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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..129130131132133134135..596Next> |
#58230 (242/560) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<BBX25> I wonder...why don't male humans eat their children? It happens a lot in the animal kingdom!
<BBX25> *Pictures a man with his mouth open, right at the mouth of the Vagina in a labour room, as the baby crowns*
<Emerl> SPAWN CAMPING
<Emerl> >_>
<RandomExtremity> gahahahhaa
<RandomExtremity> Emerl win
<Emerl> Sorry, had to say it
<BBX25> XDDD EMERL
<BBX25> Baby "S**tty map"
<BBX25> Mother "Crappy team"
<BBX25> Nurse "Lag!"
<RandomExtremity> Father "pwnt" |
#58122 (173/409) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<suprpupy> haha, mom's at the store. I just get through telling her we have nothing in the house and she starts down the list "do you have this? do you have this?".
<suprpupy> mom. we have nothing in the house.
<CPng|N> "we don't eat"
<suprpupy> heh, we don't cook is more accurate
<suprpupy> or at least, not what mom likes to cook.
<ReNtZ> I read that as "or at least not what mom likes cock"
<suprpupy> ReNtZ: normally I'd laugh. but since this is my mom I'm horrified at the mental image.
<Eigenstat> Do you ever wonder if your husband has thought about fucking your mom, so he'll know what you're like in 30 years?
* suprpupy tries to claw her mental eyes outComment: EFnet, #ampedout
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#58781 (353/565) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
qreepyboris: However, I can tell you with authority that my French extra credit project is going to ROCK
qreepyboris: We're making a film of a few shortish skits in French
qreepyboris: And one of them is so awesome
qreepyboris: Schindler and Santa accidentally mix up their naughty and nice lists. :-)
qreepyboris: So Santa goes to all the Jews' houses and they're not there, 'cuz they're all in camps
qreepyboris: And I haven't read the whole script, but there is no way it can possibly be not funny |
#58745 (604/736) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Omi> I owned someone at work today
<Xa> How'd you manage that?
<Omi> He was pratting about chasing after the girls
<Omi> 'Cause he's a fucktard like that
<Omi> But he took his shoes off so he wouldnt make loud noises
<Omi> Which would attract the boss's attention
<Omi> So I nailed his shoes to the floor
<Xa> Rofl
<Omi> Someone said the boss was coming
<Omi> So he sprinted back to his shoes
<Omi> Jumped in them
<Omi> And then fell on his face when he tried to walk forward |
#58822 (509/623) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
richienumerouno: so i thought i lost my wallet but it turns out i just had someone elses pants on
richienumerouno: how can something like that happen |
#58699 (368/512) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
MadSkz: i was arguing with my dad last night
MadSkz: and i called him a terrorist (hes muslim)
padawan: lol..what did he do then
MadSkz: threaten me with a box cutter |
#58694 (369/525) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Klaxon> Dammit... I'm trying to work with this ridiculously religious client...
<Klaxon> He can't set up his forum because he's refusing to chmod 666 :( |
#58677 (366/530) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Crist> guyds i need u to help me
<Crist> my roomate glured my hannds to my mouse and desk'
<Crist> fuckrs ive been stuk herre for a hour
<Hoopaw> how the fuck are you typing?
<Crist> my nosea wttf explai ns my baad typuing
<Hoopaw> noted |
#58565 (440/598) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<s1r> so i thought i was listening to some grungy, industrial-goth-metal mix for the last two hours.
<s1r> turns out my radio just has really shitty reception. |
#58544 (157/359) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<AlmtyBob> I got this one girl
<AlmtyBob> young, hot, tight body
<AlmtyBob> and she asked where I worked and said she had applied there
<AlmtyBob> and asked how long I'd worked there
<AlmtyBob> "8 years"
<AlmtyBob> "oh I was 11 when you started working there!"
<AlmtyBob> 8( |
#58525 (139/359) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<MrZodiac> One time I requested a feature in OpenBSD and Theo sent me a picture of him mooning meComment: #bifemunix efnet
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#58512 (156/336) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< unsane> i hope i didnt take a double dose of my schizo meds
< cri> why?! You'll just be twice as sane! |
#58217 (314/506) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Apollo> w00t, finally got my comp running again :D
<Trinexx> dude, you've been gone for two weeks, wtf happened?
