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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..515516517518519520521..596Next> |
#13474 (31/286) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Rottingbeef> i live in "yawn" america
<Rottingbeef> but im only 11, so dont think im some serial killer |
#14411 (31/192) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<PrincessLeia2> crow, i think you would be a happier person if you had a fireplace... i feel so much better after we burn junkmail
<Titu§ Crow> i would much rather burn junkppl |
#16151 (31/211) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* Amrik slaps Morfans around a bit with a large trout
<Marvin|> I don't think he'll notice you more just because you do that.
<Amrik> well it makes me feel better |
#28810 (31/225) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* Kirby is now known as Sandman`
<Hell_Kitty> pink balls aren't sexy
<Sandman`> Kirby turns me on.
<Vel|EVN> :/
<Sandman`> Look at how he swallows. |
#38535 (31/231) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<mata> so my friend is telling me this story... hes going at it with this chick.. . her beds on the floor on top of a box spring.. but still on the floor.. so hes banging this chick.. and all of the sudden her dog comes over and LICKS HIS ANUS..full on anal lick. went straight for it.. not a cheeck not a leg.. but his ANUS... but like a trooper he kept pumping away and just tried to push the dog away with his other hand |
#39681 (31/135) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<utopian> I can see something like this in #jesus
<utopian> RTFB
<utopian> Read The Fucking BibleComment: #geekissues acronym game
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#50695 (31/213) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
novwithabullet: man, now I have SMB2 music stuck in my head
Deuz MA: hahaha
Deuz MA: duh-nuh-nuh-nuh duh-nuh-nuh-nuh duh-nuh-nuh-nuh DOO DOO
doo doo do dittle doo, doo doo do dittle do ..
novwithabullet: oh man, you got that spot on
Deuz MA: LOL
novwithabullet: and then there's bum-ba da dum dum ba-dum ba da dum
Deuz MA: hahahaha
Deuz MA: i totally know what one that is
novwithabullet: I like to think of SMB2 as the first mario-party game
Deuz MA: I'm trying to think of how to write the boss music
novwithabullet: it's too fast
novwithabullet: dudududududu DU DU dududududududu DU DU |
#53829 (31/287) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Kedrot> man, i think i'm catching teh ghey
<hey> sadly noticing early symptoms wont helpComment: #geekissues EfNET
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#111707 (31/167) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Russa> but english is the dumbiest and easyest language to understand ever |
#116121* (?/45) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Experience the best online casino entertainment on the Internet at online casino where all new players Receive $555 Free playonlnecasino com get best casino bonus with unforgetable experience, Sign up in our great modern gamesincasino com games and good luck. Thank youComment: None
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#300966 (31/147) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
******: they say that an oracle dba, having passed all oracle exams and received every oracle certification, can kill a man with a single sql query |
#302023* (?/57) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<JimBastard_> i couldnt find my belt this morning and the top button on my clean jeans popped off. im wearing iphone buds as a belt today |
#302144 (31/213) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<dangerousgeom> wow, your forehead has a language?
<dangerousgeom> that's impressive
<sos> every forehead has a language, just try using it for tying stuff
<sos> typing*
<dangerousgeom> v njm v
<dangerousgeom> mine seems to have a speech impediment |
#302544 (31/39) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< shortcircuit> So there's an anime channel I hang out in, with a bot named toobparts. Toobparts is little more than a multi-stage chatbot that will try various means of saying something pseudorelevant to ambient discussion. (Markov is its last-ditch effort.)
< shortcircuit> Somehow, one of the newbies is convinced toobparts is not a bot, and knows where to download anime. Hilarity ensues.
< shortcircuit> I don't know if toober is passing the turing test, or if the newbie is failing it. |
#303930* (?/63) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<mno> huh what's going on with steam
<mno> it says I have no connection
<deckman> you don't
<deckman> this chat is a hallucination
<mno> woah
<Fraxtil> but if I can see it too, then that's not true
<mno> fraxtil you're just a figment of my imagination
<Fraxtil> unless I'm just a construct of mno's subconscious
<Fraxtil> ...O_o
<mno> mive hind
<Fraxtil> jesus dude that was actually scary
<mno> because you are really me
<deckman> youd think that you'd come up with better shit to hallucinate than a chatroom
<mno> I've never been very creative
<Fraxtil> it's all he knows these days
<Fraxtil> ...we've got to stop doing that, now I'm wondering if I'm actually you
(The next day...)
<TeruFSX> does privileged BITCH mean anything anyway
<Fraxtil> it means access to the secret forum
<mno> Teru he has access to the secret forum
<AerobicRobot> you get access to a secret forum which is never posted in
<TeruFSX> oh
<Fraxtil> now THAT is a true *clone*
<mno> fraxtil it's almost like you -are- a figment of my imagination
<Fraxtil> and further proof that i'm just a projection of mno's subconscious
<Fraxtil> JESUS CHRIST MNO
<mno> ARGJIHODIFJ
<mno> FUCKComment: Every time this happened, both mno's and Fraxtil's lines were less than a second apart.
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#304458* (?/59) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Xagor> I hate reading things about japan, and seeing points made by saying "there is no Japanese word for ~~" when I know that there is
<Xagor> like "There's no Japanese word for surrender"
<Xagor> or "There's no japanese word for self esteem"
<Xagor> a) koufuku
<Xagor> b) jishin
<Xagor> c) you suck
<YelseyKing> Uhh... C? =P
<Xagor> =P
<Xagor> well, Koufuku is Japanese for surrender
<Xagor> Jishin is Japanese for Self-esteem
<Xagor> and you suck is directed at people who DidNotDoTheResearch =P |
#304583 (31/83) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Adam|Lunch: How can I play a sound using jQuery?
coldhead: rename jquery.js to jquery.wavComment: #jquery on freenode
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#305949 (31/97) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Profane> my right hand aches
<@Profane> from using the touchpad for hours
<@Profane> >:(
<@Profane> stupid fiddly powerpoint
<@Riocaz> Yea "touchpad"...
