|#35319 (4204/4748) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<mindstorms> investment Advice:
<mindstorms> If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
<mindstorms> With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.
<mindstorms> With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.
<mindstorms> But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of Beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling price, you would have $214.00.
<mindstorms> Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
<mindstorms> It's called the 401-Keg Plan
|#302079 (1473/1659) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<+Toujiron> Probably best day.
<%Misty> What happened?
<+Toujiron> I have this felt super mushroom hat, right?
<+Toujiron> I wore it out today because I'm ridiculous
<+Toujiron> My roommate left his work boots at home and called me to ask me to bring them to him at work, because he wouldn't have time after class.
<+Toujiron> So on my way there, I go through an intersection I usually don't because I don't have a reason to go near there, and the setting sun is in my eyes, so I have no idea that there's a stop sign there.
<+Toujiron> I am immediately pulled over by a city patrol car.
<+Toujiron> The cop walks up to my window, looks at me, my hat, and listens to my speakers for a second which are playing a rainbow road remix.
<%Misty> Please tell me he broke down laughing
<+Toujiron> Without even asking me for my ID, he leans in and says, "Son, when there's a stop sign in front of you, you have to stop hitting the golden mushroom. I know it'll disappear, but it's the law, alright?"
<%Misty> Oh that's even better
<+Toujiron> Before I could even answer that he told me to drive safe and walked away.
<+Toujiron> I have never been so entertained to be caught breaking laws.
<+WingedBeaux> my wife just loled at that story tou
<+WingedBeaux> is there an opposite to f my life? cause that would be it right there
|#80430 (1448/1634) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<Rocky> awesome! script done
<Rocky> simple but useful know what i mean?
<Rocky> if you type !song, you can view what i'm listening to
<Rocky> try it
<Rocky> oh shit wait
* Rocky is dancing to brazilian gal fucks horse MUST-SEE awesome porn slut rape bitch bestiality hot porno jpg mpg mpeg jpeg great scat whore [53:24m/371Kbps/44KHz]
* Quits: Rocky (email@example.comD6CA4AC.718E664C.IP) (Quit: )Comment: irc.cheatlist.com #warez
|#311097 (191/211) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<photo> i poured my root beer into a square cup and now all i have is beer. please advise.
|#65605 (958/1078) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<Burningmace> I had a customer in hysterics today at work
<+KPR> how come?
<Burningmace> Well, we sell lots of things that have different types, so sometimes you can buy assorted packs
<Burningmace> He was buying some flavoured condoms... assorted ones, so the computer automatically prepends "Assorted" to the start of it
<Burningmace> So I put it through and hand him the reciept and he checks it and starts laughing
<Burningmace> I took a look at the reciept, and because the line didn't fit on the paper, it'd truncated the first word.
<Burningmace> So he'd bought some Ass Flavoured Condoms.Comment: It's a laugh a minute at Lidl
|#310629 (72/78) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<TonyTheLemur> they tested our tornado siren a couple mornings ago
<Glaug-Eldare> did she attract any tornadoesComment: #foxie
|#73364 (2854/3230) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<titan-x> hey everybody
<Lowkey> hey john, where the fuck you been?!
<titan-x> i was in a wreck in my friends car. snow and ford explorers do not go well together
<Lowkey> holy shit
<titan-x> i got alot of morphine though
<titan-x> apparently the first night they had me on the drip i managed to wriggle out of the restraints i had on because they noticed me acting weird after they put me on the morphine
<titan-x> according to the nurse i spoke to, and accounts from my wife after she woke up, i was running up and down the halls, with the morphine IV still attached and the bag dragging behind me
<titan-x> and as this was going on, she tells me i was yelling this:
<titan-x> "THE COMMUNISTS HAVE CONTROL OF GRAND CENTRAL STATION AND THEY WILL BRING THE COMMIE TRAINS TO TOWN! WE MUST WARN THE MAYOR CHOO CHOO"
<titan-x> that was kindof my reaction when she told me. i really cannot put my finger on that one.
|#310474 (90/98) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<TheHackOps> I thought i was paranoid because I encrypt all my business emails
<TheHackOps> Get a letter from ISP asking why i am doing it
<TheHackOps> So yep
<TheHackOps> Some desert island is looking pretty good guysComment: irc.freenode.net ##security
|#308036 (284/316) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<nupanick> What part of the day do you most associate with masturbation?
|#308836 (70/76) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<aydiosmio> I don't anticipate the world moving away from keyboards any time soon for the sake of productivity
<nydel> aydiosmio: i think the world will split into people who use touch-screens & people who have shit to doComment: #2600 on irc.2600.net
|#60621 (8646/9838) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<Knightmare> Well that was obvious.
