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#307755 (211/241) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Black_Prince> I haven't left house for 7 days now!
<Black_Prince> :D
<AdmiralA> oh great, people are bragging about not going outside like it's uptime now
<AdmiralA> $ indoors
<AdmiralA> 21:40 not seen light in 2 days, 6:39, 3 meals, kcal averages: 0.23 0.13 0.09
#302661 (341/393) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Mango> Duck.
<Mango> s/D/F/
<chanbot> Mango meant: (Censored).
* chanbot was kicked from #depot by chanbot: No swearing.
<Mango> :D
#307310 (333/383) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* Pryoidain is now known as MSWord
<MSWord> Oh Hi! I'm Microsoft word!
<MSWord> Hmm...I'm not really sure what you're doing here..you're using my equation editor an awful lot.
<MSWord> Oh! I see alot of numbers in parenthesis before these equations!
<MSWord> Huh...They don't quite match up though. See you have (1),(2),(3),(1),(3),(4),(1),(2),(5)
<MSWord> I can help! Let me just automatically reformat those into a list!
<MSWord> What? You want me to stop automatically generating lists and go back to previous?
<MSWord> But..I was just trying to help!
<MSWord> Here, I'll fix it.
<MSWord> There, Back to a blank slate!
<MSWord> What?
<MSWord> Hey why are you undoing?
<MSWord> Hey, don't go in there, those are my settings!
<MSWord> But, that's the autocorrect setting! That's me! What are you plan-
* MSWord is now known as Pryoidain
<Pryoidain> This is exactly how I am going to explain to my idiot math teacher why Microsoft word is a fucking HORRIBLE choice for a math homework submission.
#311220 (84/94) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<thebananaking> I'm sick and my cat died :(
<thebananaking> kidney stone, blocked bladder, no symptoms until too late
<thebananaking> he was a terrible cat, had no idea how to cat
<thebananaking> but I'll miss the little fucker
<thebananaking> there was a communications stuffup at the vet, and I got a followup call the next day to see how he was doing
<thebananaking> I couldn't help myself and said "well, he's not doing much..."
<thebananaking> I don't think I've ever heard anyone blush before
#118241 (2544/2984) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Ves> Curt teh Juggler: our graduation ceremony was today, and right when some gamer nerd got his diploma, someone in the audience played the zelda "get item" music and he did the zelda spin-hold-out-item stance
<Ves> Curt teh Juggler: it was quite possibly the most amazing thing ever.
Comment: #dirt - Timboss
#310774 (98/110) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Stormbringer: also valve are slowly dropping
Stormbringer: tf2 support in favor of csgo and dota2
Rapscallion: well it's 8 years old or something
Rapscallion: a child could have been born on the release date of TF2
Rapscallion: and now be old enough to call you a faggot on it
#302643 (60/70) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
sunny_mousey: you are on your way to alcohol poisoning town.
SudoJones: do hety have laoiqikcer store ther
Comment: #inportb on freenode
#308280 (420/486) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(rickest) reinventing the wheel is exactly what allows us to travel 80mph without even feeling it.  the original wheel fell apart at about 5mph after 100 yards. now they're rubber, self-healing, last 4000 times longer.  whoever intended the phrase "you're reinventing the wheel" to be an insult was an idiot.
#56642 (562/652) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
@[BONFIRE] just got the best question ever
@[BONFIRE] by some n00b
@[BONFIRE] whos trying to install an old printer
@[BONFIRE] like 15 yo
@[BONFIRE] he doesnt know why it wont work
@[BONFIRE] it keep poping up with "new hardware found"
@[BONFIRE] and he clicks cancel
@[BONFIRE] cause its not new
@[BONFIRE] >_<
#102983 (855/997) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<helf> lljhihkuggigfi
<helf> oh good
<helf> still connected
<helf> everything died for a second
<leavengood> I wonder what happened to helf
<leavengood> wasn't he here a while ago?
<helf> I'm HERE!
<DaaT> maybe he timed out?
<leavengood> too bad
* helf waves arms around
<leavengood> I was going to offer him money
<helf> can't you see me?!!?
<DaaT> better for the chan if he's gone anyway
<DaaT> imho
<leavengood> yeah
<helf> :(
#308567 (289/333) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Cypher: So I just let a cat in
Cypher: fed it a bit
Cypher: had it sit on my lap for the better part of an hour
Cypher: and I've only just realised it isn't actually my cat
#307551 (243/279) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
chelseamc: when i go through and close my tabs from last night in the morning
chelseamc: its like an internet hangover
#303990 (408/472) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<TheTJ> Have you ever been in a creepy place, like a school at night or an abondoned house, when the lights go out?
