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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..46474849505152..596Next> |
#138889 (-1202/4436) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Raycaster : I thought you hated poetry?
Nightripper: Poetry? Here's some poetry:
Nightripper: Roses are red.
Nightripper: Violets are blue.
Nightripper: Shut the fuck up,
Nightripper: Or I'll assrape you.
Nightripper: Enjoy. |
#134332 (352/834) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<drharlem> Hey, I never believed in programming with it but I've come up with a resolution:
<drharlem> That cocaine stuff actually works, got a mug, put in hot water,
<drharlem> four bags of the stuff,
<drharlem> and I've been up ever since
<drharlem> shit! CAFFEINE!! CAFFEINE! |
#133097 (263/575) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Peppery> i did get started on that xml thing
<Peppery> then got bored and wrote a program that prints random strings and makes my terminal look like the matrix |
#131422 (391/711) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<lolage> Holy shit. Most epic idea ever.
<lolage> In the history of mankind.
<lolage> A rocket-coffin.
<lolage> You get put in standing upward. Door gets closed and you get launched into the sky
<lolage> with a parachute attached to your body
<lolage> the door blows in mid air
<lolage> parachute autodeploys
<lolage> you float, dead; down into someones garden
<oohal> lolage, you've got issues
<lolage> Oh man. I'd better get started on the blue prints. |
#129207 (331/581) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<miska> does anyone know how to change sex in WoW?
<SaxxonPike> When you play WoW, sex won't ever change |
#128655 (483/763) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Kitty> I'm not a vegetarian because I like animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. |
#125781 (10/1364) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
[17:33] <Julia-Maureen> Hold on, my cat is screaming... |
#302252 (279/791) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Goose> Say alpha-Kenny-body out loud.
<Demii> GENIUS. |
#301562 (914/1270) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
bakayuki@live.com: i kinda want to explain to her about the positrons in bananas
bakayuki@live.com: and see if i can get her to think eating moar bananas will slow down time...
FRIN NY KAO: do it
baka.yuki@live.com: if she comes in tomorrow shoving bananas down her throat i win at life
FRIN NY KAO: /awesom
FRIN NY KAO: do it
baka.yuki@live.com: already talking to her
baka.yuki@live.com: i'm backing it up with fancy science problems
baka.yuki@live.com: which is actually just my chem homework
FRIN NY KAO: HAHAHAHA
baka.yuki@live.com: i just showed her an mole-balanced equation for how iron and water become rust
FRIN NY KAO: oh wow
baka.yuki@live.com: and explained that was the pime taradox equation
baka.yuki@live.com: if she runs in to another /b/ tard he's gonna have a field day
FRIN NY KAO: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
baka.yuki@live.com: she's an english major
baka.yuki@live.com: of course she is
FRIN NY KAO: you're bullshitting
FRIN NY KAO: she bought it?
baka.yuki@live.com: why didn't i think of that
baka.yuki@live.com: she took it hook line and sinker
baka.yuki@live.com: "oh so thats why i feel so slow and bloated when i eat to many bananas"
baka.yuki@live.com: i almost couldn't keep a straight face
FRIN NY KAO: aw dude
baka.yuki@live.com: "yes exactly, the sodium is slowing down your time sphere"
FRIN NY KAO: ever seen commercials for 'the invention of lying'?
baka.yuki@live.com: nope
FRIN NY KAO: oh
FRIN NY KAO: tl;dr
FRIN NY KAO: THE WORLD IS GOING TO END UNLESS WE HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW
FRIN NY KAO: response?
FRIN NY KAO: do we have time to get to a motel room?
