|
TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..59606162636465..596Next> |
#50765 (323/511) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<wenko> today in java the prof asked the class for a simple iterator where we can use some math
<wenko> so this one guy pipes up and says "Make it an address book, and It will calcuate the percentage of girls that slept with you"
<wenko> the prof looks up and says "I can't do that", meaning its not appropriate
<wenko> so the guy yells back "why not?"
<wenko> and the first thing that came to mind i said "You get an error when you divide by zero"Comment: ...Im now failing that class...
|
#40783 (323/429) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Nudger> The Internet is great, but the best thing it's ever done is when a bored schoolfriend of mine set the school's website's background to Goatse.
* Antifreez sighs
<Antifreez> So many memories attached to that song.
<Nudger> It was so great when the IT teacher opened the page on a huge projection screen, and without looking at it, said "We, shall be attemping THIS, boys!"
<Nudger> I swear, I was almost sick from laughing.Comment: From Metafilter's IRC Channel.
|
#28937 (323/455) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Kitsa> there used to be one doc who would put apple juice in a urine collection cup
<Kitsa> and walk into the patient room
<Kitsa> take a big swig
<Kitsa> and say "tastes fine to me"
<Kitsa> I always wanted to secretly switch it out with real urine
<Kitsa> the spit-take on that one would be great |
#20838 (324/476) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<TDO_Crips> IRC is just multiplayer notepad. |
#301369 (322/628) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<shinaku> My prediction is that in another ten years we will look back on this decade with 2020 hindsight. |
#295851 (322/456) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<glxblt> when my dad was a fire fighter they had this special technique for putting out fires called the "APP-technique"
<glxblt> Antaa Paskan Palaa. Roughly translated as "Let the piece of shit burn"
<glxblt> it was easier to use the "APP" -term around the owners of the property when the fire was so bad that they didn't really try to put it out, just to contain it
<glxblt> if they'd openly talk about just letting it burn it sorta might've upset the owners :D
<glxblt> also known as "removing the burning material."
<glxblt> (by burning it) |
#126796 (322/488) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<simonova> so, supposing I wanted to show you guys the program I wrote, what's the best way to go about that?
<ubajas> Kill the president and clutch a printout of the program in your hands, as you're brought down by security guards.Comment: #perl
|
#74606 (322/560) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ecks> I'm so virgin, there isnt even a word to describe how much sex I have not had. |
#35308 (321/569) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<davvinc> hi can anyone help me with a problem with my msn?
<%Segosa> ok.. what's wrong
<davvinc> my daughter put a pic on my msn page and i want to get it off
<%Segosa> ...
<%Segosa> ooh
<%Segosa> how old is your daughter?
<davvinc> 14
<%Segosa> ooh
<%Segosa> got pictures? |
#30608 (322/476) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<God> my car broke
<God> so my dad bought me a 100 dollar geo metro to use until its fixed
<God> 1994
<God> 70,000 miles
<God> runs great
<God> i got hit by an 18 wheeler first day driving it and the guy gave me 300 bux on the spot
<God> hes like "no please i dont want to deal with cops or insurance" "how does 200 sounds" ...."uhhh.." "ok fine 300!"
<God> "i guess that works"Comment: #xbox, irc.irctoo.net
|
#20787 (322/584) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<who2> why does everyone hate me because i'm jewish :(
<sinistron> i know how ya feel my grandfather died in a concentration camp
<who2> really?
<sinistron> yeah he fell off the guard tower |
#7960 (322/461) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Agent_grey> Scanner works! scanner wooooorrrkss!!
<artforz> how did you make it work?
<Agent_grey> its very very technical and scientific, involving the introduction of organic substance interfacing with its structural integrity
<Agent_grey> i whacked it really really hard |
#73 (322/692) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ooze> take a hot swedish chick from behind, bend over to her ear. and whisper "i have aids", then try to keep your penis inside of her.
<ooze> thats swedish rodeo. |
#301129 (321/473) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Jake> I had an awesome moment in my college
<Jake> We had a video project due, and this group of wanna-be programmers were saying how theirs was so awesome
<Jake> While they weren't looking, I yelled "WE SUCK PENIS" and added it into the slide show after one of the people said "What do we do?"
