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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..128129130131132133134..596Next> |
#59329 (457/673) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<psychup2034> i was watching judge judy two weeks ago
<psychup2034> fucking dad and daughter when to court
<psychup2034> because of a broken headlight on a car
<psychup2034> the dad blamed the daughter
<psychup2034> but the daughter said she thinks someone came with something and knocked the headlights in
<psychup2034> judge judy was like do you have any proof
<psychup2034> and the daughter said "we live in a black neighborhood"
<psychup2034> never laughed so hard at court tv |
#59310 (240/416) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@mr_white> t0ks roll teh !dice, if you get 1-5 you get kicked
<t0ks> if i get 6 i stay?
<@mr_white> no for 6 you get another turn |
#59294 (281/393) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Anan> My friend said those exams aren't too bad...as long as you know your stuff
<Si> thats like sayin walkin isnt hard as long as uve got legs |
#59293 (270/440) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Trinexx> holy shit
<Trinexx> we just got robbed
<Trinexx> i didnt even notice
<Trinexx> rebecca came home, asked where her dad was, I said he went to the bank
<Trinexx> she went into our room
<Trinexx> came back
<Trinexx> "ok, where is all my jewelery, the xbox, the stereo, and the tv"
<Trinexx> we got robbed
<Trinexx> by the inlaws |
#59277 (441/591) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<simmy> Jack Bauer?
<simmy> (from 24)
<Simpleguy> Jack is a badass character. He can do anything
<|{evin> I think MacGuyver could take him
<|{evin> All he'd need is like.. some twine.. a toothbrush.. a glass of water.. and a tampon
<Simpleguy> You really need a rocket launcher to take down Jack? |
#59275 (459/609) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Nick: Peer Education Network for Information Systems... That is a name our company came up with... they decided not to include the acronym in the e-mail. They just refer to it be it's full name, or PEN for IS. It's fucking PENIS!
Matt: So do you have to attend PENIS?
Brent: Do they need anyone to do computer training? I would like to work for PENIS
Leslie: i have previous experience with PENIS
Brent: I don't need to know about that. |
#59269 (586/758) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+Brian> I just started playing with my girlfriend last night and I have to say I'm very impressed with the graphics, sounds and overall polish. |
#59266 (403/585) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Michiko> yes, well, my landlord got a puppy.
<Michiko> It won't die
<Michiko> I'm not sure if it's a real puppy or a stereo with a puppy cd in it
<Michiko> Because any normal animal would have passed out by now |
#59188 (365/491) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<phlip> I wear it from time to time... I don't usually think about what I'm wearing, just whichever shirt is on top of the pile ;)
<lisa> lol
<lisa> typical male i see
<phlip> well, it makes more sense than the alternative...
<phlip> I mean, who picks the shirt from the bottom of the pile every day? that's just stupid |
#59187 (531/699) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<drzoot> funniest thing thats happened all day (its been a slow day), i just got a new dell poweredge 2850 server, so i open all the cartons, smell that new smell and then start going through the included cds. one of them is a quick install cd for windows server 2003 (im using it cause ive been told to not cause i want to). so i pop in the quick install cd to see how that goes and it boots isolinux and launches me into a x11 based windows quick install / config shell
<Ronz> you mean windows supports linux...?
<drzoot> no i mean dell has decided that its easier to do all the configuration and setup using linux and just copy the files over rather than actually use the windows installerComment: #gentoo
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#59169 (-2/322) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
wiiar: i think i'll knit like a cozy for my case
wiiar: like they have for teapotsComment: #hardware on efnet
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#59054 (144/364) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<AKMask> [...] So im out the road at a bonfire with a bunch of guys. Eagle Beach, great bonfire, 35 pallets. I end up in the woods going at it with this girl i meet there. My 'friends' decide it would be a great idea to toss my pants in the bonfire. I had to drive 35 miles back to town with my ass exposed. it sucked. |
#59035 (254/450) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+withnail> just because i'm unemployed, have long hair and sit about all day smoking weed doesn't make me a hippy |
#59017 (254/414) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<mackattack> why do church organizations have telemarketers? I feel bad hangin up on them like I am sinning or something
<mackattack> the worst part is they usually call when I am watching porn |
#59016 (644/774) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<FuriKuri> How do I turn off those stupid red lines in Microsoft Word?
<Chu> Type correctly?Comment: #nintendo @ irc.chatspike.net
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#59014 (651/783) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Azio> Be wary of SEO firms that send you email out of the blue.
<Azio> Amazingly, we get these spam emails too:
<Azio> "Dear google.com,
<Azio> I visited your website and noticed that you are not listed in most of the major search engines and directories..." |
#58994 (332/500) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<rm-fr> jesus fuck, my ass has been like Celine Dion's mouth all damn day
<DesScorp> wrapped around her husband's cock?
<Verjigorm> Sitting beneath an ENORMOUS nose?
<rm-fr> randomly spewing out copious amounts of crap
<rm-fr> I'm not sure I care for the implications of either of your answersComment: #bifemunix on EFnet
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#59146 (438/590) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<madman> Perhaps I'm a bit racist.
<madman> This Mexican guy called saying he was interested in the car I was selling, so I give him the directions to my house.
<madman> I see him pull up in his truck, and so I go outside to greet him, guess what I say?
<madman> "Hey Pedro!"
<madman> I'm about to apologize when he says, "How'd you know my name? I didn't even tell you!"
<madman> Talk about lucky. |
#58806 (216/456) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<~knuck> Faptime.
<~knuck> I came. (20mins 15secs)
<~knuck> knuck's fap count for 2006: 137 times. Last came 41secs ago. Total faptime: 2days 3hrs 17mins 53secs. Average faptime: 22mins 28secs. 1.199546 faps/day.
<Zem> sometimes I hate my capacity for visual speculation |
#58753 (119/345) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<AngryLuke> going to starbucks for coffee is like going to disneyland to use a toilet. |
#58726 (247/495) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
suurlemoen: usually I can't even run a whole mile
scythen32: ...
scythen32: not something i would tell people
suurlemoen: no, there are a lot of people who can't run a mile
scythen32: yes
scythen32: they are called americans |
#58895 (66/390) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<hellslave> Apparently, it's weird to dislike the dirty talk in porn.
<Neo> who pays attention to the talking, dirty or not?
<hellslave> No idea.
<hellslave> But ANY talking is annoying.
<hellslave> Just shut up and pork, already!
<Neo> lol
<hellslave> That's the genius of rape: no talking, aside from the introductory, "Scream and I'll kill you!"Comment: #gsccc
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#58885 (264/428) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<smiley1635> Anybody want a 9.1gb scsi HD?
<Strings> What colour is it? |
#58795 (361/511) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Apollo> Ugh, I was looking at this one animal porn site, and the chick blowing the dog spit out what looked like melted ice cream. Dog cum doesnt look like that, it's clear, ffs.
<Trinexx> Two things wrong with that
<Trinexx> 1) Why the hell are you looking at animal porn?
<Trinexx> 2) How the FUCK do you know what dog cum looks like?
<Apollo> uh... would you believe curiosity? |
#58792 (98/334) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
[roint] oreilly books... i bought one on C, and my dad asked me why the fuck i bought a book about cows |
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