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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..67686970717273..596Next> |
#299609 (-1/225) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Wombat1000> if i'm ever pitching a show to a network i'm going to call it Previously on...
<Wombat1000> that way, i don't have to write any plot, i'll just recap what's already happened
<Wombat1000> and my sitcom is going to be called A very special episode of..., so i don't actually have to write anything funny for it |
#299587 (238/454) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Mama: hi this is dad on the computer
Joe: hi
Mama: how r u
Joe: good good
Mama: ilove u and miss u
Joe: moving out tomorrow
Mama: moving to new dorm?
Joe: yes
Mama: do u need money or anything, this is mom telling me to say
Joe: no no i dont think so
Mama: thank u very much now i love u more |
#298126 (247/373) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@John> I hear that it's really helpful for your speech and pronunciation to take your top off on webcam....something to do with the shirt constricting your voicebox and the extra internet traffic ensuring good ping |
#107199 (86/296) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<mc44> dd, a dump, a data dump / read a line from standard in / $USER, the name I call my self / make - a long long time to run / .so a library that is shared / .ko it's not the same as .so / tee, a redirect with in and out / and brings us back to dd d d dComment: freenode: #ubuntu-offtopic
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#106178 (38/288) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
fluffyjim: an plus at da end of the show dey all start rollin round on da fall avin a seizer with tubby custard spuwin outta der mouth
sheady: english, type in english, netspeak is not tolerated here.
fluffyjim: floor* |
#299603 (277/387) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<cxreg> i'm going to go in to work tomorrow, and tell them that i'm going to fix bugs homeopathically
<cxreg> by inserting a syntax error once every 700 billion lines of code |
#299591 (209/311) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Reznor> I feel like a tool because I just ironed my shoelaces. |
#299352 (385/521) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Psi: and when we went down to the place where they serve food, i noticed 1 guy who i am willing to call a friend standing in the corner, as if he was hiding, when i was getting some coke from a table near wherehe was, i asked him what was up, he told me 'trust me, youd wanna stand here too, oh and dont eat any of the food' then he asked me if i wanted a shot of bourbon in my coke, so i just assumed he was drunk at the moment, and went and sat down near my dad. then this old dude sits down beside me, i look at him and he just very creepily smiled back, so i went and stood by my friend. that was when i noticed you could see into the kitchen from where he was standing. and THAT was when i noticed they were not only reusing disposable plates and food people didnt eat. the kitchen staff was going as far as to pick the shit out of a garbage bin to re use it.
Psi: i decided to take that shot of bourbon he offered. |
#299002 (3/239) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Riomerc: The only problem with it is that it's an eco-smart community
Riomerc: And anything with the words "Ecological", "Green" or "Environmentalist" and any combination and permutation therein, plus the word "Smart" "Intelligent" or "Friendly" and any comination or permutation therein makes me want to extract my eyes from their orbits with a rusted spork, rape them, and then stick my dick in an oven and slam the door on it until it either burns to a crisp, gets so much damage that it falls off or I black out from pain.
PaperStrike: D:
Riomerc: And, of course, it would be a low-star-rated oven, so I could put a dent in their bullshit whilst I'm mutiliating myself. |
#296841 (192/316) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
MrCynical: I realized my life is truly pathetic
Josh: ?
MrCynical: I just stumbled a pic where its Geordi and Data in a shuttlecraft and Data is saying "I'm not accusing you. All I'm saying is that I can't fart" My first thought is, Data cannot use conjunctions... |
#210938 (262/424) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ddubb> if there is no local area ID found, drop the load data.
<ddubb> or, in code form:
<ddubb> if (!getLAid()) dropLoad();
<ddubb> line 525 of software that ships tomorrow.
<ddubb> my work here is done. |
#137652 (1343/1483) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Trinexx> Foster brought a client down to the basement today
<Trinexx> I was wearing that fucking hat they decided to make me wear
<Trinexx> my hair in a ponytail
<Trinexx> this shiteating client sees me, thinks I'm a chick
<Trinexx> says "hey baby, are you having fun?"
