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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..45464748495051..596Next> |
#305320 (-19/673) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
(While discussing the Amy's line of organic food products...)
Jesse: If I ever met Amy, I would kiss her full on the mouth.
Carrie: Would you stick your tongue down her throat?
Jesse: Yeah, and probably come back up with a delicious vegan burrito.
Carrie: That seriously made me want to puke.
Jesse: If you were Amy, you'd puke up delectable organic vegan soup.Comment: Amy's food products
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#305287 (296/458) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Suzuran: So my boss was talking about that 9 year old girl who got shot with the congresscritter
Suzuran: Talking about how she was young and innocent and looking at a career in politics "Totally innocent, she just wanted to know how American politics worked!"
Suzuran: And I said "Well, now she knows!"
Suzuran: and now he's mad at me.Comment: #ShrineMaiden@ppirc
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#304593 (280/554) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Zypur> I'm trying to sell a brand new blackberry storm2
<Zypur> It's stolen from verizon
<Failure> That's not a phrase you'd usually include when trying to sell something |
#303682 (385/615) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Rorschach> crispy is studying criminal justice. Just like all the strippers
<Crispy`> Rorschach: Great talking point when I need to get laid.
<Crispy`> We can role-play too
<Rorschach> haha
<Crispy`> We'll both be Detectives and we can try to solve the Case of the Missing Virginity.
<@AnthraX101> Just be careful you don't turn it into The Case of the Missing Period
<Crispy`> D:
<Crispy`> That'll turn into Case of the Missing Father. |
#303622 (365/673) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Mike: "now that you all are awake. are there anyone who can help with my problem? I have compressed my important files with md5sum. how do I decompress them ?" |
#304248 (576/798) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@Sebas> So on his death bed, Tiger Woods' grandad told him "Tiger... If you want to be the best some day, concentrate on your golf, and fuck everything else." |
#304082 (312/542) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Count> i put QDB and bash on my reader too :)
<Count>: now in 12 months time when bash gets one new quote, i'll be ready!Comment: #batcave on Austnet
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#303802 (1024/1190) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> Meh, nothing interesting, just another day of me being a complete asshole to unsuspecting citizens
<Pryoidain> A legitimate, honest to god, door to door vacuum salesman came up at the best time.
<Pryoidain> I was vacuuming the rug behing the front door, and he comes up and knocks on it, so I check the peephole
<Pryoidain> It's pretty obvious what you're selling when you're holding a vacuum in one hand.
<Pryoidain> anyways we have one of those canister vacuums where the head pops off so you can attach shit to it for like sucking the fur off your dog or something more productive
<Pryoidain> I pop the head off, and open the door up just enough to where he can see me, but not the vacuum head in my hand.
<Pryoidain> I let him do his little speech, then asked to see his "Papers" to which he produced a sales paper.
<Pryoidain> He went to hand me the paper, I clicked on the vacuum, sucked it clean out of his hand, and slammed the door in his face.
<Pryoidain> Now, I could only experience the look of confusion through the peephole, but he stood out there confused for a good 3-4 minutes before deciding against knocking.
<Pryoidain> He had a few false starts, but never followed through. I think he was worried about what might happen next. |
#303421 (822/1084) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<boikpark> The guy was found dead in his apartment with his penis in a jar of peanut butter, apparently.
<Sohcahtoa> Well it sounds like that guy...
* Sohcahtoa puts on his sunglasses
<Sohcahtoa> ...was fucking nuts.
<Sohcahtoa> YYYYEEEAAAAAHHHHH |
#303054 (344/642) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<osxdude> Wow facebook.
<osxdude> An app just asked me if I thought my mom was a virgin |
#302273 (95/369) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< unrealun1verse> i sometimes wonder if theres some disease that makes you want to do your mum jokes all the time
< fbstj> whatever it is, he probably caught it off your mum :P |
#301908 (-7/709) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Kian> -_- ^_^ -_- ^_^ -_- ^_^ -_- ^_^ -_- ^_^ (Explanation of Bipolar Disorder) |
#303903 (105/529) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<+Gno> i've had arrogant steak and dumb rice for food today.
<@ps> wtf?
<@ps> why do you pass such anthropomorphic judgements on your food
<+Gno> the steak was arrogant because it managed to push my eggs off the pan when cooking.
<+Gno> bullies are arrogant.
<@ps> so
<+Gno> the rice was dumb because it could not figure out how to stay on the utensil i was eating. |
#301252 (319/571) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@snow_> i think i could have definitely stolen this chick from her loser boyfriend
<@snow_> but i fucked up
<@snow_> tried to call her fat
<@snow_> so she would come work out w/ me
<@snow_> that backfired hardComment: #geekissues
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#295392 (237/513) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< beoba> i d8ed a guy who couldnt get work study because harvard was giving more money than federal rules allowed
< Sub-Zero> you know, it took me a few seconds to understand d8ed.
< Divine> it's some kind of g8alkComment: #raspberryheaven
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#164446 (267/445) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Vystrix_Nexoth wonders why Apophis is reading something that would discuss things like Beverly Hills 90210 spinoffs.
<Apophis> because Wikipedia links are too easy to follow
<Apophis> and they take you to strange places after a while
<Apophis> and you can't figure out how you got there
<Apophis> they're kinda like tequila |
#162497 (211/577) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
jdbugg87: ok i just ripped a cd...what the hell is .ogg
adanedhel728: it's a file extension, kind of like "doc" is short for "document," "ogg" is short for "oh good god, what an annoying file format" |
#160100 (358/494) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
jazza joined the chat room.
jazza: hi
jazza: can anyone help me
xexyz: no
xexyz: IRC is 100% Help-Free for 53 days now
xexyz: And we don't want to let the union down by starting now |
#154850 (308/510) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@Genesis`> Dr Phil said: Sometimes you just got to give yourself what you wish someone else would give you.
<@Genesis`> i cant bend over that far :( |
#153537 (288/534) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<nyschashi> so I'm reading this george bush hentai manga
<nyschashi> it's pretty great
<nyschashi> Bush and Saddam make peace after they gang bang some random girl
<nyschashi> ;/
<nyschashi> the girl then randomly dropkicks Kim Jong-Il
<nyschashi> I'm skipping through about 30 pages at a time, but it looks like george bush randomly turns into a tentacle demon and rapes a bunch of people |
#302103 (395/619) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<bucketmouse> every time i feel depressed i just 7zip something from the commandline
<bucketmouse> lrobin$ 7za a test.7z blah.txt
<bucketmouse> Creating archive test.7z
<bucketmouse> Compressing blah.txt
<bucketmouse> Everything is Ok |
#230994 (0/378) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< Markaci> $500 for a fscking loafer?
< Markaci> I clicked the link expecting a shoe that tied itself.
<+Bacon> Markaci: its a Salvatore Ferragamo 'Raphael' Loafer
<+Bacon> Markaci: it does, it has no shoe laces |
#304300 (459/637) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<DayNine> Fractal alligators.
<DayNine> Like a normal alligator, but instead of arms, there are more alligators. |
#303704 (140/298) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@michael`> Kim Kardashian, Ellen DeGeneres Praise Overturning of Prop. 8?
<@michael`> thank GOD she spoke out
<@michael`> i was sitting here thinking
<@michael`> jesus christ, WHAT does kim kardashian think about this |
#303426 (197/321) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<btg101> i spend half my day fixing the shit i wrote at night without thinking
<btgt101> and the other half writing the shit im gonna fix tomorrow |
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