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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..64656667686970..599Next> |
#170 (484/706) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
[@smcn] like #bearcave. you wouldn't expect it to be a gay channel. YOU WOULD EXPECT IT TO BE A CHANNEL ABOUT BEARS WOULDN'T YOU |
#11724 (344/501) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Zardoz> cool. calculated pi to 18 decimal places.
<Trucci> know what would have been cooler?
<Trucci> ANYTHING |
#4488 (313/454) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<FM{FF1}> Rizen: I thought you didn't bang chicks, only me.
<FM{FF1}> ...men.
<FM{FF1}> GOD THAT WAS A BAD TYPO. |
#32810 (330/480) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Kneecaps> anybody up for some key signing?
<Kneecaps> nobody about :(
<SlayerXP> key signing?
<SlayerXP> as in "hello complete stranger I met on IRC, please sign my GPG key so people will trust the key more."
<Kneecaps> yes
<Kneecaps> thats right
<SlayerXP> . <- the point -> your direction of travel |
#32461 (375/547) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<D-viant> my gf told me not ot get her a valentines present
<D-viant> that means I have to get her one
<D-viant> and shes not getting me one
<D-viant> :( |
#32108 (379/553) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<retry> dude I'm sick
<retry> got me a fever and everything
<monk> i recommend oral sex.
<retry> give or receive?
<monk> man, you ARE sick. |
#29482 (8584/12922) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
docsigma2000: jesus christ man
docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead
c8info: Why?
docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in fucking EUROPE
docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE
docsigma2000: our fucking phone bill is gonna be nuts
c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour.
docsigma2000: ...!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK
docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for???
docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun wanna pauy that much
c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you'll have to live with it.
docsigma2000: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet sites.
docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead
c8info: By the way, I'm from Europe, your chatting long distance.
** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer) |
#28685 (335/487) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<PLUR4Life> COUCH
<Evil_Couch> I swear, I'm going to drown you
<Evil_Couch> err
<PLUR4Life> Scuse me?
<Evil_Couch> I mean, hi, how are you doing?
<Evil_Couch> you want to go swimming? |
#23688 (330/480) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Billthe4th> im am what we in the business call a 7331 h4x0r
<monged> its 1337......
<Billthe4th> im new to the business |
#15840 (341/495) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Lyon> erll, i'm ogg yo trsf snf dlrrp
<Lyon> oops
<Lyon> well, i'm off to read and sleep
<Derian> looks like you need all the dlrrp you can get. |
#247654 (510/748) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<joseph321> hey guys can i ask a question?
<Stueh> Shoot
<joseph321> my girlfriend hasnt had her period in like 4 months do you think somethings wrong?
<Stueh> Erm ... you sure she's not pregnant?
<joseph321> yeah shes 4 months pregnant
<DanceNigga|Work> You can't be serious
<Stueh> Kid, it's not too late for an abortion, you know that right? |
#302269 (390/572) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Vasir: there was an evil dick staring at me all day
Mel: O_O WTF.. um are you okay?
Vasir: yeah i'm fine. it was starring me down through the windows all day though. i'm pretty sure it had malicious intent
Mel: Are you okay?
Vasir: yes.
*10 minutes or so pass*
Vasir: you know Mel, we never talk much anymore...
Mel: I know, but Vasir, why are you talking about dicks?
Vasir: I'm not?
Vasir: OH FUCK. I meant DUCK! AN EVIL DUCK WAS STARRING AT ME! NOT AN EVIL DICK! |
#302592 (146/208) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+TakeOne> O..o I love the way you can select a date of birth that's later than april 2010.
<+TakeOne> Yes, I'm submitting an application to McDonald's before I'm born because I know how futile my life is going to be. |
#304195 (96/134) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<NCommander> Don't let someone with an uncontrolled seizure history give you oral sex |
#33946 (393/573) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<malady> Hi Pav!
<malady> How's Pravda?
<Pav> Pravda?
<gumby_jd> Probably means Prague...
<Pav> ah! :)
<malady> Yay for being a poorly educated American. ^^
<malady> ...what's the correct spelling?
