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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..298299300301302303304..599Next> |
#35633 (177/425) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<FreeRobo> guys my mom just told me the internet isnt working and to fix it and then she yelled at me for something unrelated she really doesnt know how to make people even bother 2 help!
<mef> and then you turned to irc for emotional support
<FreeRobo> yes
<mef> faggot |
#36239 (87/201) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<ozwald> some guy my mom knows at work (ive never met him) bought me a 50$ book on java
<ozwald> from amazon
<+retry> wow
<ozwald> called thinking in java
<+retry> nothing says I wanna fuck your mother like a book on java
<ozwald> i know
<ozwald> oh well
<Rift> prolly saying, im scrogging your mom and will soon be your step dad, so here is a giftComment: #maddox on WhatNET
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#36610 (158/378) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Time> =====
<Time> | O |
<Time> |___|<+________
<Time> ___/ \___
<Time> / \ / \
<Time> | L | STEAMLOLLER | L |
<Time> | LOL | | LOL |
<Time> | L |\___________/| L |
<Time> =======\___/lol lol lol lol\___/LOL LOL LOL LOL |
#37252 (96/222) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
(Deranged): Bah, working without a day off screws up the week.. I don't know what day is what.
(Syntax): Weds
(Syntax): I think
(Deranged): Is it?
(Syntax): See that little thing in the bottom right corner of the screen?
(Syntax): With numbers on it?
(Deranged): the time?
(Syntax): Hover your mouse over it
(Deranged): tuesday
(Syntax): Wow
(Deranged): Cool, I didn't know it did that.
(Deranged): :/ |
#38339 (136/324) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
Synlor: oh man i heard the most disgusting story ever
Synlor: okay this chick gave her boyfriend head right
Synlor: ya know
Synlor: but liek a week later there is an infection in her mouth
Synlor: so she went to the doctor to get it checked it out
butters: and?
Synlor: the doctor said it wasn't an std or anything, but it was eggs from maggots
butters: wow
Synlor: and he said the only way you could get that is if you had sex with dead people....
Synlor: her boyfriend works in a funeral homeComment: irc.cheatlist.com #dcemu
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#38962 (116/274) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
* kitten has quit IRC (Killed (NickOP (Kill requested by kittster)))
<BlackAIR> kitten got killed??
<Propagandhi> ALRIGHT, WHO IN HERE IS MASTERBATING!? |
#39544 (81/187) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
* TheWoozle wonders if an antipuppy brings unhappiness...
TheWoozle: ...and removes slobber from your face...
TheWoozle: ...and repairs chewed-up toys...
phealy: ...and causes a massive explosion when it touches a puppy!
mundungu: Or eats puppies.
TheWoozle: ...and makes cats feel happy and secure...
mundungu: And helps the mailman deliver his packages?
mundungu: Ahhh, yeah.
* TheWoozle thinks there should be a mind-warp drive which uses the energy released by a puppy-antipuppy reaction ^_^
* TheWoozle wouldn't want to have to clean up afterwards, though. |
#41056 (87/205) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<@Hatman> Well that was fun
<@Hatman> At dinner, we usually watch tv, and as usual I am mesmerised by it..
<@Hatman> Well, I was trying to scoop some sauce out of a bowl with my knife...actually that was after I was trying to eat my food with two knifes, wondering why the fuck it wasn't working without realising..
<@Hatman> Anyways, I'm trying to scoop some sauce out of this bowl while watching tv...
<@Hatman> So my Dad goes 'Constantin, why don't you just use that spoon in front of you'...
<@Hatman> ..just when he said that a ad for Matrix, which is going to be shown tomorrow, came on, and I just said "there is no spoon"
<@Hatman> ..and he get's all pissed of and goes "what the fuck are you talking you moron, it's right in front of you"
<@Hatman> ..I'm done. |
#42020 (104/244) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<ShadoweOrbe> am i supposed to conduct with my penis?
<Mister_4> you could give it a go
<MichaelD> if its a really really small orchestraComment: #offtopic
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#56360 (127/299) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<segin> what is conky?
<tsunam> conky = a nice little display for various information about your computer
<segin> can i use it to watch pr0n?
<tsunam> it can tell you how much of your computer is being used for watching the pr0n
<segin> blah, i already know how much of my computer is being used to watch pr0n: not enough! |
#56413 (127/301) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
[DJF] Blake, maybe demons have infiltrated ur computer
[+Blake[LTD]] i seriously doubt it
[+Blake[LTD]] i have exorcism software
[DJF] omg the best kind ?
[+Blake[LTD]] compiled by the pope |
#77445 (180/434) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
* Slettenbak has joined #thelaw
<Slettenbak> Can somebody help me?
