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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..119120121122123124125..596Next> |
#65001 (201/433) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<swight> hope colbert wins an emmy
<timmo> pz
<timmo> emmy for most likely to get shot in the face by the cia
<timmo> for mocking the president
<swight> cia doesn't shoot people in the face, that's the vice prez
<timmo> toucheComment: #geekissues
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#62378 (44/424) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<AlmtyBob> motherfucker
<AlmtyBob> IRISH PEOPLE WERE MADE ONLY TO FUCK WITH SQL DATABASE
<AlmtyBob> GODDAMNED SINGLE QUOTES IN THEIR FUCKING... |
#65051 (316/508) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<FireSlash> So, at my office they're deploying a bunch of new HP Color Laser printers. These things are hot. Double sided printing, fast, etc.
<FireSlash> Now, to set them up its pretty simple... Plug it in, call some guy and have him do all the internal setup via telnet, then pop the toner in and its ready to roll.
<FireSlash> So, aparrently the guy they tasked to do this is colorblind.
<FireSlash> I'm currently going around the office and it appears that he somehow managed to defeat odds and get EVERY TONER in the wrong order.
<FireSlash> But it gets better.
<FireSlash> They're keyed so you can't do this. He forced them into each slot so it takes two people and a lot of manhandling to get them out.
<FireSlash> Aparrently someone asked him about it and he was like "Yeah, those printers are stupid. Why do you need four grey toners?"
<FireSlash> >.< |
#65042 (524/652) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<stu14> Does Australia float around or is it stuck there
<Tom65789> Are you serious?Comment: irc.gg-center.net
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#64573 (1143/1231) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
[b] "If you're ever interviewed for a programming job at a big company, you're
gonna get questions like this. At Yahoo! they asked me one about how to figure out which one of 1000 bottles of wine was poisoned, using less than 10 prisoners as 'test subjects'."
[b] I'd tell the prisoners that if they don't work it out on their own, I'll kill them all
[ctho] that's the answer that gets you hired for upper management |
#62316 (210/394) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Trinexx> greatest feeling on earth: being pissed off because you dont have any cigs, then reaching for your wallet to see how much cash you have and finding out that you have a pack of cigs in your back pocket ^_^
(... a few seconds later...)
<Trinexx> AH GOD DAMNIT THEY'RE ALL BROKEN |
#62295 (247/389) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Domr0x>Do you have a tape recorder?
<CuzCiz>No
<CuzCiz>but i have a pc with a good mic
<Domr0x>hmm, dont think we can smuggle your pc into the red hot chili peppers concert |
#62278 (-2/262) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* Catfish_Man is on #adium, #banyantree, #kopete, #macsb, #webkit, #chatkit, ##instantmessaging, and #telepathy on freenode
<chuck> Man, you need some other hobby, dude
<chuck> Try jerking off now and then
<Toba> if irc is a hobby so is heroinComment: #qc
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#64493 (860/1032) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<DinkyDogg> my mom and sister and i had an awesome moment going through security on the way back from Ireland
<DinkyDogg> I was reading the sign about the prohibited items, and it went something like this:
<DinkyDogg> Me: Looks like I can't go on board, because my 'tool' is more than 7 inches.
<DinkyDogg> Rachel: Jake!
<DinkyDogg> Mom: And also no "club-like objects"
<DinkyDogg> Rachel: MOM!!!!!
<DinkyDogg> *Rachel cries* |
#63373 (214/378) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Swishy> i knew this one cat
<@Swishy> that would always sit with his crotch against the radiator
<@Swishy> turns out
<@Swishy> they didn't need to neuter him |
#62128 (-1/353) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<rob> but also making sure they are complete sets
<rob> which takes the time
<rob> just completed my fruit machine roms set
<rob> i was missing a few
<steph> :-O
<rob> i like to put on a baseball cap, put a marlboro in my mouth and play fruit machine roms - makes me feel like a chav
<steph> eChav
<rob> i just need a can of special brew to compelte the ensemble
<rob> then ill browse amazon.com and pretend im shoplifting |
#64565 (147/395) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@psych0sys> i told my old boss once i wanted to fuck a pregnant bitch so i could say i had a threesome
<@psych0sys> she freaked out
<@psych0sys> what a fucking bitch |
#64358 (386/540) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<absinth> omg ! my father finished call of duty!