FRIN NY KAO: that woman
FRIN NY KAO: is banana girl
baka.yuki@live.com: she's going on and on about odd experiences she's had with bananas
baka.yuki@live.com: i'm having
FRIN NY KAO: oh
baka.yuki@live.com: real issues
FRIN NY KAO: god
baka.yuki@live.com: not laughing
baka.yuki@live.com: like i can feel my face contorting
FRIN NY KAO: if she asks you whats wrong
FRIN NY KAO: you should just say
baka.yuki@live.com: i ate a banana
FRIN NY KAO: im sorry, you're just a total idiot
baka.yuki@live.com: no i told her i ate a banana and then an orange earlier
baka.yuki@live.com: and now they're duking it out
FRIN NY KAO: what
baka.yuki@live.com: she bought it
baka.yuki@live.com: and feels bad for the orange
FRIN NY KAO: i feel bad for her parents
baka.yuki@live.com: oh thank god
baka.yuki@live.com: she's leaving
baka.yuki@live.com: HAHAHAHAHAHA
baka.yuki@live.com: i WIN
baka.yuki@live.com: "Well I wanna go to the cafeteria to get some bananas, I have an exam this afternoon and a few more hours would be nice"
FRIN NY KAO: OH GOD
FRIN NY KAO: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS
baka.yuki@live.com: I told her she wont physically notice the difference but to just keep eating them
baka.yuki@live.com: you can't make this shit up
FRIN NY KAO: oh god
baka.yuki@live.com: how do these people function
FRIN NY KAO: iunno
baka.yuki@live.com: the guy in the cube next to me heard the whole conversation
baka.yuki@live.com: he just asked to shake my hand
FRIN NY KAO: HAHAHAHAHA
baka.yuki@live.com: "I want to shake the hand of the man, who is the greatest troll I have ever met"
FRIN NY KAO: remember that comment about another /b/tard?
FRIN NY KAO: well, you met him rather than her
FRIN NY KAO: fuck
FRIN NY KAO: you won so hard
FRIN NY KAO: you found the motherfucking holy grail
baka.yuki@live.com: i want her number so I can like
baka.yuki@live.com: have something to do when bored
baka.yuki@live.com: just call her up and troll her
FRIN NY KAO: "hey, water causes you to develop tumors faster"
baka.yuki@live.com: the feeling bad for the orange
baka.yuki@live.com: that
baka.yuki@live.com: that about killed me |
#303479 (688/926) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Tom> Guys, I just pulled the best prank ever, took 2 months to do the whole thing.
<Matt> ... Go on?
<Charlie> what was it?
*** Joins: Craig
<Craig> Fuck guys, James died.
<Matt> What the fuck?! How?
<Craig> Noone knows, a midget found him dead in his bathroom apparently.
<Craig> He is up there on the suspect list.
*** Quits: Tom (Ermm.. sleep)
<Craig> That'll teach the prick to hide midgets in my bathroom.
*Craig is now known as James |
#303589 (-14/1054) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Omi> Who are the hardest people to distract?
<Xa> No clue
<Omi> Jews
<Omi> All that time spent in concentration camps. |
#303571 (598/784) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<CoJaBo> There was a moth icon on a site I just visited.
<CoJaBo> I thought it was an ad so I mousover'd to adblock it.
<CoJaBo> And it FLEW IN MY EYE D: |
#303566 (334/584) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
lollz> And what did babys drink before people discovered cows?
Aeon> they drank there moms milk
lollz> Yeh but where did they get the milk
Aeon> omg
CoJaBo> ...
CoJaBo> !wp breast feeding
AmiBot> Breastfeeding is the feeding of an infant or young child with milk from a woman's breasts.
lollz> wtf milk comes from boobs?
CoJaBo> LOL
Aeon> wow u srsly didnt kno that?
lollz> EWW! MILk comes from cow boobs!Comment: Milk Day, 2008
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#303524 (467/711) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
[DominoEffect] so, I saw quite possibly the best thing ever today
[DominoEffect] had to go to the hospital because my mother had to have surgery done
[DominoEffect] and in the lobby there was a little bakery type thing, with coffee and bagels and such
[DominoEffect] the guy behind the counter was short, big nose, bald on top, short curly hair on the sides and back of his head
[DominoEffect] when I came in there was a big guy standing around outside, he came in after me and ordered a bagel or something with a thick german accent
[DominoEffect] took a bite and said "you know, we can't get decent baked goods in germany anymore"
[DominoEffect] the guy behind the counter just said "oh, and whose fault is that?"
[DominoEffect] I was fuckin dying, I had to step outside for a minute |
#303515 (481/653) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
&Akensai: i just brutally slaughtered some russian asshat
&Akensai: called me an elephant penis in russian
&Akensai: so i let him know i could understand russian
&Akensai: by calling him 2 week old moldy dick juice
&Akensai: now we're friends. |
#303386 (130/340) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<jer> on a side note, love the new iphone headset -- they don't tangle as easily
<jer> s/headset/earbuds\/whatever/
<erica> earbuds == evil evil evil
<jer> erica, three evils? thought just two?
