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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..76777879808182..599Next> |
#77026 (463/703) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Darren> These anti-drug commericals are getting out of hand.
<Darren> It's this cartoon, and this guy is smoking a joint.
<Darren> And then this alien lands on Earth.
<Darren> And then the guys girlfriend hooks up with the alien when he denies weed.
<Kenji> i want what hes smoking
<Amt> me too |
#43969 (373/565) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<sektie> my boyfriend, in mid thrust, stops and goes "oops" and gets a sheepish look on his face.
<sektie> NOT A GOOD APRIL FOOLS. |
#45237 (260/390) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
systm0verl0rd: i don't use 128bit encription, its unsecure. i use 127bit, so if anyone ever cracks it, my passwords will always be one character off.
storm-shadow: i hope to God you're joking. |
#52148 (395/599) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<farlax> gardening was a pain yesterday...
<foam> Hmm, tell me about it
<farlax> I did the front of the house (shrubs), and the back (flowerbed)
*** Join: christ0pher (christ@otaku.freeshell.org)
<farlax> I started out by trimming my thick bush
<farlax> my BF asked me to do it... it was blocking his view
<christ0pher> you going into the porn business, farlax?Comment: Context, context, context...
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#53184 (229/343) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<keith> 10 dollars on shipping and handling for a domain name
<keith> wtf
<keith> there is no shiping on a domain
<keith> fucking idiots
<keith> WHAT IDIOT PUTS SHIPING PRICES ON A DOMAIN OR WEBSITE
<keith> Shipping
<keith> to CAN
<keith> you cant ship a web address
<Renegade> they ship you a receipt
<Renegade> and a note
<Renegade> saying that you're a dumbass for paying shipping
<Renegade> on a domain name |
#69178 (259/389) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<GreyKnight> Hey, I just won the lottery in *Spain* this time!!
<GreyKnight> and they're e-mailing me from an Italian address...
<GreyKnight> and targeting an Irishman who they think is American
<GreyKnight> It's a proper international scam |
#75584 (352/532) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
xTedHeadx: My family must be like the worst Jews in history.
xTedHeadx: We celebrated Hanukkah by going out for lobster. |
#114281 (238/356) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<mario> wtf
<mario> you know your office is portal crazy when:
<mario> the cake in the kitchen has a sign saying "The cake lies" and sings "Still Alive" when you open the box
<mario> someone talked the contractor into making a few of the doors oval-shaped "portals" instead
<mario> complete with painted orange/blue patterns on each corresponding side
<mario> your file server is swinging from the ceiling aptly named "GLaDOS"
<mario> the new company motto is "There's a hole in the sky through which things may fly"
<mario> and there's a bunch of weighted ikea boxes with hearts on them scattered about
<mario> guess the VP doesn't expect we'll have any clients anytime soon :| |
#238597 (561/855) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
syberghos : Wives are like video games; they're lots of fun to play with, but it's all over once you beat them. |
#261856 (349/527) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Bobsentme> So, at work, HR decided to put up signs with some of the classic monsters (Frankenstein, The Mummy, Wolfman, etc) and slogans like "You'll get wrapped up in reading blah, blah, blah" and "Reading is electrifying" for halloween
<Bobsentme> Well, apparently, they also decided to put up, on the wall outside the cafeteria a whole timeline of GLBT contributions throughout history
<Bobsentme> GLBT = Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered.
<Bobsentme> So, as I'm walking down the hall, I look over at the GLBT wall, not really paying a lot of attention, until I get to the end...
<Bobsentme> Where someone had placed one of the HR halloween signs, with the Boogeyman on it, that read "Have you checked YOUR closet lately?" |
#301075 (281/423) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Jammy_Stuff> it isn't just an excuse to go drinking
<Jammy_Stuff> it's a social gathering society
<Mabbo> ... so you're like alcoholics anonymous, except that you dont admit you have a problem?
<BunnyII> exactly
<BunnyII> because we don't |
#302192 (400/606) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<fahadsadah> I-ripped-my-spacebar-out-of-my-keyboard
<fahadsadah> and-can't-figure-out-how-to-put-it-back-in |
#303214 (196/292) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<highjack> does anyone have a time machine I can borrow?
<Zetta> highjack: yeah, but I need it back ten minutes ago |
#303524 (467/711) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
[DominoEffect] so, I saw quite possibly the best thing ever today
[DominoEffect] had to go to the hospital because my mother had to have surgery done
[DominoEffect] and in the lobby there was a little bakery type thing, with coffee and bagels and such
[DominoEffect] the guy behind the counter was short, big nose, bald on top, short curly hair on the sides and back of his head
[DominoEffect] when I came in there was a big guy standing around outside, he came in after me and ordered a bagel or something with a thick german accent
[DominoEffect] took a bite and said "you know, we can't get decent baked goods in germany anymore"
[DominoEffect] the guy behind the counter just said "oh, and whose fault is that?"
[DominoEffect] I was fuckin dying, I had to step outside for a minute |
#305054 (105/151) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<ProfDrum> Ive somehow cut my forehead shaving
<ProfDrum> the worst bit of this is the overwhelming sense of deja vu it's giving me |
#307591 (101/147) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Sloofus> I like to sit on campus and repeatedly boot up irssi when people walk by so it looks like im doing some wicked hax n shit |
#309733 (42/58) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<rmah> (reading books is my primary ipad activity)
<rmah> well, that and crossword puzzles
<atomi> I take my tablet to the bar and use it to ignore people |
#32187 (268/408) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<+Hampy> I think we should have a mature conversation rather than everyone saying random shit
<+Doody> Hampy: Penis. |
#30151 (314/474) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@|101|> I got so confused the first time someone said they had a pot plant. I'm like "cool, what's in it?" and they said " It's a pot plant dude", "Yeah I know, what type of plant", "a POT plant", "Are we missing something" |
#14258 (274/412) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Sigurd> a sprite is anything not static
<SRElysian> a sprite is a variable object
<SRElysian> be it 2d or 3d
<TorMuck> a sprite is a fucking soda
<TorMuck> you god damn geekass bastards |
#25205 (330/498) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<m477[Lain]> ok i know how to fix this problem, but you need a webcam and have to be naked |
#19405 (318/480) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<|Omen|> "Perl in a Nutshell 2nd Edition", 738 pages
<|Omen|> What the fuck kinda nutshell is that? Coconut? |
#18431 (325/491) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<xbain> "statistics show that teen pregnancy significantly drops off after age 25" |
#761 (305/460) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Martes> I gotta stop sleeping nude with my window open
<Martes> no one exciting comes in anyway |
#7782 (269/404) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<faustwork> she looks good
<chaommm> is she hot?
<faustwork> id bang her
<chaommm> that doesnt mean shit
<faustwork> id bang her with no beer
<chaommm> WOAH |
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