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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..124125126127128129130..596Next> |
#60729 (97/349) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<c-rOCK> you cant give blood if youve had buttsex with a man since 1976 though doesnt that disqualify you
<Catcher> haha
<Catcher> giving or receiving?
<jestuh> busted.
<Catcher> DAMN |
#60728 (273/487) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(+Oleander) sometimes I go into gay bars just to turn men down
(+Oleander) to boost my self esteem |
#60641 (283/511) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<shardz> my friend wrote a "compressor" in perl yesterday
<shardz> but instead of compressing the file, it just deletes it and replaces it with an empty file and sends the message "Oops! Compression failed!"Comment: irc.esper.net #ednos
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#60621 (8703/9897) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Knightmare> Well that was obvious.
<Tuborg> ?
<Knightmare> Guy in a cubicle a couple feet away from me stands up and asks aloud if anyone has a Starcraft CD Key.
<Tuborg> Heh.
<Tuborg> I'm guessing he got a good talking to by your manager?
<Knightmare> The floor supervisor told him where to download a no-cd crack.
<Tuborg> Can I fax you my resume? |
#61478 (166/372) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Bobofsmeg> Well Phil, it's obvious to anybody that vaguely knows Amber that you're gonna be the bitch in this relationship
<Bobofsmeg> oh shit please dont hurt me Amber |
#61477 (350/626) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<ktek> yesterday some dumb teen on a bike heading toward my car shone a green laser in my eyes, laughing as he rides away
<ktek> so i did a u-turn and went after him
<ktek> he looks behind him as he hears a car coming, sees that it's me and starts booking it down the road
<ktek> i get behind him and match his speed, and he's freaking out screaming like a little girl
<ktek> i lightly hit the gas and hit his back tire, and he flipped off his bike and hits the shoulder pretty hard
<ktek> i stop, roll my window down, see he's okay and i laugh and take off.
<ktek> now that's a good day |
#61462 (232/432) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(@b) core, do you live in germany or austria
(+core) why do you ask?
(@b) I was wondering if my arm was rubber, how far it would need to stretch to punch you in the face |
#60930 (468/644) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Greenbox> the place i ordered chicken parmesan from forgot the chicken
<Greenbox> so instead of calling and complaining, like a normal person would
<Greenbox> I used asterisk and called them from the number of the department of health
<Greenbox> and told them a random screening of their food had just been conducted, and they failed miserably
<Greenbox> so they were ordered not to serve food until an inspection later today
<Ignite> ROFL
<Kevin> rofl
<Ignite> hahahahahhaha
<Kevin> <3 GreenboxComment: #controlthesystem on irc.xelix.net
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#61280 (538/686) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<mizore> Gah! Stupid Debian ISO download! 3kbps T_T
<ellipsis> Cancel the download and do it some other time. You're already running Ubuntu, aren't you?
<mizore> I can't cancel now!
<ellipsis> Why not?
<mizore> It's 78% complete!
<ellipsis> so?
<mizore> Well, it's kinda like masturbation, when you reach a certain point, then you just have to keep on going until you finish.
<ellipsis> ...
<ellipsis> ...did...did you just compare downloading linux to masturbation?
<ellipsis> Why are we on the same planet? |
#61431 (567/829) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<gnarfel> i run linux on my toaster
<gnarfel> granted theres no driver for the heater coils, but the fact that im eating open source toast warms the bread on its own |
#61284 (472/642) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Rod> that would be a great scientific experiement
<Rod> get 100 muslims and 100 christians. tell them each to say "the lord will protect me!" and jump off a building
<Rod> religion with the highest number of survivors wins
<Rod> if survivors tie at 0, pick 2 more religions, repeat. |
#61151 (385/533) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<The_GGA> Never.. ever.. misspell
<The_GGA> INSECT
<The_GGA> especially in a google image search. |
#61143 (293/457) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Teh Cranny: What if someone came up to you at random and said "I need pants"?