<+goat> "powerpoint" |
#306043 (31/129) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Akensai: if there is a hell, im going to it.
Akensai: research paper due: april 11 - i wrote it 10 minutes ago
Akensai: and i wont lose any points.
Akensai: opened an image in notepad, renamed it to research-final.docx and submitted, knowing full well it would take him 2 weeks to grade
(7:22:21 AM) Akensai: so i get an email an hour ago "The doc you submitted is corrupt, can you email it to me real fast? Sorry about this."
Akensai: so i wrote it in about 45 minutes and sent it
Akensai: he read it, got an A
Akensai: most of it was bullshit and broken reference links that i purposely placed, fake URLS to highly prestigious colleges/etc, just broke links and made em look real
Akensai: not my fault is a source is MIA
Akensai: 3 pages of made up crap that i didnt research, turned in more than a week late, written in 45 minutes. 98% A |
#308755* (?/33) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> So I had another scammer call today.
<asaph> Haven't they like..learned to avoid your number?
<Pryoidain> They have, but this was at my branch, and it was originally regarding one of my employees.
<asaph> ...originally?
<Pryoidain> Dude calls with a New york phone number. Weird, since, well, we have branches in new york. Asks for my CSR, who legitimately is not in. I tell him this, he tells me he's calling from the California State Attorney general office, and its urgent she call him back.
<Pryoidain> Anyways, I duckduckgo the number he gives me, its a motherfucking scam artist calling MY branch to harrass one of MY employees. And its a tuesday, so its slow. But just to be sure, I devised a test to make sure.
<Pryoidain> He calls back, and I talk to him for a bit, then ask him who the state attorney general for CA is. he gets it wrong. I point this out, and he actually asks "WELL..What office did you call, Because we're in Los Angeles, not Sacramento." I was like "...DUDE. STATE attorney general. It doesn't change based on city. And you're calling me from new york. Try again on a california area code.
<Pryoidain> Motherfucker hangs up and calls back from a california area code. So I keep pelting him with questions and goading him on. Finally I decide I'm going to sell him one of our loan products, which pissed him the fuck off. Then an actual customer comes in, so I tell him politely I will call him back, and hang up.
<Pryoidain> Now, I dunno what software this guy is using, but it is AWESOME. He called me 100 times in 5 minutes from 100 different phone numbers, I know, because I was bored enough to go through and compare them all.
<Pryoidain> So after the customer had left, I call back (Yes I called him) and just said "...You Rang?" and it sounded like the headset was thrown and it clicked off.
<asaph> So it was done right?
<Pryoidain> I -THOUGHT- so. But I was wrong. He did some research on my company and got the area code of where our corporate headquarters is based, and starts calling from there, except all calls to us from corporate pop up on an internal call line. So then I devised my plan.
<cjk> Oh this will be good.
<Pryoidain> Thick accented man, so I check my scammer phone record (I log all the numbers in the event I ever got a chance to work with a telephone switch board) and I plug them all in to speed dial. He calls back, I hit another line, hit the speed dial, mute my headset, and punch confrence. it sounds like a seemless line transfer to him.
<Pryoidain> He is now connected to another scammer. What proceeded was the funniest fucking 20 phone calls of my life.
<Pryoidain> Anyways, he stops calling after that.
<asaph> oh phew.
<Pryoidain> nonono, I'm not done yet.
<cjk> .....
<Pryoidain> I wait until we're closing and call him. He doesn't answer. I just wanted to wish him a good night. So I close, and go next door to sprint, and pick up one of the demo phones, and call him. He answers.
<Pryoidain> "Alvin! (yes, he picked that as his name, dunno why) You missed my call from work. I just wanted to wish you a good night! I'll call you tomorrow."
<Pryoidain> he made a noise somewhere between a scream and a cry, and just dejectedly said "Why...why are you doing this?"
<Pryoidain> "Because I want to be your friend alvin. The internet says terrible things about you, but I think they're wrong. I'll call you tomorrow!"
<Pryoidain> "..please don't..you..you are a terrible man."
<Pryoidain> "Night Alvin!"Comment: 1-951-708-0369 Is the number, if anyone was interested.
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#310228 (31/61) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<sstrandberg> "It includes low-level primitives such as types, flow control, and operators"
<sstrandberg> swift confirmed for having if statements
<sstrandberg> stop the presses |
#310631 (33/39) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Jigsy> So in Civil War re-enactment school I was voted most likely to secede. |
#310652 (31/49) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<e7> I'm a micromillionaire; the Illinois lottery paid me $1 |
#310861 (31/39) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jacquilyn> Eh. Being kicked out of the lab.
<Agent_Orange> wear pants next time. They like that
<Leth> agt: but the sign only reads "No Shirts, No Shoes, No Service." Pants aren't ever mentioned
<Agent_Orange> leth: I've tried that argument many times and it *usually* ends in bitter disappointment |
#311627* (?/36) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< Kitlero> Also, I came to say there clearly cannot be lizard humanoid in politics
< Kitlero> The evidence is how against 'global warming' they tend to be
< Kitlero> I think lizard people would want a warmer earth |
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