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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..84858687888990..599Next> |
#56564 (275/423) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Lambie> i wish people wouldnt leave before i can ban them
<@Lambie> it's fucking rude |
#67551 (294/452) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Bulrog Cartman: Well, my sister got in an argument with her boyfriend in Monday, and when he walked out the door she punched the window in anger
LitlMsScareAll13: o_O
Bulrog Cartman: Lost some blood, got light-headed, I had to call 911
LitlMsScareAll13: Wonderful.
Bulrog Cartman: Her right hand is all bandaged up now, she won't be using it for 10 days
Bulrog Cartman: She gets to pay for the window too, although she can easily afford that
Bulrog Cartman: and she works with her mouth, so the hand won't be a huge problem
Bulrog Cartman: wait, that came out wrong
LitlMsScareAll13: ..........
Bulrog Cartman: She's a telemarketer |
#70545 (354/546) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Clipsy> There's a review on slashdot of a book called "Creating Web Pages with Ajax," and I was thinking
<Clipsy> I'd like to make a book called "Creating Web2.0 Content for Dummies"
<Clipsy> and then when someone opens the book
<Clipsy> a boxing glove on a spring comes out and punches them in the face |
#79824 (310/478) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Zipper: I just found out today that my western civ. teacher lives in a 4 bedroom, 5.5 bath house with a 3 car garage. He owns 4 cars, one is a brand new Sequoya and it's just his wife and him
Zipper: After he told us that, the kid next to me says "You're a teacher... What does your wife do!?!?" |
#80041 (435/677) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
[xexyz] Help me dave. I have a 17 year old girl chasing me.
[davek] Congrats, xex
[xexyz] :p Need a little more help than that
[xexyz] Wait.. 17 is legal here in Texas..
<xexyz goes AFK> |
#13399 (309/476) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(jeek) Jesus Christ.
(jeek) How the hell am I supposed to swallow two alka-seltzer pills.
(jeek) ?
(seawolf_) put them in water first
(jeek) But then they'll dissolve
(jeek) Oh, I get it
(jeek) n/m |
#23513 (292/449) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Potato> This guy I work with made the mistake of telling me about his whole idea of saving himself for marriage
<Potato> But it went something along the lines of "I don't wanna die young, 'cause the longer I'm married, the more sex I'll get"
<Potato> I destroyed his little world by asking the only married guy in the store how much sex he gets, to which he replied, "Well, I've got one son, but I'll be damned if I remember how that happened" |
#25221 (328/506) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Boogieman> I run my fingers up your left thigh
<Boogieman> oops, uhh, wrong channel
<Status> LOL!!
<Boogieman> forget you ever saw that
<Status> Gee, now would be a great time to take that new screenshot...
* Boogieman glances around nervously
<Asmodi> rofl, boogieman, what cha doin?
<Boogieman> certainly not trying to have permiscuous sex with cyber strangers, thats for sure |
#28415 (241/369) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
[1:24am] <help> my server is down
[1:24am] <help> username root
[1:24am] <help> passowrd:
[1:25am] <help> sad3@swd
[1:25am] <help> ip address;
[1:25am] <+RS-BrianV> help: stop there
[1:25am] <help> 207.
[1:25am] <help> me? |
#29059 (317/489) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<DrPoole> she just emailed me. "you are a fucking prick"
<DrPoole> and i hit reply
<DrPoole> and wrote "unsubscribe" |
#32500 (224/342) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<grommet> what the fuck am I doing in this IRc??!!
<grommet> i could be hooking up with the hottest german girl right now
<rob> really?
<grommet> well....no
<grommet> but i could be fantasizing about it |
#13193 (257/395) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<XwinGs> can i find any mensa iq test on the net ?
<Ntruder> part of the test is finding the test. good luck.
<XwinGs> oic |
#25114 (295/455) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@[TeMpEsT]> ok, let me get this straight. you called me a power bitch, tried to ping me off line, went around asking for the chanserv password, and then tried to evade a ban. and now you want me to op you and your damn bot so you can try to take over the channel?
<|TheRaR|> no, you only need to op the bot
<mazrim> oh, you stupid stupid fuck. |
#28352 (264/406) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Dabz|Work> it IS friday today isn't it?
<pL1> yeh, it is
<pL1> cut down on the vodka
<Dabz|Work> thought so
<Dabz|Work> it's not that...
<Dabz|Work> noone else has turned up to work
<Dabz|Work> i'm sat all alone in a dark office
<pL1> creepy
<Dabz|Work> i was beginning to wonder if it was the weekend and I'd come in by mistake |
#99640 (495/773) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Fahl> I just clicked one those banner ads that offer to scan your computer and remove any porn you don't know about.
<Fahl> I turned on my virus/spyware blocker and off I went.
<IonCannon> And?
<Fahl> It completely missed my porn folder.
<Fahl> And my other 6 porn folders. |
#214645 (297/459) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+SnappleMan> only pussies fight
<+SnappleMan> it takes a real man to passionately kiss another
<+SnappleMan> and remain straightComment: #OCRemix on ETG
|
#290414 (190/290) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<RobWrtchd> -8 is a great temperature, because it looks like an emoticon for what happens to your dick at -8 |
#296664 (354/548) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< carbine> Go act mature somewhere else. This is the internet buddy. |
#297824 (108/164) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< RichiH> my newest addition the the list of things You Don't Do Using Your Laptop As Workbench:
< RichiH> clean your multi-tool with lighter fluid
< RichiH> in related news, lighter fluid turns the black plastic of a thinkpad x31 white-ish |
#298565 (140/214) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<&Shayne> ok im done with speech recognition
<&Shayne> i sound like im talking to a retard
<&Shayne> when technically
<&Shayne> im talking to you guys
<&Shayne> so
<&Shayne> its half true |
#301226 (344/532) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<crschmidt> twitter is terrible
<crschmidt> but i use it as well
<crschmidt> i, in fact, twitterd from the altar, when I got married
<crschmidt> and 6 phones in the audience went off |
#301909 (91/133) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Sebas> Heh, so I have this "Insult Dictionary" which has witty insults for every occasion, as well as a translation into 4 different languages
<Sebas> But it seems that, although the translation is generally correct, every now and then they went for an interpretation instead
<Sebas> So "Moron" comes out as "Naked savage" in the German translation, and "Greasy bastard" becomes "Filthy Italian" |
#310881 (51/73) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<StoneCyp1erAW> dude i just met a fourth person named chance.
<StoneCyp1erAW> WHAT ARE THE CHANCES |
#11803 (267/411) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Zammbo> If you have young children, avoid purchasing bleach products bearing pictures of Pikachu drinking the bleach. |
#11368 (311/483) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+ChiMP> WHATS GAYER THAN ME AND STARTS WITH AN N!!?!?
<@miz> nothing
<@miz> :o |
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