|#307755 (211/241) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
<Black_Prince> I haven't left house for 7 days now!
<AdmiralA> oh great, people are bragging about not going outside like it's uptime now
<AdmiralA> $ indoors
<AdmiralA> 21:40 not seen light in 2 days, 6:39, 3 meals, kcal averages: 0.23 0.13 0.09
|#302661 (341/393) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
<chanbot> Mango meant: (Censored).
* chanbot was kicked from #depot by chanbot: No swearing.
|#307310 (333/383) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
* Pryoidain is now known as MSWord
<MSWord> Oh Hi! I'm Microsoft word!
<MSWord> Hmm...I'm not really sure what you're doing here..you're using my equation editor an awful lot.
<MSWord> Oh! I see alot of numbers in parenthesis before these equations!
<MSWord> Huh...They don't quite match up though. See you have (1),(2),(3),(1),(3),(4),(1),(2),(5)
<MSWord> I can help! Let me just automatically reformat those into a list!
* MSWord DESTROYS ALL FORMATTING TO THIS POINT
<MSWord> What? You want me to stop automatically generating lists and go back to previous?
<MSWord> But..I was just trying to help!
<MSWord> Here, I'll fix it.
* MSWord RESETS ALL NUMBERS, FORMATTING, TAB INDENTATIONS, AND FORMULA LAYOUTS
<MSWord> There, Back to a blank slate!
<MSWord> Hey why are you undoing?
<MSWord> Hey, don't go in there, those are my settings!
<MSWord> But, that's the autocorrect setting! That's me! What are you plan-
* MSWord is now known as Pryoidain
<Pryoidain> This is exactly how I am going to explain to my idiot math teacher why Microsoft word is a fucking HORRIBLE choice for a math homework submission.
|#311220 (84/94) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
<thebananaking> I'm sick and my cat died :(
<thebananaking> kidney stone, blocked bladder, no symptoms until too late
<thebananaking> he was a terrible cat, had no idea how to cat
<thebananaking> but I'll miss the little fucker
<thebananaking> there was a communications stuffup at the vet, and I got a followup call the next day to see how he was doing
<thebananaking> I couldn't help myself and said "well, he's not doing much..."
<thebananaking> I don't think I've ever heard anyone blush before
|#118241 (2544/2984) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
<Ves> Curt teh Juggler: our graduation ceremony was today, and right when some gamer nerd got his diploma, someone in the audience played the zelda "get item" music and he did the zelda spin-hold-out-item stance
<Ves> Curt teh Juggler: it was quite possibly the most amazing thing ever.Comment: #dirt - Timboss
|#310774 (98/110) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
Stormbringer: also valve are slowly dropping
Stormbringer: tf2 support in favor of csgo and dota2
Rapscallion: well it's 8 years old or something
Rapscallion: a child could have been born on the release date of TF2
Rapscallion: and now be old enough to call you a faggot on it
|#302643 (60/70) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
sunny_mousey: you are on your way to alcohol poisoning town.
SudoJones: do hety have laoiqikcer store therComment: #inportb on freenode
|#308280 (420/486) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
(rickest) reinventing the wheel is exactly what allows us to travel 80mph without even feeling it. the original wheel fell apart at about 5mph after 100 yards. now they're rubber, self-healing, last 4000 times longer. whoever intended the phrase "you're reinventing the wheel" to be an insult was an idiot.
|#56642 (562/652) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
@[BONFIRE] just got the best question ever
@[BONFIRE] by some n00b
@[BONFIRE] whos trying to install an old printer
@[BONFIRE] like 15 yo
@[BONFIRE] he doesnt know why it wont work
@[BONFIRE] it keep poping up with "new hardware found"
@[BONFIRE] and he clicks cancel
@[BONFIRE] cause its not new
|#102983 (855/997) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
<helf> oh good
<helf> still connected
<helf> everything died for a second
<leavengood> I wonder what happened to helf
<leavengood> wasn't he here a while ago?
<helf> I'm HERE!
<DaaT> maybe he timed out?
<leavengood> too bad
* helf waves arms around
<leavengood> I was going to offer him money
<helf> can't you see me?!!?
<DaaT> better for the chan if he's gone anyway
|#308567 (289/333) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
Cypher: So I just let a cat in
Cypher: fed it a bit
Cypher: had it sit on my lap for the better part of an hour
Cypher: and I've only just realised it isn't actually my cat
|#307551 (243/279) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
chelseamc: when i go through and close my tabs from last night in the morning
chelseamc: its like an internet hangover
chelseamc: WHAT WAS I DOING LAST NIGHT
|#303990 (408/472) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
<TheTJ> Have you ever been in a creepy place, like a school at night or an abondoned house, when the lights go out?
