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#33547 (846/976) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<JerryBeep> There are two kinds of jokes in the world: Jokes that people respond to by saying "lol" and funny jokes.
<BAng> lol
<JerryBeep> you bastard.
#85329 (2619/3043) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<upparoom>So this chick I know is suing her Birth Control maker
<upparoom>She started taking it and gained a bunch of weight.
<upparoom>She went from a size 5 to a size 22 and lost most of her hair.
<upparoom>I'm thinking...
<upparoom>thats some pretty damn effective birth control..
#51570 (11382/13272) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<fabz> I think we need to work on our communication.. one guy is talking crap, one just goes "lol" and the other one doesn't understand what's going on
<atsleek> lol
<Nefemus> what?
#308875 (66/72) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Mikael_Kreoss> reminded me of the time as a kid I saw a pic of the pope's bubble car thing
<Mikael_Kreoss> and thought it was meant to keep him in
<Mikael_Kreoss> like he was a monster or w/e
<Mikael_Kreoss> on display
<Mikael_Kreoss> "WE CAUGHT THE POPE" and then celebration time
#310170 (63/69) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<kmc> it's depressing how many security holes have the root cause that "int" is a lot shorter to type than "unsigned int"
#230078 (801/923) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<heros> LOL, dude, I set up this little box on the side of my car
<heros> and theres a button on it with a sign, "Do not press"
<heros> and when you press it the car alarm goes off
<jeff> lol nice
<heros> so I'm gonna count how many people do it in a week
<heros> brb
<jeff> where u going?
<heros> car alarm went off
#310728 (30/32) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Shadell> Actually
<Shadell> Economists are very very awful buddhists
<Shadell> "All conditioned existence is suffering. Desire is the source of all suffering because it never ends."
<Shadell> "This is why we can create models of economic systems based on the fact that humanity will never stop wanting more shit."
#295184 (970/1122) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<teresah53> uninstalling shit.. brb
<Foxhill> you could just say you were going to the toilet like the rest of us
#118151 (20898/24470) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
(+ware) I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and
(+ware) slowly the driver gets out of the car . . . and you know how you just get sooo
(+ware) stressed and life seems to get funny?
(+ware) Well, I could NOT believe it . . he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car,
(+ware) looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
(+ware) So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"... and
(+ware) THAT'S when the fight started . .
#309398 (75/83) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< BronzeEagle> I just found a floppy disk in my desk that says "women = evil"
< Frostypants> :D
< o11c> you still have a floppy drive, and were patient enough to put it in?
< BronzeEagle> Negative and negative
< o11c> then how did you know what it says?
< BronzeEagle> It's written on the label
* o11c forgets sometimes that there is a physical layer
#121252 (1023/1183) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<StarRinger> I just thought of something
<StarRinger> when you download stuff online, its pirating
<StarRinger> but when pirates steal something, its noisy and brash with many dead bodies and cannonfire and immediate seizing of property
<StarRinger> if anything, downloading things on the internet, silently it by bit? its more like ninjaing
<narg_smash> Piracy! YAR
<StarRinger> you can start calling it piracy the day someone sends a cannonball into the RIAA building
<narg_smash> I accept your challenge, sir.
<StarRinger> Excellent.
#309447 (118/132) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Spark> so guys
<Spark> in animal crossing
<Spark> characters sometimes take the first letter of your name
<Spark> and make a nickname
<Spark> for example, J-dog, or H-muffin or something
<Spark> well
<Spark> my character is named nick
<Spark> and someone decided it'd be a good idea
<Spark> to call me "N-word"
#307982 (217/247) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
* krikkert heads for that large downy object in the other room which is rumoured to remove fatigue and restore vitality.
* UmbralRaptor spent far too long wondering why a coffee-maker would be covered in down.
#266270 (4884/5712) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Curt teh Juggler: our graduation ceremony was today, and right when some gamer nerd got his diploma, someone in the audience played the zelda "get item" music and he did the zelda spin-hold-out-item stance
Curt teh Juggler: it was quite possibly the most amazing thing ever.
