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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..133134135136137138139..596Next> |
#56930 (536/710) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<BobtheAvenger> how be you?
<GreyKnight> Currently trying to beat some C++ into submission
<GreyKnight> COMPILE YOU FREAK
<GreyKnight> I'm tempted to print the code out just so I can set fire to it |
#55243 (7/579) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Foxhill> shagging someone who dont move is like humping a warm vibrator that doesnt vibrate and farts in its sleep |
#56912 (364/526) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<HajuuNOT-NZ> im going on a date tommorow :/
<HajuuNOT-NZ> not sure why
<cai> Parents haven't had that talk with you yet, I see |
#56905 (239/449) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<MrMiyagi> Do I seem gay to you?
<Jenna> no, vince..why?
<MrMiyagi> Well..I was watching pro wrestling and..I'm not talking like full fledged boner or nothin but.. |
#56901 (16163/18437) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<glowsun> I heard about this guy who broke into a lion's den at the zoo
<glowsun> and got mauled
<glowsun> and people were talking about how there should have been better defenses put up to prevent people getting into the cage
<glowsun> a friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent
<glowsun> for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in |
#56888 (280/544) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<dizzy_> BlueInferno why did you give up on christianity?
<BlueInferno> dizzy_, I read the bible. |
#56878 (2847/3249) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Turtles> I really wouldn't mind if an old lady took a dump on my chest.
<Lovespuds> ...
<Lovespuds> ...Dude.
<Turtles> Er.
<Turtles> That was the wrong window.
<Lovespuds> Turtles, there is no such thing as the right window for that. |
#56799 (172/394) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<pritch> fwf this is the internet
<pritch> no one cares about your gf unless we see nude pix |
#56492 (8/498) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<swight> I just farted and it sounded like the IE pop up blocker sound |
#56772 (172/418) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Serena[T]> hey Catcher, how's it going?
<Catcher> not much Serena[T], about to go on a little date
<Catcher> well, kind of
<Catcher> our night kind of got blown to bits
<Catcher> so we're skipping the dinner, and skipping the movie we planned
<Catcher> and we're just going straight to the hotel room :P
<jonathans> hot
<jonathans> what breed is sheComment: efnet #geekissues
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#56866 (314/450) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Turkey367: Your chances of dieing in Canada are almost zero. Free drugs and low voilence. In the US, there are random shootings everyday
mentalpeter1212: that was the stupidest thing ive ever heard
mentalpeter1212: "the chances of dieing in Canada are almost zero"
mentalpeter1212: there is a 100% if you live there...
Turkey367: Do you know anyone that has died in Canada?
mentalpeter1212: ...
Turkey367: EXACTLY!
mentalpeter1212: i hate you |
#56773 (233/387) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<SMarsh> I'd like to point out, for the record, that God made the entire universe in less time than it's taken marq to hire good Perl coders.
<DMM> Yes, but the universe has a simpler syntax than perl. |
#56721 (170/338) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Timmaw> i remember one time when i was little i was camping with my grandma and grandpa. i go into the bathroom to brush my teeth and i put some toothpaste on my brush
<Timmaw> it looks light pink but the toothpaste was cinnamon flavor so i didn't think anything of it
<Timmaw> i bite down on the toothbrush so i can undo my pants and sit down on the toilet. i grip the toothbrush and it won't budge!
<Timmaw> i'm freaking out because my toothbrush is fused to my teeth and my grandpa gets a flashlight and looks at it and starts cracking up
<Timmaw> my grandma gets snoody because it's not a very amusing situation. my grandpa looks at both of us and says "tim you were trying to brush your teeth with polident." |
#56717 (214/376) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<mMkay> tried giving myself a tattoo once. a safety pin and an ink tube from a pen. i poked little dots of ink into my skin, one dot at a time. oh i thought it'd turn out cool
<mMkay> last night my girlfriend and i were watching tv and i had my legs on her lap and she started drawing on it. "what are you doing?" i ask her
<mMkay> "playing connect the dots."
