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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..370371372373374375376..596Next> |
#308817* (?/8) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Itachi> i can dream, cant I
<Keevan> i have a dream
<Itachi> about?
<Keevan> that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character
<Itachi> damnit Keevan! makin me all teary-eyed and shit
<Drenzieg> well this sucks becuase the content of my character is really shitty...
<Keevan> I win |
#308821* (?/38) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<skyboy> http://qdb.us/121252
<skyboy> that is the most brilliant idea ever
<skyboy> every time anyone anywhere downloads something illegally, fire a cannonball into the nearest RIAA/MPAA owned building
<skyboy> they'll surrender within hours! |
#308848* (?/36) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< blorpy> I've dated like 6 guys
< blorpy> and got into 2 relationships this year
< blorpy> i dumped both of them but that was because i got sick of their personal failings
< blorpy> but it was okay relationship wise
< blorpy> one was a libertarian
< blorpy> and the other was an idiot manchild
< epidemic> blorpy: no
< epidemic> both were idiot manchildren |
#308897* (?/42) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<canthus13> black guy a couple of seats down is apparently talking to a woman named 'Massa'.. he said 'Yes, Massa' and I nearly fell out of my seat. |
#309114* (?/20) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Lord_Ralex> $query create table if not exists testing_db (name varchar(4), values varchar(16))
<BaggyBot> Lord_Ralex: Only my master may do that ;~;
<Lord_Ralex> $query fuck yourself
<BaggyBot> Lord_Ralex: Only my master may do that ;~;
<baggerboot> oh the irony
<Lord_Ralex> >:DComment: Friend made a SQL query-bot.
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#309149* (?/30) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< DanFrederiksen> I seek people who have seen UFOs are even met ETs. any of you seen any? from just bright lights moving impossibly on the sky to up close and personal and clearly visible
< CoJaBo> I saw a flying saucer once.
< DanFrederiksen> CoJaBo, are you serious?
< CoJaBo> Absolutely. Like 6 other people saw it too.
< DanFrederiksen> very good. daytime? how close?
< CoJaBo> Real close. It damn near struck me in the head.
< ketas> was it in garden?
< ketas> or was it in kitchen?
< CoJaBo> It was outside.
< CoJaBo> During a hurricane.
< CoJaBo> It had pizza on it =D
< ketas> :P
< CoJaBo> It looked like this, sans the stains en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Styrofoam_saucer.JPG
< DanFrederiksen> CoJaBo, you are so clever
< InvisblPnkUnicrn> Hahaha
< InvisblPnkUnicrn> I looooove pizza.Comment: #defocus / irc.freenode.net
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#309220* (?/20) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
`WarpKat wonders when EA will get into the military robot business
<ink> bf3 has UAVs
<`WarpKat> aimbots! |
#309260* (?/34) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@YelseyKing> I've decided never again to buy anything big online, due to several expensive failures on that end.
<@NWH> Right. Sometimes it's just plain better to go storebought.
<@YelseyKing> After having to eat close to $500 in unreturnable things that weren't what I wanted... yeah, I'd rather not risk it.
<@YelseyKing> It's like, a while back, I bought myself a printer. Despite all my best efforts, it wouldn't work. Fortunately, I bought it at a local store, so I was able to return it and get one that *did* work.
<@NWH> Yeah. That's the part that worries me about how online retail is killing the brick-and-mortar stores.
<@NWH> No returns, no refunds.
<@YelseyKing> Online retail is certainly convenient, but yes, it's very hard to get refunds.
<@YelseyKing> And when we're talking big ticket items, that is not what you want to hear.
<@NWH> Making small purchases, like books, I can understand if you want to order them online. But major electronics...?
<@YelseyKing> Yeah, I have no plans to buy any more major electronics or furniture online.
<@NWH> And it's not like you can return a book to the store because it doesn't work.
<@NWH> "Yes, hello, Barnes and Noble? I have a book I'd like to return. It only came with forty-nine shades of grey." |
#309353* (?/34) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<GTA> onko tää jonkun liiton kannu??
<Sebas> I think all the resident Finns are out
<GTA> weit a minute
<GTA> do I have to go away?
<Sebas> Nah
<Sebas> Just saying I don't think there's anyone here who speaks Finnish at the moment
<GTA> Okay, then I have a problem
<GTA> no one here can speak Finnish, and I have a bad englis
<Sebas> It's better than my Finnish anyway
<Sebas> I know three words of Finnish, and one's a swear word
<Erasmus> I know one word
<Erasmus> It's a swear word
<Sebas> And I'm not sure on the second one
<Sebas> Surely you know "sauna"
<Erasmus> And I'm not sure I can spell it
<Erasmus> Oh.
