|#309986 (131/145) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
< Arelon> For example here in Beijing the pedestrian is never at fault if the other person was driving a motor vehicle
< Arelon> Even if the accident was the pedestrian's fault
<@Matthew> is that why the tanks didnt run that tianamen square guy over
|#144904 (2256/2576) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
<C-Johnson> holy shit
<C-Johnson> 420,000 people without power in miami
* C-Johnson has quit (Read error: Operation timed out)
|#223767 (997/1133) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
<Scrumps> Hm... how do you log a user out remotely?
<ShinCS> sniper rifle
|#68894 (873/991) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
<sysv> omg i was so fucking stoned yesterday
<sysv> got off the wrong level on the lift at work today
<sysv> all the floors have the same layout, and the tech center is in the same place per each floor
<sysv> so i goes and gets off at some chinese engineering level in our building
<sysv> walk into the office, through the office, and sit down in my chair in the server room
<sysv> i'm like "My, this chair is so comfy!... When did we upgrade our servers to Quad Xeon's?"...
<sysv> and people are coming to me asking for help, so I'm helping and shit, doing my job...
<sysv> 4 hours into it, someone asks me if I'm Guy Yee's assistant... and I'm like "who the fuck is Guy Yee?"...
<sysv> things went downhill from there, once they realized (and i realized) I didn't work on that level
<sysv> but they were happy to pay me for my 4 hours of time, and send me on my way down the lift to my companies level... i was wonderin why everyone was so fucking nice to me
|#105771 (937/1065) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
<alpha>: girls that care about money don't interest me
<alpha>: girls smarter than me do
<Bryant>: girls smarter than you hide their interest in money
<Bryant>: and you cant tell
<Bryant>: because they're smarter than you
|#234804 (3488/3990) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
<vdou|> cat is a catnip junkie
<vdou|> she loves rubbing her face in it
<vdou|> i thought it was weird
<vdou|> until I imagined what I would do with pot if I didnt have thumbs or fire
|#311097 (175/195) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
<photo> i poured my root beer into a square cup and now all i have is beer. please advise.
|#159419 (910/1034) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
ruide: hey chris, stop fuckin cybering and let me show you something
cyph33r: i dont cyber cockbite, i have a gf
cyph33r: what did you want to show me
ruide: i made an account on that scrabble website you go to
cyph33r: omg fuck you you fucking prick
ruide: chrisharker: i slide two fingers into your tight asshole
cyph33r: YOU ARE A FUCKING FAGGOT YOU KNOW THAT
cyph33r: I FUCKING HATE YOU
ruide: chrisharker: i've never done this before, am i doing it right?
cyph33r: FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE
|#237793 (843/957) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
JZarnecki: So I hooked up with a girl for the first time in like a year. She wasn't anything great to look at, but I'll take what I can get.
JZarnecki: Her occupation was USPS delivery.
JZarnecki: We eventually get down to business and I'm fucked up drunk and wearing a condom, but still manage to cum almost immediately because it had been so long. I pumped like 8 times it was terrible. She was pissed
JZarnecki: Anyways, the next day when i wake up shes already gone and i shit you not, there is a "Failure to Deliver" notice from her stuck on my door.
EJAYwarrior42: Give me her new number, I need to invite her to the league of internet superheroes.
|#297266 (924/1052) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
<Warchamp7> The other day at work, two of my bosses were trying to find each other in the office
<Warchamp7> And they were yelling "Ping!" back and forth
<Warchamp7> It was one of the greatest moments of my lifeComment: #MAGFest on irc.vgmusic.net
|#273721 (2643/3029) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
chewypow: so when i worked at Starbucks in little rock, there was this super hot 18 year old, miss teen usa right
chewypow: she came in one day and was talking to me and told me when she was brushing her hair that morning, a lot of it came out.. she then continues to explain that she thought she had 'chemo'
chewypow: a week later she comes in and uses some mouthwash, and then swallows it. I point out to her that it says on the back if accidently swallowed to call poison control immediately
chewypow: she reads the label and looks at me and says "Oh.. it's ok. I didn't do it on accident"
chewypow: exactly. brain synapses stop firing when you hear this story right?Comment: Sadly a true story
|#303743 (231/259) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
<@Rjx> guy just called from a phone company
<@Rjx> my battery is actually running out
<@Rjx> and he's introducing himself, saying where he's from
<@Rjx> I just said buddy, I've got 5% battery left, what's the deal
<@Rjx> "are you interested in buying anything?" no "thanks"
<@Rjx> I need to try that every time
|#310167 (185/207) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
<TheGreatSparky> Well over the last 100 years we have made such insane medical and technological advancements. I mean, we have X-Rays and ultra sounds, we can replace hearts and reattach limbs, and we can even perform operations on the human brain. How is it that with all that in mind, shoving a finger up a somebody's asshole is STILL the best method to check a prostate?
