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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..166167168169170171172..596Next> |
#49385 (87/267) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<SkoroMac> hrmm
<SkoroMac> Victoria's Secret is offering me a "Free Supermodel Lip Kit"
<SkoroMac> sounds like some sort of artificial blow job device |
#49374 (266/432) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<ndonegan> arghh!! Touched a metal shelfing unit here, and a fellow walking past the office actually came in cause he saw the flash from the static shock and my body in close proximity :/
<hostyle> so you flashed some guy walking by your office?
<ndonegan> hostyle: you have a very interesting way of seeing thingsComment: seen on #linux on irc.linux,ie
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#49365 (166/402) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<!TeknoProphet> the topic is: The Effectiveness and Feasibility of a Tsunami Early Warning System in the Indian Ocean
<!TeknoProphet> now, i just need to get that title down to 48 chars
<+Robert> "Fuck the Indian Ocean"
<+cypher> or "How not to get tsunami'd"
<+Robert> or "Huge waves aren't an early enough warning"
<+cypher> "oh shit, what's that heading right fo
<+Robert> or "Why to give people swimming lessons"
<+cypher> "tsunamis and you, bitch"
<+Robert> or "how to make indian soup"Comment: #wpi
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#49356 (250/426) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
RrR00Tt: ur makin him a computer?
RasmusMelanie: yah
RasmusMelanie: he broke my heart and left me dead and depressed....so im returning the favor...im installing windows 98 as we speak |
#49354 (222/392) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<BriBroder> Wang International Inc. Recalls Wooden Christmas Toys Due To Choking Hazard |
#49344 (291/443) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<DannyCat> Bah, I've been awake too long. I go to wash my hair, start the water, let it run for a bit, check it to make sure it's warm enough, turn the water off, stand there looking at the faucet, and it takes me a couple seconds to realize I missed a couple steps. |
#49300 (233/417) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<ribo> today on campus was apparently "come out of the closet day"
<ribo> and they had a door that you could "come out of" in the outside mall
<terminal> "is this the bathroom?"
<terminal> "fuck." |
#49282 (300/488) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<TrogL> Found a new use for a chainsaw. Daughter's boyfriend wouldn't wake up. Ran the chainsaw outside his window. He bolted out of bed yelling "I didn't do it! I didn't do it!" He was still twitching three hours later
<Phoon> ROFLMAO
<Phoon> that's why nothing will beat a 12 gauge shotgun for home defense
<Phoon> Even a cat burglar with ice water in his veins will shit himself at the sound of a 12-gauge being pumped
<Phoon> you don't even need to fire it
<Phoon> hell, you don't even need the gun... just the cocking mechanism and a bottle of carpet cleaner to get rid of the shit stain |
#49278 (364/506) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<OrangeKitten> Why the fuck does a search for 'assless fursuit' bring up 'What should I wear for my job interview?'? |
#49262 (156/354) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<|VIPER|> how can i find the number of files in a directory? (including sub-dirs)
<Petarius> right click -> properties
<Petarius> Oh wait, this is a linux channelComment: #gentoo @ EFnet
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#49249 (18/310) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Rev> AND MOVE TO JAPAN TO HAVE SEX WITH INFERIOR JAPANESE PENIS
<girlbad> so small
<Inferno> So, so small.
<[2-PosiDen]> So very small
<Inferno> American penis DINOSAURIC by comparison.
<Rev> Yet, like other small things in Japan, it can play over 3000 hours of music.
<[2-PosiDen]> American oenis monolithic
<Rev> And you can watch TV, and it has a wireless connection |
#49246 (282/448) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<sensel> check this out in google earth
<sensel> 0 16'06.63"s 90 50'44.09"W
<sensel> looks like 2 atomic bombs dropped on galapagos islands
<DaveB> or volcanoes, as geologists would call them |
#49239 (170/362) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<looksofat> i got 17 cents for food in the next week but i got CoD 2 preordered and pre-payed and IT OWNS ASS |
#49192 (386/558) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<MichiganFan> how old is the kitten?
<Lance> don't know how old
<Lance> real young
<Lance> still shakey on it's feet
<MichiganFan> where did you get it?
<Lance> under the house
<MichiganFan> what was it doing there?
<MarkTheMeS> Foundation work |
#49170 (363/535) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Twin`> teacher spelled his name wring
<Twin`> wrong
<|silicon> nice how irony stepped in ther
<|silicon> e
<|silicon> dammit |
#49161 (195/405) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Shi> I had a weird thought today.
<Shi> You know how in medieval times they bled people to cure disease?
<Shi> What if you had genital warts?
<Interitus|> <_>
<Anaz> shi is not allowed to think any more. |
#49093 (155/407) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
* Quits: shortie ~ When I was a little girl, I had a little quim, I sat upon my bed, and put one finger in. Now I am a woman, and full of all the charm, I can get four fingers in and HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!!! ~ |
#49088 (5/285) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<humandildo> hey grog did ya know the ladies here are so classy that they wear napkins when they blow you
<Grog> like a lobster bib?
<humandildo> yea |
#49080 (272/488) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<mindule> they need to make a new game
<mindule> to occupy my time
<mindule> Make a game that'll /blow my mind/
<WolfLord> its called RUSSIAN ROULETTE |
#49056 (157/373) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
DJ Yiffyness: your lucky, i want to paw off too but my mom/sister is home
The JaX04: I hope you dont mean that as in they are one and the same |
#49040 (319/511) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<AwsmBatman> you keep misreading my sentences
<AwsmBatman> You need to develop better grammatical skills
<aibuddybot> Perhaps you could develop better grammatical skills and add it to my source code.
<AwsmBatman> ...you win this round |
#49032 (363/541) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<@feem> i had someone claim to me the other day that pi was the longest irrational number in existence
<@feem> and someone else said no e was
<@feem> and i stared at them |
#49031 (285/467) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
< plasmadis> marijuana is a gateway drug to the hard stuff
< pescypes> the only thing marijuana is a gateway to is me ordering a pizza |
#49051 (229/427) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Shinohara> damned wireless connection
<Shinohara> fucking thing has more trouble staying up than Bob Dole
<Shinohara> I need wi-fiagra or something.... |
#48972 (580/792) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<trev0r> we were meant to be handing in our coursework in english today
<trev0r> and this one jackass calls out: 'i didn't do it'
<trev0r> the teacher's mad and, you know, wants an explanation
<trev0r> the jackass simply says: 'i was too busy getting laid to do it last night'
<trev0r> and before i could even process that sentence the teacher fires back:
<trev0r> 'now that we've discussed 10 seconds of your evening, why haven't you done this work?'
<trev0r> now, the class is starting to laugh, but this dude isn't budging
<trev0r> he pauses, then, as the laughing subsides, he gives a wry smile and simply says:
<trev0r> 'you should know, you were there with me, miss...'
<trev0r> the class is gone by now, but the teacher is on fire today
<trev0r> she looks around and says:
<trev0r> 'i know, and i never got paid'
<trev0r> the jackass runs out of the class hiding the tears as the rest of us are in fits |
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