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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..73747576777879..599Next> |
#8881 (274/408) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<fo0bar> man, do you know HOW FUCKING LONG a 15ft kvm cable is?
<synec> 15ft? |
#35793 (250/372) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<EmenEm> i was in the bathroom this morning shaving when the whole apartment building started shaking
<EmenEm> and i'm like "WTF EARTHQUAKE" and i ran outside in my bathrobe and i'm bleeding because my razor went into my face when it started shaking
<EmenEm> when i got outside there was a car sitting in the tennis court the car was busted up and some nice damage to the building
<EmenEm> a cool story right there, but get this
<EmenEm> this guy gets out of his car with half of his face covered in shaving cream - him and i exchanged this weird glance because blood was flowing down our faces
<EmenEm> fucking weird shit |
#44909 (223/331) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<shinster> i've sunk to a new low and am in the office on a weekend
<shinster> left my access card at my desk when i went to the bathroom before too...had to wait half an hour to find someone to let me back in
<shinster> it was like playing a badly designed fps where i couldn't open a door and nothing in my inventory would help
<shinster> kept walking back and forth trying all the door handles anyway |
#49902 (367/551) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<cg> anyone here able to explain a banking question to me in small words?
<devnull> bank? simple?
<GeminiDomino> cg: "All your money are belong to us" |
#51175 (242/360) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<timmo> 20% of americans believe the sun revolves around the earth, 17% of the people who know that the earth revolves around the sun, believe it does so every 24hours
<timmo> jesus
<timmo> people are fucking morons
<wind`> wait what
<wind`> doesn't the earth revolve around the sun in 24 hours?
<timmo> well i guess we found one of the 17% |
#70743 (364/546) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Flaim> headlines:
<Flaim> > New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group |
#26314 (307/459) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<sit`> one of my female coworkers remarked about how i was cutting up my apple with great care so i said "you have to treat it like a woman, cut it in thin slices"
<sit`> didn't go over to well for some reason |
#25173 (232/344) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<CrdStang> Oh dear
<CrdStang> Oh fuck dear no
<CrdStang> My stupid ass dad just drove the ride-on lawn mower here from his place 3/4 of a mile away |
#22117 (353/528) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<noddy> this nekkid gurl is a cutie
<noddy> she's very nekkid now
<noddy> and playing with a carrot
<noddy> or a dildo
<noddy> not sure
<Mortarion> remind me never to eat anything you cook |
#21790 (290/433) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
* @Super-Vipeo [Super Mario Brothers Theme Song-Nintendo] - [0.65mb; 1:24; 64kbps; 44khz; mono]
<@Cockroach> I saw a quicktime movie of a guy playing that on the piano
<@Cockroach> and about every other mario song
<@Cockroach> was kind of scary... then people on the CS forum started posting about learning sailor moon songs on their clarinets
<@Cockroach> and suddenly the Mario guy was normal again... |
#20844 (281/419) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<A-C> This is great...
<A-C> MS Spellchecker just told me to hyphenate mother-fucker. |
#135901 (228/338) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Vegetto_> realmedia sucks I admit, but it looks JUST fine
<burpingca1> the program takes your ram and breaks it over its knee
<burpingca1> and then it poops in your bathwater
<burpingca1> and doesn't close the bread bag after taking bread from it |
#300594 (384/576) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Shayne: She said she's gonna call me soon. And i think she's going to tell me she loves me. But she thinks i'm clueless. How should i react?
Jesse: your asking a guy who has been single for 4 years for relationship advice?
Shayne: Oh right
Shayne: Umm
Jesse: just be all shocked and like suprised i guess
Shayne: Ok hold on
Shayne: Lets say i was a really good irc user. And an admin told me he had a suprise for me and i knew he was gonna give me ops. How should i react?
Shayne: Seriously... Answer the fuckin question lol
Jesse: you did not just ...oh...my...god |
#301134 (346/518) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@Gargamale> word
<mademoiselle> excel
<+fiveiron> powerpoint
<+fiveiron> By your powers combined, I'm an overpriced office suite! |
#304546 (159/233) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<+wubbson> When I was 7 I wanted to be a paraplegic but then I realized professor X didn't get his powers from being in a wheelchair |
#305714 (123/179) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<RAMPKORV> During the days of Yahoo IM, I added a guy randomly, then started spamming him with PENIS
<RAMPKORV> Appearantly, I did it exactly when he was doing a presentation for work
<fusion2004> gahaha
<RAMPKORV> and he replied 15 minutes later and was pretty angry |
#305903 (147/215) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<bucketmouse> you heard about her birthday right
<stef> no
<bucketmouse> he didn't mention it at all so she asked a mutual friend of theirs
<bucketmouse> the dude tipped her of that he was talking about throwing her a portal themed birthday party
<bucketmouse> so she gets overly excited/hopeful thinking it's going to be romantic or something
<stef> portal isn't romantic though
<bucketmouse> so on the day of she wakes up, he's at work, she walks into the kitchen
<stef> this is going to be terrible isnt it
<bucketmouse> on the counter there's a cheap dollar-store helium balloon, a joint, and a box of debbie crocker cake mix
<bucketmouse> and a scrap of paper reading: 'u will be baked then there will be cake'Comment: she dumped him over this
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#306433 (64/90) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Crowbar> grg: no it's not hemriaging, but it's not profitable.
