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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..41424344454647..596Next> |
#23205 (381/729) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<jeev> i hope you get hit by an uninsured mexican driving an ice cream truck with la bamba playing in the background |
#21431 (381/524) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Linus-> "In the future, computers will weigh less than one ton." -unknown, 1949
(Judge_) and lo and behold, they do
(Judge_) but the users are now apporaching 1 ton |
#300971 (380/516) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Monotone> wtf is this shit? you're telling me I spent my entire military career physically attaching 25 year old encryption devices to my body and treating night vision equipment like it was the holy grail of sensitive technology
<Monotone> and an insurgent can basically just log on to a live feed from any US aircraft's FLIR?
<Monotone> face
<Monotone> meet palm
<Monotone> "fielded so fast that it was done with an unencrypted signal. It could be both intercepted (e.g. hacked into) and jammed"
<Monotone> WE NEED THIS NOW HERE'S A CHECK NO WE DON'T CARE THAT IT'S MISSING FUNDAMENTAL FEATURES
<Monotone> thank fuckin christ we're not fighting the Chinese, those hacker units from C&C Generals would sell our entire fleet of aircraft on Ebay and bog down SIPRNET with penis-enlargement spam two weeks into the conflict |
#300815 (380/514) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Mango: So I was trying to troubleshoot this DNS server.
Mango: And I wanted to make sure it gave expected behaviour when you requested a lookup for a non-existant name.
Mango: Turns out
Mango: there actually IS an asdflkjasdf.com! |
#300665 (380/614) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Curtain> Oh man, Tiger Woods got in a car accident, apparently.
<Rimiru> That's not good D:
<Rimiru> oh oh wait wait
<Rimiru> Curtain, after hearing that, you might deduce...
* Rimiru shades
<Rimiru> That he wasn't a very good driver.
<Rimiru> YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH
<Kevin> rofl
<Curtain> I'm not talking to you anymore. |
#70479 (380/612) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<%spock1104> what am i, a girl?
* spock1104 looks down
<%spock1104> i don't see a vagina
<+Toba|BSD> your boobs are in the wayComment: #wpi
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#67755 (379/561) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Amika> what is worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm
<RMD> going down on a girl and seeing she has a penis
<MrMog> the holocaust
<Amika> you guys are no fun |
#24166 (380/514) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
dergrue: what's the name of that program that gives you a random meal to eat when you can't pick something?
barry: 'mom' |
#296743 (379/495) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<dd7> kid's a genius
<dd7> the paper on his desk had a beautiful drawing of some fucked up temple with trees growing out of it and shit
<dd7> turned it over and saw a page full of sql diagrams |
#295368 (378/668) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<anon1> You come across a girl in the forest, both her legs are broken and she says that she has just been raped, What do you do??
<brotha> unzip and get ready for round 2?
<Henaby> Check my compass, i MUST be walking in circles. |
#59752 (379/529) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<sektie> the glare of the sun off my own skin is triggering the sensor in my macbook that dims the display
<sektie> this is fucking with me
<MrZodiac> submit a apple support request
<MrZodiac> “I’m too white to use apple”Comment: Troubleshooting on EFnet #bifemunix
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#51040 (379/547) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<chiby> base? is that another word for acid?
<spriggan> wtf, when's your chemistry exam?
<chiby> tomorrow
<spriggan> hahahahaha, oh man, you're screwed |
#47228 (379/549) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<pastoralist> ...Guess what
<Mr_Tabernacle_Choir> What.
<King_JT_the_First> what?
<Ruby> what?
<pastoralist> Guess
<King_JT_the_First> you're getting married?
<Ruby> you got a dog!
<ozy> you renamed France!
<King_JT_the_First> you're going to be a father?
<Mr_Tabernacle_Choir> You discovered how to make your nipples lactate chocolate milk?
<Ruby> you won the lottery!
<King_JT_the_First> you're signing up for voluntary sterilization?
<ozy> you're being taken to court for child custody rights by an 11-year-old?
<King_JT_the_First> you're actually naked right now?
