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#65605 (957/1077) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Burningmace> I had a customer in hysterics today at work
<+KPR> how come?
<Burningmace> Well, we sell lots of things that have different types, so sometimes you can buy assorted packs
<Burningmace> He was buying some flavoured condoms... assorted ones, so the computer automatically prepends "Assorted" to the start of it
<Burningmace> So I put it through and hand him the reciept and he checks it and starts laughing
<+KPR> huh?
<Burningmace> I took a look at the reciept, and because the line didn't fit on the paper, it'd truncated the first word.
<Burningmace> So he'd bought some Ass Flavoured Condoms.
Comment: It's a laugh a minute at Lidl
#73364 (2851/3227) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<titan-x> hey everybody
<Lowkey> hey john, where the fuck you been?!
<titan-x> i was in a wreck in my friends car. snow and ford explorers do not go well together
<Lowkey> holy shit
<titan-x> i got alot of morphine though
<titan-x> apparently the first night they had me on the drip i managed to wriggle out of the restraints i had on because they noticed me acting weird after they put me on the morphine
<titan-x> according to the nurse i spoke to, and accounts from my wife after she woke up, i was running up and down the halls, with the morphine IV still attached and the bag dragging behind me
<titan-x> and as this was going on, she tells me i was yelling this:
<Lowkey> w..t..f
<titan-x> that was kindof my reaction when she told me. i really cannot put my finger on that one.
#297712 (1017/1143) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
[Talaxia] you fucking nerd
[Fugue] no room to talk, hypocrite
[Talaxia] stfu
[Arilla] You just called someone a nerd, at 3 in the morning, on a video game, on a character named after a planet from star trek.
[Talaxia] ....
Talaxia has gone offline.
#302079 (1466/1652) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+Toujiron> Probably best day.
<%Misty> What happened?
<+Toujiron> I have this felt super mushroom hat, right?
<+Toujiron> I wore it out today because I'm ridiculous
<+Doak> awesome
<+Toujiron> My roommate left his work boots at home and called me to ask me to bring them to him at work, because he wouldn't have time after class.
<+Toujiron> So on my way there, I go through an intersection I usually don't because I don't have a reason to go near there, and the setting sun is in my eyes, so I have no idea that there's a stop sign there.
<+Toujiron> I am immediately pulled over by a city patrol car.
<+Toujiron> The cop walks up to my window, looks at me, my hat, and listens to my speakers for a second which are playing a rainbow road remix.
<%Misty> Please tell me he broke down laughing
<+Toujiron> Without even asking me for my ID, he leans in and says, "Son, when there's a stop sign in front of you, you have to stop hitting the golden mushroom. I know it'll disappear, but it's the law, alright?"
<%Misty> Oh that's even better
<+Toujiron> Before I could even answer that he told me to drive safe and walked away.
<+Neo-Kamek> lolololol
<+Toujiron> I have never been so entertained to be caught breaking laws.
<+Doak> Best.
<+WingedBeaux> my wife just loled at that story tou
<+WingedBeaux> is there an opposite to f my life? cause that would be it right there
#80430 (1441/1627) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Rocky> awesome! script done
<Rocky> simple but useful know what i mean?
<Rocky> if you type !song, you can view what i'm listening to
<Rocky> try it
<Rocky> oh shit wait
<Siege> !song
* Rocky is dancing to brazilian gal fucks horse MUST-SEE awesome porn slut rape bitch bestiality hot porno jpg mpg mpeg jpeg great scat whore [53:24m/371Kbps/44KHz]
* Quits: Rocky (grapes@40597861.8D6CA4AC.718E664C.IP) (Quit: )
Comment: irc.cheatlist.com #warez
#308036 (283/315) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<nupanick> What part of the day do you most associate with masturbation?
<GreyMaria> awake
#60621 (8643/9831) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Knightmare> Well that was obvious.
<Tuborg> ?
<Knightmare> Guy in a cubicle a couple feet away from me stands up and asks aloud if anyone has a Starcraft CD Key.
<Tuborg> Heh.
<Tuborg> I'm guessing he got a good talking to by your manager?
<Knightmare> The floor supervisor told him where to download a no-cd crack.
<Tuborg> Can I fax you my resume?