<Pav> malady: in english Prague, in native language Praha
<malady> Ah... not real sure where I got the vd from.
<malady> ...boy, if I had a nickle for every time I said _that_. |
#41000 (298/432) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Rogue> A few weeks ago my youngest came running out of the bedroom, using his underwear as a gun holdster, pulled out the gun, shot me with the little suction cup thing, then said "Gimme your money". Tell me that isn't a smart kid. It kills his victim before robbing them. Less of a struggle.
<frostyfx> wow you are a good fatherComment: #ug/irc.alternatenet.net
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#42200 (265/383) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<FuzLogic> I never did figure out how to open the damn doors on the landing boats.
<mirth> "how i survived normandy" by FuzLogic |
#42730 (236/340) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Scoth> I used a BSOD screensaver at work for awhile, but people kept rebooting my machine for me |
#45668 (287/415) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<%Ebola> My last job was in CSR with a very small re-sale phone co. Once a month we were all expected to make collection calls to customers who were late with their payment. After several attempts one day to a particular number, a lady finally answered. Me: May I speak to ___ (customer's name)? Lady: He's not here. Me: This is ___, with ___Phones, your phone company. I am calling to remind you that your phone bill was due on the 5th and is in danger of
<%Ebola> being disconnected. Can you tell me when you will be able to pay it? Lady: .... How did you get this number? It's unlisted. Me: *blink*... Ma'am? This is the phone company. We GAVE you this phone number!Comment: #netroNet on irc.netronet.com
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#49768 (343/499) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<|404notfound> I think there's something wrong with me
<|404notfound> when I'm downloading at like 5 kB/s, I don't get angry or annoyed
<|404notfound> I get nostalgicComment: Aniverse: #megatokyo
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#58082 (356/518) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Emerl> Ok, so I ordered pizza from Dominos last night. (It's the only place in town that delivers.)
<Emerl> When the delivery guy walks up, I notice two weird things. 1. He's not wearing a name tag. 2. He is fat and has pizza stains on his shirt
<Emerl> So then I take the pizza and pay. He's squirming, real suspicious-like. When he gets the money, he runs out and gets into his car, and does a burnout as he accelerates away.
<Emerl> I open the pizza box and it looks like fucking Pac-man
<Emerl> This fucker got hungry and ate my pizza
<Emerl> Anyway, I reported him and got him fired
<Emerl> Apparently, this wasn't the first time this happenedComment: ...
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#40752 (267/389) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<WillDeed> god damn I'm smooth
<WillDeed> so I went to 7-11 to buy a pack of smokes
<WillDeed> and the chick starts flirting with me because
<WillDeed> well
<WillDeed> you know
<WillDeed> she pulls down a pack, hides it, and says "sorry, we're out of those *giggle*"
<WillDeed> and I tried to laugh without laughing to show courtesy but to show it wasn't funny
<WillDeed> and it came out as a snort
<WillDeed> and the rest of the transaction was made in silence
<WillDeed> and I kinda ran into the door when I was leaving
<WillDeed> <- smooth |
#42992 (300/438) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
[@WhipSmart]: for every story you hear about a dog saving someone's life, there are probably a million where the dog just sat there and watched them dieComment: Quakenet #funchat
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#44863 (1037/1543) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+Sprunk> I think the world should be run by a panel of scientists and kindergarten teachers
<+Sprunk> scientists know all the facts and kindergarten teachers know how to treat everyone fairly |
#45321 (266/386) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(%theProject) i have the urge to smack someone in the head right now
(%theProject) some guy was telling me he just noticed that chopin's sonata no. 2 in b-flat minor, the funeral march, sounds remarkably like the imperial march from star wars
(%theProject) well, yes, because that piece was the inspiration for john williams writing the imperial.
(17:28:03) (%theProject) the guy proceeded to shout "OMG CHOPIN RIPPED OFF STAR WARS"
(17:28:14) (%theProject) even though chopin died in EIGHTEEN-FORTY-SEVENComment: #mess.be on irc.trueirc.net
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