<mMkay> :( |
#56716 (254/470) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<akatarli> omg, last night, we were waiting for the bus (it was like 7)
<akatarli> this group of guys, like in their 40's walk by
<akatarli> one of the stops in front of me and goes "Oh man, those are fantastic!" and walks on
<akatarli> at first I had no idea what he was talking about
<akatarli> I was like "what the hell, was he... OMG HE'S TALKING ABOUT MY BOOBS!!!"
<akatarli> it was a very emotionally traumatizing experience.
<demnted_squirell> did you slap him?
<akatarli> by the time i realized what he was talking about, he was gone.
<demnted_squirell> bummer
<demnted_squirell> well did you learn anything from this?
<akatarli> ya
<akatarli> tank top + Bourbon St. + Rain = VERY BAD IDEA
<akatarli> :'-(Comment: Bourbon St. in New Orleans, LA
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#56643 (151/415) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<b0b> fucking hell dude
<b0b> i hate when the salsa in the jar gets low
<b0b> and I try to get it out with a chip and it gets all of my fingers
<b0b> and i just end up crying myself to sleep with my fingers covered in salsa |
#56852 (338/498) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Ducky: So here I am, on Google earth, spying on my ex, when she calls.
Ducky: and I’m all freaking out, because I’m thinking that she knows I’m spying on her.
Leila: Dude, you know that Google earth isn’t live right?
Ducky: Shit. Now she thinks I’m stupid and an asshole!
Leila: You TOLD her that you were spying on her?
Ducky: Um… yeah.
Leila: wow, you are stupid. |
#56819 (404/548) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(Deranged): I think my girlfriend is cheating on me...
(Deranged): I gave her one of those certificates for her birthday that say "Good for one hour of great sex anyway you want it."
(Deranged): She got this huge expression of joy on her face, kissed me on my cheek thanking me, then runs out the front door yelling, "I'll be back in an hour!" |
#56817 (272/394) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Cobra8279: 1) sleep deprivation alone can not kill you
Cobra8279: and if anything that can not kill you makes you stronger
Cobra8279: soon, i should have superpowers |
#56811 (254/378) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<forkup> yo
<forkup> i'm off to jail for a day or so, bbl |
#56804 (142/308) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Karlprof> NEW RECORD!
<Karlprof> I just drove someone out a channel on Freenode in *two* lines!
<Karlprof> -->| fred_basset has joined ##anything
<Karlprof> <Karlprof> I read your nick as 'breast_feed', fred.
<Karlprof> <Karlprof> I just thought you should know that.
<Karlprof> <fred_basset> thanks
<Karlprof> <--| fred_basset has left ##anything |
#56801 (170/330) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<LabMonkey> damnit
<LabMonkey> there went my afternoon
<LabMonkey> THANKS FOR RUINING MY LIFE, KARMA
<KArmA> its what I do
<KArmA> try and be a better personComment: #bifemunix on EFnet
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#56771 (298/462) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<BlackDeth> so this guy on the radio the other day was saying how there's a law that you can't sue gunmakers for injuries caused by their products
<BlackDeth> then he went on to suggest that all industries can protect themselves from liability claims if they just made their products start firing bullets
<BlackDeth> that would be awesome |
#56763 (318/510) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Nero> ZXLink, I learned something today
<Nero> When someone asks you "you know what's retarded?"
<Nero> The correct response is "What?"
<Nero> Not "Kids with Down syndrome" |
#56743 (216/376) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<MootMan> Oi! I think my life is now complete.
<MootMan> Had to cool a clients PC because it was overheatin, the fan on the heatsink was garbled.
<MootMan> I had no replacements, but I had a un-opened can of Beer sitting by, fresh from the freezer (I like to supercool the stuff to near 0*C).
<MootMan> This particular can had a fairly flat serface. I only needed the PC for 5 minutes, anyways.
<MootMan> So I took some artic silver thermal goop, and spread it on the bottom of the beer can.
<MootMan> Stuck it on the proc (a P4), and put a 15lb Cisco book on it to hold it down.
<MootMan> Vola. Sub-ambient cooling.
<goombah> 0_0 thats like blapshemy dude
<MootMan> Who cares. And besides, who needs liquid nitro when you can use BEER? Toms Hardware - "10GHZ Overclocking on Grasshoppa!". |
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