<Erasmus> Two words.
<GTA> can you please slow down? I do not have time to translate
<GTA> Bath is the warmest place to go in the evening or during the day and thrown into the steam
<GTA> Now you can continue |
#309354* (?/28) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Migs> whotf is Richard Stallman? Some pirate? |
#309367* (?/30) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Epi> can't unsee ingrown hairs being pulled out
<seven> I can't unsee my lust for you
<seven> sleep well fine sir!
<seven> I shall be here to nuzzle you come morn!
<Epi> will do, same to your self. (unless you have a vajine, sorry no nuzzleing :3
<seven> I have a peen0r
<seven> but I'm apolitical when it comes to nuzzling
<seven> as long as you're hot, I'll take a slice.
<Epi> And none of that realistic plasticine over your butt to make it look like a vag
<Epi> That would make.. a horrible video watching one poop :|
<seven> I)'ve never heard of it
<seven> WTF
<seven> YOU ARE FUCKED
<seven> I JUST PICTURED A VAGINA POOPING
* Quits: seven () (Quit: NOOOOOOOOOO) |
#309400* (?/14) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
phlux │ Copper = Chihuahua mixed with Jack Russel Terrier. Penny = Labrador mixed with Dachshund
phlux │ The father was the Dachshund.
phlux │ That's INSANE
phlux │ There's some dachshund walking around Houston right now with his chest poked out
Blake │ ha
phlux │ "Guys: I fucked a giant."
Blake │ I would have liked to have seen that |
#309402* (?/12) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
jtreminio: I'm writing a gui config for it
jtreminio: vagrant/puppet
jtreminio: as I learn I implement
jtreminio: I'm calling it ... puphpet
anomander|work: is that pronounced puff pet ?
jtreminio: no idea
Davey: IT IS NOW! |
#309538* (?/12) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< o11c> server up again
< skellyswaggatron> for those that don't know
< skellyswaggatron> server is actually a name for my
< skellyswaggatron> actually you know
< skellyswaggatron> thats a bad story
< skellyswaggatron> good night |
#309542* (?/20) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Antti> If you don't believe in god it is your duty to distrust every christian as the brainwashed, immoral and hypocritical scumbags they are and take every opportunity to try and convince them of the non-existence of everything they believe in.
<Cordwell> ...
<Cordwell> i can't tell how many levels of irony that's supposed to be
<@Antti> I was aiming for the world record. Then I realized it would be good to actually know what the world record is.
<Cordwell> ok
<Cordwell> my immediate reaction, before it had processed,
<Cordwell> like right when you hit ENTER and it traveled from Sweden to California
<Cordwell> I highlighted it and pasted it in Google to see who you had forgotten to put quotation marks around
<Cordwell> no results, so I reread it, thought "maybe satire" then got stuck on "they are"
<@Antti> It does look eerily genuine doesn't it?
<Cordwell> inverse corollary:
<Cordwell> If you believe in God it is your duty to distrust every atheist as the brainwashed, immoral, and hypocritical scumbags they are and take every opportunity to try and convince them of the vacuity and hopelessness of their cultivated disbelief.
<Cordwell> it's nice but it's so weighty that it doesn't register as satire early enough to be amusing
<Cordwell> I was kind of like "..." and then "uh..." and then "oh" and now this
<Cordwell> WOW WE REALLY ARE PSEUDO-INTELLECTUALS
<@Antti> Beyond salvation.Comment: #sensitiveintellectuals @ Rizon
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#309617* (?/22) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<powersurge> oh man have I ever told you guys my vagina burger story?
<DeltaHeavy> powersurge: Nope
<powersurge> alright so we're on our way to this place to play video games (they do a thing once a month)
<powersurge> it's me and three friends and one of my friends is driving
<powersurge> we decide we're hungry so we stop at Hardee's (Carl Jr's if you don't know Hardee's)
<powersurge> and my buddy isn't going to eat so he of course decides to fuck with the lady taking our order
<powersurge> and is screaming our order
<powersurge> CAN WE GET A DOUBLE CHEEEEEEEEESE BURGER
<powersurge> which pisses her off to no end and she yells "QUIET DOWN"
<powersurge> so he then proceeds to whisper the remaining part of the order
<powersurge> and I'm in th eback going "Oh fuck, she's going to shit in my burger, she's going to spit the nastiest spit"
<powersurge> and he goes "We have a request to have that one without the spit, please"
<powersurge> finally the lady is just like "Pull the fuck around"
<powersurge> we get our food, we dole it out, and we're about to eat and I'm like "She's not going to do anything, she'd lose her job, there's no way"
<powersurge> get my burger maybe 6 inches from my face and get blasted with vagina fumes
<powersurge> unmistakeable
<powersurge> we pass it around, everyone agrees
<powersurge> but it's a 6 dollar burger and I was broke so of course I ate it anyways
<powersurge> we get to where we were going and I don't know any of these people
<powersurge> do they say hi? Hello? WHo are you?