|#160168 (1020/1162) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
<rbrown11> i'm in the student center
<rbrown11> there's this guy in front of me, he looks EXACTLY like you
<rbrown11> should i say something?
<anon> it is me you fucker
|#166066 (328/370) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
<Jolt_Rogue> Long, tech explanation,
<Jolt_Rogue> or short simple one?
<Star_Ringer> medium, layman's terms one for someone who sort of knows what you're talking about but not intimately as you
<Jolt_Rogue> So, I'm explaining sex to someone who's seen a lot of porn. Gotcha.
|#310231 (127/141) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
Maidenhelos> There are few times in life when "Oh shit" is more appropriate than when you accidentally find the septic tank by falling into it...
Maidenhelos> On a completely "unrelated" note guess what I did today
|#301022 (1077/1229) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
<Fraxtil> a bunch of mormons came to my door
<Fraxtil> and I decided to listen to them
<taiyal> you didn't convert did you
<Fraxtil> fucking 15 minutes later they're done and I have a Book of Mormon and some pamphlets
<Fraxtil> haha no
<taiyal> I have a Book of Mormon
<taiyal> got it for free off the internet
<NitroX72> they can actually drag on that long?
<Fraxtil> yes, nitro
<taiyal> i've read most of the first book
<taiyal> you know what's even better
<taiyal> on the page of the Mormon website where you can request a free book
<taiyal> you can check a box saying that you would like to have a representative come to your door and explain to you
<taiyal> so you can essentially beam mormons at people
|#31247 (3217/3701) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
<Supra87T> aw, for shits sake!
<Supra87T> remember sarah? well, the other night we fucked, and now i have to get tested for aids.
<Snipa> Think positive
<Supra87T> fuck you man, thats not even funny
|#187177 (791/901) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
<steven> ok, burning 2 CDs and then we're off to the hospital to have a baby
|#309588 (94/104) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
< Dan39> does anyone else get annoyed by stuff that seems too highly abstracted... :|
< _habnabit> Dan39, like your question?Comment: #python
|#294500 (1042/1190) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
<MurderMachine> So did I ever tell you the story of how my parents met?
<MurderMachine> Well, there are two versions I guess.
<MurderMachine> The story my Mum tells is: A group of idiots pushed her over while ice skating and my Dad heroically went over and helped her up.
<MurderMachine> The story my Dad tells is: He paid a group of idiots to go push her over so he could go heroically help her up.
<MurderMachine> I have been paid not to tell her.
|#308836 (64/70) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
<aydiosmio> I don't anticipate the world moving away from keyboards any time soon for the sake of productivity
<nydel> aydiosmio: i think the world will split into people who use touch-screens & people who have shit to doComment: #2600 on irc.2600.net
|#310629 (64/70) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
<TonyTheLemur> they tested our tornado siren a couple mornings ago
<Glaug-Eldare> did she attract any tornadoesComment: #foxie
|#28804 (1024/1170) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
<danamania> yay I fixed my laptops battery!
<danamania> it was so dead, nothing would charge it
<danamania> so I gave it the electronic equivalent of a kick in the head, by shorting the +/- terminals for 5 minutes
<gelfie> don't they have stickers on them that say they could explode or catch fire by doing that?
<danamania> yeah but it's ok, I took them off first.
|#309905 (155/173) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag |
<Science> Quite frankly I'm kinda sick of the cats
<Science> Picture of cats have exactly zero appeal to me. So seeing half a channel go "No One Cares. At All CATS" is pretty annoying.
<Science> This channel isn't about looking at fucking cats
-!- Randall changed the topic of #xkcd to: This channel is about looking at fucking cats.
<Science> Ok now it's about cats
<Science> Carry on
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