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#13753 (309/447) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Flirbnic> I have a time machine.
<Twilo> That's your fridge
<Flirbnic> Then explain how I can put perishable food items in there and take them out several days later STILL FRESH? |
#13399 (309/476) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(jeek) Jesus Christ.
(jeek) How the hell am I supposed to swallow two alka-seltzer pills.
(jeek) ?
(seawolf_) put them in water first
(jeek) But then they'll dissolve
(jeek) Oh, I get it
(jeek) n/m |
#8290 (309/460) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Vegeta> I would go to the end of the earth for you
<Girl> Yes, but would you stay there? |
#305523 (307/425) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
11:01 <tamara> i love peeing
11:01 <tamara> wanna see what i did to my boyfriend
11:01 <tamara> uh
11:01 <tamara> unrelated |
#297001 (308/480) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<chris> so a friend of mine had his senior prom on friday
<chris> and someone wanted to pay tribute to a kid that went to that school and died in a car accident
<chris> so he went to the DJ and asked to have a song dedicated to the kid
<chris> guess it was loud in the place because the DJ called the dead kid up to the DJ booth
<chris> ...the room went silent |
#294683 (308/498) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+Nosleepo> polititians are using some kind of reversed alchemy...turns everything from gold, to shit |
#154850 (308/510) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Genesis`> Dr Phil said: Sometimes you just got to give yourself what you wish someone else would give you.
<@Genesis`> i cant bend over that far :( |
#77469 (308/492) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<mike> im taking physics, english, comp sci, discrete math
<drmario> discrete math?
<drmario> like, y = mx + b only when nobody is looking?Comment: #freebasic
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#57074 (308/554) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<hello> my dad was at the mayo clinic and they did some test where they had to put a tube down his throat and they cut him and he started to bleed internally and almost died
<hello> worst clinic ever
<egg> that's why you don't let condiments perform surgery. |
#44508 (308/490) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<s1r> i've said it before and i'll say it again
<s1r> we atheists do it in the ass
<s1r> exclusively
<chris> why?
<s1r> becasue we lack decency
<chris> i'll believe that
<s1r> yeah, you christians tend to believe anything |
#34993 (308/508) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<SisterJessica> there is no tree or leaf worth crying about
<infinite_monkey> SisterJessica - Where do you think oxygen comes from?
<SisterJessica> infinite_monkey the air, thanks. |
#34572 (308/524) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Rjx> when I used to play battlefield 1942 at the local LAN place I used the nick therapist killer (therapistkiller)
<Rjx> and we're playing a game and this guy shouts over to me
<Rjx> "what have you got against rapists?" |
#28523 (308/422) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* Now talking in #freebsd
[dna`]: what's the difference between 4.8 and 5.0 in general?
<aaron-> .2 |
#6116 (308/445) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<kegpin> I gotta go.
<Krebstar> ok, get better soon, keg.
<puppyfish> aww... is keg sick?
<Krebstar> nope. I just think he could be better than he is. |
#346 (308/676) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ethiopia> i'm starving |
#92 (308/549) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Xavier> if it has 'teen' in the channel name, the collective iq of the group can automatically be assumed to be a negative value |
#294689 (306/608) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
[carbine] People should be forced to talk like manpages
[carbine] Straight to the point, and with an example to clarify.
[carbine] Especially women
[carbine] I guess that's why they're not called womanpages though
[mjt] LOL
[carbine] If I were to type "woman irssi" instead of "man irssi" I'd get something like, "This thingy lets you talk to people. Speaking of which I talked to Lindsay today and she's such a bitch! She kept going on and on..." and eventually your computer would lock up because that command is basically an infinite loop.
[jedimstr] "No manual entry for woman"
[carbine] I bet I could find a manual entry on a woman... |
#232561 (307/461) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* WolfLord np: Draft Punk - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger [04:15m/128Kbps/44KHz]
<LLamaBoy> draft punk?
<LLamaBoy> is that the unfinished version? |
#162354 (307/639) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<skumby> i think only japanese chicks can get away with blue hair, a miniskirt, and a severed tentacle hanging from their twat |
#144222 (307/403) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<tarepanda> My parents lived in a village called Scotland.
<tarepanda> So they named me... Scott.
<tarepanda> I endured so much teasing for so many years.
<tarepanda> Scott from Scotland went to Scotland Elementary... and our mascot was the Scotland Scottie.
<LightFang> did you let them get off...scot-free? |
#96276 (307/653) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+sarala> some girls have babies
<+sarala> i get tattoos
<@dekkon> both are a lifetime commitment
<macegr> you can't strangle your tattoo and put it in the dumpsterComment: #geekissues
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#51642 (307/427) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Pentavite> i need help with my programming class
<Pentavite> what's an execution error?
<GenericLoser> It's when you kill the wrong person. |
#49649 (307/465) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Shifter-[AFK]> when I was like 9, and before I knew what "sleeping with someone is," I slept in the same bed as my sister when i was visiting my relatives.
<Shifter-[AFK]> long story short, I thought I had slept with someone and was no longer a virgin.
<Shifter-[AFK]> ...Until word got to my parents, and I got "the talk" at a younger age than I had expected. :( |
#42828 (307/437) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< Aldryic> damn
< Aldryic> I'm grounded to my office for the rest of the day
< Aldryic> a customer came in while I was straddeling a Dell and shouting "We're gonna ride this thing to the MOON!" |
#26314 (307/459) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<sit`> one of my female coworkers remarked about how i was cutting up my apple with great care so i said "you have to treat it like a woman, cut it in thin slices"
<sit`> didn't go over to well for some reason |
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