<powersurge> nope
<powersurge> "What the fuck smells like vagina?!"
<powersurge> :<
<powersurge> and that is my vagina burger story |
#309685* (?/30) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(kamini) i think i will just stop trolling people on the internet, then i wont get threatened like this again
(kamini) lesson learned |
#309777* (?/22) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Taryn> idea: Robin Thicke should date Rihanna
<@Taryn> since Robin likes to abuse women and Rihanna likes to be abused by men
<@NWH> I don't know enough about Thicke, or his hit single whom everyone's heard but me, to comment
<@NWH> All I know about that song is, apparently it stole liberally from Marvin Gaye's "Got to Give It Up"
<@Taryn> yeah, I don't know if he's really like that or just sings about it, actually.
<@Taryn> like, Eminem isn't that violent IRL, unlike in his songs
<@Taryn> (50 Cent, on the other hand...)
<@NWH> Yeah
<@Taryn> Rihanna, though, is a real life masochist
<@NWH> Yeah, she even sang a song about it ("S&M")
<@Taryn> yeah
<@Taryn> -_-
<@Taryn> that song actually hit #1.
<@Taryn> seriously.
<@Taryn> what has the world come to.
<@NWH> How her record label greenlighted such an untasteful song, considering her own background, is anybody's guess.
<@Taryn> yeah
<@NWH> It hit #1 on the pop charts. Little kids listen to that music. What a world.
<@Taryn> yes. WTF.
<@NWH> See also: Anything by Ke$ha
<@Taryn> yeah
<@NWH> "Mommy, what's a crackhead?"
<@Taryn> Jack Daniels is not toothpaste, dammit. |
#309874* (?/30) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(@aji) you can be head of support.
(@aji) actually, no, i'm going to make you rectum of support.
(@aji) it's the most important part. |
#310006* (?/48) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+M2Ys4U> wow, French local elections use a weird system
<Jigsy> They just wait for somebody to surrender? |
#310092* (?/28) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
SAPPHIROS: Pretentiousness only works when you are both verbose and intelligible.
SAPPHIROS: Pretentiousness doesn't work if you are unintelligible.
SAPPHIROS: Like Wadge.
The Wadge: dgquhgurwyf wrhi qhygiwhgbs
SAPPHIROS: XD
The Wadge: wegeui sguguyw
Shamash: quoth the raven |
#310178* (?/22) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<j-invariant> 22:55 < qfr> How am I supposed to develop software in Haskell if I can't even prepare my projects in UML?! It seems like an impossible task.
<j-invariant> HAHA
<j-invariant> this is amazing, like meeting a Mormon or something |
#310263* (?/34) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
--> Admiral_RGR-71 (Tsar@CleverNet-f70nlh.tx.comcast.net) has joined #cleverpun
<-> Admiral_RGR-71 is now known as Poltergeist
<-> Altair|Sleep is now known as Altair_Saosin
<Poltergeist> got on at the same time as Alt
<Poltergeist> how magical
<Altair_Saosin> .
<-> Altair_Saosin is now known as Altair|Sleep
<Poltergeist> NO
<Poltergeist> YOU CAN'T UNDO IT |
#310306* (?/18) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< mikemol> You know, I might be able to make a solid business case for running Gentoo on more of our servers, just on the basis of good interaction with package maintainers and developers.
< mikemol> I'm faced with the prospect of filing another bug report against a package in Ubuntu. I *hate* doing that. It's either like spending 45 minutes on hold to talk with tier 1 tech support, or leaving a voicemail and praying for a call back. |
#310427* (?/32) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< aszablya> how is that done?
< mikemol> /etc/zabbix_server.conf <-- look for DebugLevel
< zabbix> Karma for < is now -1
< mikemol> oops. >.>
...
< mikemol> aszablya: You're at the point where, if it were me, I'd hook into it with strace and doing some down and dirty debugging.
< mikemol> But then, I have a background as a C++ programmer and enjoy that kind of thing...
< zabbix> Karma for C is now 1
< mikemol> zabbix: No, damnit, C++! |
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