|
TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..132133134135136137138..596Next> |
#57267 (6902/8716) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<evilAdmin> Oy! Maybe my job does rock.
<evilAdmin> Da Fluke network tester (a $6000 Gameboy wannabe) was broken today since someone took the lithium batteries out of it and neglected to put them back in the case.
<evilAdmin> We had to test out the connection between floors 2&4, going through floor 3 in the process.
<evilAdmin> so I tell da b0ss that the Network tester is dead... And I need to generate network traffic so I can see the stats on the switches and routers, make sure no packets are being killed prematurely.
<evilAdmin> So he sayz "How much is that tester worth?", I say "6K". He says "Great!".
<evilAdmin> he picks up his office phone, hits the global annoucement button, and says "Floors Two, Three, and Four, our IT Admin requires that you generate network traffic for equipment testing. Grab Half Life off my network share, I'll host". He hangs up and says "Happy?", I say "that works".
<evilAdmin> The rest of the afternoon was dedicated to a rather large Half Life MP game on Crossfire :). |
#57199 (248/474) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Kilonum_NAKED> my father wants back in my life
<ataraxia> get dressed first |
#57183 (272/520) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Hyp3rHax0r> aw man
<Hyp3rHax0r> I just set up a new Dell at the library
<mikeonthecompute> k?
<Hyp3rHax0r> while I was removing the various AOL toolbars, Norton popped up to tell me it had created access rules for RealPlayer.
<Hyp3rHax0r> I had to take a shower after I was done. |
#57180 (431/601) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<taxman> Okay, I seriously don't know how this could happen.
<taxman> I woke up this morning and went into the bathroom to piss
<taxman> One of my nostrils is really itchy and so I grab a piece of toilet paper and blow my nose
<taxman> When I look at it, there's a fucking EARWIG amidst a sea of snot
<Rintin> rofl
<taxman> So I shout in surprise, "Holy fuck! How in the hell did that get up there?!"
<taxman> I drop it in the toilet, flush it and open the bathroom door, and my mom and wife are standing there, staring at me with their mouths half open.
<Rintin> holy shit lmao
<taxman> They haven't stopped making fun of me about it. So I'm here. :/ |
#57165 (7681/9319) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jnz> I spilt Mountain Dew on my keyboard a few times and it left some thick syrupy stuff I never really decided to clean off. I've also spilt drinks on my cable modem and in my surge protector. Everything still worked fine.
<jnz> I move into an apartment close to my college for a semester and sugar ants appeared out of nowhere and would swarm my computer and electronics at night. In a week or so my cable modem, surge protector, and keyboard were completely clean and syrup free. Ants rock. |
#57141 (511/691) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Halbred> I still remember the storys my grandfather told me about when he was in WW2, and when they stormed auswichts.
<Kurai> auschwitz.
<Kurai> i'd say "grammar nazi", but that'd be in bad taste. |
#57132 (373/583) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<emdee> And never, EVER... allow your girlfriend to share a computer with your wife.Comment: #wasteland
|
#57129 (490/670) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* qual makes a mental note to look behind couches more often
<Ice_> what did you find?
<qual> just found a full system behind me couch, amd athlon 2400+
<qual> with 2 x 120 gb hd's in there
<qual> and a sb 5.1 soundcard |
#57117 (353/605) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@robert> if my grade suffers because of you, i swear to god, i will send you lots of hot porn and then toss something nasty in the middleComment: #wpi
|
#57085 (118/436) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< Necr0s-> What makes a woman's nipples hard for days?
< withnail> superglue
< El^JonBen> death
< Kobi> botox |
#57074 (308/554) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<hello> my dad was at the mayo clinic and they did some test where they had to put a tube down his throat and they cut him and he started to bleed internally and almost died
<hello> worst clinic ever
<egg> that's why you don't let condiments perform surgery. |
#57089 (551/787) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Biffa: ..I said "Do you love mummy?" She said yes. I said "Do you love daddy?" She said yes. I said "Do you love me?" She said yes. I thought "aaah bless, how sweet". I was so happy. But I wasn't sure if she meant it, so as a test I said "Do you love Hitler?" She said yes. I thought "Bugger, she'll say yes to anything." But I felt better when I took her home, she showed me her bedroom and it was covered with pictures of Hitler. |
#57086 (8198/10182) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@codstar> rice crispies and hangovers don't go together
<@codstar> first time ive ever told a bowl of cereal to stfu |
#57077 (324/610) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Dyno> Lesbian porn IS boring. Do I want to watch a hamburger eat another hamburger? No. I want to eat that fucking hamburger. Both of them. |
#57047 (2440/3240) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Mel>People make misstakes daniel, ive made plenty misstakes but i try not to make the smae misstake three times
<Mel> same* |
#57019 (425/789) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Malphas> How many femanists does it take to change a light bulb?
