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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..60616263646566..599Next> |
#2456 (361/519) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<M3rlin-> what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
<p5Ds13a06> you cant buy alcoholics
<p5Ds13a06> but if you wink the right way, some of them will follow you home for free |
#4780 (395/567) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Thumb> do you know of any major organizations that are similar the CDC?
<Lucent> who?
<Thumb> center for disease control
<Lucent> i said WHO
<Thumb> what? i'm asking you
<Lucent> World Health Organization |
#1547 (265/377) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<iMike> i was just thinking of hiring a man to service my septic system
<maff> is that the classy way to say you want to get fucked in the ass? |
#7960 (322/461) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Agent_grey> Scanner works! scanner wooooorrrkss!!
<artforz> how did you make it work?
<Agent_grey> its very very technical and scientific, involving the introduction of organic substance interfacing with its structural integrity
<Agent_grey> i whacked it really really hard |
#96138 (564/816) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Yuri> parents were fighting, went into the bedroom
<Tw1lk1tr1> make up sex
<Yuri> and i'm assuming they fell asleep since this was 40 minutes ago
<Yuri> no
<Yuri> NO |
#272777 (564/816) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Mango: I still haven't fixed my speakers and I wanted to watch a movie.
Mango: So I set the sound card to record from output,
Mango: used a softphone program to call my VoIP phone,
Mango: and had it play the movie to me over the phone.
Mango: God, I love being a geek :)
PID1|work: So Mango, you can truthfully say you have a hot actress on the phone just now? |
#300781 (263/375) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
s42: I was ranting with my friend about how nonsensical it is for so many people to play Farmville on Facebook... how growing imaginary crops is a waste of time when there's no real goal.
s42: When I realized I play MMORPGS...
s42: I probably do more farming on the internet than fucking farmers do in real life. |
#300937 (368/528) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Magello> It is my assumption that every few minutes a virtual sentience forms on the Internet, is pelted with spam mail and chooses to commit suicide. |
#301779 (371/533) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Indogutsu> According to an "On This Day in America" calendar hanging on the wall in my office, Robert Fulton (the inventor of the steamboat) appeared before a House committee on February 14th, 1810 to explain the uses of torpedoes.
<Indogutsu> So to all of you who, for whatever reason, can't find love and feel left out and bitter on Valentine's Day, you can instead use this day to remember Robert Fulton and his contributions to undersea warfare. |
#304607 (186/262) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
The_Jack_of_Clubs: you need to upgrade to safari 5.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.3 cause it fixes 1 little issue that youll never notice, mostly cause you use firefox, also it needs to restart and to "optimize the hard drive" and while your at it, would you like to install the new version of itune+quicktime? its only 20gb and it has the ability to upgrade the firmware of the iphone that you dont have! |
#309107 (57/77) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@Oliphaunt> I've been put off the Kindle by richard stallman and other horror stories about amazon fuckery
<@Lorkki> I like the expression "richard stallman and other horror stories" |
#309763 (58/80) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< NDJ> Oh God how did I even do this,
< NDJ> My Windows partition is now ext4
< NDJ> ShitComment: #linux on a small network
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#310183 (57/77) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<zzo38> Is anyone in here who knows cricket rules and has experience?
<Slereah> What if I told you the baseball rules in a british accent? |
#310713 (54/72) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Somasis> peter anvin has a pet python named perl
<tanderson> since it's a python, perl can C its tail, but because of the forked tongue it speaks with a lisp; his mother Julia always corrected him, but unfortunately was bash'ed in the head by an accidentally dropped cup of java.
<Somasis> oh my god
<tanderson> Thank you, I'll be here all week
<Somasis> that was just criminal
<tanderson> He was sed for a time, but decided to go forth and ultimately met Ada, gave her a ruby ring, and lived happily ever after.
<Somasis> STOP |
#311454 (75/101) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Val> Oddish, holy fuck
<Val> I'm sitting, parked, on a dirt road in my cab. Call comes on the radio from dispatch, quote, "Who wants to do a pickup right now?"
<Val> I hit E to accept.
<Val> A Sadler - basically a Ford F-250 crew cab - rear-ends my taxi.
<Val> I guess I consented.
<Oddish> ..... |
#180107 (182/258) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@manda> Foxhill has a one track mind
<Foxhill> manda it is not one track!
<Foxhill> it's multi-track
<Foxhill> sure they all go to the same destination
<Foxhill> but some routes are prettier
<Foxhill> others are more direct
<Foxhill> so show us yer tits |
#182936 (184/260) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Grath> Hey, everyone
<Grath> You just lose the gmae
<Grath> *lost
<Grath> *game
<Retro> you just failed the internet, though |
#210468 (494/716) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<&fuqinfruit> Huggie: My mother cleans her vibrators in the Dishwasher and she doesnt think i know. Its disgusting and i hate it.
<&fuqinfruit> oops wrong chan |
#216997 (398/574) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Shii> ethane, mcdonalds can be a fun and rewarding job
<Shii> to get fired from
<Cpl_Ethane> Shii: I worked there, over uhm
<Cpl_Ethane> 15 years ago
<Cpl_Ethane> and I got fired
<Shii> what for?
<Cpl_Ethane> shii: you know those paper burger king crowns that BK used to hand out? I showed up to work wearing oneComment: #raspberryheaven
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#294895 (234/334) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<&mezzanine> Congratulations
<&mezzanine> The document located at <whitehouse.gov> was successfully checked as XHTML 1.0 Transitional.
<&mezzanine> oh my
<&mezzanine> change has indeed come |
#296552 (279/399) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@Pryoidain> OH WHAT THE HELL
<@Pryoidain> I open up the server computer to do a hot swap
<@Pryoidain> theres a jar of fucking peanuts in there
<@Pryoidain> I've been looking for that jar for 3 days
<@Minako> XD
<@Pryoidain> I finally went out and bought another one
<@Pryoidain> now I find it
<@Minako> Why'd you put it in there. XD
<@Pryoidain> I snack on peanuts while I work. sometimes its just easier to have the peanuts IN the actual work area.
<@Pryoidain> although that habit has created for some interesting conversations with clients after I do server repairs
<@Pryoidain> "Uh yes, you repaired our server a few months back...and ever since then, the entire room has smelled like peanuts..." "err...oh...whoops" |
#299757 (264/378) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
AstralFire> I am horrified and amused. On the other side of the highway by my house, there is a horse farm. Waiting on the light to change, I realized I was behind a small sedan with a horse-themed license plate that reads "PWNIES." |
#303097 (55/71) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@i_c-Y> what exactly is "irreconcilable differences" for a divorce?
<@zeno> You know... one person insists on the D_n notation for a dihedral group, the other on D_{2n}. |
#307798 (77/105) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<vera> i always ask them if they are having an abortion first because it was awkward that one time i was like look heres your baby and heres his heart beating and she was like ok can you take it out of meComment: Vera is a doctor.
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#12304 (272/389) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@Breathe> Server announcement: >>Attention please: We are about to reset the Linuxguy server to upgrade the chat softweare. This will cause you to disconnect. You should be able to reconnect right away. If you have any problems, please let us know in #magicstar.. We will reset linuxguy in 2 minutes.<<
<@Breathe> I love it. "If you can't reconnect, come into a channel and let us know!" |
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