<TheTJ> Sometimes you might think you're in a horror movie and about to die/be killed.
<TheTJ> That occasionally happens to me
<TheTJ> My response?
<TheTJ> I sing heavily copyrighted songs so that whatever movie I may or may not be in couldn't afford my death scene
|#300697 (1010/1178) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
<Green> So I got in my car
<Green> and there was birdshit on my windsheild
<Green> so i got a paper towel and got out to wipe it off
<Green> but it wouldn't come off
<Green> and thats when I realized it was on the INSIDE
<Green> I had a hard time getting to sleep that night
|#295976 (1972/2318) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
<Lamia> my husband just said to me, "If your name was homework, I'd be doing you on my desk, right now!"
<Lamia> I need a snappy comeback to that.
<DarkDread> tell him, "If your name was homework, I'd be ignoring you to play video games."
|#61997 (664/774) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
<Vagrant> hey everyone
<Vagrant> I love you all
<Vagrant> We may have our differences but in the end I know that you guys are friends for life
<Inkblot> I love you too,stranger?
<Goat> That really means a lot coming from you.
<hambone> thnx Vaggie :)
<Vagrant> I was typing on the wrong line
<Vagrant> I wasn't talking to you bastards
|#309295 (146/166) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
<jlamothe> It's super useful when you're chatting in one window, but want to keep an eye on another.
<jlamothe> ...sorry wrong channel... and an excellent way of not illustrating my point.
|#114349 (1088/1274) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
<curgoth> We are the canadian borg
<curgoth> please wait to be assimilated
<curgoth> resistance would be impolite
<curgoth> pour l'assimilation en francais, presse sur "2"
|#262095 (7695/9093) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
<hypnosis> 1. The human cell contains 75 MB of genetic information
<hypnosis> 2. A sperm 37.5 MB.
<hypnosis> 3. In a milliliter, we have 100 million sperms.
<hypnosis> On average, one ejaculation releases 2.25 ml in 5 seconds.
<hypnosis> Using basic math we can compute the bandwidth of the human male penis as:
<hypnosis> (37.5MB x 100M x 2.25)/5 = (37,500,000 bytes/sperm x 100,000,000 sperm/ml x 2.25 ml) / 5 seconds = 1,687,500,000,000,000 bytes/sec = 1,687.5 TerraBytes/sec
<Jck_true> DoS attack!!!
<hypnosis> a bukkake would probably be a DDoS then
<hypnosis> 11 men would give 17 petabytes/secComment: ##programming on FreeNode
|#51267 (597/697) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
<duncan> now I must hurry... driving lessons are afoot!
<Fibbles> you can't drive yet?
<Fibbles> but you were driving us everywhere at the lan...
<Fibbles> i feel somewhat more greatful to be alive
|#125764 (1398/1642) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
<rob89> windows is being a bitch >_<
<Trinexx> Install Linux.
<rob89> no. i use windows for all my work
<Trinexx> Linux would be better for that.
<rob89> besides, i like being able to play a game or two
<Trinexx> Linux has games.
<rob89> im not getting linux. windows has great support, ill have this fixed in no time
<Trinexx> Linux has better support.
<rob89> if you say "linux" one more time, im gonna send you a virus
<Trinexx> Good fucking luck. I'm on Linux.
|#260967 (1010/1186) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
Dexi: so..... I got a black eye at work today...
Grim: haha how?
Dexi: you know how in cartoons when someone steps on a rake, it comes up and hits them in the face?
Dexi: yeah that really happens.
|#283502 (736/862) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
< Laura> I used to have a preserved human penis in a jar.
< Laura> It was lost in a move.
< Laura> This made me sad until someone pointed out that that means that SOMEONE moved into a house and found a human penis in a jar.
< Laura> This makes me feel better.
|#56459 (666/778) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
<@the_unknown> watching the history channel, tis a show on "the antichrist"
<@the_unknown> just went to a commericial break with the messag
<@the_unknown> "The antichrist is brought to you by Lexus"
|#126370 (717/839) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag |
<pthree> it came to light the other day that I don't own any clothes that I picked out myself
<pthree> I'm a 28yr old barbie doll for my wife
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