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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..60616263646566..596Next> |
#35419 (320/528) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<MrDelayer> i'm lazy and suicidal
<MrDelayer> someone slit my wrists for me |
#31903 (320/500) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
* suresh warns everyone he's working on 1 1/2 hour of sleep and might be overly sociable
<Snow> Geez. You get social when you're sleep deprived?
<Snow> I get homicidal and silly.
<Snow> I'm like a clown with a chainsaw.
<Snow> "Look at me! I'm wearing your spleen!" |
#31838 (320/448) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<babywafn> I wrapped my arm in duct tape
<babywafn> and then unravelled the roll
<babywafn> and wrapped the other end around a pipe
<babywafn> and then dropped from the ceiling
<babywafn> and it jerked my arm BUT IT HELD
<fap> wafn has experienced boredom beyond our comprehension
<babywafn> it was not boredom
<babywafn> I was evading authorities |
#327 (320/573) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<persia> my favorite country song is "i fucked my horse on a sunday morning"
<migg> my fave country song is "Its midnight in montana, and i cant get my dick out of this cow"
*** You were kicked by sandk1ng (i like the song "i kicked my friend for makin fun of music i listen to") |
#306449 (319/413) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<sXe> so, I was on Omegle today and I met a guy from India
<crosseyes> You don't say.
<sXe> He didn't speak English (go figure) but I asked if he knew any words.
<sXe> He replied with "Autobots, roll out!". No lie. |
#301252 (319/571) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@snow_> i think i could have definitely stolen this chick from her loser boyfriend
<@snow_> but i fucked up
<@snow_> tried to call her fat
<@snow_> so she would come work out w/ me
<@snow_> that backfired hardComment: #geekissues
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#220433 (319/607) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<parp> lmao
<parp> Journey is playing in my area
<parp> I had no idea they were still together.
<Rjx> you stopped believingComment: #geekissues
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#157391 (319/517) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
wasted` : so basically you fucked a virgin and were disappointed by her lack of experience? |
#57944 (319/765) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@stunty> i gave my gf 100 bux to buy me a dvd play that played divx and xvid
<@stunty> she comes back with a small pink dvd player
<@stunty> and said she saved me 50 bux |
#50968 (319/475) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Ralphis> I'm discussing
<fragglet> its spelled disgusting |
#49040 (319/511) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<AwsmBatman> you keep misreading my sentences
<AwsmBatman> You need to develop better grammatical skills
<aibuddybot> Perhaps you could develop better grammatical skills and add it to my source code.
<AwsmBatman> ...you win this round |
#34218 (319/493) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Slime> I think in ten years time I will look back on days like this and cry.
<Slime> The times I spent at 2am talking about girls who have dicks and legs made of slugs eating each other whilst melting.
<Slime> My future wife will be all "Tell me what you did as a teenager" and I will say "NOW IS TIME FOR SLEEP"
<MechaMrEd> And then you'll notice she has an erection |
#29351 (319/509) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<MightyQuinn> You know about those roman hackers.
<MightyQuinn> THey were I III III VII. |
#295080 (318/458) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<urs> When I flew with finnair once, I noticed halfway into the flight that the emergency exit in the next row was installed upside-down
<thec> urs, that one is for when the plane crashes upside down |
#56763 (318/510) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Nero> ZXLink, I learned something today
<Nero> When someone asks you "you know what's retarded?"
<Nero> The correct response is "What?"
<Nero> Not "Kids with Down syndrome" |
#53708 (318/426) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<cmantito> I just found an old briefcase
<cmantito> with all my 2600 magazines in it
<cmantito> and a can of Crisco.
<cmantito> ... ><
<celti> ...
<celti> a can of Crisco?
<cmantito> I have NO idea. |
#51901 (318/490) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Canadian> so then
<Canadian> parts guy was like
<Canadian> cdn you want to see a naked pic of my wife
<Canadian> and I was like sure if you want to see my home made scat porn
<Canadian> and thats how the rcmp came to my house and put me in jail
<hydrok> canadian
<hydrok> i have one question for you
<Canadian> i had beer for breakfast
<hydrok> ok answered |
#31738 (318/422) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<mod> someone was telling me the other day
<mod> and i cant remembe where
<mod> that he wa checking baggage in at the airport
<mod> and his suitcase was REALLY packed full
<mod> and as he hands the bag to the guy at the counter he says "be careful, it might explode"
<mod> it was an awkward moment
<dano> ROFL
<mod> this was like a week ago too
<mod> oranger alert and all |
#28925 (318/482) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<fred> my kitten left little presents for me all around the kitchen this morning.
<Chris[ni]> cool, what did u get
<Chris[ni]> a bike? |
#19405 (319/481) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<|Omen|> "Perl in a Nutshell 2nd Edition", 738 pages
<|Omen|> What the fuck kinda nutshell is that? Coconut? |
#295 (318/587) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<ikkenai> What do you do when your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant.
<TheFlux> not an oil based one
<TheFlux> it may catch fire |
#297296 (317/441) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
helf2: sup
iKitsune: got a handjob from a midget in boaz today
helf2: wait, what
iKitsune: I got a handjob
iKitsune: from a midget
iKitsune: in Boaz
iKitsune: today.
helf2: yeah, thats what i thought you said
iKitsune: Do I need to post pictures?
helf2: no, I'm good. |
#86852 (317/501) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<jeeves> so we got these new sliding filing shelfs put in today
<jeeves> and a bud was grabbing some files, so he hit the latch to slide the shelf over
<jeeves> pushing it against some other shelfs
<jeeves> so i ran and stood inbetween the closing shelfs
<jeeves> and shouted "Shut down all the trash compactors on the detention level!- No, all of them!"
<jeeves> naturally, my bud was startled and stopped
<jeeves> so I started laughing my ass off and walked out of the filing room
<jeeves> nobody got the joke :(
<op> dude you're a geek
<jeeves> i know |
#84532 (317/527) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Nightripper> Ah, airport security. After 9/11, things got hectic. My way is simple, direct, and effective.
<mcfuzzhead> what's your way?
<Nightripper> "Weapons are mandatory."
<Nightripper> Don't hijack this plane, no sir. Granny's packing a machete!
<Nightripper> "Sir, you didn't set off the metal detector. I'm gonna have to ask that you take this pistol with you." |
#78101 (317/573) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<spacecat> i dont rly like virgin airlines
<spacecat> i mean whats the point in going on a plane that doesnt go all the fucking way |
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