<erica> Left ear, right, sinuses
<atomicbird> if the earbuds hurt your sinuses, you're probably using them wrong |
#303296 (23/933) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Protagonist> STAND UP TO THE VICTORY
<Protagonist> STAND UP
<Protagonist> STAND UP
<Protagonist> STAND UP
<Protagonist> STAND UP
<Protagonist> STAND UP
<Protagonist> STAND UP
<Protagonist> STAND UP
<Protagonist> STAND UP
<Protagonist> guitar solo
=-= Protagonist was booted from #adeptusevangelion by OlympusMons (sit down) |
#296915 (341/513) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<_Pooky> Watch out for the 700cal sandwichs tho.
<lion42> _Pooky, I'm on a 4000 calorie diet. I can have all the sandwiches I damn well want. :P
<Uncertain> that's no diet, that's a monster
<_Pooky> No shit...why are you on a 4k diet?
<_Pooky> Weight training or something?
<lion42> Pancreatic insufficiency. Because I don't dump out enough enzymes, I don't absorb calories or.. anything at all, really, as well as other people do.
<lion42> 4000 is my normal, average, maintaining my weight diet.
<_Pooky> Ok, that makes sense then.
<_Pooky> That's got to make for messy bowel movements.
<lion42> Yes, my shits are festive. |
#128138 (287/505) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Options> well, guess my parents dont want me playing phoenix wright in the house anymore :(
<Sylon[DMS]|Around> throw your DS in their face and yell OBJECTION!
<Options> that is....AN AWESOME IDEA |
#302444 (335/679) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<nil> If you have a problem and think to yourself... "I can solve that with a regular expresion!" Now you have two problems. |
#302372 (-8/426) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<fahadsadah> But these are 300/350/400V
<fahadsadah> I have enough to kill someone here
<fahadsadah> And I need to hurry with the soldering
<fahadsadah> April Fools is tomorrow |
#301792 (199/429) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<{KHI}DellGuy> ceil, did you check out google buzz?
<ceil> {KHI}DellGuy: Google Twitter?
<ceil> looks like an email version of google wave, but twitterized
<ceil> holy shit, too much web 2.0 in that line
* ceil washes hands |
#301597 (90/376) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<fahadsadah> Lolwut?
<fahadsadah> HTML5 will be completed in 2022?
<+Dvyjones> Wait, it will be completed? |
#296944 (88/348) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
(FormerlyHumane) then answer me this: why is the acid in Alien so much stronger than Aliens?
(Squint) Dilution
(FormerlyHumane) also the size of the planet changes
(Squint) With more aliens, the acid had to be watered down to fill all of their bodies.
(FormerlyHumane) makes sense
(Squint) But in the first movie, there was only the one, so the acid was more concentrated.
(FormerlyHumane) but how did the planet get bigger?
(Squint) Zoom, man. Zoom.
(FormerlyHumane) I don't know if I buy that
(Squint) You know how when you look through binoculars, small things look bigger?
(FormerlyHumane) I guess so
(Squint) Boom.
(Squint) I'm going to bed. |
#294559 (360/552) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
(@Fantasy) I blame that evil midget in rehab
(@Fantasy) headbutted me in thr balls
(@Fantasy) and he was perfect height
(@Fantasy) his head was literally crotch height
(refused) who the fuck even does that
(@Fantasy) after you spend a month making midget jokes
(@Fantasy) to a cocaine addict in rehab
(@Fantasy) than on family/friends day having all your friends make fun of his midget kind
(@Fantasy) he came up and said something like "stop shitting, dog"
(@Fantasy) I laughed
(@Fantasy) he said you want to start something
(@Fantasy) I said say it to my face
(@Fantasy) and LAUGHED
(@Fantasy) he headbutted me in the balls
(@Fantasy) I was on the ground
(@Fantasy) crying
(@Fantasy) so he squatted down and said "stop messing with me"
(@Fantasy) right in my face
(@Fantasy) and since then I've been afraid of midgets |
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