<Knightmare> Guy in a cubicle a couple feet away from me stands up and asks aloud if anyone has a Starcraft CD Key.
<Tuborg> I'm guessing he got a good talking to by your manager?
<Knightmare> The floor supervisor told him where to download a no-cd crack.
<Tuborg> Can I fax you my resume?
|#299795 (1997/2267) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<popemichael> I was in line to buy a new DVD player. The woman in front of me was having something delivered.
<popemichael> The clerk asked for her 'street name' she replied "I don't have one I go by Shanice."
|#56901 (16088/18360) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<glowsun> I heard about this guy who broke into a lion's den at the zoo
<glowsun> and got mauled
<glowsun> and people were talking about how there should have been better defenses put up to prevent people getting into the cage
<glowsun> a friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent
<glowsun> for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in
|#310413 (69/75) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
(aaaaaaaaa) I know people at work that actually store files in the recycle bin. As in, they store files they plan to use in the future there. IT had to stop deleting files from it because of people's work was getting lost and had to be restored from the backups.
|#33726 (926/1046) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<Opius>photoshops being screwy
<dal>in what way
<Opius>the stroke tool thingy is being a bitch
<Opius>it lags fro some reason
* p4 has joined #hynes
<Opius>So i stroke and stroke and stroke, and it does nothing
<Opius>then all of a sudden it goes nuts and puts white shit all over my work
<p4>i wont askComment: www.opius.tk
|#309986 (136/150) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
< Arelon> For example here in Beijing the pedestrian is never at fault if the other person was driving a motor vehicle
< Arelon> Even if the accident was the pedestrian's fault
<@Matthew> is that why the tanks didnt run that tianamen square guy over
|#300792 (1020/1152) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<SterlingSilver> We got our report cards back last week. I'm not so great in school, so I did a D in one class. But I was totally okay with this when I realized that with the S (satisfactory) in chorus and the S in study hall, the first 6 grades on my report card spell "BADASS."
|#308806 (375/421) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<powersurge> god dammit
<powersurge> I go to dairy queen so often that google is asking me to set it as my work
<powersurge> stop judging me, google
|#143464 (866/980) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<[DD]Earl> the age of consent in england was set around 1890..
<[DD]Myxlplk> That's way too high
|#136814 (2628/2994) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<thefiddler> Holy sonofabitch.
<thefiddler> I think my editor is flirting with me.
* thefiddler frowns
<Uhmerwell> oh, you mean a human
<Uhmerwell> don't you :<
|#308345 (242/270) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<eli> lesson learned: rm ** does not just remove all files that end with * :/
|#235178 (738/834) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
(Bubbles) diabetes...anemia...depression...alzheimers...is there any shitty disease I'm not going to be predisposed to?
|#133573 (2933/3343) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
(meander) Newfoundland is like calling a place Untitled Document
(meander) i bet its the default name for discovered land
(meander) and they just clicked Ok
(meander) now all other countries have to start out as Newfoundland 2
|#68894 (879/997) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<sysv> omg i was so fucking stoned yesterday
<sysv> got off the wrong level on the lift at work today
<sysv> all the floors have the same layout, and the tech center is in the same place per each floor
<sysv> so i goes and gets off at some chinese engineering level in our building
<sysv> walk into the office, through the office, and sit down in my chair in the server room
<sysv> i'm like "My, this chair is so comfy!... When did we upgrade our servers to Quad Xeon's?"...
<sysv> and people are coming to me asking for help, so I'm helping and shit, doing my job...
<sysv> 4 hours into it, someone asks me if I'm Guy Yee's assistant... and I'm like "who the fuck is Guy Yee?"...
<sysv> things went downhill from there, once they realized (and i realized) I didn't work on that level
<sysv> but they were happy to pay me for my 4 hours of time, and send me on my way down the lift to my companies level... i was wonderin why everyone was so fucking nice to me
|#56878 (2834/3234) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag |
<Turtles> I really wouldn't mind if an old lady took a dump on my chest.
<Turtles> That was the wrong window.
<Lovespuds> Turtles, there is no such thing as the right window for that.
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