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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..120121122123124125126..596Next> |
#300780 (229/399) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
gAmmA: Olivia Munn is single
gAmmA: I'm going to California
Axoren: No you're not.
Axoren: You're gonna google her and jack off. |
#305574 (229/327) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Timmeh> harrah, my dad got through his surgery well
<@Timmeh> so well in fact his main complaint is having to wear a hospital gown
<@Timmeh> first words through the door "hey dad, how're you feeling?" "I'm wearing a fucking dress, son" |
#43708 (229/341) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<CeZ> bewpy: hows your microphone doing?
<bewpy> it doesnt work for some reason..
<bewpy> why u ask?
<CeZ> bewpy, you were drunk and we convinced you that your microphone was going to kill you.. so you beat on it |
#49051 (229/427) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Shinohara> damned wireless connection
<Shinohara> fucking thing has more trouble staying up than Bob Dole
<Shinohara> I need wi-fiagra or something.... |
#52304 (229/423) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Kasyx> How do you circumsize a redneck?
<Kasyx> kick his sister in the jaw
<Ceno> but rednecks don't have teeth?
<Kasyx> touche |
#53184 (229/343) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<keith> 10 dollars on shipping and handling for a domain name
<keith> wtf
<keith> there is no shiping on a domain
<keith> fucking idiots
<keith> WHAT IDIOT PUTS SHIPING PRICES ON A DOMAIN OR WEBSITE
<keith> Shipping
<keith> to CAN
<keith> you cant ship a web address
<Renegade> they ship you a receipt
<Renegade> and a note
<Renegade> saying that you're a dumbass for paying shipping
<Renegade> on a domain name |
#54895 (230/394) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<HotStud> what i want is for you to stop screwing with my head and start screwing with my dick!
<ingenue> Okay, box it up and mail it USPS, and my girlfriend and I will give it a try.
<ingenue> Oh, wait, what size battery does it take? 'Cos I think my AA are all dead.
<HotStud> ...
<HotStud> goddam lezbo
<HotStud> you just haven't had the right man, then youd learn that there are some things a chick just can't do
<ingenue> You know, that could work for you, too... |
#59388 (229/441) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
night: which i uh yeah just quit my job........
night: i started to work today
night: and i was just like fuck this |
#112 (229/600) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Amanda`> 'THE HELL..? IS 5 AM...GO THE HELL TO BED... IN TROUBLE YOU ARE...SPEECH MY SLURRED IS' |
#2065 (229/409) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<matts> hal check your privates
<matts> err
<matts> messages |
#3787 (229/415) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Dst> revenge is sweet
<Dst> revenge is a dish best served cold
<Dst> ergo; revenge is ice cream
<Joshua> peanut butter is good, boobies are good, therefore boobies are peanut butter
<Dst> i like your twisted logic there
<Joshua> i like boobies. |
#4305 (228/402) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<D\TOX> ha, did you know entry-level pharmacists make $90k/yr?
<D\TOX> I'm in the wrong line of work...
<Xyrem> D\TOX : that's about the most boring job i've seen
<Xyrem> putting pills into a bottle
<D\TOX> and in your pocket
<D\TOX> and in your mouth
<D\TOX> and in people's drinks |
#4328 (229/408) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Nice_Guy> i love u
<kcb0ddah> i love you too
<kcb0ddah> what is your credit card number? |
#4886 (229/400) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<chris--> now i have to tell the coach that i can't play because my wrist hurts
<chris--> and he asks me how i injuried it
<chris--> and i say swinging a bat
<chris--> and it sounds stupid.
<chris--> it has 'masturbation injury' written all over it |
#5489 (229/424) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Entomorph> you know what cracks me up.. trojan condoms, hehe.. I mean if you think about it, a trojan horse was really full off all these little men, and it was a trick to get them inside the fortress.. once inside, the horse BUSTS open, and all the little men come flowing out |
#6622 (229/365) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ScottO> How was your interview, meta?
<nietmeta> it's on monday
<nietmeta> i gotta wait!
<ScottO> How will it be, then?
<nietmeta> it will be awsome
<ScottO> Congrats, then. |
#6703 (229/390) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Dynamo> [Destiny's Child - Say My Name.mp3]-[4.34mb/4m 30s]
<Dynamo> [Pet Music - 04 - Warm Hugs.mp3]-[5.23mb/5m 26s]
<Dynamo> No one saw Destiny's Child, or Pet Music, aight?
<Dynamo> [Destiny's Child - Independent Woman Part 1.mp3]-[3.6mb/3m 44s]
<Dynamo> [Pet Music - 08 - Chasing Clouds.mp3]-[4.4mb/4m 35s]
<Dynamo> This PC must hate me. |
#7767 (229/411) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<faustwork> the gf wants underwear for xmas
<faustwork> i cant stand going shopping for em tho
<faustwork> i feel like a goon
<faustwork> maybe its because i rub them all on my face |
#9304 (228/475) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jre> My underwear seems to be covered with a crusty white substance. Is it anthrax?
<Zeluth> what does it smell like?
<jre> Like semen
<Zeluth> you have anthrax
<jre> The carton of milk was filled with some sort of milky-white liquid. Is it anthrax?
<Zeluth> How good at you are pancake making?
<jre> Terrible.
<Zeluth> its anthrax
<jre> I opened my hole puncher to find a large collection of small white discs, about the size of a hole a hole-punch makes. Is it anthrax?
<Zeluth> try inserting the paper disc in your urethra
<jre> Done, but I can't get it out now.
<Zeluth> congratulations yopu just gave yourself anthrax
<jre> I just received a parcel in the mail filled with a white powder. An accompanying note informed me to "take penacilin now" and that "Allah is great". Is it anthrax?
<^Vulpix^> jre: NOPE IT ISN'T, IT'S FREE COCAINE |
#10914 (229/398) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Random> "Mosh pit. Well-concealed tazer. Hours of endless entertainment." |
#11042 (229/394) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(@MpTaNk) today, somthing on TV was going in slow motion, and my first reaction was "Damnit, the tv is lagging" |
#89 (228/498) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<tmhaidnk> whoa i can submit my prayers via html based forms ! |
#2464 (228/381) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<NetShadow> this is going to sound pitiful... but can you tell me how to use a washing machine? |
#4064 (228/368) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<FreshBrew> i dont know why i floss before i go to the dentist
<FreshBrew> i never ever do it
<FreshBrew> its like going to the doctor and pretending not to be sick so he doesnt yell at you |
#4738 (228/350) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* Synoptica bangs OutLore and Lord-Data
[Synoptica] fuck
[Synoptica] no i dont
* Synoptica bangs OutLore and Lord-Data's heads together |
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