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#303402 (278/366) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
LG: My bro left his phone at my house last night
LG: so... I just tried to call him to tell him
LG: I tried to call his cell with mine. when his was in MY OTHER HAND
BadSpoon: did you answer?
LG: no.
LG: I'm pretty retarded.
LG: But I have a little dignity. |
#303251 (113/213) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Justice> music is like sex, for every person paying for it, there's a thousand who don't
* Isamu shares CDs with his mom |
#303250 (192/242) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ardchoille> How can some of these employees NOT slap the shite out of people???
<ardchoille> See, I couldn't work in retail.. I'd end up on assault charges
<steveb> its not that bad
<steveb> you just have to switch your brain off
<ardchoille> Oh, like the customers do?
<steveb> most of them dont have an on switch |
#303238 (183/293) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<gnolam> Blargh.
* gnolam is washing dishes.
<gnolam> Some of this stuff has been lying unwashed for so long that cleaning it is a truly /epic/ task.
<gnolam> So epic I think I should write a poem about it.
<gnolam> I shall call it... "The Grime of the Ancient Marinade". |
#303214 (196/292) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<highjack> does anyone have a time machine I can borrow?
<Zetta> highjack: yeah, but I need it back ten minutes ago |
#302724 (40/180) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Polynomial> Ikea: The WinRAR of the furniture world. |
#302338 (6/228) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<frysteev> im wondering what weekend at bernies would have been like if jim henson made it |
#305711 (747/887) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* fantasyprone (fantasypro@hide-3089BE47.static.tpgi.com.au) Quit (Ping timeout)
* Apathy runs off to sleep
<Apathy> also tell fantasyprone i said "saw that coming!"
<snark> future fantasyprone says to tell you she saw your mom coming last night
<snark> I have a time machine
<snark> and will pass on your message to avoid a paradox
* fantasyprone (fantasypro@hide-3089BE47.static.tpgi.com.au) has joined #elitists
<snark> fantasyprone: Apathy said to tell you he saw that coming
<fantasyprone> if you see Apathy again, you can tell him I saw his mom coming
<snark> Will do.
* snark hops in a time machine and jumps back a couple of minutes
* snark emerges from the time machine again.
<snark> All done.
<fantasyprone> thanks |
#305241 (221/291) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Zardoz> so I left my blackberry in mun's car on wednesday only retrieved it now.
<@Zardoz> 16 missed calls! wow! I'm popular!
<@Zardoz> turns out they were all me trying to find my phone.
<@Zardoz> sigh. |
#304957 (418/522) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Bombs> you're Canadian. you guys live in igloos, right?
<Kirk> You're American. You guys live in McDonalds', right? |
#304938 (304/408) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< Bob_work> This page blocked. Please enter the name of a seedless fruit to continue.
< OWA> Bob
< Bob_work> HEY! |
#304713 (281/377) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<egreos> you know you're a nerd when you watch porn and pause it to see what textbooks the schoolgirl is carrying so you can judge her attractiveness based on her subjects.
<egreos> she was apparently studying "dictionary", so i turned it off.
<egreos> if it had been a physics book I would have been all over that shit. |
#304240 (228/312) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Amigod> i want to play my guitar
<@Amigod> But Eleni's asleep
<HanSorbo> So wear earplugs.
<HanSorbo> So you cant hear her yelling at you to stop. |
#304196 (358/470) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Panucci : Guess what my geek wife said when we were on bed last night?
Magicpork: HTTP 411, HTTP 417, HTTP 403? |
#304158 (223/293) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<welandB> God dammit.
<welandB> I went to the Renaissance Festival and hit it off with a girl so I tore off a piece of paper from the map and wrote down my number for her.
<welandB> So my friend tears off more pieces and writes down "Call Nate for gay sucking and fucking" with my phone number.
<welandB> And starts handing them out.
<welandB> So I take them away from him and stuff them in my pocket.
<welandB> My cat just dragged one right to my mom.
