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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..84858687888990..596Next> |
#188547 (265/385) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Technocactus> It was actually better when my dad found my porn than when he found out I watched Oprah. |
#122104 (3159/3511) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Far2Paranoid: Knew this guy in HS
Far2Paranoid: Built a box with 2x 350Mhz Pentium2, back in '98
Far2Paranoid: The trick was, filled his bathtub w/ glycerin
Far2Paranoid: Took apart a mini-fridge and used the coils to cool the glycerin to ~40F
Far2Paranoid: Then sunk the box so he could OC the CPUs to 1.3Ghz
Far2Paranoid: Coolest shit I've ever seen.
AlbinoChpmnk: If this was sitting in his tub, how did he shower?
Far2Paranoid: After what I just said, what makes you think he showered? |
#295506 (283/429) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
PartyGirl1450981: so I was watching this porn, right?
PartyGirl1450981: and I was really getting into it
PartyGirl1450981: and then I found out it was actually two guys fucking
PartyGirl1450981: then I came
PartyGirl1450981: does this make me gay?
GoKillPeople: Yes.
GoKillPeople: ...What are you doing tonight? |
#295489 (404/550) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<workthrick> I just got laid
<workthrick> off |
#294722 (139/309) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<MorbidAngel> so my parents just made me watch 2 girls 1 cup.
<Valtieri> MA: I'm sorry?
<MorbidAngel> you dont wanna know -_-
<Valtieri> I know about 2g1c, but... they made you... what?
<nach> Re-enact it with his mother
<MorbidAngel> watch it
<MorbidAngel> You suck :/
<Valtieri> They *made* you watch it? Like, "Hey Matt, come sit down, see this"?
<MorbidAngel> pretty much
<MorbidAngel> they showed me some reactions first
<MorbidAngel> i was like "oh fuck, this is gunna suck"
<MorbidAngel> I just laughed the hole time, my dad was gagging XD
<Valtieri> ...what the FUCK?
<Valtieri> Why would they *want* you to watch that? And why would THEY?
<MorbidAngel> to see my reaction
<MorbidAngel> i guess
<MorbidAngel> lol
<Valtieri> MA, your parents are awesome.
<nach> MA, was it the first time you watched it?
<MorbidAngel> yeah
<MorbidAngel> for some reason i was just like "O.o..uh..you two are FUCKED" |
#289253 (2139/2375) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@matja> christ that made me jump. just rebooted my pc with new overclock settings and the neighbour fires up a hammer drill the other side of the wall |
#152643 (41/263) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<4threich> i must be getting old
<4threich> i just farted and it smells like i remember my dad's farts smelling when i was a kid |
#151875 (204/326) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Jex> we made a mmo game where you are a member of a popular development team with an army of a few hundred clients demanding updates and the goal of the game is to prolong development as long as possible without getting e-murderedComment: #tremdev@freenode.net
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#296768 (23/265) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< gloone_> how i fucking wish that i would walk by a coughing cop today
< gloone_> and just fucking panic and point and yell "SWINE FLU!!!!!!!!!!!"
< gloone_> (and then get my ass kicked :() |
#297296 (317/441) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
helf2: sup
iKitsune: got a handjob from a midget in boaz today
helf2: wait, what
iKitsune: I got a handjob
iKitsune: from a midget
iKitsune: in Boaz
iKitsune: today.
helf2: yeah, thats what i thought you said
iKitsune: Do I need to post pictures?
helf2: no, I'm good. |
#295487 (733/871) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<gutupio> My dog has figured out you open the door by turning the handle.
<gutupio> He's trying to open the door now.
<gutupio> I'm afraid his ancestors might be raptors. |
#236608 (607/725) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Khas> Is there anyway to speed up the mouse without increasing the acceleration?
<finn> move your hand fasterComment: #gentoo
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#210496 (161/309) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Menacer> You'll either need to look in your owner's manual (or the aftermarket stereo manual) or pull the radio out and look.
