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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..230231232233234235236..599Next> |
#34737 (182/376) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<`michael> If Socrates were to observe American government in theory and in action, I believe he would find elements of justice and elements of injustice. I make this tempered statement not because I wish to put platitudes to paper, but because there are shortcomings in a representative democracy, some of them designed, that serve to reduce the possibility that power will be abused. That “shortcomings” provide for a reduction of abuses may seem
<`michael> what the hell am i talking aboutComment: #geekissues EFnet
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#35113 (199/413) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
_Sarah_: so what do you do all night?
groogle: ....
groogle: fuck with peoples minds on irc ;)
_Sarah_: ahhhh
_Sarah_: so im just a victim? |
#38412 (125/253) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< jordan_> A Spanish-language version of Windows XP, destined for
Latin American markets, asked users to select their gender
between "not specified," "male" or "bitch," because of an
unfortunate error in translation. |
#41862 (119/241) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<edward> they said that kerry didn't show much emotion, which is the same thing they said about gore
<edward> why do they need an emotional president?
<drochaid> so that he's crying when he pushes the button |
#44901 (158/320) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[ Rjx ] either the chocolate in my pocket has melted, or this is something altogether more sinister |
#46698 (194/402) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
-dmwaters- {global notice} Hi all.... erm, that netsplit was my fault.... I accidently killed the wrong process on the wrong box. I'm very very sorry for that... Thank you for your patience, and thank you for using freenode... |
#47182 (184/380) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<worlocked> I'm going over to live in Europe in September and I want to take a sheet of acid over with me. I'm too scared to take it on the plane, so I was thinking of faxing it over before hand.
<worlocked> Can anyone tell me if this will work.Comment: irc.buttes.org #wdma
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#49161 (195/405) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Shi> I had a weird thought today.
<Shi> You know how in medieval times they bled people to cure disease?
<Shi> What if you had genital warts?
<Interitus|> <_>
<Anaz> shi is not allowed to think any more. |
#49809 (171/353) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
LittleBunny32: the girl you showed me on okcupid.com has the six things she could never do without as: Sex, love, music, movies, dildo, water and air
RenaissanceGamer: i never did like people on this that took it THAT literatly
RenaissanceGamer: because food would have to be up there too
LittleBunny32: haha I'd put like oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, phosphorus, sodium, potassium
RenaissanceGamer: i have always been partial to those six myselfComment: My friend says, "You forgot nitrogen! You'd be totally FUCKED!"
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#59615 (186/384) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Alegis> Do you happen to have a harem?
<procto> depends what you mean by "happen", "have", and "harem"
<procto> because if you're asking "do you masturbate" I'll have to decline to answer.Comment: #qc
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#12079 (162/337) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Meekitty> One day, I will become a Fairy Prince.
<Meekitty> This involves a sex change, killing thousands of dragonflies, and a multitude of staples. |
#14511 (170/350) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(@CitizenC): I'd pay $100 US to shoot a cow with a rocket launcher. |
#15417 (121/245) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<andyd> No, I'm not being difficult
<andyd> but it is ACTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO BUY LICENSES FOR SOFTWARE WHEN THE LICENSES HAVE BEEN WITHDRAWN FROM SALE,
<gardron> lol
<gardron> client?
<andyd> I can't tell. For a moment I thought that it was a brick wall. |
#18326 (171/351) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ouijakins> My lips were blue last night. I wish I had been well enough to take a pic.
<rdgzt> ouijakins: Whoa.
<rdgzt> ouijakins: Is it asthma, or asthma + a flu, or what?
<treaps> what she fails to mention is that it was from SUCKING MY COCK
<ouijakins> I dunno. I have pnuemonia which caused asthma.
<rdgzt> Oh, pneumonia.
<ouijakins> I wasn't exactly coherent.
<hpj> She got sperm in her lungs.
<hpj> Man, we're a great support group.
* ouijakins eats hpj.
<ouijakins> Ya.
<rdgzt> Pneuspermia.
<ouijakins> Yknow, I was all scared about dying last night.
<ouijakins> But uh, the sperm jokes make it ok.
<ouijakins> Because I know that God loves me for giving me text friends like you assholes. |
#21221 (155/318) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<AndrewLB> Hmm, my entire art class is going to think I'm gay, considering this is the second shirtless guy painting I've done for this art unit... |
#26262 (136/278) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* fungiform types like a bastard
[Painless] how does one 'type like a bastard'... does one just omit the words 'mom' and 'dad' ? |
#29437 (165/339) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Lepper> i rode my bike for 2 hours today.. w00t
<Lepper> my legs are getting so much stronger
<splice> thatll help when you have to run away from girls |
#29731 (201/417) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Breej> Hey.