<welandB> We just had a sit-down talk where I had to clarify that I am not soliciting sex from strange men. |
#304006 (188/258) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Danny: Have you heard Microsoft's new Windows line?
Danny: "Windows. life without walls."
Danny: Damn right. All kinds of shit can just walk into your house whenever it damn well pleases. |
#303990 (408/472) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<TheTJ> Have you ever been in a creepy place, like a school at night or an abondoned house, when the lights go out?
<TheTJ> Sometimes you might think you're in a horror movie and about to die/be killed.
<TheTJ> That occasionally happens to me
<TheTJ> My response?
<TheTJ> I sing heavily copyrighted songs so that whatever movie I may or may not be in couldn't afford my death scene |
#306189 (386/492) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<%Mehcore> I want a band called 1023MB
<%Mehcore> We'd never get a gig though |
#305950 (297/381) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+sutol> I'm in a library so I can't look at porn, and for some reason I'd really like to look at porn atm.
<+sutol> Now I just need a way to fap without anyone noticing
<+sutol> Hard, considering I'm in the front row and shit is pretty open
<@Loskene> can anyone else see your computer screen right now
<+sutol> yes
<+sutol> Everyone behind me can
<@Loskene> .f HEY THIS GUY IS HAVING A WANK
<@DEA> _ _ _______ __ _____ _ _ ___ ____
<@DEA> | | | | ____\ \ / / |_ _| | | |_ _/ ___|
<@DEA> | |_| | _| \ V / | | | |_| || |\___ \
<@DEA> | _ | |___ | | | | | _ || | ___) |
<@DEA> |_| |_|_____| |_| |_| |_| |_|___|____/
<@DEA> ____ _ ___ __ ___ ____
<@DEA> / ___| | | \ \ / / |_ _/ ___|
<@DEA> | | _| | | |\ V / | |\___ \
<@DEA> | |_| | |_| | | | | | ___) |
<@DEA> \____|\___/ |_| |___|____/
<@DEA> _ _ ___ _____ _ _ ____ _
<@DEA> | | | | / \ \ / /_ _| \ | |/ ___| / \
<@DEA> | |_| | / _ \ \ / / | || \| | | _ / _ \
<@DEA> | _ |/ ___ \ V / | || |\ | |_| | / ___ \
<@DEA> |_| |_/_/ \_\_/ |___|_| \_|\____| /_/ \_\
<@DEA> __ ___ _ _ _ __
<@DEA> \ \ / / \ | \ | | |/ /
<@DEA> \ \ /\ / / _ \ | \| | ' /
<@DEA> \ V V / ___ \| |\ | . \
<@DEA> \_/\_/_/ \_\_| \_|_|\_\
<+sutol> rude |
#305937 (192/296) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+BigEndian> Perl is like a freak fapping in the park
<+BigEndian> from afar you wonder what the hell it's doing
<+BigEndian> but when you get close you wish you never inspected it further |
#305924 (160/258) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@tacodog> was reading off recipes to my wife and she just made me a bloody mary xD
<@pyna> maybe youre accidentally husbanding as root |
#305813 (469/593) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Dr_Pressure> Q: How can you tell if somebody owns an Apple product?
<Dr_Pressure> A: Don't worry, they'll tell you. |
#305793 (520/618) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jenni> i should apparently empty my sofa more often
<jenni> i found a laptop i didn't remember i owned |
#305744 (449/557) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Palantyre> in the Finnish wikipedia article on Amputation: "This article is a stub."
<Palantyre> Fantastic. |
#305620 (354/454) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Gale_> my sister's neighbor is a dumbass
<Gale_> "Look at me, I'm going to have an unsecured wireless network and not change the default login settings for the router!"
<Gale_> My question is should I protect their network and change the login settings on the router just to teach them a lesson, or should I leave it be and let my sister borrow their connection whenever she feels like?
<Gale_> I did that to my neighbor a couple of years ago.
<Gale_> put a password on it and changed the router login info.
<Gale_> The router was in the dumpster a few days later and a new unsecured network showed up at the same time. |
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