#297382 (2029/2363) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<c0nsumer> A pizza with the radius z and thickness a has the volume pi*z*z*a
#310959 (66/74) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<%n473> so I migrated our first client site to our new cloud environment yesterday
<%n473> and literally the very first browsing log we got
<%n473> on our first site
<%n473> first cloud-active client
<%n473> was a pornhub search for "big ass blonde lesbian milfs"
#309955 (87/97) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<grifferz> bitcointalk full of marks who one month ago were all "yeah deconstruct the state! to the moon! fuck the bankers!" then today they are "omg I put my son's education fund on mtgox, who do I sue?"
#310732 (62/68) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<camel> > Do you have a full-time job? > No > We're sorry, you do not qualify for this survey.
<camel> Why the fuck would I be doing a $2 30 minute survey
<camel> if I had a full time job
#279301 (1597/1861) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<yoshi> Why someone just rode by my house playing a William Tell overture on a trumpet at 7 AM in the rain, I will never know.
#81446 (2627/3073) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
ATH0: I don't know why the Korean guys at school love Steve so much.
ATH0: He doesn't look too Korean.
Batman: He told me.
Batman: Basically, he beat them at StarCraft and became their king.
#118822 (984/1144) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
cycon365: autistic kids rock
cycon365: we're all afraid of him shooting us, so we take that into account and just try to talk and joke with him
cycon365: he talked with us and our teacher and kept making "your mom" jokes
kyo212: lawl
cycon365: we got tired of him talking in general so we tried to curb his "mom" jokes
cycon365: so we were like, "dude, you shouldn't make fun of people's moms, my mom could be dead"
cycon365: and the kid goes, "no she's not", so i look at him and go, "oh yeah, how do you know"
cycon365: and he quickly replies, "cuz she was awesome in bed last night"
kyo212: gawd, you got pwned by an autistic kid
#159049 (671/777) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Jeremy> I remember the first time one of my friends got stoned....it was fucking great. he thought he wasn't feeling it, and we were playing tekken tag. He's sitting there cussing because his remote's not working, then we look over and his right hand isn't on the controller, it's in the bag of popcorn.
<Jeremy> He was twitching his hand IN THE BAG like he was trying to hit buttons
<pariah> LMFAO.
<pariah> That is awesome.
<Jeremy> He ended up winning the match because I fell out of my chair laughing at him and couldn't stop
#61277 (2517/2941) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Hekili_Manu Ok. So I called my bank's fraud dept about that hotels.com letter I got since I apparently used them twice with two different cards. I forgot completely that when I signed up you can assign your own security question online.
Hekili_Manu So when I called and spoke to the guy they use the same security question and he asked me "Ok, I just need to verify one thing. How big is your c**k?"
Hekili_Manu It took me a moment to remember that and I was like "Uh....."
#244345 (479/553) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
SeanieG123: so we have to make this cartoon thing for Oedipus in english right?
SeanieG123: i'm trying to decide if a "mommy and me" photo album would be crossing a line
#303802 (1024/1190) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> Meh, nothing interesting, just another day of me being a complete asshole to unsuspecting citizens
<Pryoidain> A legitimate, honest to god, door to door vacuum salesman came up at the best time.
<Pryoidain> I was vacuuming the rug behing the front door, and he comes up and knocks on it, so I check the peephole
<Pryoidain> It's pretty obvious what you're selling when you're holding a vacuum in one hand.
<Pryoidain> anyways we have one of those canister vacuums where the head pops off so you can attach shit to it for like sucking the fur off your dog or something more productive
<Pryoidain> I pop the head off, and open the door up just enough to where he can see me, but not the vacuum head in my hand.
<Pryoidain> I let him do his little speech, then asked to see his "Papers" to which he produced a sales paper.
<Pryoidain> He went to hand me the paper, I clicked on the vacuum, sucked it clean out of his hand, and slammed the door in his face.
<Pryoidain> Now, I could only experience the look of confusion through the peephole, but he stood out there confused for a good 3-4 minutes before deciding against knocking.
<Pryoidain> He had a few false starts, but never followed through. I think he was worried about what might happen next.
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