|
TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..118119120121122123124..596Next> |
#66375 (204/384) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Jodie>: But dident you say Sydney was hot?
<Adam>: Yeah, doesent mean i would sleep with her
<Adam>: ...
<Adam>: Actually, it does, but it doesent mean i WANT to sleep with her |
#65907 (227/353) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ArianaK> I want my money back.
<ArianaK> I forgot the name of the tea I'm drinking thats supposed to help your memory |
#66161 (131/283) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Metalcore: see, the lack of emotion i could ALMOST deal with.
Metalcore: if you know, she would ever talk to me.
Metalcore: it's like squeezing water from a rock.
Metalcore: but not just any rock.
Metalcore: like, a rock that exists in a universe that lacks the hydrogen and oxygen atoms. |
#65407 (538/664) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
pastachees: Titanic is really bad
pastachees: the movie anyways
pcat: The boat didn't work so well either |
#62737 (160/304) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@D1> I'm reading stephen hawking's website and I can't help to do it in that robot voice |
#66025 (93/547) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<xevious> hey did you guys hear that they are recalling all of steve irwins sunscreen line?
<Rofflecop> WHY?
<xevious> apparently it doesnt protect against deadly raysComment: #lsg [efnet]
|
#65178 (341/485) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<dsfargeg> right, I don't even know how to start this calculus question :(
<cjr> I've got a phd on mathematics
<dsfargeg> really?? what do you do now?
<cjr> ?
<cjr> ohhh, i meant a .pdf
<dsfargeg> fuck you |
#64908 (299/449) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Draconx> codered, aplay < /dev/urandom
<kepstin> if you hear noise, it works
<codered> oh FUCK
<codered> that was loud
<codered> I woke up my gf....
<codered> I think I just shit my pants |
#64515 (251/407) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<LexMortis> At the oslo airport was one of the led scrolling info signs and it said some stuff about eTickets and instead of "please" they used "pls"
<LexMortis> in 10 years its prolly gonna be "hi2u! if u hv eticket then pls go 2 eticket counter kthxbye" |
#63290 (297/459) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Sonic McTails: Man, work is dead today
Nokoatheart: That sucks.
Nokoatheart: hey, wait...
Nokoatheart: Don't you work in a hospital? |
#62635 (14/268) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Workdug> <woebeetle> russian food = alcohol,cigarettes,cabbage
<metric> i could live on that
<jmx> dont know about the cabbage
<Spidey> pass on the cabbageComment: #geekissues
|
#64584 (118/274) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Sabator> ATi name their cards using a dartboard with all the letters of the alphabet on it
<Sabator> unfortunately 80% of the board is the letter X |
#65720 (125/307) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<codergeek42> How is your labor-day weekend going so far? :)
<HellDragon> bad
<HellDragon> i get drama everywhere
<HellDragon> im glad that im not emo
<HellDragon> i would have no wrists left |
#64042 (104/308) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<mgblst> I joined the half-mile high club. It is like the mile high club, but has half as many people. |
#62902 (8/302) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+chels> real human porn weirds me out, i dont wana see other people doin itComment: #wpi
|
#62589 (169/387) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< zeleftikam> i had a fuckin weird ass dream last night.. suddenly i realised i could wikipedia two things at once and that was somehow amazing, then i appeared in a dance club and this dj at a table had two record turntables except they were circular lcd screens and each had a wikipedia page, and as he scratched the screens back and forth different wikipedia pages flipped on them
< zeleftikam> and he was reading them
< zeleftikam> because he was Lord Nikon from HackersComment: #null (irc.nullirc.net)
|
#62544 (3/349) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<bizzy> hep which wacom tablet should i get
<bizzy> alternately do you have one to give me
<hep> the biggest one
<acidjazz> hep waddya use it for?
<hep> everything
<bizzy> ok so its like dildo shopping
<bizzy> now i got itComment: #bantown
|
#65605 (965/1085) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Burningmace> I had a customer in hysterics today at work
<+KPR> how come?
<Burningmace> Well, we sell lots of things that have different types, so sometimes you can buy assorted packs
<Burningmace> He was buying some flavoured condoms... assorted ones, so the computer automatically prepends "Assorted" to the start of it
<Burningmace> So I put it through and hand him the reciept and he checks it and starts laughing
<+KPR> huh?
<Burningmace> I took a look at the reciept, and because the line didn't fit on the paper, it'd truncated the first word.
<Burningmace> So he'd bought some Ass Flavoured Condoms.Comment: It's a laugh a minute at Lidl
|
#65516 (295/513) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<snoozedell> what's your favorite planet
<alman> pluto
<alman> oh wait |
#65016 (277/453) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<DogTheBootyHunter> dammitdammitdammitdammitdammitsonofabitch
<DogTheBootyHunter> I just missed the season finales of two of my shows...
<DogTheBootyHunter> lost track of time
<muttonduck> i watched northern exposure religiously, never missed an episode, even when joel left the series. i was watching the FINAL episode with five mins to go when my 3 yr old daughter fellover in the hallway and banged her head. By the time I got back to the TV the show was finished.
<muttonduck> Now my son is my favourite child. |
#63545 (563/933) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<CtrlAltDestroy> Alright, so I was working at Steak n Shake today
<CtrlAltDestroy> There was this new girl
<CtrlAltDestroy> For her break, she wanted a chili 5-way
<CtrlAltDestroy> So we told her to make it herself cuz we were busy
<CtrlAltDestroy> So she goes to make it
<CtrlAltDestroy> And like most n00bs do at least once, she mistook the barbecue sauce for the spaghetti sauce
<CtrlAltDestroy> So she poured barbecue sauce on her 5-way.
<CtrlAltDestroy> I was sitting next to her when she started to eat it...
<CtrlAltDestroy> When she took a bite, she screamed
<CtrlAltDestroy> "OH MY GOD, WHAT THE FUCK, BARBEQUE?" |
#63382 (447/639) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<PenguinMan> That is wrong on so many levels, I think I had to fight a boss or two |
#64104 (1821/2017) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<pipo> ...um.
<pipo> ... kids these days ...
<pipo> just came from the strangest conversation with my little sister
<niccolo> ?
<pipo> she's reading the comics
<pipo> and she asks me
<pipo> "hey what's 'friendship-with-benefits?'"
<pipo> so I give the big brother response
<pipo> "it's a physical relationship, without any commitment"
<pipo> mind you, she's 11 and I don't want to get into much detail with my sis
<pipo> anyway she was quiet for a moment
<pipo> and then she goes
<pipo> "ok so like f***buddies then?"
<michelle_113> ...
<niccolo> dude wtf |
#64822 (3742/4108) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
[DAY] Trinexx: I saw the most awesome Windows error today: "A malicious program has attempted to shut down Windows. As a precaution, Windows was shut down." |
#65005 (0/354) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
|rage---| anyone here have a ds?
|rage---| and wants to buy some games? :P
|aNaRcHiSt_| wanna buy a dead hooker?
|aNaRcHiSt_| got one in my boot.
|rage---| still warm?
|aNaRcHiSt_| just dip her in a bath dude |
|
save page |
share: reddit
stumbleupon
digg
facebook
twitter
tumblr
<Prev1..118119120121122123124..596Next> |
|