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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..537538539540541542543..596Next> |
#295832 (43/61) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Arkatera>"Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML"
<EsuriatCorinths>Haha, owned.
<EsuriatCorinths>Never trust a toddler.
<EsuriatCorinths>all toddlers are chaotic neutral
<EsuriatCorinths>Well
<eIat10s>Wonderful description.
<EsuriatCorinths>Very occasionally you will find a chaotic evil toddler
<EsuriatCorinths>All are chaotic, though. |
#299949 (43/79) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
Joe: Tommy's room is right next to mine and the walls are really thin
Joe: Every time I hear him start yelling at his friends over Xbox Live when I am trying to sleep
Joe: I release the IP address on our router |
#300277 (43/63) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Horrorfusion> i have just seen one of the worst things
<Horrorfusion> i go to tell my roommate something and i hear him making kind of a weird noise and his door is open so i knock and enter
<Horrorfusion> the motherfucker is laying on his bed holding his legs above his head, butt naked, and his balls are facing right into his bedside fan and he looks like he is in massive pain
<Horrorfusion> i yell "WHAT THE FUCK DUDE" and he freaks out
<Horrorfusion> about 5 minutes ago he comes into my room still in pain and explains that he got that icey hot stuff on his balls when he rubbing it into his calf
<Horrorfusion> and the cold air helped the pain
<Horrorfusion> good times in the hybridfusion householdComment: #cobol
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#301867* (?/83) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<archtech> php-bot's asking me not to say shit
<archtech> shit, sorry
* ChanServ gives channel operator status to php-bot
<php-bot> archtech has been muted for 30 minutes to prevent profanity abuse.
* php-bot sets mode +q ##php archtech!*@*
* php-bot removes channel operator status from php-bot
--- 30 minutes later.... ---
* ChanServ gives channel operator status to php-bot
* php-bot sets mode -q ##php archtech!*@*
* php-bot removes channel operator status from php-bot
<archtech> Sweet
<archtech> Shit that took forever
<archtech> (I was banned by php-bot for saying shit too many times)
<archtech> Wait... shit
* ChanServ gives channel operator status to php-bot
<php-bot> archtech has been muted for 30 minutes to prevent profanity abuse.
* php-bot sets mode +q ##php archtech!*@*
* php-bot removes channel operator status from php-botComment: ##php @ freenode
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#301931* (?/75) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<k0n> I am so fucking pissed off
<k0n> about a week ago gf asked me to jailbreak the iPhone I bought her
<k0n> so I did, and told her not to upgrade to the new software version cos it breaks things
<k0n> anyway this morning she phones me up bitching at me because the jailbreak doesn't work
<k0n> guess what - she's updated the software.
<mimmic> haha, moron
<k0n> so I went over there to go see if I could re-jailbreak it, and she pretty much refused to talk to me and spent the whole time giving me evil eyes
<k0n> like it's MY fault
<k0n> I spent a good hour researching and basically the result is that the new version can't be jailbroken yet
<k0n> so she THROWS THE FUCKING IPHONE AT THE WALL. O_O
<mimmic> wtf?!
<k0n> then has a massive rant at me about how I never do anything for her
<mimmic> dump the bitch
<k0n> nah, I have a plan for revenge
<k0n> nekkid holiday pictures, meet 4chan |
#302416 (45/53) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
Vasir: What's tuberculosis?
Psi: A lung disease
Vasir: Ohh, I thought it was an std
Psi: lol, no, it's transferred by coughing, sneezing, stuff like that
Vasir: I thought its when your dick is clogged
Psi: ...
Vasir: ...
Vasir: Is there a disease fitting that description?
Psi: God, I hope not... |
#303953 (44/78) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Bentley> mIRC script is what happened when bash and csh got together and had a kid, and then dropped acid and took overdoses of thalidomide |
#304088 (44/80) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Onyx> playing hide and seek with a cat tis harrd
<Onyx> he never acts surprised when he finds me, it's always just like "*sigh* I knew you were there from the start ... stupid human" |
#304101* (?/89) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
* drakes has joined #isharia
<drakes> hello
<tatapyranga> greetings drakes
<TheFizzMeister> Is there any reason you sometimes come in as drakes and sometimes as Drakes?
