|
TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..107108109110111112113..596Next> |
#85388 (260/398) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Sean: cause you see more deer on the nuke station's property
Sean: they know there is no danger within the fence
Aaron: Can those ones talk?
Sean: well, its been there 30 somethign years
Sean: i'm sure they've figured it out
Aaron: Haha. You'll have to ask one.
Sean: well most places deer run and hide at the sight of a car or person
Sean: here they'll stand on the curb and eat grass while construction workers are working and cars are going by
Sean: with no cover or anything
Aaron: Ah. Someone should give them something to fear...
Sean: they have nothing, they found a wolf on site once, and it was shot
Aaron: They've built weapons?! |
#84297 (107/265) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<stac> ...
<stac> wtf
<stac> i just called a mate in the office
<stac> he picks up and informs me that he is in the toilet taking a crap
<stac> i tell him i'll call later
<stac> and he says "no no, we can talk. it will be a longer session"Comment: mWtNet/#sporks
|
#82761 (204/358) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<bebop> watch hentai
<bebop> and take notes
<pingu> i was hospitalized once for trying something i saw in a hentai |
#85542 (67/293) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Tom_Beers> I love sneezing
<@Tom_Beers> it's like
<@Tom_Beers> an orgasm in your nose |
#85538 (-1/281) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Grim: CST is California Standard Time, right? |
#85307 (-1/287) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Jigsy> I couldn't even get laid in a morgue ... |
#80965 (147/351) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Eidolon> one time
<Eidolon> someone asked me
<Eidolon> if you traveled back in time
<Eidolon> and masturbated your past self
<Eidolon> is that gay?
<PizzaBoy> now the question is, if you COULD go back in time, would you masturbate yourself? >_>
<PizzaBoy> and the BEST answer to that would be 'Only if my future self already did it to me' |
#78919 (4986/5402) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<SpannerGO0> HEY BICTHES
*** SpannerGO0 was kicked by sam88 (don't be a douche)
<BicThes> he was talking to me i think
<sam88> whoops |
#84998 (611/805) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<CtrlAltDestroy> Here is my impression of Wikipedia.
<CtrlAltDestroy> "There are five fingers on the human hand [citation needed]" |
#84532 (317/527) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Nightripper> Ah, airport security. After 9/11, things got hectic. My way is simple, direct, and effective.
<mcfuzzhead> what's your way?
<Nightripper> "Weapons are mandatory."
<Nightripper> Don't hijack this plane, no sir. Granny's packing a machete!
<Nightripper> "Sir, you didn't set off the metal detector. I'm gonna have to ask that you take this pistol with you." |
#79824 (310/478) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Zipper: I just found out today that my western civ. teacher lives in a 4 bedroom, 5.5 bath house with a 3 car garage. He owns 4 cars, one is a brand new Sequoya and it's just his wife and him
Zipper: After he told us that, the kid next to me says "You're a teacher... What does your wife do!?!?" |
#81660 (378/538) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Trinexx[4fk]> Vista makes me feel like a kid again. Not being able to do anything, having to get permission to talk to anybody, not being able to play any of the "cool" games, etc |
#77469 (308/492) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<mike> im taking physics, english, comp sci, discrete math
<drmario> discrete math?
<drmario> like, y = mx + b only when nobody is looking?Comment: #freebasic
|
#75676 (136/354) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[Pk] well on aol they just let me click on whatever smiley i wanted. this website is too complicated |
#74927 (270/428) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@hybrid> this commercial said "PeoplePC is your best choice for dial up and find out why JD Power & Associates Ranked Us Best Customer Service Among Dial-Up Service Users"
<@hybrid> and i thought... isnt that like an award for "Happiest Wife in Abusive Relationship?"Comment: #imagi-nation freenode
|
#74366 (302/540) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
mistah_j: most fat people are like IT'S MY METABOLISM
mistah_j: it's like no shit it's your metabolism
mistah_j: it can't burn 8000 calories a day you fat fucksComment: #rohmacking on espernet
|
#83676 (255/423) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Ahabman> When I was at purdue, I was wearing my uniform to go to a lecture I was giving.
<Ahabman> Some girl called me a "baby killer"
<Ahabman> I stopped and said "lady, I'm in the Coast Guard. I don't kill babies. I kill baby seals." |
#81975 (224/432) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Timestamps in CDT
11:35:29 <billn> morning
11:35:43 <rm-rf> its afternoon fuckface
11:35:49 <billn> uh
11:35:59 <billn> not even in oklahoma is it afternoon
11:35:59 <rm-rf> don't give me your different time zone bullshit
11:36:07 <lemyn> no, it's still morning
11:36:08 <rm-rf> 11:30 is technically afternoon
11:36:14 <billn> what time is noon?
11:36:20 <rm-rf> I hate youComment: #bifemunix EFNet
|
#81271 (382/512) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Syntacs> I just cut my finger with a disposable tupperware container.
<Syntacs> If I'm ever the victim of a home invasion, I guess I'll know what to defend myself with.
<RedBeard> mini velociraptors?
<Syntacs> Right, but failing that, the disposable plastic containers I keep them in. |
#81109 (151/315) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Lord of the View: Can anyone solve this for me?
Lord of the View: 100*X/22=120
Lord of the View: What is X?
DemiGod: What are you trying to solve?
Lord of the View: Well, 120 is my IQ result. 22 is my chronological age. I want to know how old my mental age is.
DemiGod: ... |
#79206 (330/522) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<CookieF> asl
<ls_> As a rule - I don't chat with Cypriots.
<CookieF> im from the uk
<ls_> Your hostmask is from Cyprus.
<ls_> Your DNS is 81.4.145.64.
<CookieF> i live in london
<ls_> That traces to an ISP in Nicosia.
<ls_> Hang on, I'll tell you which one.
<ls_> Cyprus Telecommuncations Authority (Note, they misspelled Telecommunications).
<CookieF> fuck u
<ls_> This is why I don't chat with Cypriots. |
#78215 (120/308) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@norman> so, how many dates do you have to go on before it changes from assault to domestic violence |
#77259 (214/388) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
leemur > vista officially sucks
ZoFreX > officially?
ZoFreX > you mean Microsoft put out a press statement saying so?
leemur > netHack dosent run on it
spb > WHATComment: #freenode-social
|
#83974 (144/380) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Lip> It's 7:37
<Lip> Six time-zones behind us some nerd is laughing his ass off at the time |
#78388 (361/477) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ed> customer: "i have a pentium 4-R CPU, is that a good CPU?"
<ed> me: 'sir, there's no such thing as a pentium 4-R.'
<ed> customer: "so you mean you don't know about the pentium 4-R."
<ed> me: 'i mean that the pentium 4-R does not exist.'
<ed> customer: "dude, don't try to belittle me, i know more than you. i have one, i know it exists, i just wanted to know if it was a good CPU or not."
<ed> me: 'sir, with all due respect, intel introducing a "pentium-4-r" should have made enough of a splash in the industry for me to notice.'
<ed> finally he gets me to pull out a CPU to show me
<ed> on the chip engraving, it says:
<ed> PENTIUM (R) 4
<ed> he goes: "SEE! PENTIUM 4 R!!!"
<ed> me: .... |
|
save page |
share: reddit
stumbleupon
digg
facebook
twitter
tumblr
<Prev1..107108109110111112113..596Next> |
|