<PM_Emirthatank> you got laid?
<pastoralist> Ok, enoughComment: #almea irc.foreverchat.net
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#32108 (379/553) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<retry> dude I'm sick
<retry> got me a fever and everything
<monk> i recommend oral sex.
<retry> give or receive?
<monk> man, you ARE sick. |
#26340 (379/691) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+Camus> im palazed!
<+Fleebis> Palazed?
<+Fleebis> Paralyzed?
<+Camus> yea
<+Camus> close
<+Camus> kinda
<+Camus> i just type in the first letter
<+Camus> and hit a couple keys
<+Fleebis> oh, i underktnjd |
#296044 (378/504) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Talon_IceHawk> Do you lack pattern recognition?
<AgentError> What?
<Talon_IceHawk> Do you lack pattern recognition?
<AgentError> What?
<Talon_IceHawk> Do you lack pattern recognition?
<AgentError> What?
<Talon_IceHawk> Do you-- wait, fuck. |
#81660 (378/538) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Trinexx[4fk]> Vista makes me feel like a kid again. Not being able to do anything, having to get permission to talk to anybody, not being able to play any of the "cool" games, etc |
#58434 (378/500) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Xeno: So I bought a 8lbs watermelon... Cut it in half and had half of it the other night and went 'Shit I'll never eat 4 fucking pounds of watermelon ever again."
Xeno: ...well I forgot and now I'm in the same pain. |
#34158 (377/549) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Clutch> Anyone else notice that 'strap on' spelt backwards is 'no parts'?Comment: #gaming - gaming.windfyre.net - Feel thy spiff fool
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#301930 (377/539) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<foley> I went to a convention in Ohio with a few months ago
<foley> got chatting to some girl, she was pretty hot
<foley> kinda into "neo-femenism" and shit, which was a bit of a bummer, but no big deal
<+dEk> sucks
<foley> nah, wasn't like she was a man hater or anything that severe
<foley> anyways, she kept saying "I'm sure I know you from somewhere"
<foley> and I was sure I knew her too but we couldn't figure out where
<foley> about 30 mins later she stopped mid conversation, walked over to the buffet, picked up a glass of water, threw it over me and stormed off
<foley> for no fucking reason, I was like wtf
<+dEk> wtf
<foley> on the drive home I realised where I knew her from
<foley> remember that girl I stalked for like 3 months when I lived in Washington? well guess what, it's a small world.
<+dEk> O_O |
#296104 (377/507) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Forggy: my kitten is almost cat sized now
CorbinFox: uh oh, better put it in the freezer then. the cold makes things contract
CorbinFox: that way you can keep it as a kitten forever!
Forggy: you can't play with my kitten anymore ok?
CorbinFox aw :( |
#56933 (377/529) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<AaA> last year when i was working as a day laborer after i got laid off from my other job, i was hired by a contractor to expand a deck for this couple
<AaA> it was going to be expanded out to the son's old room on the second floor, and so they also wanted the walls of the room ripped out
<AaA> so i grabbed a sledgehammer and began pounding out the walls around the closet, and i lost my grip and it fell out of my hand
<AaA> the hammer hits the floor, and about a quarter of the flooring in the closet gives way and i fall through and crash down onto the dining room table, which had dishes and stuff on it, i got cut up pretty good
<AaA> the owners ran inside to find me on the crushed table.
<AaA> it was then they mentioned that their son had a habit of pissing in the closet during the night.
<AaA> :/ |
#54622 (377/503) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+Radial> i think my mother knows i watch porn
<+Radial> i can't tell...
<Tsukari> Are you a male?
<+Radial> i am
<Tsukari> She knows. |
#19725 (378/515) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<spritegoddess> I poked myself in the eye
<spritegoddess> while feeding myself cheetos.
<spritegoddess> I suck at life. |
#16112 (377/527) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@ataribaby> did you know birds actually have sex?
<@ataribaby> that disturbs me
<@shagman> you didn't think they did?
<@shagman> they just divided into new birds? |
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