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#16361 (4322/5107) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Jake> so I got dissed by this girl i was talking to online
<Jake> we were getting along really well and she wanted to meet
<Jake> but she wanted a picture
<Jake> so I sent her one (got one of hers, she was fine)
<Jake> she said "I'm really looking for some one more 'athletic'"
<Jake> bummer
<Jake> so i say
<Jake> well im trying hard, ever since i have been able to afford the full time trainer and chef I've lost over 200 lbs
<Jake> she says you can afford a trainer/chef
<Jake> i say yeah
<Jake> she changes her mind about meeting
<Jake> i tell her to go fuck herself
#297989 (5081/6021) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(334): I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
#33036 (804/942) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@brassica> hehe my penis slowly rolling off my desk and when it falls off its going to hit my cat
<@brassica> err pen is
#297775 (1510/1778) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> Did I tell you guys my cop story?
<asaph> No, Pry.
<Pryoidain> Okay so..
<Pryoidain> I get hungry one day, and I tell my mom I'm heading out.
<Pryoidain> She tells me to pick up a watermelon from the farmer's market while i'm out.
<Pryoidain> So I do, and I notice the KFC across the street is open.
<Pryoidain> Being someone who pays very close attention to gas usage, I make the logical choice and get some KFC.
<cjk> ...oh boy...
<Pryoidain> Yep. I turn down king and flip the radio dial, and during my fumbling I speed up to 55.
<Pryoidain> King is a 45.
<Pryoidain> so I fly by this cop, who promptly pulls me over.
<Pryoidain> The cop...is BLACK.
<Pryoidain> He walks up to the window, and asks the question.
<Pryoidain> "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
<Pryoidain> I just...leaned back so he could see the watermelon and the fried chicken in the passenger seat.
<Pryoidain> the cop damn near pissed himself laughing. He laughed for a solid five minutes.
<Pryoidain> I then...got off...WITHOUT A TICKET.
#56396 (684/802) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<predation> so I'm at work and this kid rings the bell on the counter RIGHT behind me
<predation> the kid goes "SORRY" when I turn around
<predation> kid's mom goes "sorry isn't an excuse when you do something stupid on purpose"
<predation> i'm putting it on a t-shirt
#310618 (52/56) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(antomatic) Official SonyMicrosofTendo Policy On Video Game Preservation:
(antomatic) "Well, y'see... we kind of already /have/ your money?"
(antomatic) "And running servers is so hard."
(antomatic) "So very hard."
(antomatic) [End Statement]
(midas) 'Bye!'
(antomatic) 'Enjoy those consoles we sold you!'
(@raylee) at least piracy helps with archival of some of the game libraries. so if, say, the original wii shop channel servers were taken down, much of the content there would be available online
(antomatic) In 2000 years time, scholars will look back and speculate as to why so many internationally successful software titles from numerous disparate producers all bore the common insignia "Cracked by Honktronics"
Comment: EFnet #archiveteam
#308326 (221/255) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(On the topic of socialization)
< qkumber1> I just pretend everyone is NPCs
< qkumber1> works wonders
#311668 (42/44) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<unyu> Saying that a mathematical model describes reality, or is even a good approximation to it, is a truly huge statement. I'd rather not make such a statement unless it can be backed with strong arguments.
<Stevie-O> then you, sir, are not fit to be an economist
Comment: ##math
#183939 (825/969) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<&ScaryLptp> on my blackberry I have a turret voice from Portal that says "preparing to dispense product" when I get email for one account. I just stepped up to a urinal beside 2 people and had it go off and I couldn't stop laughing. surprised I didn't piss all over myself.
<&ScaryLptp> unzip, "preparing to dispense product"
Comment: #shsc
#297184 (1913/2259) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<roxylucy> omg did i tell you what embarrassing thing happened to me the other day?
<hedgab> not that i know of
<roxylucy> ok. well, i was visiting my friend in the hospital
<hedgab> yeah
<roxylucy> and so i was leaving
<roxylucy> but in the next room, i noticed a man covered in machinery, shivering.
<roxylucy> and i thought that was sad, so i pulled the blanket up for him
<roxylucy> and, with his breathing mask on, says, "can you see if my testicles are black"
<hedgab> omg really?