<Jasper> Maybe ...
<Slettenbak> What's the legal age for having sex ?
<Jasper> 16
* Slettenbak has quit IRC (Looking for my 17 year old cat.) |
#80965 (147/351) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Eidolon> one time
<Eidolon> someone asked me
<Eidolon> if you traveled back in time
<Eidolon> and masturbated your past self
<Eidolon> is that gay?
<PizzaBoy> now the question is, if you COULD go back in time, would you masturbate yourself? >_>
<PizzaBoy> and the BEST answer to that would be 'Only if my future self already did it to me' |
#33659 (142/340) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Pischk> im infected with something nasty dont accept anything from me
<Brisby> Pischk: How about money?
<DJ_Elfen> not even cash?
<Hurtful_Wolf> what about money?Comment: a quick set of responses...
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#37503 (70/160) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<everest-> seems your most effective method of contraception is your personalityComment: #geekissues
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#40176 (125/297) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
Ilan Bouchard-Gordon: yeah, like masturbation
Adam Atlas: Heh.
Adam Atlas: Go make the sound of one hand clapping.
Adam Atlas: I like that euphemism even better.
Ilan Bouchard-Gordon: me too
Adam Atlas: My personal favorite, though, is "dealing with the issue at hand." It sounds very professional, in a cryptic sort of way.
Adam Atlas: "Please excuse me, I need to go deal with the issue at hand."
Ilan Bouchard-Gordon: hehe
Ilan Bouchard-Gordon: or you could put it in a letter
Ilan Bouchard-Gordon: "Madam or Sir, we are sending this letter in regards to the issue at hand"
Adam Atlas: But what if the person asks what the issue is? It would be hard to respond
Ilan Bouchard-Gordon: just say it's a "personal matter"
Ilan Bouchard-Gordon: hehe |
#42252 (112/268) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<ShadoweOrbe> and in a cruel twist of irony, my mp3 player wont let me delete Eminem off itComment: #offtopic
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#48629 (139/333) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<melf> america is the best fucking country on earth
<melf> nowhere else can you have a life like you can have one here
<cheez> the date of expiration on that propaganda reads 1/1/79, melf |
#48901 (146/350) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Darien> my beige mold has almost completely overtaken my green mold
<Darien> and the white mold
<Darien> and I can still see the red mold, but it's getting covered up pretty fast too
<WebDragon> ahh the Bachelor's Fridge ; home of the chia meatloaf |
#49365 (166/402) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<!TeknoProphet> the topic is: The Effectiveness and Feasibility of a Tsunami Early Warning System in the Indian Ocean
<!TeknoProphet> now, i just need to get that title down to 48 chars
<+Robert> "Fuck the Indian Ocean"
<+cypher> or "How not to get tsunami'd"
<+Robert> or "Huge waves aren't an early enough warning"
<+cypher> "oh shit, what's that heading right fo
<+Robert> or "Why to give people swimming lessons"
<+cypher> "tsunamis and you, bitch"
<+Robert> or "how to make indian soup"Comment: #wpi
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#50573 (134/324) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Ragnara> 02:58:23 <Supuun> hay guys
<Ragnara> 02:06:32 <Libido> Hay.
<Ragnara> TIME PARADOX
<Ragnara> Oh wait
<Ragnara> Daylight savings |
#50715 (124/298) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
(teh_Neo) Kylie Minogue - Can't Get You Out Of My Head
(teh_Neo) fucking song is stuck in my head
(teh_Neo) teh_Neo just noticed the irony in that =( |
#51602 (141/337) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
The Magma Hawk: I can see the Presidential race 20 years from now.
The Magma Hawk: "Have you ever tried an MMORPG?"
The Magma Hawk: "I tried WoW once, but I never leveled." |
#54790 (158/380) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
Trey: I want to play games like Half-Life 2 at full settings and shit, what card do I need?
Amarok: So what about HDD fluid? Do you have enough of that? Because you don't want it to seize up and die right?
Trey: oh shit, I'll grab some of that when I go get some more blinker fluid at Wal-mart tomorrow
Amarok: blinker fluid?
Amarok: what the fuck is blinker fluid?
Trey: what the fuck is HDD fluid?
Amarok: Its the fluid that makes the tiny little wheels turn so that your data can be read.
Trey: oh, I thought you were joking
Trey: You don't have to buy that shit do you, I've never even heard of it
Amarok: ...
Amarok: you tool
Trey: fuck it's not real is it
Trey: goddamn |
#56287 (126/300) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<@saic> lol you have an IRL char?
<@saic> what level? |
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