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#303376 (203/425) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(@who-ha) Random story time, okay.
(@who-ha) I'm like, 10 years old
(@who-ha) I just got my first bottle of cologne, right
(@who-ha) so I'm playing around with it
(@who-ha) sprayed it everywhere
(@who-ha) so I put some in a cup
(@who-ha) and stick my dick in it.
(@who-ha) I cried myself to sleep.
(@Sanitized) ........
(@who-ha) I'm dead serious. |
#301941 (205/337) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ShadeS> r4v5: know much about turntables?
<r4v5> not *much*
<r4v5> i put an album on it and then move the arm over?
<r4v5> and jazz comes out?
<r4v5> but yeah, the main things i know are things like "if you take a 12" trance single and play it back at 33, it becomes a chillout single of longer length"
<myself248> bwaahahaha
<r4v5> you're laughing but it was pretty fucking amazing. Friend has crates full of techno; I was like "can I spin some?"
<r4v5> First one I grabbed was full of obnoxious high squeaks. switched to 33 and it was fat acid sounds. |
#300242 (90/306) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Tunder> i'm not good in math but i know 4 minutes is not 240 secs |
#306606 (187/325) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Silly> i'm sat wanking with pron on my 50"tv right, doors closed and everything
<@Silly> right as im finishing up my housemate barges in, no fucking knocking or anything
<@Silly> i dont have time to hide my boner AND close the porn
<+Altruit> so which one did you hide?
<@Silly> so i throw my remote at him, altf4 and slam the keyboard on my dick
<@Silly> end result is that im very sore and ive got spunk all over my keybaord
<@Silly> and he still caught me |
#306588 (426/538) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Malice> I found my friend Crista crying in the bathroom at work today.
<@Malice> I asked her what was wrong and she told me one of the new guys told her that he bets she sucks in bed.
<@Malice> Then she told me she was crying because she felt like a whore because it festered in her mind so long she wants to sleep with him just to prove him wrong.
<+ark0n> i think i just found my new pickup line |
#306575 (270/412) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< omegacfx> in russia the age of consent is 100 dollarsComment: freenode - #anapnea
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#306563 (324/446) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* TFBundy quit (No route to host)
* TFBundy joined
<TFBundy> cat just faceplanted into my router |
#306522 (297/429) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
skel [~areplogle@xx.xx.xx.xx.lightspeed.wkshwi.sbcglobal.net] has joined #android
Channel topic is: Welcome to the official Android-platform IRC channel! || Root? Modded ROMs? Head to #android-root || App development questions? See #android-dev || Live commit stream #android-firehose
<skel> hi! =]
<skel> ahh I need #android-dev
skel [~areplogle@xx.xx.xx.xx.lightspeed.wkshwi.sbcglobal.net] has left #android
<Riddla> OH MY GOD.
<Riddla> SOMEONE READ THE TOPIC!
<Riddla> \o/
* Riddla pops champagneComment: #android freenode
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#306442 (286/398) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
#xkcd, approx. five minutes after a discussion involving quantum mechanics:
(DerpNauce) I love how #xkcd-masturbation is completely empty
(Random832) wait
(Random832) how did you manage to observe a channel in a completely empty state
(ellipsis) aaaand we're back to quantum mechanics, awesome |
#306411 (134/234) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
-*- StoneCypher just found out that one of his favorite and one of his least favorite pieces of software are basically made by the same guy :(
<StoneCypher> PrinceXML and Opera.
<StoneCypher> i mean seriously, it's like finding out that hitler also saved eight million people from an asteroid |
#305367 (219/295) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<samurai_> whoa
<samurai_> this must be the internet equivalent of blacking out and waking up the next day to find you don't remember a thing
<samurai_> seems i had an account for a porn site i hadn't used in 30 weeks
<samurai_> from where apparently i'd downloaded over 20 gigs of videos
<samurai_> none of which i have anymore or recall seeing
<samurai_> well they wished me happy birthday today and that's how i knew it even existed
<samurai_> i feel like an undercover agent who was brainwashed and given a new identity
<dd7> as a pervert?
<samurai_> yes
<samurai_> yes indeed |
#304051 (274/356) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Recnilgiarc> In about 5% of patients, it can instead cause inadvertent orgasms when yawning.
