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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..282283284285286287288..596Next> |
#295357* (?/30) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@MiFU> a question in the fap will be
<@MiFU> faQ*
<Hetor> lol
<@MiFU> there maybe a section on a "fap" |
#295358* (?/30) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@bOrv> So I was buying a £8 watch today at argos
<@bOrv> and the woman behind the counter asks "Do you want to take out an insurance on that"
<@bOrv> "for only £10 a year"
<twink> Lmfao
<@CIL> What did you say?
<@bOrv> Yes.Comment: True story
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#295538* (?/26) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* smallbreastlove has joined #Gays
* smallbreastlove was kicked by Jadok ( Inappropriate/Suggestive Nick. Please change it by typing: /nick Newnick )
* smallbreastlove has joined #Gays
* smallbreastlove was kicked by Jadok ( Inappropriate/Suggestive Nick. Please change it by typing: /nick Newnick )
* smallbreastlove has joined #Gays
* smallbreastlove was kicked by Jadok ( Inappropriate/Suggestive Nick. Please change it by typing: /nick Newnick )
* smallbreastlove has joined #Gays
* smallbreastlove was kicked by Jadok ( Inappropriate/Suggestive Nick. Please change it by typing: /nick Newnick )
* Jadok sets mode: +b *llbre*!*@*Comment: S.N.O's - Special Needs Operators
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#295573* (?/28) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Bootsie: You know what you should do?
A Keyboard: a lumberjack super fireman>
A Keyboard: *?
A Keyboard: *be a
Bootsie: Nice. |
#295582* (?/30) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[quote=VAMPIRE]<~dafunks> mmm spicey shicken burgers are FTW
<~dafunks> SHICKEN
<04%VAMPIRE_> haha
<%nutcase> I WANT
<~dafunks> we can't afford real chickens in Belfast
<%nutcase> om nom nom nom
<04%VAMPIRE_> hehe
<~dafunks> we make our own out of wood, they are called SHICKENS
<04%VAMPIRE_> uh oh...he's lost the plot[/quote] |
#295617* (?/26) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< deadbattery> what the hell is rescue mode? i logi nto SSH and it pops rescue:~#
< atomicturtle> not it!
< Pete22> youre server is in rescue mode, basically its like windows safe mode
< atomicturtle> yoink!
< deadbattery> so how do you fix it lolz?
< atomicturtle> Pete22: I do not envy the task ahead of you.Comment: ##Plesk on Freenode
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#295769* (?/30) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Flickerdart> dammit what kind of fag tags trainz simulator 2009 with Stalker Shadow of Chernobyl |
#295771* (?/46) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK.
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray,picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart: (logged off)Comment: I know it's probably fake, but it made me lol.
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#295796* (?/32) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<QueLokz> >_>
<QueLokz> Dream Theater - Scene One: Regression (Live)
<QueLokz> <_<
<TBF> *bats*
<TBF> o_O
<TBF> I never realized that before
<QueLokz> ??
<TBF> if you stab someone backwards, you're batting them x.x DUDE, BASEBALL PLAYERS STAB THINGS, HOLY SHIT |
#295823 (4/302) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jenny^> hi
<jenny^> can i ask?
<BlueDoll> about?
<jenny^> r u open minded?
<BlueDoll> yeah
<BlueDoll> why?
<BlueDoll> what is it?
<jenny^> do u know how to make a married woman hot?
<BlueDoll> just try to shape up work out, eat a low carb diet.. dress up nicely
<jenny^> u get me wrong
<BlueDoll> uh oh.. |
#295846* (?/30) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<itilayu> yess irc good
<MoonWirelessG> yes irc good, but sometimes irc users are bad so we get rid of them
<itilayu> shell for porn good
<MoonWirelessG> not here it isn't
* Gazbun just wait and see...
<Gazbun> lol
<[BeNjY]> ¦
<itilayu> shell for fuck n sex good u know
<[BeNjY]> ... |
#295865* (?/38) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Me: What would you do if you had 16.5 million dollars andrew?
Andrew: um... Cry |
#295876* (?/32) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Derek> Hey Kevin, I need to be able to hold my breath for 1:30 for Lifguarding. Guess how long I can hold it for.
<Kevin> 48 minutes
<Derek> Yes, exactly that.
<Kevin> Wow, beat up the inhuman freak.
<Derek> Oh noes.
<Derek> Nah, but I can hold it for 2:15. :D
<Kevin> lol, sweet
<Derek> Ha ha ha, Lifeguarding FTW.
<Kevin> >:O That's my job.
