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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..367368369370371372373..596Next> |
#306197* (?/42) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+antiroach> if your admin skills are any indication of your hacking skills, the world is safe. |
#306216* (?/28) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<graphitemaster> I also installed some porn to C:/system32/helpComment: #redeclipse on irc.freenode.net
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#306222* (?/50) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<&Riversyde> modems are too mainstream
<&Riversyde> i use pigeons
<+The_Vole> those are IRC-compatible?Comment: #e621 at furnet
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#306229* (?/36) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<gmaxwell> kfr: Don't be sexist, what if the prostitute is male?
Besides, if the prostitute takes bitcoins they are probably
male as of right now.
<dash> gmaxwell: now who's sexist
<gmaxwell> dash: empiricism, not sexism.Comment: #bitcoin
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#306251* (?/36) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Gyjf> dear iceland, we said 'Send CASH', not send ashComment: #lobby @ irc.darkirc,info
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#306272* (?/54) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
*Fagbot ties up Truman_Yafrio and tickles them until they piss themselves
<Truman_Yafrio> jokes on you, Fagbot, I've got a catheter!Comment: #lulz
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#306329* (?/36) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Orald: I only meant that he licks her where evryone could see. I'm not into public stuff.
FragmentedCurve: Sspankyy, have you tried licking your tongue ?
Sspankyy: You should try public stuff more often
Sspankyy: I lick my tongue all the time
Orald: *errantsky runs away creaming from the chat*
Kemy: Creaming?
FragmentedCurve: lol
Sspankyy: nise
Aureal: :D
Orald: lol
Aureal: Typos ftw.
Kemy: Please let that be a typo
Orald: damn laptop keyboard
errantSky: i'm what now?
Orald: typo, seriously a typo *blush* |
#306332* (?/40) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
You: ass?
Stranger: Hello?
You: damnit,
Stranger: NO
You: asl?*
Your conversational partner has disconnected.Comment: Omegle
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#306337* (?/58) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<SnowGryphon> Date a girl who plays StarCraft. Where you find her isn't precisely important; be it in a computer cafe crushing any challenger in 1v1, or at a coffee shop where you'd expect her to be studying or reading, go talk to her; she'll be engrossed but open to conversation. Comment on her play style; ask for her build orders before you ask for her number. "Protoss, Terran, or Zerg?" should always come in place of "What's your sign?"
Buy her a drink. Or better yet, get in the game. Learn her moves. Playing a game with her is like having sex with her: It's enjoyable, it's intense, and you get to learn a lot more about each other's capabilities. You'll learn that she can look like she's rushing into things, but she just wants to test your defenses. She'll look like she's hunkering down and closing herself to you, but actually she's inviting you to come over and fight. She can pretend to be attacking from above, but in reality she just wants you to look in the wrong direction, as she comes from down below.
Ask her out on a date. Don't worry - she's just like any other girl in this matter. Treat her like a princess but don't look desperate. Buy her clothes - but if she looks longingly at the Heart of the Swarm expansion in a window, get that instead. Go watch a movie. Ask her what she likes in video. If she says "video cards," then go out and buy that GTX 570 - it's cheaper than a designer handbag, and it may even last a little longer with care.
Go steady with her. Learn that micromanagement and macromanagement apply to day-to-day living. She's good at multitasking: Trust her with both present happenings and future affairs. She's adaptable; she has to be, if she wants to last long in games - or in a relationship. She can be fast and furious when she needs to assert herself and pressure up, but when it looks like a long road ahead, she can stay back and build up. She'll be intelligent and picky; expose a flaw too clearly and she'll focus it down until it goes away. Go do the same; learn from each other's mistakes - and strengths.
Marry her. Inexperienced players will throw it all down in the first few minutes, or sacrifice the early-game and try to turtle up for the forty-minute endgame, only to lose in the opening moments because they didn't make a good first impression. She'll do neither; she knows the value of a solid opening rush, with smooth transitions into midgame and endgame. She'll keep up her game throughout the course of your lives together, if you do the same: 2v2 is best done with teamwork.
Have kids. Teach them how to play. Teach them the value of combined arms and good tactics coupled with airtight strategy - in turn, you'll be teaching them, respectively, well-roundedness and a combination of present practicality and forward thinking. You and your StarCraft-playing wife will know best from thousands of games' worth of experience.
Look back and reminisce - but more importantly, analyze. Watch more replays of your losses than of your wins. See what the enemy did - see where you went wrong in life, where you could've improved, and figure out how you can avoid failure. Cast replays - tell your kids and grandkids stories and give them moral lessons.
Grow old laughing. Don't sit on a stack of resources; use them to make the most out of your lives. People find creative ways to get out of supply-maxed situations. If you're constantly saving up and delaying your happiness for a future goal that gets farther and farther, you'll lose the match with a huge pile of minerals that could've gone to a perfect victory.
Die happy. Close the game with a bang and a "GG," whether or not you won. Show respect to allies and enemies alike; give thanks to your long lives, no matter the bumps or potholes that might've crossed your path. Every loss is a challenge to do better; every victory is a reward for having done better.
Ultimately, realize that you know all these things as early as now, as you stare at her in the computer cafe or coffeshop, Blinking her Stalkers or spawning larvae on her Lairs. Understand that these are all things that everyone tells you to do - things that everyone in the history of relationship advice-giving has bellowed as doctrine and promulgated as law. But also know that when your StarCraft girl has done these and more every day of her waking life, she's practically an expert in the game. And in the love that you two will share.
