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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..65666768697071..596Next> |
#296048 (178/320) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* SaxxonPike beats you to death with quantum theory... maybe |
#294792 (344/484) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Xarian: My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... |
#294629 (336/420) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@isosceles> im at the pharmacy
<@isosceles> getting sleeping pills for my wife
<@isosceles> and then i realize: i need to get vaseline (for chapped skin/oil pastel) and baby wipes (for makeup removal)
<@isosceles> but then i stopped, after realizing how horrible that would look at the register |
#279182 (79/179) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<flameblade> when it comes to ground speed, humans are the ultimate tortoise to nearly every other animal's hare
<celti> ...yeah.
<celti> I'd like to see you design a bicycle for a rabbit, though. |
#254207 (133/225) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+GaidinBDJ> What format should a resignation letter be if the letter is neither required nor expected?
<smadge1> SMSComment: #fark
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#147599 (35/139) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Ratfor> my roomates are play sharades
<Ratfor> tim is using his hands to do bios beep codes.
<Ratfor> 3-3-1 |
#297567 (145/289) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<jgw> huh apparently "blackberry" means any phone with a physical keyboard and now this dumb fucking end user, who i graciously agreed to help with their personal phone is now pissed because i recommended a piece of third party software for the blackberry to connect to our calendaring server, and it does not work with their "blackberry" aka a Palm Fucking Centro
<jgw> i need to document this incident and point people requesting favors to it with a firm "no!"
<jgw> facepalm
<RangerRick> jgw: don't you mean, faceblackberry? |
#296566 (281/393) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Blaze> whats with all the macro buttons haveing no labels?
<Pryoidain> We're computer people.
<Pryoidain> We don't use labels.
<Pryoidain> Makes us look smarter.
<Pryoidain> They're color coded though.
<Pryoidain> You want the blue button xP
* Pryoidain has quit (Quit: Lost terminal)
* Pryoidain has joined #aftermath
<Pryoidain> NEVERMIND. Do NOT hit the blue button O.O |
#296552 (279/399) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Pryoidain> OH WHAT THE HELL
<@Pryoidain> I open up the server computer to do a hot swap
<@Pryoidain> theres a jar of fucking peanuts in there
<@Pryoidain> I've been looking for that jar for 3 days
<@Minako> XD
<@Pryoidain> I finally went out and bought another one
<@Pryoidain> now I find it
<@Minako> Why'd you put it in there. XD
<@Pryoidain> I snack on peanuts while I work. sometimes its just easier to have the peanuts IN the actual work area.
<@Pryoidain> although that habit has created for some interesting conversations with clients after I do server repairs
<@Pryoidain> "Uh yes, you repaired our server a few months back...and ever since then, the entire room has smelled like peanuts..." "err...oh...whoops" |
#295853 (102/228) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
xexyz: Nothing makes a dump feel epic like when your ipod shuffles up the indiana jones theme as you sit down |
#295377 (136/282) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@dmd> if you watch JAWS backwards, it's a movie about a shark that keeps throwing up people until they have to open a beach. |
#231855 (17/187) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<sara> FUCK I THINK I BURNED
<sara> WELCOME TO FACEBOOK
<sara> INTO MY SCREEN |
#149340 (162/244) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
[helf] wow, the Marines commercials have gotten way better
[xexyz] i should point out that when you sign up for the Marines, your life does NOT get a kick ass metal soundtrack
[helf] awww fuck |
#207696 (125/331) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@nalle-> css <3
<@gatan> cs <3
<@exz_> c <3 |
#299829 (700/828) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<eyecer> how fast is your connection?
<R_den> well i went to a site that tests for things like that
<eyecer> what did it say?
<R_den> dunno. still waiting on the page to load |
#299822 (243/435) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<^Migs^> something really weird happened to me last night
<^Migs^> So I'm just sitting up in my room, right? It's about 11:30, I'm on my laptop, and the doorbell rings.
<^Migs^> I'm like, wtf, but figure it must be a neighbor returning my cat or something dumb like that.
<^Migs^> So I answer the door, and this mentally handicapped kid just barges in.
<^Migs^> He's about 13 or so, and he's just frantically looking around. He tells me I have a nice house, wants something to eat, says he returned my cat, then gets distracted by something in the kitchen, all within about 5 seconds. The kid has an attention span of about 3 seconds.
