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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..234235236237238239240..596Next> |
#310831* (?/10) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<CrazyClimber> though a coworker recently noted that the group from the first layoff are just about to lose their unemployment bennies
<rJak> By bennies, you mean benefits or drugs?
<CrazyClimber> there are unemployment drugs?
<SeanQ> he means violin-playing talk show hosts. deceased ones
<CrazyClimber> keep stretching, sean
<SeanQ> c'mon, i bet that was hysterical to someone your age |
#310836* (?/4) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<maime> I tried to be on the Junior Court when I was 10. I failed so miserably.
<maime> They asked who you admired and wanted to be like when you grew up. I said "ET" |
#310837* (?/8) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<tieboy> porn stars usually are spreading things or having things inserted into them
<zompist> well, YOUR porn stars
<Elkman> What are your porn stars doing, zomp?
<zompist> i like pictures of nude women studying exotic languages
<Lots42> Mine do laundry and rake leaves. |
#310845* (?/8) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Kyol> Heh. Turns out coworker if a Deer God. His cart was _yet_again_ rammed by a deer.
<Kyol> He doesn't hit the deer, the deer hit him. This is the 4th time.
<Lore> Didn't Einstein prove that the deer hitting the cart is the equivalent of the cart hitting the deer?
<Lore> I'm not buying this anyway. "The deer hit me" is worse that "I was just holding the cocaine for someone else."
<mdxi> unless the deer runs into the side of the car as it goes by
<mdxi> i know two people that has happened to
<mdxi> you get a nice dent in the side and a bloodsmear trailing out behind it
<Lore> That just means they can't aim good.
<tieboy> sounds like my last date |
#310853* (?/6) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Agent_Orange> would anyone here actually shop at a store called "A Bit of Whimsey," or would you just heave a rock through the window?
<Leth> *a* rock?
<maime> depends. what do they sell?
<raven> Whimsey, maime.
<Agent_Orange> girly CRAP.
<maime> so it's a leather shop?
<raven> They take their whimsey *very* *seriously*.
<Agent_Orange> jewelry, scented candles,etc., and I wouldn't be at all surprised if there were unicorns involved
<CrazyClimber> "Dammit! I need more than a BIT of whimsey today!"
<maime> Oh. If they had nice french soaps I would shop there...and pretty scarves.
* CrazyClimber opens a store across the street called A Buttload Of Whimsey
<maime> But well, we know about my shopping.
<Agent_Orange> "I thought it was BITTER whimsey. So you won't sell me the ball gag?" |
#310866* (?/8) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Mr_Ben> The only species that will definitely survive Y2K are humans, cockroaches and Tupperware.
<wabewalkr> Tupperware is alive?
<Mr_Ben> No, but you can't destroy it!
<MisterQ> But the roles will be reversed! Tupperware will rule the world!
<zompist> of course tupperware is alive... it reproduces, doesn't it?
<Mr_Ben> You put two containers in the cupboard, two days later, it'll be twenty!
<Da_Raven> That's why you have to store the lids separately....
<sol-D> will they be forced to do menial jobs in the hope of survival?
<zompist> is there any attractive, cool-looking tupperware?
<zompist> i mean, theoretically, could such a thing happen?
<wabewalkr> Tupperware evolves into a beautiful species?
<Da_Raven> Oh, yeah, they have some sexy Tupperware, zomp.
<MisterQ> as well as tupperware whores
<sol-D> and tupperware hordes...
<wabewalkr> Yeah, the last tupperware party I went to I got laid.
<Da_Raven> That's Tupperware's trademark - the tw whores.
<MisterQ> Ghengis Can and his tupperware horde
<sol-D> i think my cabinets are a home for wayward tupperware...cripples, retards, the general filthy vagrants...
<Da_Raven> The ones with the melted in tomato sauce?
<sol-D> oh yeah, thats the kind
* sol-D shudders involuntarily
* zompist has never been to a tupperware party... he misses all these opportunities for casual, soulless sex. |
#310901* (?/6) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<runelind> systemd for lyphe
<phobos> runelind: Shouldn't that read "systemd for death"? as it will surely drive one to early grave from stress and aggravation. |
#310915* (?/6) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Snowman: my dogs have responded to dogs on tv
Snowman: they probably think theyre portals
celery: how does a dog experience knowing about portals
Snowman: apathetically
Snowman: portals have no implications for a dog |
#310949* (?/14) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Helios747> I'M TRYING
<HdkR> DO IT HARDER! D:<
<Helios747> IT WON'T LET ME
<rohit_n> MAKE IT LET YOU |
#310951* (?/14) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<mathieui> "GEMA DOESN’T WANT YOU TO SEE VIDEOS, PLEASE GO AWAY"
<mathieui> ^ germany in a nutshell |
#310996* (?/18) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
* mmmaske (IceChat9@user/mmmaske) has joined
<mmmaske> penis
<Ske> .grab mmmaske
<gonzobot> (Ske) I already have that quote from mmmaske in the database
<Ske> ...
