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#311255 (81/87) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Proview> i've got this code that's doing some statistical analysis and its telling me there are 8 days in a week
#70207 (861/957) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<LycoLoco> My son has a gameboy advance, and he blows on the cartidges when they don't work. The funny thing, is that this was not taught to him. He just did it on instinct, which leads me to believe that this behavior is inherited not learned. It seems that I've blown into so many nintendo cartridges, that it has changed my DNA...
#307521 (399/441) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<UmlautBanana> do we have a y/n bot in here
<SeriousBot> n
<UmlautBanana> okay
<UmlautBanana> ...wait what
#297667 (2037/2275) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Khassaki> HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> try pressing the the Caps Lock key
<Khassaki> O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> fuck me
#31946 (987/1099) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Melissa> What in the world was I thinking when I became a mother?
<JohnFlux> Melissa: "oh god, yes yes yes" ?
#301010 (1051/1171) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Vivisector> I kind of lol'd when the Tibetan restaurant closed down and turned into a Chinese restaurant
#275427 (834/926) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< Corbomite> Which will allow me to spend cuntless hours fucking around in Visual Studio?
< Corbomite> countless*
< Vir4030> no, cuntless is accurate too
#307731 (358/396) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Amadiro> RumpledElf, according to that definition, my markov-chain based chatbot spouting random phrases combined from previous messages it recollects from its database is probably more sentient than most actual human IRC users.
<Amadiro> aib, it usually ended up pretty much just spouting out sentences it heard previously to other people at a later point. Additionally I ran some simple regexpes over the output.
<Amadiro> That caused some hilarious conversations like the bot arguing with some guy whether it's "slipknot" or "slipgnot" (replaced all k's with g's)
<Amadiro> aib, we also fed it the bible, all 7 harry potter books, various pornographic novels and Karl Marx' "Das Kapital" later on, with brilliant results.
<aib> add a Hitler biography and you've got an Internet discussion generator
Comment: ##programming@irc.freenode.net
#150311 (1256/1402) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
l70uke: network connections says it cant find an IP address
dbbolton: open a web browser and type 192.168.1.1 in the address bar
dbbolton: what happens
l70uke: "please enter disk into drive a"
dbbolton: what the FUCK
#297776 (1806/2020) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<DevXen> seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
#309047 (206/226) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Erasmus> Just cracked my genuine copy of Windows that kept complaining at me that it was non-Genuine. So now it's non-Genuine but at least it thinks it is again.
#295480 (1694/1894) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Tenor> 'Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML'
<@Tenor> I'm going to be that type of parent
<@hsimah> who would have sex with you?
#218444 (813/905) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Laxos> I used to work in a musical instrument chain store.
<Laxos> (We specialised in guitars and basses)
<Laxos> There was a guy who worked with me, kinda a geek like me.
<Laxos> After a few months of low sales the business failed.
<Laxos> Half the stores were bought by one firm, and half by another.
<Laxos> Both of them offered to take on all the existing staff, if we wanted it.
<Laxos> I ended up going to one firm, and this other guy went to another.
<Laxos> Somehow, we ended up getting rights to nearly all the existing stock.
<Laxos> Bit of a 'fuck you' to the other firm, really.
<Laxos> When we were putting these basses in the van, I go over to the guy and I'm like 'hey, all your bass are belo--'
<Laxos> I stopped because the guy shot me a look that could have killed a small animal.
#310093 (203/223) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<vee> god my brain is so dumb sometimes
<vee> I looked out the window and saw a lot of birds and squirrels and I thought "yeah it's the weekend" as if they all normally have jobs to go to during the week
#308960 (445/493) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<tomatosalad> it is 54 degrees in this house
<tomatosalad> I am so damn cold
<Bubonicfred> whats that in C?
<Palomides> Bubonicfred: printf("it is 54 degrees in this house");
#297725 (1223/1367) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<CShadowRun> windows keeps telling me i might be a victim of software counterfeiting :(
<CShadowRun> i don't think of myself as a victim, more of a benificiary
#311335 (76/82) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< danl> being lazy and running everything as root is so much easier
< danl> lol
< danl> damn it
< danl> I screwed up my script and lost a years worth of access logs
#311097 (201/221) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<photo> i poured my root beer into a square cup and now all i have is beer. please advise.
#116288 (968/1082) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Cyan> Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the faggot.
<Cyan> Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the fucking shit out of him.
<Cyan> So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he fucking had:
<Cyan> 8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly."
<dan> Dude, you fucking killed McGuyver!
#308135 (253/279) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
sammy: Okay..being a mod is like playing Sims because you have all this power...you create a world for your people...you try to make it safe...happy...you monitor it to stop problems...you check their needs and try to meet them...but no matter what you do, sooner or later people are going to stand around waving their arms and yelling illegibly about something you've done wrong.
<TheBeeSingsWithMalice> And then you start herding them into the pool and taking out the ladders...
#73141 (1303/1459) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
jaymouse: friend's kid
jaymouse: little kid
jaymouse: he was scribbling on this paper, and I was just sitting there watching him
jaymouse: well I was bored so I join him, just scribbling random shit
jaymouse: he looks at me like I'M the idiot
jaymouse: I'm like wtf
jaymouse: ...he was writing in fucking arabic
#140216 (1426/1596) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Pit> I take off your shirt
<Pit> undressing you slowly
<Pit> you're a girl, right?
<dest> no :|
<Pit> I put on your shirt
<Pit> quickly
<Pit> and leave
#307916 (418/464) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Sebas> Apparently I tried to go to sleep with my feet on the pillow because "then they'd get to be comfortable for a change, too"
<@Sebas> And when the girlfriend told me I'd suffocate then, I told her "No, because I'm James Bond"
<@Sebas>  Which I later explained, after they told me this, was because James Bond is an under-cover agent.
<@Sebas> So obviously he wouldn't suffocate under the blankets.
<@nukespooon> ahahhaha
<@Sebas> EVEN WHEN I'M SHITFACED OUT OF MY MIND, I MAKE TERRIBLE PUNS
#308875 (55/59) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Mikael_Kreoss> reminded me of the time as a kid I saw a pic of the pope's bubble car thing
<Mikael_Kreoss> and thought it was meant to keep him in
<Mikael_Kreoss> like he was a monster or w/e
<Mikael_Kreoss> on display
<Mikael_Kreoss> "WE CAUGHT THE POPE" and then celebration time
#85719 (880/984) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< Alkivar> we're on our way back from partying in NYC over the weekend ... it was like sunday afternoon we're headed back west
< Alkivar> we're cruisin... maybe 130-140mph
< Alkivar> flew past a trooper on the side of the road
< Alkivar> trooper lights up ... siren blasting ... chasing us down the highway
< Alkivar> we're both like should we stop ... there's no way he can catch up to us
< Alkivar> we decided to be good and stop
< Alkivar> cop catches up to us ... comes out gun drawn ... pissed as hell
< Alkivar> walks up to the side of the car and goes
< Alkivar> "SON CAN I SEE YOUR PILOT'S LICENSE"
< Alkivar> Jason pulls out his fucking pilot's license
< Alkivar> cop's jaw hits the fucking ground
< Alkivar> most stunned face I've ever fucking seen
< Alkivar> in this practically a whimper goes "get the fuck out of here"
< Alkivar> no ticket... too embarassed apparently
< Alkivar> I'll never forget that day long as I live
< Alkivar> I was sure we were goin to jail
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