<^Migs^> I actually recognized him from church. He has some sort of palsy, but I couldn't remember his name, so I have no way to contact his parents, and I don't have a clue where he lives.
<^Migs^> Meanwhile, the kid is just tearing through my house, asking me about everything he sees. He offers to clean my family room, turns on my wife's laptop, plays with the baby toys, asks about the Wii...just anything you can imagine.
<Biff> how did he find you?
<^Migs^> I was just the random house he picked.
<^Migs^> It took a lot of convincing and keeping him focused. But finally I get him to call his sister on the phone. He refused to call his mom, because "she was asleep" but I guess his sister was okay.
<^Migs^> So I get his sister on the phone, and get an address from her, and tell them I'll drive him home.
<Biff> he was that far from home that you had to drive him?
<^Migs^> Well, I open the garage door, and try to coax him into my car. He gets all upset over this, and says he'll just go to some other house.
<^Migs^> He was about 6 blocks from home.
<^Migs^> Anyway, he bolts out the door, and starts running down the street. So I get in my car to chase after him.
<^Migs^> Fortunately, the police were out searching the neighborhood for him, too, and they managed to catch him down at the corner, so I didn't have to go very far.
<^Migs^> They called his mom and told her where we were, so we all just hung out and waited. Apparently, it's not the first time he's done this, since the cops knew him quite well.
<^Migs^> The family locks the doors and stuff, but this time he got out through the doggy door.
<^Migs^> Best. Facebook status update. Ever. |
#297297 (504/624) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
atari2600a: I need help
atari2600a: what tastes better, Oriental flavored Murchan Ramen, or Roast Beef Top Ramen?
dixon: I prefer oriental.
dixon: Roast beef just tastes kinda bland to me. Oriental has a nice soy-ish flavor.
atari2600a: thanks
atari2600a: I knew I could count on a group of programmers to help me with my ramen-based dilemma
atari2600a: <3
***atari2600a has left ##programming |
#299789 (492/670) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< yaoi_prophet> haha this guy sitting next to me is playing touhou in class
< PoopOnaShoe> this nerd next to me is chatting on irc or something
< Rabbi-Work> these two guys next to me keep looking at each other's screens |
#299783 (73/277) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ctburley> bacardi grand melon tastes like something
<ctburley> but watermelon it does not.
<ctburley> however
<ctburley> the burps taste like watermelon |
#299777 (270/478) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
[ reppie ] to understand electricity you really need to be an ohmosexual |
#299580 (278/498) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> Alright, my QDB script is complete!
<asaph> QDB Script?
<Pryoidain> Yeah, see I got tired of the weird thing they use where 1 positive vote and 1 negative vote cancel out to give 0 votes in the numerator of your quote rating...
<Pryoidain> So I devised a formula. Positive Votes = Numerator + [(Denominator - Numerator)/2]
<Pryoidain> I then made a script that searches for my nick on QDB, gathers the various quote levels, runs the above formula, and then tells me how much people love me!
<cjk> Interesting. I may want a copy.
<Pryoidain> Execute Nao!
*five minutes pass*
<Pryoidain> Hm. It must have failed.
<Pryoidain> Either that or -pi people enjoy my quotes.
<asaph> The latter option seems more plausible.
<Pryoidain> Fuck off. |
#265040 (394/576) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(floorislava) i'm going to start sleeping on the floor
(FlyingMariachi) but the floor is lava
(floorislava) OH SHIT |
#249424 (332/472) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+hairypicklebuns> I got a piece of beacon stuck in my teeth
<&rtil> did it come with a lighthouse |
#178767 (366/478) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@michai> who is the samba guru here
<@LexMortis> not you.
<@michai> anyone with a constructive answer perhaps..? :)
<@LexMortis> not me. |
#160337 (370/524) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Ushanka> So, guys. I was reading a book about steganography, but I've lost my place.
<@Ushanka> This is a really good story about antigravity. I can't put it down!
<Mizzle> I fucking love this book about bibliophilia.
<@Ushanka> I started reading the Wikipedia article on gauntlets but stopped when it got too heavy-handed for my tastes.
<@Ushanka> I was reading the racy memoirs of a Wellington debutante but it made me feel a little sheepish.
<@Jello> I got all wrapped up in a book about bondage.
<Mizzle> I wasn't very far into my text on psychological trauma when I had to stop. It hurt too much.
<@Ushanka> The whole nation is abuzz for the new apiculture guide!Comment: #thedryeraseboard on espernet
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