<kyleman7> hemorrhaging
<grg> hemorrhoids
<spacey> just remember any word with 'rrh' in it is bad news.
<spacey> diarrhea, hemorrhaging, gonorrhea
<grg> rhinorrhagia
<grg> fancy word for nose bleed :D
<grg> Rhacophorus achantharrhena
<grg> a frog!
<spacey> frogs are bad news. Just ask the people at Jurassic Park
<grg> Collared Sparrowhawk (Accipiter cirrhocephalus)
<grg> lol... this one is the best
<grg> acephalorrhachia
<grg> "congenital absence of the head and spinal column"
<spacey> yeah, I'd say that's pretty bad news |
#310821 (61/85) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<stereo_> y'all have some daddy issues
<clockwrok> nothing could be father from the truthComment: #geekissues irc.efnet.net
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#89678 (516/782) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<JMGonk> Seriously though, and this has bugged me for years, why aren't there robots constantly roaming the halls of CSC?
<JMGonk> We're the Computing Science department for fucks sake, WE SHOULD HAVE ROBOTS
<Digital> I am fully supportive of patrols by 7 foot tall laser-wielding tankbots with unmatched firepower and strength.
<rstoski> Someone would steal them?
<Digital> If you try and steal it, it communicates with nearby tankbots via 802.11g to plan and coordinate a tactical strike employing lethal force.
<Digital> We shall rule CSC by fear!
<rstoski> 802.11g? Digital, you're living in the past; 802.11n Draft 2.
<Digital> no, best to stay away from drafts until they're finalized. Otherwise, our current generation of kill-bots might not interoperate with future revisions.Comment: *sigh* nerds
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#125172 (305/459) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<davy> remember when braveheart came out and everyone said you can't have mel gibson playing a scottish guy cuz it wont be realistic?
<davy> well look at him now
<davy> an alcoholic racist |
#181649 (238/354) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@vap0r> a friend of mine got out of jail after being in for 10 years or os
<@vap0r> so
<@vap0r> a young guy
<@vap0r> he had no idea abou tthe internet at all really
<@vap0r> this was years ago
<@iNToIT> and now he wants to have sex with you?
<@vap0r> nah hes still straight
<@iNToIT> lies
<@vap0r> but it was just weird
<@vap0r> he ended up getting on the internet
<@vap0r> and the first thing he searched for was latino girls
<@vap0r> and it blew his mind |
#286353 (226/336) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< Liem> check this out, I was driving down my street yesterday
< Liem> a guy walking his dog flags me down
< Liem> I'm all "wtf?"
< Liem> "Hey! So you're the guy with the "uid 0" license plate!"
< Liem> "yeah, that's me."
< Liem> "So, I was laid off 2 weeks ago, is your employer hiring software engineers?"
< Coraxyn> :)
< Liem> "welcome to the party pal, I am a 5-week laid off software engineer."
< Liem> FLAGGED DOWN for a job. can you believe that?
< Coraxyn> Yes |
#296915 (341/513) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<_Pooky> Watch out for the 700cal sandwichs tho.
<lion42> _Pooky, I'm on a 4000 calorie diet. I can have all the sandwiches I damn well want. :P
<Uncertain> that's no diet, that's a monster
<_Pooky> No shit...why are you on a 4k diet?
<_Pooky> Weight training or something?
<lion42> Pancreatic insufficiency. Because I don't dump out enough enzymes, I don't absorb calories or.. anything at all, really, as well as other people do.
<lion42> 4000 is my normal, average, maintaining my weight diet.
<_Pooky> Ok, that makes sense then.
<_Pooky> That's got to make for messy bowel movements.
<lion42> Yes, my shits are festive. |
#299398 (149/221) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<pheand_> talking to my mother is like getting a back rub from Edward Scissorhands |
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