|#310205 (194/212) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<kmc> the other day I bought a recycling can from amazon
<kmc> it came in a cardboard box
<kmc> i took the can out of the box, broke down the box, and put it in the can
<kmc> it was amazing
|#310233 (157/171) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<Flashtek> I hate it when someone burns bread when I'm plugging in PC hardware for the first timeComment: #gentoo
|#218444 (807/897) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<Laxos> I used to work in a musical instrument chain store.
<Laxos> (We specialised in guitars and basses)
<Laxos> There was a guy who worked with me, kinda a geek like me.
<Laxos> After a few months of low sales the business failed.
<Laxos> Half the stores were bought by one firm, and half by another.
<Laxos> Both of them offered to take on all the existing staff, if we wanted it.
<Laxos> I ended up going to one firm, and this other guy went to another.
<Laxos> Somehow, we ended up getting rights to nearly all the existing stock.
<Laxos> Bit of a 'fuck you' to the other firm, really.
<Laxos> When we were putting these basses in the van, I go over to the guy and I'm like 'hey, all your bass are belo--'
<Laxos> I stopped because the guy shot me a look that could have killed a small animal.
|#297667 (2026/2264) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<Khassaki> HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> try pressing the the Caps Lock key
<Khassaki> O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> fuck me
|#308960 (437/483) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<tomatosalad> it is 54 degrees in this house
<tomatosalad> I am so damn cold
<Bubonicfred> whats that in C?
<Palomides> Bubonicfred: printf("it is 54 degrees in this house");
|#275427 (826/918) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
< Corbomite> Which will allow me to spend cuntless hours fucking around in Visual Studio?
< Corbomite> countless*
< Vir4030> no, cuntless is accurate too
|#150311 (1234/1378) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
l70uke: network connections says it cant find an IP address
dbbolton: open a web browser and type 192.168.1.1 in the address bar
dbbolton: what happens
l70uke: "please enter disk into drive a"
dbbolton: what the FUCK
|#297776 (1800/2014) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<DevXen> seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
|#295480 (1681/1881) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<@Tenor> 'Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML'
<@Tenor> I'm going to be that type of parent
<@hsimah> who would have sex with you?
|#116288 (964/1074) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<Cyan> Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the faggot.
<Cyan> Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the fucking shit out of him.
<Cyan> So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he fucking had:
<Cyan> 8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly."
<dan> Dude, you fucking killed McGuyver!
|#307521 (392/434) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<UmlautBanana> do we have a y/n bot in here
<UmlautBanana> ...wait what
|#31946 (978/1090) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<Melissa> What in the world was I thinking when I became a mother?
<JohnFlux> Melissa: "oh god, yes yes yes" ?
|#301010 (1045/1165) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<Vivisector> I kind of lol'd when the Tibetan restaurant closed down and turned into a Chinese restaurant
|#309047 (200/220) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<Erasmus> Just cracked my genuine copy of Windows that kept complaining at me that it was non-Genuine. So now it's non-Genuine but at least it thinks it is again.
|#308135 (251/277) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
sammy: Okay..being a mod is like playing Sims because you have all this power...you create a world for your people...you try to make it safe...happy...you monitor it to stop problems...you check their needs and try to meet them...but no matter what you do, sooner or later people are going to stand around waving their arms and yelling illegibly about something you've done wrong.
<TheBeeSingsWithMalice> And then you start herding them into the pool and taking out the ladders...
|#140216 (1411/1581) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<Pit> I take off your shirt
<Pit> undressing you slowly
<Pit> you're a girl, right?
<dest> no :|
<Pit> I put on your shirt
<Pit> and leave
|#297725 (1216/1360) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<CShadowRun> windows keeps telling me i might be a victim of software counterfeiting :(
<CShadowRun> i don't think of myself as a victim, more of a benificiary
|#73141 (1287/1443) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
jaymouse: friend's kid
jaymouse: little kid
jaymouse: he was scribbling on this paper, and I was just sitting there watching him
jaymouse: well I was bored so I join him, just scribbling random shit
jaymouse: he looks at me like I'M the idiot
jaymouse: I'm like wtf
jaymouse: ...he was writing in fucking arabic
|#307916 (411/457) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<@Sebas> Apparently I tried to go to sleep with my feet on the pillow because "then they'd get to be comfortable for a change, too"
<@Sebas> And when the girlfriend told me I'd suffocate then, I told her "No, because I'm James Bond"
<@Sebas> Which I later explained, after they told me this, was because James Bond is an under-cover agent.
<@Sebas> So obviously he wouldn't suffocate under the blankets.
<@Sebas> EVEN WHEN I'M SHITFACED OUT OF MY MIND, I MAKE TERRIBLE PUNS
|#85719 (873/977) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
< Alkivar> we're on our way back from partying in NYC over the weekend ... it was like sunday afternoon we're headed back west
< Alkivar> we're cruisin... maybe 130-140mph
< Alkivar> flew past a trooper on the side of the road
< Alkivar> trooper lights up ... siren blasting ... chasing us down the highway
< Alkivar> we're both like should we stop ... there's no way he can catch up to us
< Alkivar> we decided to be good and stop
< Alkivar> cop catches up to us ... comes out gun drawn ... pissed as hell
< Alkivar> walks up to the side of the car and goes
< Alkivar> "SON CAN I SEE YOUR PILOT'S LICENSE"
< Alkivar> Jason pulls out his fucking pilot's license
< Alkivar> cop's jaw hits the fucking ground
< Alkivar> most stunned face I've ever fucking seen
< Alkivar> in this practically a whimper goes "get the fuck out of here"
< Alkivar> no ticket... too embarassed apparently
< Alkivar> I'll never forget that day long as I live
< Alkivar> I was sure we were goin to jail
|#139795 (2829/3193) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
[+Tarball] ITT: Movie titles that described your first sexual experience.
[+Tarball] THERE WILL BE BLOOD
[+Tarball] Gone in 60 seconds
[+Hatty] SNAKES ON A PLANE
[TheWickerMan] quiet down Hatty
[TheWickerMan] why don't you try HOME ALONE
|#76863 (2628/2968) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<Painezor> So I had to hand in this essay the other day
<Painezor> the topic was "The effect of the internet on society"
<Painezor> so I just handed in "I was going to do the essay, then I discovered the internet had porn" on a sheet of A4.
<Painezor> Long story short I don't have to do any more essays.
|#310093 (195/215) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<vee> god my brain is so dumb sometimes
<vee> I looked out the window and saw a lot of birds and squirrels and I thought "yeah it's the weekend" as if they all normally have jobs to go to during the week
|#297712 (1020/1146) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
[Talaxia] you fucking nerd
[Fugue] no room to talk, hypocrite
[Arilla] You just called someone a nerd, at 3 in the morning, on a video game, on a character named after a planet from star trek.
Talaxia has gone offline.
|#35319 (4204/4748) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<mindstorms> investment Advice:
<mindstorms> If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
<mindstorms> With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.
<mindstorms> With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.
<mindstorms> But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of Beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling price, you would have $214.00.
<mindstorms> Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
<mindstorms> It's called the 401-Keg Plan
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