<Jaayy> Breej do you molest little boys?
<Breej> no.
<Jaayy> SICK FUCKING PERVERTED FUCK!
<Jaayy> oh.
<Jaayy> You said no. My bad. |
#30614 (157/323) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ryano> but i still like tattoos and piercings on chicks
<ryano> which is why i go for lina's friends
<ryano> and not lina
<Lina--> i have tattoos
<jons> those aren't tattooes, they're varicose veins |
#30631 (185/381) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Lippizanr> i'd be a lesbian if i didn't like penises so much. |
#31202 (248/518) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<^Fizban^> I had a friend in college that wrote perl poems all the time
<^Fizban^> Guy was nutz
<^Fizban^> our $life = \$love and $togetherness;
<^Fizban^> and: foreach my $sweet (@first) {
<^Fizban^> little: until ($we . $met) { last 'and' }
<^Fizban^> }
<^Fizban^> if ($now . $we) { goto marry; $we . $shall }
<^Fizban^> bless our $life, More;
<osmaker> that's kinda sadish
<^Fizban^> warn "behave";
<^Fizban^> if (ignored) {
<^Fizban^> select paddle;
<^Fizban^> listen (protests, pleading);
<^Fizban^> shift overknee;
<^Fizban^> until (bottom == red) {use paddle};
<^Fizban^> study;
<^Fizban^> require apology;
<^Fizban^> if (no) redo; |
#32843 (207/431) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(mUnky`) instead of putting in the softener *into my washing*, i put in a similar yellowish liquid - apple juice. ><
(mUnky`) MY FKN WASHING SMELLS LIKE APPLE JUICE!
(mUnky`) =X
(Doyle|gettingJAVAJAVAJAVAJAVAJ) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
(mUnky`) theyre in identical bottles
(mUnky`) they look a little the same
(mUnky`) and i was puttin the stuff in at 2am
(mUnky`) ><
(Doyle|gettingJAVAJAVAJAVAJAVAJ) hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahah
(Doyle|gettingJAVAJAVAJAVAJAVAJ) good work man
(Doyle|gettingJAVAJAVAJAVAJAVAJ) how do they feel?
(Doyle|gettingJAVAJAVAJAVAJAVAJ) soft?
(mUnky`) theyre... ...... soft... a little
(mUnky`) but i smell like fkn apple juice!
(Doyle|gettingJAVAJAVAJAVAJAVAJ) "man where do u get your fabric softner" "oh u know, the juice isle"
(Doyle|gettingJAVAJAVAJAVAJAVAJ) HAHAHAHAHComment: mUnky had to rewash all his clothes.
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#13851 (149/307) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Shounen> The expression "smooth as a baby's bottom" is socially acceptable.
<Shounen> But saying something is "tight as a baby's bottom" gets you all kind of weird looks.
<ssai> you shoulda seen the looks i got when i said i had a breast feeding fetish |
#14045 (160/330) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Rosipam> (is glad she has AOL now)
<Rosipam> ^_^
...
<Zack`> Rosipam?
<Rosipam> Hello.
<Zack`> When did you get AOL?
<Rosipam> A few weeks ago.
<Zack`> What did you have before that?
<Rosipam> Microsoft Internet Explorer.
<Zack`> Ah
<Zack`> What do you like about AOL?
<Rosipam> It's faster.
<Zack`> Wow.
<Zack`> What was your old Internet connection?
*** Rosipam (quickchat@=RWNRPD119P.ipt.aol.com) Quit (Connection reset by peer) |
#16566 (155/319) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jenn> BUKKAKE!
<DogBoy> ouch
<Asmodean> bukkake? isn't that the japanese rope tying fetish?
<DogBoy> no
<prefect> you're so young and innocent, asmodean
<DogBoy> lol
<Asmodean> young.. maybe.. innocent.. no :)
<DogBoy> hmm
<DogBoy> I can't even spell that
<DogBoy> I'm gonna ask my mom what it means
<Asmodean> bukkake?
<Asmodean> oh my
<Asmodean> hitting "i am feeling lucky" in google for bukkake was umm.. *sooo* not work friendly |
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