<Derek> u cnt sv no 1, u r SMOKUR
<Kevin> lol, yeah. but i can swim.
<Derek> lolz
<Kevon> its just that whole breathing thing i cant doComment: At least he's man enough to admit his shortcomings
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#295892* (?/32) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* belly-dancer (~bellydanc@adsl-75-53-207-161.dsl.hstntx.sbcglobal.net) has joined #chataholics
* T0mT0m sets mode: +v belly-dancer
<@inspire`> O.o
* X sets mode: +l 41
<@inspire`> dance for me belly-dancer!
<+Deamon> o.0
* +belly-dancer (~bellydanc@adsl-75-53-207-161.dsl.hstntx.sbcglobal.net) has left #chataholics
<+LordWolf> LOL
<@Janon> bummer
<+Deamon> lol
<+LordWolf> z0mg!
<@inspire`> damnComment: boys will be boys
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#295908* (?/28) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jmr> it's a scam
<Stathol> One might even call it a racket.
<SmashDaisaku> yeah, but that'd be stupid
<SmashDaisaku> everyone hates tennis! |
#295933* (?/24) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* Pulpie kills Mousey and makes some mouse burgers
< Mousey> them's some small burgers
< Pulpie> like the new burger king mini burgers?
< Mousey> Ugh, you just ruined those for me.
< Cronous> OMG, I hate IRC! I just had some mini burgers. |
#296027* (?/46) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* @Shayne (shayne_44@149.135.2F17F7.0E15DD) Quit (austnet.org!NickOP (Kill requested by Chuck_Norris)) |
#296067* (?/34) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<SgtKashim> tesla coils are fun
<SgtKashim> did you see the 'lightning on the lawn' ones?
<SgtKashim> they did the mario theme, and some piece by Tchaikovsky
<tacky> Yeah, but I have never seen one where they zaped a guy, usuallythey corden off the area
<SgtKashim> he had a farraday suit on...
<enkei> just be thankful it's not a furry suit
<SgtKashim> wonder how much power it sucks down to play a song on one of those things
<SgtKashim> bet the power bill is nasty
<tacky> more like its electrifying!
<tacky> oh god i hate mself
<SgtKashim> I bet the guy who has to pay it is shocked...
<SgtKashim> (now you hate me)
<enkei> shocked and re-volted
<SgtKashim> ugh
<SgtKashim> the system needs to be re-vAMPedComment: We hate ourselves now...
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#296319* (?/30) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jakesundstrom> Im going to bed, and watch porn till I fall asleep. |
#296376* (?/34) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Mega_Man> v
<Spade> mega man sux
<Amos> Mega_Man sux
<Mega_Man> ^
<Aurora> XD
<Giga> XD
<Mega_Man> wait noComment: irc.badnik.net #smwc
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#296590* (?/30) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Datto> This one kid comes in with that super hot sauce that you have to get online. it's in an unmarked vial. he dares me to eat some.
<Trolly> lol
<Trolly> daves insanity sauce?
<Datto> so I dip my finger in it to the first knuckle. eat it.
<Datto> I damn near shit myself.
<Trolly> my dad used a drop on his eggs once, ruined the whole meal
<Datto> fast forward 6 hours and I'm at home.
<Datto> ....rorny
<Datto> oh... that pepper sauce was still on my fingers.
<skubs> hot sauce to the genitals
<sney> holy lol
* multitrackdriftu (~eunos@Rizon-3DF465A.dsl.pltn13.sbcglobal.net) has joined #o-chan
<Trolly> lol
<Datto> yeah I fucking jump in the shower and start washing my junk.
<Datto> it wouldn't stop burning.
<Rolla> hahahahhahhhaha
<Datto> I just sat in a cold shower for about 20 minutes. |
#296671* (?/42) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<pitz> My English teacher wanted to fuck me in junior high
<pitz> My English teacher was a guy
<pitz> I enjoyed it |
#296673* (?/44) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Ren> I AM NOT CRAZY FUCK YOU
<Koneko> I NEVER SAID YOU WERE, BACK TO YOU REN.
<Ren> I AM NOT CRAZY FUCK YOU
<Koneko> AND THATS ALL WE HAVE ON THAT, NOW TO ANGELIC FOR THE SPORTS
<Koneko> ...
<Koneko> NO SPORTS EH?
<Koneko> WELL THEN
<Koneko> BACK TO YOU REN.
