QDB: Statistically Best Quotes
About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search

TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..3456789..584Next>
#80430 (1431/1617) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Rocky> awesome! script done
<Rocky> simple but useful know what i mean?
<Rocky> if you type !song, you can view what i'm listening to
<Rocky> try it
<Rocky> oh shit wait
<Siege> !song
* Rocky is dancing to brazilian gal fucks horse MUST-SEE awesome porn slut rape bitch bestiality hot porno jpg mpg mpeg jpeg great scat whore [53:24m/371Kbps/44KHz]
* Quits: Rocky (grapes@40597861.8D6CA4AC.718E664C.IP) (Quit: )
Comment: irc.cheatlist.com #warez
#310576 (52/56) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<@kitchen> I logged into yahoo account after probably 100 years of not. got email "unexpected login attempt" even yahoo wasn't expecting me to ever log in again
#308036 (280/312) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<nupanick> What part of the day do you most associate with masturbation?
<GreyMaria> awake
#65605 (949/1069) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Burningmace> I had a customer in hysterics today at work
<+KPR> how come?
<Burningmace> Well, we sell lots of things that have different types, so sometimes you can buy assorted packs
<Burningmace> He was buying some flavoured condoms... assorted ones, so the computer automatically prepends "Assorted" to the start of it
<Burningmace> So I put it through and hand him the reciept and he checks it and starts laughing
<+KPR> huh?
<Burningmace> I took a look at the reciept, and because the line didn't fit on the paper, it'd truncated the first word.
<Burningmace> So he'd bought some Ass Flavoured Condoms.
Comment: It's a laugh a minute at Lidl
#309086 (186/206) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
Charlie: next door have been drilling for like 2weeks non stop
Charlie: what the fuck are they making
Richard: holes
#60621 (8634/9820) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Knightmare> Well that was obvious.
<Tuborg> ?
<Knightmare> Guy in a cubicle a couple feet away from me stands up and asks aloud if anyone has a Starcraft CD Key.
<Tuborg> Heh.
<Tuborg> I'm guessing he got a good talking to by your manager?
<Knightmare> The floor supervisor told him where to download a no-cd crack.
<Tuborg> Can I fax you my resume?
#56901 (16056/18324) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<glowsun> I heard about this guy who broke into a lion's den at the zoo
<glowsun> and got mauled
<glowsun> and people were talking about how there should have been better defenses put up to prevent people getting into the cage
<glowsun> a friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent
<glowsun> for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in
#310093 (184/204) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<vee> god my brain is so dumb sometimes
<vee> I looked out the window and saw a lot of birds and squirrels and I thought "yeah it's the weekend" as if they all normally have jobs to go to during the week
#229087 (1023/1157) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<%kimini> best toilet graffiti i've ever seen
<%kimini> "I hate 2 things in life; irony and graffiti"
<%kimini> i shat myself laughing
<%kimini> but i was in the toilet, so it was ok.
#300792 (1013/1145) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<SterlingSilver> We got our report cards back last week. I'm not so great in school, so I did a D in one class. But I was totally okay with this when I realized that with the S (satisfactory) in chorus and the S in study hall, the first 6 grades on my report card spell "BADASS."
#299795 (1980/2250) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<popemichael> I was in line to buy a new DVD player. The woman in front of me was having something delivered.
<popemichael> The clerk asked for her 'street name' she replied "I don't have one I go by Shanice."
#136814 (2619/2983) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<thefiddler> Holy sonofabitch.
<thefiddler> I think my editor is flirting with me.
* thefiddler frowns
<Uhmerwell> ...Notepad?
<thefiddler> Errr.
<Uhmerwell> oh, you mean a human
<Uhmerwell> don't you :<
#104056 (1073/1215) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Spy^> Can someone help me plz ?
<ViciousPotato> As a great man once said
<ViciousPotato> If you say 'plz' because it's shorter than 'please', I'll say 'no' because it's shorter than 'yes'.
<Spy^> lol
<Spy^> can someone help me please -_-
#33726 (908/1028) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Opius>photoshops being screwy
<dal>in what way
<Opius>the stroke tool thingy is being a bitch
<Opius>it lags fro some reason
<Opius>*for
* p4 has joined #hynes
<Opius>So i stroke and stroke and stroke, and it does nothing
<Opius>then all of a sudden it goes nuts and puts white shit all over my work
<p4>i wont ask
Comment: www.opius.tk
#144904 (2253/2571) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<C-Johnson> holy shit
<C-Johnson> 420,000 people without power in miami
* C-Johnson has quit (Read error: Operation timed out)
<phlux> 420,001*
#56878 (2823/3219) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Turtles> I really wouldn't mind if an old lady took a dump on my chest.
<Lovespuds> ...
<Lovespuds> ...Dude.
<Turtles> Er.
<Turtles> That was the wrong window.
<Lovespuds> Turtles, there is no such thing as the right window for that.
#143464 (849/963) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<[DD]Earl> the age of consent in england was set around 1890..
<[DD]Myxlplk> That's way too high
#143212 (784/888) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<AllAgesDave> There are two seniors in here reading a copy of A Catcher in the Rye, and debating the meaning of the word "illiterate."
<AllAgesDave> One is saying it means "literature" and the other says it means "insane".
<Dre> :-[
<AllAgesDave> They just decided upon "language." Fuck my generation.
#76413 (2608/2972) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
< Swuave> Scopophobia is a fear of being looked at.
< Swuave> LOL, i'de like to see someone with that fear.
<@SantaBJ> they wouldn't.
#310413 (67/73) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
(aaaaaaaaa) I know people at work that actually store files in the recycle bin. As in, they store files they plan to use in the future there. IT had to stop deleting files from it because of people's work was getting lost and had to be restored from the backups.
#235178 (723/819) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
(Bubbles) diabetes...anemia...depression...alzheimers...is there any shitty disease I'm not going to be predisposed to?
(Alex) well
(Alex) STDs
#133573 (2920/3330) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
(meander) Newfoundland is like calling a place Untitled Document
(meander) i bet its the default name for discovered land
(meander) and they just clicked Ok
(meander) now all other countries have to start out as Newfoundland 2
#223767 (995/1131) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Scrumps> Hm... how do you log a user out remotely?
<ShinCS> sniper rifle
#68894 (867/985) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<sysv> omg i was so fucking stoned yesterday
<sysv> got off the wrong level on the lift at work today
<sysv> all the floors have the same layout, and the tech center is in the same place per each floor
<sysv> so i goes and gets off at some chinese engineering level in our building
<sysv> walk into the office, through the office, and sit down in my chair in the server room
<sysv> i'm like "My, this chair is so comfy!... When did we upgrade our servers to Quad Xeon's?"...
<sysv> and people are coming to me asking for help, so I'm helping and shit, doing my job...
<sysv> 4 hours into it, someone asks me if I'm Guy Yee's assistant... and I'm like "who the fuck is Guy Yee?"...
<sysv> things went downhill from there, once they realized (and i realized) I didn't work on that level
<sysv> but they were happy to pay me for my 4 hours of time, and send me on my way down the lift to my companies level... i was wonderin why everyone was so fucking nice to me
<sysv> -_-
#105771 (935/1063) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<alpha>: girls that care about money don't interest me
<alpha>: girls smarter than me do
<Bryant>: girls smarter than you hide their interest in money
<Bryant>: and you cant tell
<Bryant>: because they're smarter than you
save page | share <Prev1..3456789..584Next>

About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search
14,500 quotes approved; 9,677 fermenting; karma: 191.3729