<Dan> LOL
<Jake>They must have caught me
<Jake>When the day came, while waiting for the part
<Jake>One of the guy asks "Jake, what does your family do every Wednesday night?"
<Jake>In my voice, it yelled "WE SUCK PENIS"
<Jake>I should've been mad... but I was far too astounded to be mad.. |
#300628 (321/429) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ttvd> my gf said if we build more solar panels the sun energy will be consumed faster o.O
<FOXX> Dump her.
<ttvd> no she's pretty smart actually.
<ttvd> although i remember she asked me how deaf read... hmm
<FOXX> Cognitive dissonance there, ttvd? |
#73363 (321/501) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* Wordsmith fights with a video
<Wordsmith> ... having a Codec moment |
#51244 (321/507) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<the_fonz> i've been dating this chick
<the_fonz> it's been my most stable relationship
<the_fonz> i thought it would last a while
<the_fonz> TURNS OUT SHE'S MY COUSIN |
#50264 (320/484) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Tidus_DarkLord> how the hell can stephen hawking become a professor.. he can't do anything
<Tidus_DarkLord> how did he become that way
<senso> ALS
<Tidus_DarkLord> 15/m/scotland |
#40331 (321/493) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[Jyrka] A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. |
#28781 (321/529) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Ab0mination> I sleep on a bunk bed yeah, which is only accessbile by a ladder and last night I must've been dreaming or something because I woke up screaming about my ladder being taken off my bed so I couldn't get down
<Ab0mination> And I dreamt that there was a badger sleeping at the end of the bed
<Ab0mination> So in sheer terror I jumped from my bunkbed down onto the floor at 3am.
<Ab0mination> I've now got to go to the vet to get my cat checked out because I landed right on him as he was sleeping on my floor and squashed him. (he's a deaf fuckwit)
<Ab0mination> My parents and sisters are not speaking to me.
<Ab0mination> Because they found me kneeling down beside the limp cat yelling manically at it and waggling my fingers at it like the Borg of Star Trek do.
<Ab0mination> Apparently I was screaming: "I am Locutus of Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile". |
#26407 (321/461) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<kolby> dude...true story...Jacob was masturbating in our bathroom and the light doesn't work so instead of grabbing lotion, he lubed up his dick with ben-gay. I had to take him to the fucking hospital. It was like a movie.
<Wes> hahahah
<kolby> yea but hey, don't make fun of him, it's been a rough fuckin night
<Wes> Ah come on
<kolby> nah man, seriously
*** Jacob has joined #e/n
<kolby> HAHA! How's your red cock feel you fucking idiot? |
#24549 (321/485) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Otto> I froze up during a school play once
<Otto> Then I remembered what my teacher said
<Otto> "Imagine them naked!"
<Otto> So I did and I got a big hard on and ran off stage |
#23871 (321/448) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@SJr> You know since bash has gone down, I have gotten a girlfriend, started eating right, and started actually trying in school, I have an essay do and I actually started working on it?
<@magtec> sjr, you know bash is back up right?
<@SJr> *sigh* there goes my future... |
#5411 (321/461) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<factorial_nine> "Male masturbation is a personal turn off for me. As a single woman, I'm especially looking for a man who doesn't masturbate, even while he's single."
<factorial_nine> GOOD LUCK, BITCH. |
#56806 (320/456) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<comwalk> Remember, here in the U.S.A, we have reached a new age.
<comwalk> NOBODY is responsible for their own actions.
<comwalk> Remember that.
<comwalk> Holy shit! I killed somebody! Bob made me do it!
<comwalk> Bob: Joe made me do it!
<comwalk> Joe: I blame the media!
<comwalk> Media: Videogames.
<comwalk> Videogames: Personal responsibility?
<comwalk> Personal Responsibility: <AFK> |
|
save page |
share: reddit
stumbleupon
digg
facebook
twitter
tumblr
<Prev1..59606162636465..596Next> |
|