<Ren> I AM NOT CRAZY FUCK YOU
<Koneko> IN OUR NEXT TOP STORY, A CRAZY MEXICAN SHOT AN ENTIRE ROOM FULL OF PEOPEL
<Koneko> BACK TO YOU REN.
<Ren> I AM NOT CRAZY FUCK YOU
<Koneko> AND NOW TO DUCK FOR THE WEATHER.
<Koneko> ...
<Koneko> NO WEATHER TODAY?
<Koneko> WOW
<Koneko> LACK OF ATMOSPHERE.
<Koneko> BACK TO YOU REN.
<Ren> I AM NOT CRAZY FUCK YOU
<Duck> WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE
<Duck> THE SKY IS FALLING
<Koneko> I SAID BACK TO YOU REN.
<Ren> I AM NOT CRAZY FUCK YOU
<Koneko> QUITE INTERESTING THERE, NOW ONTO YUUKI FOR THE DAYS HIGHLIGHTS.
<Koneko> ...
<Koneko> HUH.
<Koneko> NOTHING HAPPENED TODAY.
<Koneko> BACK TO YOU REN.
<Ren> I AM NOT CRAZY FUCK YOU
<Koneko> HUH, IM OUTTA NEWS SUBJECTS.
<Koneko> BACK TO YOU REN.
<Ren> I AM NOT CRAZY FUCK YOU
<Koneko> YOUR FIRED.
<Ren> I AM NOT CRAZY FUCK YOU
<Duck> OOH CAN I BE FIRED TOO
<Koneko> SURE
<Koneko> DUCK, YOUR FIRED.
<Duck> YAY
<Koneko> BUT NOW WHO WILL TELL US THE WEATHER?
<Koneko> THE WORLD IS TOO STUPID TO LOOK OUTSIDE.
<Duck> WELL WE'RE ALL GONNA BE DEAD SOON ANYWAY
<Duck> SINCE THE SKY IS FALLING
<Duck> SO IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER
<Koneko> THE SKY CAN NOT FALL
<Koneko> ITS PHISICLY IMPOSSABLE
<Duck> WELL IT IS
<Duck> LOOK UP
<Duck> IT'S TOTALLY FALLING
<Koneko> AND REN
<Koneko> YOUR CRAZY.
<Koneko> BACK TO YOU DUCK.
<Duck> I AM NOT CRAZY FUCK YOU
<Ren> I AM NOT CRAZY FUCK YOU
<Ren> BACK TO YOU DUCK
<Duck> I AM NOT CRAZY FUCK YOU
<Duck> BACK TO YOU KAEMON
<Koneko> THE MOON JUST LANDED IN SOUTH IDAHO.
<Koneko> MILLIONS DIED.
<Ren> BACK TO YOU DUCK
<Ren> GET BACK TO ZE CHOPPER
<Ren> I AM NOT CRAZY FUCK YOU
<Koneko> THATS GREAT. NOW FOR OUR TOP STORY.
<Koneko> REN ISN'T CRAZY.
<Koneko> BACK TO YOU REN.
<Ren> AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA
<Ren> I AM CRAZY
<Ren> FUCK YOUComment: Old old chat transcript I found in my email from 2006
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#296691* (?/28) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* THX2 (~joe@c-71-193-207-57.hsd1.or.comcast.net) has joined #stern
<THX2> !list
<THX2> is this where I can download episodes of Howard TV?
<dsf> no the right palce would be yourmot herst wat
<THX2> ok, I'll check there
<THX2> thanks for your help
* THX2 (~joe@c-71-193-207-57.hsd1.or.comcast.net) has left #stern
<Timbo80A> rofl |
#296702* (?/38) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
d0zch0r> fucking motley crue
Toejam> Motörhead.
d0zch0r> they 80s or 70s?
d0zch0r> ah win
d0zch0r> also wtf at having the accented o on crue
Toejam> Also Black Sabbath
Toejam> It's one of those accents that everyone did because they looked "metal"
d0zch0r> yeah
Toejam> It's like the one in Spinal Tap: I'm 99% sure they put it on the fucking 'n', which isn't even possible on a keyboard.
d0zch0r> haha
d0zch0r> Ñ
Toejam> Yeah, tildes and accents are doable, but the umlaut (double-dot) isn't.
Toejam> It's like sticking a circumflex on a 'Q'
d0zch0r> do you want to see my circumflex?
Toejam> no
d0zch0r> wait.. i mean.. circum.. yeah
Toejam> So you end up with a round shape with a two swirly things dangling off the bottom.
d0zch0r> yeah that's what i meant!
d0zch0r> HAHAHA
Toejam> Cthulqu |
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