#311097 (183/203) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<photo> i poured my root beer into a square cup and now all i have is beer. please advise.
#56901 (16077/18345) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<glowsun> I heard about this guy who broke into a lion's den at the zoo
<glowsun> and got mauled
<glowsun> and people were talking about how there should have been better defenses put up to prevent people getting into the cage
<glowsun> a friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent
<glowsun> for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in
#310413 (69/75) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(aaaaaaaaa) I know people at work that actually store files in the recycle bin. As in, they store files they plan to use in the future there. IT had to stop deleting files from it because of people's work was getting lost and had to be restored from the backups.
#229087 (1031/1165) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<%kimini> best toilet graffiti i've ever seen
<%kimini> "I hate 2 things in life; irony and graffiti"
<%kimini> i shat myself laughing
<%kimini> but i was in the toilet, so it was ok.
#300792 (1017/1149) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<SterlingSilver> We got our report cards back last week. I'm not so great in school, so I did a D in one class. But I was totally okay with this when I realized that with the S (satisfactory) in chorus and the S in study hall, the first 6 grades on my report card spell "BADASS."
#299795 (1989/2259) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<popemichael> I was in line to buy a new DVD player. The woman in front of me was having something delivered.
<popemichael> The clerk asked for her 'street name' she replied "I don't have one I go by Shanice."
#136814 (2624/2990) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<thefiddler> Holy sonofabitch.
<thefiddler> I think my editor is flirting with me.
* thefiddler frowns
<Uhmerwell> ...Notepad?
<thefiddler> Errr.
<Uhmerwell> oh, you mean a human
<Uhmerwell> don't you :<
#104056 (1077/1221) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Spy^> Can someone help me plz ?
<ViciousPotato> As a great man once said
<ViciousPotato> If you say 'plz' because it's shorter than 'please', I'll say 'no' because it's shorter than 'yes'.
<Spy^> lol
<Spy^> can someone help me please -_-
#33726 (919/1039) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Opius>photoshops being screwy
<dal>in what way
<Opius>the stroke tool thingy is being a bitch
<Opius>it lags fro some reason
* p4 has joined #hynes
<Opius>So i stroke and stroke and stroke, and it does nothing
<Opius>then all of a sudden it goes nuts and puts white shit all over my work
<p4>i wont ask
Comment: www.opius.tk
#310474 (85/93) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<TheHackOps> I thought i was paranoid because I encrypt all my business emails
<TheHackOps> Get a letter from ISP asking why i am doing it
<TheHackOps> So yep
<TheHackOps> Some desert island is looking pretty good guys
Comment: irc.freenode.net ##security
#309986 (133/147) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< Arelon> For example here in Beijing the pedestrian is never at fault if the other person was driving a motor vehicle
< Arelon> Even if the accident was the pedestrian's fault
<@Matthew> is that why the tanks didnt run that tianamen square guy over
#223767 (1001/1137) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Scrumps> Hm... how do you log a user out remotely?
<ShinCS> sniper rifle
#56878 (2828/3226) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Turtles> I really wouldn't mind if an old lady took a dump on my chest.
<Lovespuds> ...
<Lovespuds> ...Dude.
<Turtles> Er.
<Turtles> That was the wrong window.
<Lovespuds> Turtles, there is no such thing as the right window for that.
#308806 (373/419) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<powersurge> god dammit
<powersurge> I go to dairy queen so often that google is asking me to set it as my work
<powersurge> stop judging me, google
#310629 (67/73) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<TonyTheLemur> they tested our tornado siren a couple mornings ago
<Glaug-Eldare> did she attract any tornadoes
Comment: #foxie
#143464 (860/974) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<[DD]Earl> the age of consent in england was set around 1890..
<[DD]Myxlplk> That's way too high
#143212 (787/891) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<AllAgesDave> There are two seniors in here reading a copy of A Catcher in the Rye, and debating the meaning of the word "illiterate."
<AllAgesDave> One is saying it means "literature" and the other says it means "insane".
<Dre> :-[
<AllAgesDave> They just decided upon "language." Fuck my generation.
#308345 (239/267) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<eli> lesson learned: rm ** does not just remove all files that end with * :/
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