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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..87888990919293..599Next> |
#48786 (346/540) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<craptastic`> it's 3 in the morning, i'm drunk, and a bunch of my buddies bet each other to jump into a freezing cold lake while naked, the one who stayed in longest won the $100 bet
<craptastic`> so i strip down and jump into the lake, nearly dying from shock, when i turn around to see them grabbing my clothes and running
<craptastic`> being pissed i get out of the lake and run after them, i decide to shortcut it through the bushes, when i slip and fall on my back
<craptastic`> i get up and continue on, when about a minute later my sack starts itching and burning...turns out i fell into a patch of stinging nettles, got my balls, my crack and my upper back
<craptastic`> after i recovered my clothes, i spent the next two and a half hours hunched over on my couch whining like a baby as my balls burned to the point where it felt like they'd shrivel up and fall off
<craptastic`> this was a sign from god that i need to find new friends and get a life |
#51650 (412/644) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<hylix> Syntacs, I know where you live.
<Syntacs> Big deal, I've known that for years.
<hylix> i've sent a team of magical sheep to mutton bomb your house
<Syntacs> And they were delicious.
<hylix> you baa-stard. |
#53484 (303/471) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Paco> I got my friend kicked off X-Box Live because I made a 69 Camaro SS with a Swastika on the hood (How was I to know SS stood for Supersport and not Schutzstaffel?) and I'd just join races with predominately French guys and go the wrong way on the track and wreck them
<Paco> Well, I tried to play nice
<Paco> I didn't make the Nazi Death Car until some French dude called me a faggot
<Paco> I had to unplug the headseat while I was driving the wrong way down the track, 7 angry French guys all screaming at the same time is too much |
#55915 (252/390) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Kederaji: It's the anniversary of Zelda today.
Lasukie: I know
Lasukie: I wore green.
Lasukie: and never walked on an angle
Kederaji: LOL
Kederaji: did you hop?
Kederaji: and sing the song?
Lasukie: yes, about a half hour after I woke up
Kederaji: You will never get laid.
Lasukie: I know -.- |
#56678 (281/435) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* Quietus is now known as BruceLee
<BruceLee> Now someone change to JackieChan so we can have a karate match.
<KamiKaziGames> ...k
* KamiKaziGames is now known as JackieChan
* JackieChan has quit IRC (Killed (NickServ (GHOST command used by BruceLee)))
<BruceLee> K/O |
#59520 (381/595) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<katiesaurus> I'm kinda like a pineapple
<mattatta> huh?
<katiesaurus> brunette on the outside, blonde on the inside
<mattatta> oh lol, I thought you meant fat and best cut into pieces
<katiesaurus> ...ummm |
#62515 (329/511) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@kiafaldorius> is it just me or is it cool that 1337 (string) converted to hex becomes 31333337? |
#67077 (263/407) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+Clariax> M_Tabak fears paper cutters
<+M_Tabak> I don't like paper cutters. I think it's their attitude. They're all about destruction and tearing things apart. That's not what I'm all about. I'm about togetherness. You know who has it right? Staplers. Staplers, man. |
#69719 (422/660) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<BlackCat22> North Korea wise men discover Nuclear Fission.
<BlackCat22> What would you like to research next?
<BlackCat22> >Miniturization (85 turns)
<BlackCat22> >Refrigeration (67 turns)
<BlackCat22> >The Radio (45 turns)
<BlackCat22> >Crop Rotation (8 turns)
<BlackCat22> >Literacy (1 turn) |
#14652 (271/419) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<[Waste-TkO-Sc-`nnG]-a> Ah man
<[Waste-TkO-Sc-`nnG]-a> can u believe rthat/
<[Waste-TkO-Sc-`nnG]-a> i was walking out of the bathroom
<[Waste-TkO-Sc-`nnG]-a> like really fast
<[Waste-TkO-Sc-`nnG]-a> and my belt loop got caught on the door
<[Waste-TkO-Sc-`nnG]-a> I swung around and smacked into the wall
<[Waste-TkO-Sc-`nnG]-a> Damn that hurt |
#29091 (279/433) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* phox01d believes his testicles to be itchy
* LordRuKK nods to phox
<LordRuKK> go a day without a shower in this heat and..