<Trinexx> I ignore the asswad
<Trinexx> he walks up behind me, puts his hand on my shoulder, and repeats the question
<Trinexx> I turn around, look him dead in the eye, and say in my deepest voice possible "Yeah honey, now that you're here"
<Trinexx> guy nearly jumped out of his skin |
#135901 (228/338) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Vegetto_> realmedia sucks I admit, but it looks JUST fine
<burpingca1> the program takes your ram and breaks it over its knee
<burpingca1> and then it poops in your bathwater
<burpingca1> and doesn't close the bread bag after taking bread from it |
#114060 (611/759) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<garsu19x3> hy
<Spitfire3292> Hi. How may I help you?
<garsu19x3> i dn undrstnd u
<Spitfire3292> o sry. wtfs ^#?@! u ned hlp |
#297420 (110/240) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<meph> gf just said "well im sooorrry i cant solve a rubiks cube in under 30 seconds"
<meph> then dumped me |
#262544 (154/286) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Dux0r> man
<Dux0r> SVN has done something
<Dux0r> to my brain
<gailo> revert back to an old version then |
#160946 (164/312) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Blode> do you like the sonnets?
<Shakespears_sisters> whats that lol |
#295812 (559/667) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@toastydea> dear lord, i have to have "the talk" with my mom
<@toastydea> about why we can't be friends on facebook |
#295371 (284/400) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Indogutsu> People need to stop using the term "anti-Semitic" already. Not all Semitics are Jews, and not all Jews are Semitics. The word "Semitic" means anyone from the Arabian peninsula (Turkish, Syrians, Israelis, Palestinians, Saudis, Iraqis, Yemenis, etc.) Whereas the European Jews (Ashkenazim and Sephardim) aren't Semitic at all. So a better word for "anti-Jewish" would be "Judophobic."
<Yuri> Fear of Judo!
<Indogutsu> It comes from "Judea," the biblical name for modern-day Israel.
<BurnGriffith> Enough of your semantics, semite. :p |
#291191 (0/242) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ilanbg> so for the comparative politics test tomorrow
<ilanbg> I have to remember to talk about China, Russia, Japan, Brazil, U.K., and U.S.
<celeste> uh huh...
<ilanbg> so I have created a mnemonic
<ilanbg> "Check U-rself Before j00 reck U-rself" |
#235252 (204/352) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@`Ace> grrrr, flippin linux aint suposed to crash :(
<@LexMortis> Myth.... BUSTED! |
#180674 (97/219) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(@irix) I have a tenetative job interview scheduled for early next week at comcast
(@irix) this week?
(@irix) this tuesday/wednesday
(@kcid) you'll be there sometime between 8 and noon? |
#170338 (182/330) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* xxalucard is AFK, zzz —I-n-v-i-s-i-o-n—
<Bisqwit> xxalucard: Please remove your public away messages.
* xxalucard is AFK, zzz. Gone now for:«5mins» (Pager is On, /ctcp xxalucard Page <message>) —I-n-v-i-s-i-o-n—
* xxalucard was kicked by Bisqwit (Please remove your public away messages AND your public triggers.)
* xxalucard (i=xxalucar@ool-45750917.dyn.optonline.net) has joined #nesvideos
* xxalucard (i=xxalucar@ool-45750917.dyn.optonline.net) has left #nesvideos (requested by Bisqwit: "Please remove your public away messages AND your public triggers AND the autorejoin.") |
#147438 (186/394) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<TakeV> I don't know! Who ever heard of mixing SATA and IDE!?
<TakeV> The good thing is that trial and error can't really hurt you with IDE. :P
<Monk-e> are you crazy?
<TakeV> I'm told by some...
<Monk-e> IDE adjusts to the lowest speed in 1 cable. you just dont combine a HD and a CD drive. thats madness
<TakeV> Madness?
<TakeV> This. Is. SAAATTTAAAAAAAAAAAAA! |
#297713 (158/260) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<tyranny12> and i quote the television: 'Foster's. Get some Australian in you. <pause, woman's voice comes on> Am I pregnant?' |
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