<misiek> so what?
<absinth> nothing but during the last-but-one mission he asked me whether one can change Colt to another gun..Comment: note: Translated from Polish
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#63878 (295/421) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<tydel> this fat chick walked up to me at the club tonight
<tydel> she's like "I like vodka, buy me a drink"
<tydel> I was like "I like blowjobs, buy ME a drink"
<tydel> kind of a conversation ender |
#63876 (312/446) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<steve> I just jumped over the coffee table in the living room into a roll because I thought there was no one there but my dad was in the kitchen and he was like wtf are you doing you idiot |
#63337 (309/451) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
VarnTheGreat: I have some orange drink thing here and grape juice.
VarnTheGreat: Do I mix them together?
xTedHeadx: Yes.
xTedHeadx: Make groringe juice.
xTedHeadx: ...No, that sounds too much like groin juice.
VarnTheGreat: Haha.
xTedHeadx: Make orrape juice.
xTedHeadx: ...Yeah I don't think they'll mix well, judging by the names.
VarnTheGreat: Hahahaha. |
#62237 (325/463) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<AI> I just found some C code in my home dir on some linux machine
<AI> and I looked at it for a minute
<AI> and then I thought "I don't know what this is supposed to do, but it looks like something I would write"
<AI> 30 seconds later I noticed that I did write it
<AI> but I still don't know what it's supposed to do |
#62196 (181/427) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Wanker123: I believe im guilty of manslaughter...
Wanker123: I figure that ive killed a baby...
Getout432: What the hell did you do man?
Wanker123: Well ive calculated the average load i shoot off to have a mass of approx 1 gram
Wanker123: If you assume twice a day, 7 days a week, thats 14 grams per week
Wanker123: 52 weeks in a year, thats 782 grams per year, rounded up to 800 because of those extra large loads
Wanker123: Now ive been wanking for at least 3 years, which means ive expelled at least 2.4 KILOGRAMS of little children... now since they've all died... and a newborn baby probably weights about 2.4 kg...
Wanker123: Therefore, i submit, that im guilty of manslaughter, for killing enough mini-children to add up to a real child...
Getout432: You really need to get laid you fucking redneck |
#62191 (195/373) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<&Erik> you at work?
<linuxillegal> yes
<&Erik> i didnt think bike stealing had internet access
<linuxillegal> when you franchise, theres possibilities |
#62184 (0/396) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<jjpwnxu> i have nothing to do and I'm REALLY bored.
<Splinter>Lol, well I’m playin a really crap but addictive game which i want to complete and it’s really hard.
<jjpwnxu>Wait, I think i have played that! Is it called "Life"? |
#64256 (154/346) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(+wolrah) I need to get a job building fire extinguishers.
(+wolrah) I just realized the greatest way to say "I quit"
(+wolrah) Fill them with gasoline |
#64238 (281/545) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
FFXFD: hmm, CNN has something on "the female brain"
LousyWork: is the article a ton of words that dont really say anything?
FFXFD: where every sentence contradicts the sentence before that
LousyWork: parked too close to other articles
LousyWork: halfway through it says "you arent even reading me are you" |
#64004 (452/578) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<DanAtHome> WELLINGTON (Reuters) - New Zealand's indigenous Maori population reacted angrily on Wednesday to a researcher's findings that Maori have a high representation of a gene linked to aggression, as the nation faces a domestic violence crisis.
<DanAtHome> Is there a Maori word for "irony"? |
#62175 (236/398) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<evilAdmin> omg... PDF rules.
<evilAdmin> since everyone figured out the whole blacked out text thing (which is perfectly recoverable)...
<evilAdmin> all of the office is busy putting in hidden quotes and messages at the end of work documents as thick black lines, including upper management and admin (even the CEO is busy quoting 'Gates).
<evilAdmin> Then, coworkers play with the new hires- claiming you can only read it once you print it off. Most of them fall for it, I even saw one guy saying it was a "Magic Eye" sort of thing where the black stripe dissapears and the letters pop out.
<evilAdmin> much to my dismay, his buddy was sitting there cross-eyed with the paper 8cm away from his face.
<evilAdmin> >:) |
#62151 (389/565) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Pan Man 120: wtf
Pan Man 120: birds sleep?
Robin: ...
Pan Man 120: it makes sense but i always kind of thought they flew around all day |
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