<TheTJ> Sometimes you might think you're in a horror movie and about to die/be killed.
<TheTJ> That occasionally happens to me
<TheTJ> My response?
<TheTJ> I sing heavily copyrighted songs so that whatever movie I may or may not be in couldn't afford my death scene
#300697 (1010/1178) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Green> So I got in my car
<Green> and there was birdshit on my windsheild
<Green> so i got a paper towel and got out to wipe it off
<Green> but it wouldn't come off
<Green> and thats when I realized it was on the INSIDE
<Green> I had a hard time getting to sleep that night
#295976 (1972/2318) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Lamia> my husband just said to me, "If your name was homework, I'd be doing you on my desk, right now!"
<Lamia> I need a snappy comeback to that.
<DarkDread> tell him, "If your name was homework, I'd be ignoring you to play video games."
#61997 (664/774) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Vagrant> hey everyone
<Vagrant> I love you all
<Dylan> d'aww
<Vagrant> We may have our differences but in the end I know that you guys are friends for life
<Inkblot> I love you too,stranger?
<Goat> That really means a lot coming from you.
<hambone> thnx Vaggie :)
<Vagrant> fuck
<Vagrant> I was typing on the wrong line
<Vagrant> I wasn't talking to you bastards
#309295 (146/166) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jlamothe> It's super useful when you're chatting in one window, but want to keep an eye on another.
<jlamothe> ...sorry wrong channel... and an excellent way of not illustrating my point.
#114349 (1088/1274) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<curgoth>    We are the canadian borg
<curgoth>    please wait to be assimilated
<curgoth>    resistance would be impolite
<curgoth>    pour l'assimilation en francais, presse sur "2"
#262095 (7695/9093) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<hypnosis> 1. The human cell contains 75 MB of genetic information
<hypnosis> 2. A sperm 37.5 MB.
<hypnosis> 3. In a milliliter, we have 100 million sperms.
<hypnosis> On average, one ejaculation releases 2.25 ml in 5 seconds.
<hypnosis> Using basic math we can compute the bandwidth of the human male penis as:
<hypnosis> (37.5MB x 100M x 2.25)/5 = (37,500,000 bytes/sperm x 100,000,000 sperm/ml x 2.25 ml) / 5 seconds = 1,687,500,000,000,000 bytes/sec = 1,687.5 TerraBytes/sec
<Jck_true> Sweet
<Jck_true> DoS attack!!!
<hypnosis> a bukkake would probably be a DDoS then
<hypnosis> 11 men would give 17 petabytes/sec
Comment: ##programming on FreeNode
#51267 (597/697) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<duncan> now I must hurry... driving lessons are afoot!
<Fibbles> wait
<Fibbles> you can't drive yet?
<Fibbles> but you were driving us everywhere at the lan...
<duncan> >:)
<Fibbles> i feel somewhat more greatful to be alive
#125764 (1398/1642) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<rob89> windows is being a bitch >_<
<Trinexx> Install Linux.
<rob89> no. i use windows for all my work
<Trinexx> Linux would be better for that.
<rob89> besides, i like being able to play a game or two
<Trinexx> Linux has games.
<rob89> im not getting linux. windows has great support, ill have this fixed in no time
<Trinexx> Linux has better support.
<rob89> if you say "linux" one more time, im gonna send you a virus
<Trinexx> Good fucking luck. I'm on Linux.
#260967 (1010/1186) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Dexi: so..... I got a black eye at work today...
Grim: haha how?
Dexi: you know how in cartoons when someone steps on a rake, it comes up and hits them in the face?
Dexi: yeah that really happens.
#283502 (736/862) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< Laura> I used to have a preserved human penis in a jar.
< Laura> It was lost in a move.
< Laura> This made me sad until someone pointed out that that means that SOMEONE moved into a house and found a human penis in a jar.
< Laura> This makes me feel better.
#56459 (666/778) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@the_unknown> watching the history channel, tis a show on "the antichrist"
<@the_unknown> just went to a commericial break with the messag
<@the_unknown> message
<@the_unknown> "The antichrist is brought to you by Lexus"
<@bockman> haha
#126370 (717/839) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<pthree> it came to light the other day that I don't own any clothes that I picked out myself
<pthree> I'm a 28yr old barbie doll for my wife
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