Sharp10390: I'd take off mine and give them to them so that i too could share the glory in asking for pants. |
#61121 (414/558) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Ked|work> You know you've used linux more than google when typing 'man pipe' into the search bar doesn't instantly seem like a bad idea. |
#60819 (231/415) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<pinky> hmm
<pinky> if i give the ants enough time they'd clean the kitchen themselves |
#61394 (264/426) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Retro> ok so this morning my friend brings in a huge tub of peanut butter
<Retro> crunchy style
<Retro> and says he'll give me 20$ to eat it all
<Retro> two hours later, I had twenty bucks and diarrhea |
#61349 (8119/10141) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<SenioR> whahahah fravec! I fucked your mother!!
<@Fravec> Dad, buzz off, I'm talking to friends here...Comment: never teach your dad how to use IRC
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#61277 (2517/2941) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Hekili_Manu Ok. So I called my bank's fraud dept about that hotels.com letter I got since I apparently used them twice with two different cards. I forgot completely that when I signed up you can assign your own security question online.
Hekili_Manu So when I called and spoke to the guy they use the same security question and he asked me "Ok, I just need to verify one thing. How big is your c**k?"
Hekili_Manu It took me a moment to remember that and I was like "Uh....." |
#61188 (506/650) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<NoelCower> Before you is a pie. There is a door leading to the east.
<Wiebo> > take pie
<NoelCower> You take the pie, storing it in your anus.
<Wiebo> > e
<NoelCower> The door is locked.
<Wiebo> > die
<NoelCower> You die with a pie up your ass. You should have examined it -- there was a key in it. |
#60772 (2319/2985) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Vagrant|BRB> I was talking to this girl in my class about this fight she had with her brother.
<Vagrant|BRB> And she said, " I was so mad, I could of just fapped in his face. "
<Vagrant|BRB> I swear, at least five heads -- all guys, I might add -- turned to look at her. She looked confused, like she had no idea what she said.
<Vagrant|BRB> And I'm like, " ... what'd you say? "
<Vagrant|BRB> " Fap. You know. Hit. "
<Vagrant|BRB> All of the guys who turned around to look at her, me included, just sort of tittered and shared guilty glances. To this day, she has no idea why.Comment: #FurNet
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#60705 (131/351) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<AutoGlass54> stfu i dont want to hear about premature ejactulations
<big12digit> i prefer to call it a "dishonorable discharge"
<flak> ive long since accepted it
<flak> like ill sit there and be like SQUIRTLE I CHOOSE YOU |
#60563 (83/353) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(discussing previous workplace)
47: my boss used to work for them. he hates the place
47: so we have something in common
Bubbles: haha
47: i liked the hot chicks though
Bubbles: well you have to steal all their business and take their hot bitches
47: yeah man
47: i'll be the Viking of computer repair
47: ME 47! ME REMOVE MALWARE! ME DIAGNOSE MEMORY FAULT! GIVE ME YOUR BITCHES! *club* |
#60533 (6865/8305) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Zophory> dude, I just came up with the best idea for a Metal gear solid game!
<MrFizz> ....
<Zophory> it starts with Snake having to infiltrate a terroist meeting..
<MrFizz> I swear to God, if you say "Snake on a plane" at any point during this story, I'll cut you.
<Zophory> ..so, what's everyones plans for the weekend? |
#60531 (577/709) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<froglars> How do you fellows organise your game collections?
<@Terror> alphabetically
<&Joomla> well
<&Joomla> i have categories
<&Joomla> one is 'games i am currently playing'
<&Joomla> those are located inside their respective game systems
<&Joomla> the other category is 'all my other games'
<&Joomla> those are placed haphazardly in a big pile beside my tv |
#60520 (118/458) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Rjx> talking about buying gas in the liter is for pussies
<@Rjx> in the US they measure gas in how many middle eastern countries will need invading
<@Rjx> HEY YEAH PUT A ONE QUARTER IRAQ IN THAT THERE TANK |
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