<roxylucy> i tried to decline, but he looked so frail and desperate
<roxylucy> so i checked to make sure no one was looking
<roxylucy> and i looked at it and it was just fine
<hedgab> haha ok
<roxylucy> so i was like, "nope, none of it is black"
<roxylucy> and he takes off his mask and says, "can you see if my test results are back"
#236280 (621/727) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Upthorn> The place I lived on the outskirts of baltimore had good sound insulation
<superjupi> I'd give two ovaries and most of a kitten to have good sound insulation
<BagOfMagicFood> If I type this many letters then it lines up good sound insulation
#101889 (2533/3001) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Rjx> i think the internet makes smart people smarter and stupid people louder
<rm-fr> SHUT UP!!!
#93970 (2541/3015) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Tire Aramaki > how tough is a 3/10?
Na'Axin > on a scale from 1 to 10?
Na'Axin > I'd say 3
#311601 (80/90) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Muad-Dib> I use IRC by carrier pigeon
<yipdw> I use it by boat
<yipdw> connection reset by pier
#300611 (933/1099) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Robohunk> A friend of mine took an exam in his French class while on acid once. When friends asked him about it later, he said, "I think I did pretty well. I wrote this great story about a thunderstorm."�
<Robohunk>��
<Robohunk> The professor called him into his office soon afterwards and showed him the test. It was a piece of paper covered with the words "Noir noir noir, noir BLANC!!! noir noir noir noir noir, noir noir noir BLANC!!!" over and over.
#297080 (482/564) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> I had this terrible sinus infection once, all the mucus, the works
<Pryoidain> Well at some point, between all the antihistamines, I thought it'd be a brilliant idea to snort a crapton of Instant coffee.
<Pryoidain> Now for those of you who don't know, ANY moisture will turn instant coffee, into actual coffee.
<Pryoidain> I became a human percolator for like, an hour an a half.
<asaph> ....You need to do one of those "This is what happens when you do drugs" commercials.
<asaph> Half the country would go sober 24 hours after it hit air.
#311162 (80/90) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<VesicantDerp> Is there a name for selling your blood plasma, then using that money to get super fucked up on a normal amount of booze while you're low on blood?
<SpaceMarine> no
<SpaceMarine> but there really should be
#299675 (611/717) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<squibbles> :o
<squibbles> Universal is producing an Asteroids Movie!
<~blue_tetris> It sounds absolutely awful.
<~blue_tetris> I'd shoot that movie, if not for the fear that it would break into three smaller movies.
#147631 (771/907) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<KleverOneR> Hey carol...
<KleverOneR> How was the sex? 1 to 10
<Carousel> Which time??
<KleverOneR> Add them all together, then find the average
<Carousel> Hold on
|<-- Carousel has left dalnet (Ping timeout)
<Dayvid> Division by zero is a bitch amiright?
<KleverOneR>...
#97738 (2489/2949) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
*** qf2mquo has joined channel #uw
<chronomex> hi qf2mquo
<chronomex> why the unusual nick?
<qf2mquo> o
<qf2mquo> shit
<qf2mquo> that's my password
#283880 (1043/1233) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Her: please answer honestly, yes or no, k?
Him: Go on.
Her: why do people make fun of blondes?
Him: Yes.
#298774 (215/249) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<todd> so uh.. where can I get pdf files of my books for class?
<todd> ECONOMICS
<todd> Unit Price:  $214.30
<todd> because that is some shit right there
<compguy> the economics lesson has started already, I see
#294682 (2121/2517) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<sniep> my servers are all named after computer parts so that users sound like retards asking for anything
<sniep> "i need full access to ram!"
<sniep> "why is megabytes broken?!?"
<sniep> "who rebooted hard drive??!??"
Comment: SomethingAwful
#145699 (1902/2254) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Jacob: heh
Jacob: my roommate just walked by with a bottle of water
Jacob: I asked her why she wastes her money on that shit
Jacob: she replied with "It's healthier than tap water."
Jacob: I took the bottle from her and showed her where it said "Source: City of Houston Municipal Water Supply"
Jacob: Tap-water.
#96097 (11714/13994) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
JimBob2814: I actually tried Superman 64
JimBob2814: yes, it is.
Rawlsaur: Is it actually as bad as they say?
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: no, you're just predictable
Rawlsaur: Are you psychic or something?
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: NO I WON'T
Rawlsaur: STOP DOING THAT!
Rawlsaur: ...
JimBob2814: haha
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