<@Cassie> Oh no
<Malphas> Two. One to change the bulb and the other to suck my dick.
*** You have been kicked from #Womens_Issues |
#57018 (352/548) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<lefter> anyways, long sorty short, she shoved 2 fingers in my ass
<celeste_> literally, or figuratively?
<lefter> literally
<lefter> i don't know how you would have 2 fingers figuratively put into ones ass |
#56987 (211/409) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Caffeinated Soap: haha we were at the mall of Georgia talking about how it was a magnet for pedophiles and how w/ like half the chicks there we could just say don't ask how old I am and I won't ask how old you are
Caffeinated Soap: and we were talking about this while waiting for an elevator
Caffeinated Soap: so we get in the elevator
Caffeinated Soap: and there are some maybe 14-16 yr old chicks behind us, and one starts to get on the elevator and one goes no, no we can't get on with them |
#56978 (202/400) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Buliwif> I'M ON VACATION!
<Buliwif> WOOOOOOOOOO
<tumblemonster> cool.. Where?
<Buliwif> right... freakin.... here.... i'm gonna do nothing... sit back, relax, and retool my life
<tumblemonster> retool eh?
<Buliwif> i call it "spring cleaning for the soul"
<tumblemonster> ok. What does that involve? ingesting industrial strength cleaning solvents?
<Buliwif> ummm no.....
<Buliwif> cleaning my room, cleaning my car, cleaning everything that involves me... refreshing myself, freeing myself from the bonds of my past and moving forward with a fresh outlook and revitalised nature
<tumblemonster> so, like, visiting a hooker?
<Buliwif> indeed |
#56977 (526/714) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<evilAdmin> WTF!
<evilAdmin> Me and some co-workers saw V for Vendetta on Friday. One of my friends is completly obsessed with the movie.
<evilAdmin> So my buddy is missing today. He does the Unix and Linux shit in the office (I do hardware).
<evilAdmin> Then a white fuckin' van shows up mid 3PM that says "FOR YOUR PROTECTION" on the back. Some dude with a complete Guy Fawkes costume and mask hopes out, complete with boots, cape, tophat, (presumably) fake knifes, and a V Mask. Everyone is like "WTF!?1111!".
<evilAdmin> Dude comes upstairs and has "SYS V" printed on his back and "V SYS" on the front. He starts handing out floppies with AT&T System V (5) Unix on them. Doesn't say a fucking word. Everyone is clueless. The guy handed out like 300 floppies and nobody knows what to do with them.
<evilAdmin> Then he hops back into his white fan and drives away.
<evilAdmin> WTF??? |
#56967 (231/537) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Psyfive> I call my penis Dick Cheney
<Psyfive> yesterday it shot someone in the face |
#56958 (292/484) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Janette> I miss my chubby bubbies
<Chops> you've had a breast reduction?
<Janette> O.o
<Janette> no
<Janette> little cute fat babies
<Chops> not sure if that was the best emoticon to follow that question |
#56956 (126/412) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<kylie> wanking over me...... that crosses the line
<zBird> hasn't like, every guy in here done that already? |
#56934 (224/426) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* ilsa waves her magic wand! omega turns into a cup of coffee!
* ilsa drinks the coffee
<ilsa> only way you're getting in my pants, baybee
<[O`megaX]> ilsa, totally worth it |
#56933 (377/529) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<AaA> last year when i was working as a day laborer after i got laid off from my other job, i was hired by a contractor to expand a deck for this couple
<AaA> it was going to be expanded out to the son's old room on the second floor, and so they also wanted the walls of the room ripped out
<AaA> so i grabbed a sledgehammer and began pounding out the walls around the closet, and i lost my grip and it fell out of my hand
<AaA> the hammer hits the floor, and about a quarter of the flooring in the closet gives way and i fall through and crash down onto the dining room table, which had dishes and stuff on it, i got cut up pretty good
<AaA> the owners ran inside to find me on the crushed table.
<AaA> it was then they mentioned that their son had a habit of pissing in the closet during the night.
<AaA> :/ |
|
save page |
share: reddit
stumbleupon
digg
facebook
twitter
tumblr
<Prev1..132133134135136137138..596Next> |
|