One last thing. Don't cheese. |
#306382* (?/30) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<lahwran> ok I'm getting off, getting off, then going to bed, in that order |
#306412* (?/38) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Isaac> JC, you should know that I'm straight
<Isaac> shame on you
<TDL> JC
<Zenith> You're straight?
<Zenith> I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL
<Isaac> yes, Zenith
<TDL> we're making fun of your girl bro.
<Isaac> You're still asleep, Zenith
<Isaac> wake up
<Zenith> I've just taken to assuming everyone is homosexual recently
<Zenith> Instead of heterosexual
<Zenith> Then express surprise when they show interest in the opposite gender
<Isaac> ...oh dear, Zenith
<Isaac> that's...
<Isaac> that's just
<Zenith> I don't even know why, I'm just an asshole |
#306478* (?/28) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<goretext> What the...I don't remember there being a "prophet.sh" there...
<goretext> Any idea what it does?
<CXDBrightSide> It sends a message to all current strings, which then duplicates itself recursively until your variables are walking into your ports with trojans strapped to their chests and flying worms into your kernel.Comment: #AntiSec PM
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#306483* (?/28) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
atari2600a: oh hey I also found out Fry's Electronics takes resale certificates
atari2600a: I found a supplier <3
griffin: interesting
griffin: what do you mean by resale certificates?
atari2600a: it voids tax for the sale
griffin: oh cool
atari2600a: they said I only have to file one & they'll keep it on file
griffin: neat =)
griffin: that could save a lot long-term :-D
atari2600a: well sure, if you want to phase it fraudulently like that :-P |
#306545* (?/28) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
graphitemaster | bcos, so, whats the worse that will happen, a garbaged string
bcos | A general protection fault I think
graphitemaster | cool, I'll handle that once I get a bug reportComment: #osdev, freenode
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#306566* (?/28) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
superGear> suv is openly gay
<suv_> no I love females
<superGear> too bad they hate you |
#306568* (?/28) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<SquiRoFL> Mooing
<SquiRoFL> Niiice*
<SquiRoFL> Awrr autocorrec
<SquiRoFL> T
<platnicat> XD
<platnicat> Mooing LOL
<SquiRoFL> I know right
<SquiRoFL> WTFComment: FurNet, PM
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#306603* (?/38) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
! +FireBird eyes HeadPhones, in accordance with my master's thesis on the Legend of ZeldaComment: FireBird and HeadPhones are both bots.
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#306625* (?/28) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<koush> Words that don't belong together: expertsexchange.
<jaredpar> koush: if you're going to do it you'd want an expert in charge |
#306628* (?/28) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<andreas> I'm confused about myself being confused?
* digitteknohippie holds out an arm to andreas
<digitteknohippie> grab my arm!
<digitteknohippie> i'll pull you out of confusion!
* digitteknohippie watches andreas sinking further into confusion with the sudden appearance of surreal role-play chat action, and fails to reach out and grab digitteknohippie's arm.
<digitteknohippie> noooo
<andreas> blulblbughrrahagglrlghg |
#306646* (?/40) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
dittoed: amy winehouse died?
_lou: woa
_lou: heh did she OD
factormystic: they tried to make her go to rehab
factormystic: but she said no, no, no |
#306668* (?/24) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<patsfanczar> whoop...
<patsfanczar> I accidentally searched "crash" when I am trying to install the flash pluginComment: FurNet, PM
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#306669* (?/46) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@ShalWrk> On 8 November 2011 at 23:28 UT, the asteroid will safely pass within 0.85 lunar distances of the Earth. A lunar distance of 0.85 is also 0.00217 AU (325,000 km; 202,000 mi). On 9 November 2011 at 07:13 UT, the asteroid will pass 0.00160 AU (239,000 km; 149,000 mi) from the moon
<@ShalWrk> On 19 January 2029 the asteroid will pass about 0.0019 AU (280,000 km; 180,000 mi) from Venus.
<@ShalWrk> someone work out how fast it is moving
<@dav3> faster than ur dad
<@feral`wk> ur dad safely passed within 0.85 lunar distances of Uranus |
#306675* (?/38) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+SquiRoFL|laptop> assasination!
* +SquiRoFL|iPhone Quit (Killed (NickServ (GHOST command used by SquiRoFL|laptop)))
* +SquiRoFL|iPod Quit (Killed (NickServ (GHOST command used by SquiRoFL|laptop)))
<+Enigmadillo> They've turned on each other.
<+SquiRoFL|laptop> BWAHAHA
<+SquiRoFL|Tree> oh no you dont, laptop!
<+SquiRoFL|Tree> fuck yuuuu!
* +CrazyHusky attacks SquiRoFL's Tree
* +SquiRoFL|laptop Quit (Killed (NickServ (GHOST command used by SquiRoFL|Tree)))
<+SquiRoFL|Tree> that will show himComment: #furaffinity on #furnet , killing my devices.
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#306706* (?/30) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<kitty> oh i found another location i like kinda better
<Dragonight> you should set up a PayPal donation drive
<Serebii> prison? :p
<Dragonight> some people might be attracted to your c-->_>
<blazevoir> vagina
<Dragonight> I was going to say "cause" >_>
<blazevoir> you were gonna say vagina |
#306732* (?/28) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
HelgeSverre: O_O GOD WHAT IS THIS HORRIFIC VISUAL PIXELMATRIX YOU PRESENT BEFORE MINE EYES!Comment: OverTheGun.coim
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