<Tain> hmm ok
<Menacer> unless the aux ports are front-mounted, of course.
<Tain> menacer: it's under the thing you pull out that's all metal and when you put it on your skin it hurts
<Cpl_Ethane> tain: that's called a "cigarette lighter"Comment: #raspberryheaven
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#199397 (440/540) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@DigDug> should i do something nice for my sysadmin this friday?
< Thero> get him a cupcake
< Thero> with a little candle in it
<@Rjx> chmod all your files so you can't access them anymore
<@Rjx> then ask him for help
<@Rjx> it'll make him feel neededComment: #geekissues
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#152895 (238/430) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<hekman> i took my son to the zoo on saturday and i had the worst gas...we were looking at the rhinos and he says, "dad, the rhinos are stinky, let's go"
<hekman> and then later he was like, "dad, the zoo is very stinky" |
#294462 (-5/365) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<%pervert_> who wants to play tetris with me
<zaim> L
<pervert_> L
<zaim> |
<zaim> YOUR MOVE MF |
#151794 (78/236) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<cyclonut> the whole "you must use our browser" "you have been authenticated" bla bla bla bullcrap doesnt sit well with me
<homerj> they detect your IP, contact your ISP for your information. Then they sneak into your house and install Vista
<homerj> then charge it to your bank account
<cyclonut> homerj, and then take a crap in your toilet and not flush. thats their trademark
<homerj> cyclonut, yes, that's how you know it wasn't just random vandalism
<RioMerc> Anyone who craps in your toilet and doesn't flush gets sued for trademark infringement |
#297266 (939/1069) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Warchamp7> The other day at work, two of my bosses were trying to find each other in the office
<Warchamp7> And they were yelling "Ping!" back and forth
<Warchamp7> It was one of the greatest moments of my lifeComment: #MAGFest on irc.vgmusic.net
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#297256 (592/782) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Mr_Nobu> So what if Jesus turned water into wine...I turned a whole student loan into Vodka once. Your move Jesus... |
#297245 (146/310) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<MulleDK19> How would I do arctan without a calc?
<HiLander> first, dim the lights
<engimo> put on some barry manilow
<HiLander> pour two glasses of red wine
<engimo> light some candles maybe
<HiLander> and then.. wait for the magic to begin
<engimo> yehComment: #math on freenode
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#209832 (-2/266) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
* [E]unun34-K has quit IRC (Quit: G-Lined [Stop petitioning for !curbstomp to be a ban command; it's unacceptable, and you know why. 48 hour ban]) |
#289597 (139/323) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
*** hotdog003 has joined #python
hotdog003: Hey, Pythoneers! I thought that objects worked like this: object.attribute But someone wrote code that looked like this: object->something -- What's that -> do? I didn't find it in the docs...
MizardX: That's C
hotdog003: Oh. No wonder it didn't work. Thanks.
*** hotdog003 has left #python |
#296866 (1421/1577) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> I just spazzed on some poor telemarketer, and then orchestrated it to my advantage
<Pryoidain> I picked up my cell phone
<Pryoidain> he said something about vacuumes
<Pryoidain> and I just made this series of loud noises
<Pryoidain> then held the phone away from my face, and yelled in my normal voice
<Pryoidain> "JESUS HE'S GOT THE PHONE!"
<Pryoidain> then dropped it and fumbled it a few times
<Pryoidain> then picked it up, and very calmly said
<Pryoidain> "Nathanial Private Mental Services, How may I help you?"
<Pryoidain> I heard a click, and that's the last I think I'll ever hear from them |
#295080 (318/458) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<urs> When I flew with finnair once, I noticed halfway into the flight that the emergency exit in the next row was installed upside-down
<thec> urs, that one is for when the plane crashes upside down |
#159113 (119/281) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< orgthingy> wait a minute, domains expire? |
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