* phox01d is now known as phoxleep
<phoxleep> no
<phoxleep> this isnt from not being clean
<LordRuKK> I'm not troubleshooting your testicles
<LordRuKK> go to bed |
#29665 (324/504) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<danamania> my mother has picked up some anti MS sentiment from somewhere. we were driving today, and a fellow wandered out into the crossing. looked really confused, big glasses, a bit geeky, didn;t seem to know where he was going
<danamania> so she was like
<danamania> "look it's bill gates. should I run him over?" |
#31561 (354/552) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<rik> if i had a dollar for every time i had 60 cents, i'd be canada. |
#31903 (320/500) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* suresh warns everyone he's working on 1 1/2 hour of sleep and might be overly sociable
<Snow> Geez. You get social when you're sleep deprived?
<Snow> I get homicidal and silly.
<Snow> I'm like a clown with a chainsaw.
<Snow> "Look at me! I'm wearing your spleen!" |
#12053 (256/397) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<pele> cookies and milk is the shit
<pele> true thug snack
<sigma> i didnt know santa was a thug
<pele> you think he buys all those presents? |
#14024 (237/366) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Hayd1488> Any Intelligent Women here?
<grovibtch> yeah
<grovibtch> but they're not dumb enough to msg u |
#19716 (258/400) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Rendezvou> I want a monkey at home that jerks off and throws shit at people when I host parties at my house.
<`KArmA> Rendezvou: to take the strain off of having you do it? |
#25503 (230/356) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<jonathans> brooklyn rules
<jonathans> some dude just leaned on his horn in his old italian mobster car and it played the theme to the godfather |
#28294 (268/416) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<WillaCuz> *sigh*
<WillaCuz> why do people shoot at robocop |
#297001 (308/480) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<chris> so a friend of mine had his senior prom on friday
<chris> and someone wanted to pay tribute to a kid that went to that school and died in a car accident
<chris> so he went to the DJ and asked to have a song dedicated to the kid
<chris> guess it was loud in the place because the DJ called the dead kid up to the DJ booth
<chris> ...the room went silent |
#300071 (355/555) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
[elita] neone care to spare 400 dlls?
[carbine] Lemme check my system32 folder |
#302103 (395/619) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<bucketmouse> every time i feel depressed i just 7zip something from the commandline
<bucketmouse> lrobin$ 7za a test.7z blah.txt
<bucketmouse> Creating archive test.7z
<bucketmouse> Compressing blah.txt
<bucketmouse> Everything is Ok |
#303759 (146/222) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< ADINSX> where are you from thereyougo?
< thereyougo> finland
< thereyougo> when in 3rd grade we started english teacher asked what we can say in english
< thereyougo> it was all like "autobots, roll"Comment: #cobol
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#308060 (50/72) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<%Chlamydia> my only mobile security feature is my lock pattern.
< me-tan> heh tablet runs windows XP so i use the fingerprint reader on it
< me-tan> best goddamn way to unlock your workstation ever
<%Chlamydia> nice.
< me-tan> not very secure though
<%Chlamydia> especially if someone finds your finger.
< me-tan> Chlamydia: its a laptop. Its covered in fingerprints already
< me-tan> well, laptop/tablet
< me-tan> all you have to do is cast the finger prints in gelatine then swipe them on the reader.
<%Chlamydia> i'd never have thought to do that, lol.
<%Chlamydia> i guess this is my excuse to wear long villain gloves everywhere.
< me-tan> or pick pineappes for a living.
< me-tan> One of the chemicals in pineapples removes the lines in your hands and fingers, so people who process pineapples end up leaving no fingerprints
<%Chlamydia> you are going to be first on my secret agent team.
< me-tan> only if i get a neat catsuit
<%Chlamydia> deal.
< me-tan> sweet.Comment: #wtfux
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#311594 (51/73) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<AAA> Ugh. SELinux is a pain in my ass. :(
<BBB> I'm not sure it's designed to go there |
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