<drakes> yes
<Delano> He's trying to capitalize on something
<TheFizzMeister> Delano: I hate you.
<Delano> TheFizzMeister, get in line |
#304895 (43/75) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
< jMCg> With something's not right I meant: I just measured my temperature, and although I feel hot, it says 34.
< jMCg> I think I should try that again.
< jMCg> Much better results: 35.8
< jMCg> Lets see what it says when I put it in m
< apanek-work> ...
< jMCg> y tea. |
#305810 (43/89) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<enemaman> i want to compile a book containing all of the food-related sex acts on urbandictionary
<Kufat> title: "Read This Book and You Will Never Eat or Fuck Again"Comment: #square/EsperNet
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#305948 (43/67) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<ttvd> these msvc error messages are so Zen
<ttvd> it's like a freaking koan, you get it, then you ponder on it for like forever
<ttvd> and then the answer is completely something else, totally not relatedComment: EFNet #C++
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#306165 (43/87) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<rush> where I come from we measure the hotness of a chick by using a scale which is determined by the number of days she could go without a shower and you'd still stick your tongue in her ass, and she's an 8 |
#306370 (43/89) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Craige> Much better. Now I have spell checknig
<Craige> ...fail. |
#309308 (44/94) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
< vanu> what if like
< vanu> the higgs boson is the heart of a particle
< vanu> and it gives them mass because that is what keeps them ATTRACTED TO OTHERS
< vanu> oh shit
< vanu> i've solved it
<@sta|ker> no
<@sta|ker> you're juset high
< vanu> I'VE SOLVED IT ALL |
#309328 (43/55) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Plorkyeran> comcast sure is awesome
<Plorkyeran> it seems that the reason my internet connection has been down for the last two days is that they tried to give me a free upgrade to 105/20
<Plorkyeran> and instead disabled my connection |
#310271 (43/55) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
< nokocode> is there a help channel available?
< Master_Lyon> this is the help channel
< Master_Lyon> for c++
< Master_Lyon> there is also ##c++-general and ##c++-social
< pakcjo> no ##c++-haters? :( so sad
< kalven> pakcjo: this channel doubles as thatComment: freenode ##c++
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#310347 (44/58) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Rozzie-mob> Ohok
<Rozzie-mob> Apparently when I was younger I ate the dogs worming tablets
<Rozzie-mob> But it was okay because I took the correct dosage |
#311640 (18/86) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<whitequark> i used to work with a guy
<whitequark> who was working on ruby on rails website
<whitequark> in dominican republic
<whitequark> and he was doing it exclusively on a mixture of cocaine and amphetamine
<whitequark> and i had to refactor his code
<whitequark> i literally asked my coworkers to give me an ice pick and an one way ticket to dominican republic as a new year gift
<whitequark> unfortunately they refused |
#1038 (44/268) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<[Duo]> man, you guys are so not 7334 |
#1259 (44/269) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Spike-Man> #myass is pretty cool.
<Spike-Man> Who wants to come in #myass? |
#2074 (44/201) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<memo> Kazz, do you WANT your dick bit off? Didn't we just have an in-depth discussion earlier today on why that's not a good thing? |
#2252 (44/257) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<neekola> i should do that
<neekola> be like
<neekola> yo buy my dirty underwear
<neekola> 40$ a piece
<neekola> use the money to buy more underwear
<neekola> i could be an entrepreneur |
#2880 (44/196) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Avi> is this divx ??????????????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ???????????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!! <-- thats how people are now'a'days
<Lord-Data> Avi: its always been that way
<Lord-Data> just faster cpu's means they type more bullshit |
#3188 (44/228) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Chaderz> Damnit man, get MSN!
<Dog_Welder> Unlike most, I find that Bill's dick chafes my ass |
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