<Des> .grabr mmmaske
<gonzobot> <mmmaske> penis |
#311017* (?/12) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Jigsy> I'm sorry, Sir, but I'm afraid you can't parkour your Tank on the obstacle course. |
#311032* (?/14) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<amy> I discovered the meaningless of everything as a child in a dumpster
<amy> But learned that nothing mattering means that nothing mattering doesn't matter either
<amy> So it's fine to ignore it |
#311091* (?/16) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@MiepGirl> I'm on my way home from my first internship day
<%DynamicLexicon> Nice! How was it??
<@MiepGirl> It was very long and tiring but great dynamiclexicon
<%DynamicLexicon> Leave your sex life out of this
<%DynamicLexicon> So what are you doing?
<%DynamicLexicon> For the internship
<~StrawberryQuaquiri> Your mom |
#311096* (?/26) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Kiyiko> I make love to my sister as if she were my own daughterComment: #zomgwtfbbq / irc.p2p-network.net
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#311110* (?/8) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<zoinks> I bought this gripper thing that is adjustable up to 90 lbs resistance
<zoinks> when I am able to max it out I'ma start offering free handjobs |
#311112* (?/20) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Covarr_Work> I now
<Covarr_Work> officially
<Covarr_Work> have a
<Kawa> bONER
<Covarr_Work> fuck I was gonna type that
<Covarr_Work> (but actually the answer is girlfriend)
<Kawa> same diff
<Covarr_Work> but I legit considered typinig boner instead, until you typed it first |
#311115* (?/18) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@ALTERNATIVE> also I only qualified for 40 dollars of benefits a month
<@ALTERNATIVE> so it was not even a big help
<dongfix> thats
<dongfix> as many
<dongfix> as
<dongfix> FOUR TENS
<dongfix> and that's terribleComment: #4chan "abuses" food stamps
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#311157* (?/8) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< feliks_> is there a way to generate code and execute it without breaking C89 standards?
< feliks_> i mean like casting some memory that the program wrote to a function pointer and calling it
< kate> nope. C's just not that kind of language
< rump> and she's just not that kind of girl
< rump> .. until 2 drinks |
#311175* (?/14) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<asterick> Sadly, the custom slack emoji for chloroform we have in our work slack is not standard across the internet. |
#311218* (?/22) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< korozion> what did the switch with a broken fan say?
< korozion> "it burns when IP"
< scorbutus> keep that shit on facebook |
#311239* (?/24) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<+Trivia>Â 1. Category: History : Which nation was led by Genghis Khan?
<~laks>Â mongolia
<~laks>Â mongol empire
<+Trivia>Â Hint: the ****** *
<&T2norway>Â hva
<~laks>Â the mongol s
<+Trivia>Â Hint: the m***** *
<&T2norway>Â haha
<~laks> trivia snälla
<&T2norway>Â double space?
<~laks>Â the mongol i
<~laks>Â uhhh
<+Trivia>Â Hint: the m***** s
<~laks>Â the mongol s
<+Trivia>Â Winner: laks; Answer: the mongol s; Time: 40.863s; Streak: 1; Points: 1; Total: 76Comment: Rizon's Trivia bot being dumb... again
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#311259* (?/14) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<td512> !finger bend3r
<bend3r> oh yah, right in the i/o |
#311262* (?/12) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<zoomerz> you know whats really good, baking with breast milk. use it for cakes muffins waffles and just general drinking
<zoomerz> theres this fat black lady i pay for her breastmilk and it is quite amazing |
#311326* (?/12) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< EricWF> What's the short link for GCC bugs? (I know for LLVM it's llvm.org/PRXXXX)
< segher> gcc.gnu.org/PRxxxx for PRs, gcc.gnu.org/rxxxx for SVN revisions
< segher> where do you think llvm has got it from, heh
< EricWF> segher: lol makes sense they got it from GCC. I must have mistyped my gcc.gnu.org/PRXXXX example since it didn't compile.
< segher> compile?!
< EricWF> segher: I (thought) I constructed a valid gcc.gnu.org/PRXXXX link but my example lead to a 404. So "doesn't compile" isn't the most accurate term, but I think you know what I mean.
< segher> PR should be in caps |
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