ridiculus. |
#54846 (181/365) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<redrum> the last urmom joke I told blew up in my face
<redrum> turned out the guys mom was dead
<redrum> he told me to get my dick out of the urn |
#54839 (161/323) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<karaipantsu> augh
<karaipantsu> I've been up since 3 in the morning today, and needed some something to keep me awake, ya?
<karaipantsu> So I go to the coffee room, and I'm like, "Oh hey, a big bowl of sugar", and dumped a bunch in my mouth.
<karaipantsu> Non-dairy creamer. D: |
#54830 (76/300) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<DesScorp> mmmmm
<DesScorp> chinese food
<DesScorp> don't know what I ate
<DesScorp> but it was good
<DesScorp> buffet!
<DesScorp> 83 different items!
<DesScorp> (82 of them probably some form of chicken)
<DesScorp> (I hope)
<KArmA> cooked cat looks remarkably like chicken
<DesScorp> so
<DesScorp> I can say I ate pussy then
<KArmA> you ate dead pussy
<KArmA> in a thick, gravy-like sauce |
#54816 (148/340) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<progen> ive converted to lmaoism |
#54804 (179/343) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Evil Vaccum: have to figure out who I should invite, then
Evil Vaccum: this brings up an interesting problem
Evil Vaccum: who are my friends?
scythen32: your monitor, your keyboard, and your tower?
Evil Vaccum: pretty much |
#54864 (200/340) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Scorbutus> now theres 3 questions you dont want to hear when sitting in a room full of computers...
<Scorbutus> "what was that noise?" "whats that smell?" and "wheres that smoke coming from?"
<Scorbutus> especially when the answer to all 3 is...my router
<Scorbutus> :( |
#54801 (264/390) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Sarah> lol, i was at a speech and debate tournament in 9th grade at a public high school in albuquerque. the counselor's office was right next to the culinary arts office. on the counselor's office window, there was a poster that said "Suicide: A permanent solution to a temporary problem" and on the culinary arts window there was a poster that read: "Use the right knife" |
#54799 (463/661) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<cassius_clay13> so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar
<cassius_clay13> well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke
<cassius_clay13> so i helped him walk to the toilet
<cassius_clay13> all the stalls were occupied
<emoti_conartist> lol
<cassius_clay13> bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy
<cassius_clay13> so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors open
<cassius_clay13> and there's this guy in there taking a shit
<emoti_conartist> hahahahahaha
<cassius_clay13> and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
<cassius_clay13> then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh shit... if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to fuck him up... so i'd better hit him first'
<cassius_clay13> so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face
<cassius_clay13> and runs away
<cassius_clay13> imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVER |
#54787 (36/320) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<irokie> be there any other interesting channels on this network?
<maff> #bearcave
<sxh> #bearcave
<jestuh> #bearcave
<Nades> #bearcave
<Thuryn> #bearcave |
#54688 (242/558) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(ZackisDead) do you know how easy it is to ruin a perfectly good family
(ZackisDead) for the fuck of it
(ZackisDead) I called some dude tonight and told him I've been fucking his wife
(ZackisDead) I just ran my finger down the phone book
(Mantits) Uh
(Mantits) ...
(Mantits) Did he believe you?
(ZackisDead) I think soComment: D:
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#54703 (1/309) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
MofattP: bleh, I'm fighting a sinus infection. My snot looks like a fruit loops commercial
MofattP: Green Mucus!
MofattP: Yellow Chunks!
MofattP: Red Streaks!
MofattP: Follow your nose!
MofattP: If it had marshmellow suprises, I could market my snot as a breakfast cereal. |
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