<Apollo> my new processor finally arrived in the mail, so I ripped the old one out and smashed it with a hammer. It was when I put the new one in that I noticed it was missing about 6 pins >:/
<Apollo> I fucking hate computers |
#58591 (188/406) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
pancreas: If homosexuality is a disease, can I call in gay? |
#58450 (176/342) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Jamie_M> my first concussion was from a giant black guy hurling me across the room
<Jamie_M> note to you all: Dont play power rangers with giant black guys |
#58303 (268/454) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<SC> I hate family.
<SC> One of my Aunts was over. Complete Health nut. She's fucking crazy when it comes to food and health. Everyone was over for my BDay
<SC> So I'm bbq'ing some works of god- Steak, Burgers, Chicken, the good stuff. They are literally cooked perfectly, works of art. Absolutely fantastic.
<SC> We talk my aunt into some of the food, who otherwise refused. Finally she agrees
<SC> She takes a steak, and a burger, jams it in my blender, turns it on, adds some orange juice
<SC> by this time I'm shreaking, and the blender is filled with some orange-brown goo.
<SC> She pours it in a large glass, and drinks it.
<SC> Never have I seen: A) A blender used in such a way B) That many people staring in awe at someone drinking a steak and burger.
<SC> My family is nucking futz. |
#58232 (206/368) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jiz> * AT 827 PM CDT...NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE DOPPLER RADAR WAS TRACKING A CONFIRMED TORNADO NEAR KANSAS CITY. DOPPLER RADAR SHOWED THIS TORNADO MOVING EAST AT 40 MPH.
<jiz> lol its not only coming here but its my part of here
<jiz> lol when i ping out you will know the funnel cloud hit
<sam> no
<sam> when you ping out we will know the funnel cloud hit 600 seconds ago
<sam> YOU WILL ALREADY BE DEADComment: irc.buttes.org #cockes
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#58516 (166/322) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+dbx> I suspect I'm missing one of my mini-to-normal jack converters again.
<+dbx> I also suspect my dog got hungry again.
<+dbx> Goddamnit, fourth fucking time this month. x_x |
#58434 (378/500) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Xeno: So I bought a 8lbs watermelon... Cut it in half and had half of it the other night and went 'Shit I'll never eat 4 fucking pounds of watermelon ever again."
Xeno: ...well I forgot and now I'm in the same pain. |
#58166 (285/477) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Tael: "two days later my exfiance was all "I know, we can go somewhere you havent been, it will be a surprise..." drives up to hooters and gets out, and says, you'll like it here. We walk in and all the girls say hi to me and give me hugs"
Tael: "I got the DIRTIEST look in the world from her" |
#58125 (334/462) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
DavidMM says, "Next question... do I want to devote the next half hour to writing a Wikipedia article on fruit peel just to satisfy my own sense of injustice that there isn't one?"
Matt_D [to DavidMM]: Are you a botanist or in some other way an expert on plant matter?
DavidMM [to Matt_D]: No, but I like eating things with fruit peel in them..
Matt_D [to DavidMM]: Then you are the perfect person to write the Wikipedia article on the subject. |
#58594 (351/521) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Rose> ahaha...I remember this one time at a tattoo parlour
<Rose> and this girl wanted a tattoo on her lower back
<Rose> and she told the artist "yeah, I want something symbolic"
<Rose> so I wrote "Exit only" in chineseComment: #applegeeks
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#58208 (374/512) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Corwinoid> BTW Brain, no I haven't
<WifiBrain> no you havent what?
<Corwinoid> I'm replying to the last thing you said to me
<Corwinoid> a week or so ago
<WifiBrain> i dont remember it
<Corwinoid> That I'd lost my title as the master of delayed response :P |
#57882 (122/330) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Lews> If my CPU has fused to the heatsink, is there a way to separate the two without damaging either? |
#57727 (111/295) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Grendel> I just got handed to torch of OH&S rep for the branch
<Grendel> Under humourous circumstances
<Grendel> I cut myself on a de-burring machine, yelled "FUCK" and got myself a bandaid
<Grendel> Our OH&S guy Damo said "You know where the bandaids are? Maybe you should be the rep instead of me" |
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