<@Recnilgiarc> this shit is going to be awesome |
#302592 (146/208) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+TakeOne> O..o I love the way you can select a date of birth that's later than april 2010.
<+TakeOne> Yes, I'm submitting an application to McDonald's before I'm born because I know how futile my life is going to be. |
#306550 (439/623) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+snacky> being white is awesome. you can easily get adequate vitamin d intake even if you live really far north
<+snacky> and if you need camouflage, you can blend in with snow
<DirtySouth> lol
<DirtySouth> cant say i ever seen someone try that
<+snacky> exactly. |
#306540 (348/470) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<pawz> i use lilo :") in fact.. my first cat was called Lilo
<pawz> i would take him to the vet and they would be like "Oh, Lilo, from the Disney movie" and i would say "Oi, check his birth date. he was born years before that shitty movie. his name is short for LInux LOader"
<Stranj> And then the vet gave you a shot to calm you down?Comment: #lulz
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#306526 (225/383) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[discussing an artist's depiction of sleep paralysis]
<Rena> also I get the demon on her chest, but why is there a horse peeking in?
<XkeeperLaptop> Freud?
<RedSnifit> It's a night mare. |
#306481 (316/422) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<rorski> You know how Ctrl-a-d detaches a screen session? I just accidently ran that in Outlook... which selected everything in my Inbox and deleted it. |
#306475 (172/294) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[about Stony Brook "SB Guardian"]
<tonyb> "With this feature users can set a time that coincides with the time they expect to travel from one location on campus to another. If the caller arrives safely and deactivates their timer, the University Police Department will never receive notification that a timer was ever set. " ahahaha
[...]
<fahadsadah> What happens when your phone battery runs out?
<tonyb> Well, the police come of course
<nathan> and arrest you for battery? |
#306464 (127/241) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< guzzles> Powered by our patented "Global Interpreter Lock," the Python Foundation is pleased to announce TrollThreads, Python's latest language feature.
< guzzles> A collaborative effort between The Python Foundation and PyFLTK, TrollThreads ensures that no two routines in your program will ever run simultaneously or exhibit other threadlike behavior.
< guzzles> TrollThreads API should be almost instantly familiar to any developer with experience writing threaded code in other languages, with important added functionality. Namely, that it doesn't actually work.
< guzzles> Should you actually want to take advantage of traditional threading, please use the "subprocess" module and a clusterfuck of IPC or inquire in our IRC channel, where many helpful developers will angrily explain that threads are *obviously not what you REALLY wanted*. |
#306449 (319/413) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<sXe> so, I was on Omegle today and I met a guy from India
<crosseyes> You don't say.
<sXe> He didn't speak English (go figure) but I asked if he knew any words.
<sXe> He replied with "Autobots, roll out!". No lie. |
#306448 (370/444) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<LordFrith> If you need floating point math in your script, you need to begin writing in a complete language.
<grawity> Speaking of which. Is it bad when half of my script is bash, the other half is Perl?
<lautriv> grawity, as long as the third half is NOT VB, it's ok.
<grawity> Halves usually come in pairs of two.
<LordFrith> Someone programming in VB might not realize that. |
#306441 (236/284) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<fahadsadah> Sounds just like my chemistry gcse practical skills assessment
<fahadsadah> I caught fire and got 100%
<fahadsadah> Despite not actually having done the experiment |
#306405 (395/473) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<goretext>so when I was in HS, I would hack the wifi with my ipod.
<goretext>the school caught on so they started looking at the ipod names to try and figure it out.
<goretext>every 3 days i would change its name to "(insert popular girls name here)'s iphone"
<goretext> 3 of them were suspended before i stopped
<wedge> oh god, that's funny.
<goretext> it won me class clown. |
#306403 (204/330) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+CoJaBo> me is bored
<+CoJaBo> Slash key: Miss it, and sound like caveman. |
#306314 (245/513) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<OctopusRainbows>today i exposed myself for jello shots
<OctopusRainbows>just got back from gay weekend at the beach
<ME-tan>fabulous
<OctopusRainbows>there were "shots 4 hooters" and "shots 4 cocks" signs. i took advantage of both. the guys with the shots for cock sign were very very confused
<ME-tan>bwahahaha
<OctopusRainbows>poor gay guys. they did not want to see girlcock XD
<Ling>wat
<OctopusRainbows>haha exactlyComment: Transgender support channel...
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