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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..63646566676869..599Next> |
#7842 (268/386) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Sandman> You know something? Burning hair reeks.
<Zibblsnrt> I think that's nature's way of telling you, "Don't set your hair on fire, dipshit!" |
#6116 (308/445) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<kegpin> I gotta go.
<Krebstar> ok, get better soon, keg.
<puppyfish> aww... is keg sick?
<Krebstar> nope. I just think he could be better than he is. |
#1943 (265/380) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ETP> heh
* Tocool is very confused
<ETP> tocool: so am I, but the key is to just say 'heh' so people think you understand
<Tocool> yea but
<Tocool> ...
<Tocool> heh |
#115095 (289/417) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Obby> I'm going under the knife tomorrow.
<Kabloxy> Ahh, Jesus.
<Kabloxy> Hope it all goes well, dude.
<Obby> You know what I should do?
<Obby> On my correct leg, I should write; "Wrong leg, man," and on the other write; "Or is it? HAHAHAH THE pressure's on you, DOC! JUST YOU AND THE KNIFE!"Comment: irc.waypasteleven.com, #n
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#295707 (466/678) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<rach> so you can like chop blocks of wood in half with your hand?
<incesticide> yeah
*** Joins: cj
<rach> does it hurt?
<incesticide> not really, if you do it right
<cj> ...
<incesticide> if you don't know what you're doing you'll end up breaking your hand
*** Quits: cj (I don't even want to know) |
#297744 (257/369) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<nutkase> i need to schedule an eye exam
<nutkase> with a different doctor who wont cuss me out and tell me i need ritalin
<hateful> lol, did you jump when he was putting in the drops?
<nutkase> no
<nutkase> but when he was asking me which one was better number 1 or number 2 i was like how come there numbered and i only get 2 options
<nutkase> and then he was telling me to read the lines, and he had the radio on in the background and i was asking him to turn it up cause i liked that song
<nutkase> finally he said god damn it can you pay attention so we can get this over with and i responded with sorry i wasnt paying attention
<hateful> lol
<nutkase> and he proceeded to tell me i needed ritalin |
#301233 (94/130) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Sebas_> Hahaha, there's a book called "Modern Financial Accounting" in one of our book cases, and according to the back text, you can read it "for pleasure or by necessity."
<@Sebas_> Who the FUCK reads a 1000 page book on fucking accounting for pleasure? |
#307584 (127/179) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<SightUnseen> last time i had a dream was the beginning of last year. i dreamed about waking up, eating breakfast, and going to school. then my alarm went off and i woke up, ate breakfast, and went to school. i must have the creativity of a tree stump. :P |
#307670 (97/135) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< Novice> It's not a computer anymore. It's a member of Norton's botnet. |
#307812 (169/239) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ninja_warrior666> can anyone tell me how to create sodium metal?
<ninja_warrior666> or nitrocellulose?
<Schroedingers_hat> Well, it all starts with an infinitely hot singularity...
<ninja_warrior666> ...
<Schroedingers_hat> But you've gotta create some nothing first.
<Schroedingers_hat> Well, not first
<Schroedingers_hat> because you haven't created time yet.
<Schroedingers_hat> Well not yet
<Schroedingers_hat> but you get what I mean |
#297849 (386/562) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<mistah_j> If you watch porn in reverse it's about a guy who vacuums jizz of a woman's face and then takes his Pizza back to work |
#303121 (40/56) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<D--> Haiku OS is so fast, it makes me feel like I'm using a computer in 1990 instead of 2010.
<hcs> that's what you get when the developers have the discipline to write each subroutine in exactly 17 instructionsComment: #zophar @ espernet
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#304970 (207/297) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
[December 25th, 1am.]
(sebmal1337) well this is a thing
(sebmal1337) in order to save christmas i must beat super mario bros dx
(saturmeki) lol what
(hypahchibs) elaborate.
(sebmal1337) wellllll
(sebmal1337) i print my gift labels with my game boy printer
(sebmal1337) but you can't print until you save one of the toads
(sebmal1337) i was doing it yesterday and i ran out of batteries |
#306522 (297/429) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
skel [~areplogle@xx.xx.xx.xx.lightspeed.wkshwi.sbcglobal.net] has joined #android
Channel topic is: Welcome to the official Android-platform IRC channel! || Root? Modded ROMs? Head to #android-root || App development questions? See #android-dev || Live commit stream #android-firehose
<skel> hi! =]
<skel> ahh I need #android-dev
skel [~areplogle@xx.xx.xx.xx.lightspeed.wkshwi.sbcglobal.net] has left #android
<Riddla> OH MY GOD.
<Riddla> SOMEONE READ THE TOPIC!
<Riddla> \o/
* Riddla pops champagneComment: #android freenode
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#311531 (42/58) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<pflanze> in any case, I can see why you changed your userid from ``bigassniggaonascooterdrinkingcaprisun`` before launching the business |
#12939 (282/410) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<fm> i've had three girls today IM me and tell me that they like me.
<fm> then they said april fools and signed off. |
#13753 (309/447) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Flirbnic> I have a time machine.
<Twilo> That's your fridge
<Flirbnic> Then explain how I can put perishable food items in there and take them out several days later STILL FRESH? |
#20435 (327/474) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<tudda> Man you guys are nerds.
<tudda> Im outta here, im going to go watch star wars. |
#33681 (357/521) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<BD_Hektor[movie]> how do i go about uninstalling wmp?
<Uranus> you need a priest, a cross and some holy water |
#34820 (300/434) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ushi> only on the internet is it acceptable to find out someone's basic information and status by fingering them |
#35728 (407/593) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Jon> the transition from broadband to dialup it's like driving a corvette, then having both your legs broken and being told to walk. |
#42152 (221/317) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<BobDragonslayer> The rabbi of said temple wanted to hear the south park song "I'm a lonely jew at christmas"
<BobDragonslayer> so a co worker and I loaded up Kazaa and tracked down a copy, complete with thevideo
<BobDragonslayer> so me, the rabbi, and my rather religious co-worker are sitting in the temple front office, and we start it up
<BobDragonslayer> and it's lesbian pornComment: #btc
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#66436 (2271/3377) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Wax_on_whack_off> men, my roommate had a fierce seizure in the bathtub
<iris23> that's really sad to hear, did you help him? Is he okay now?
<Wax_on_whack_off> he helped me actually
<iris23> ?
<Wax_on_whack_off> I threw in my dirty clothes... they are clean now
<iris23> you utter bastard!!!! that's not funny!!! >:( |
#68398 (290/422) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
TrogL> the person handing out official photo id will not give you your official photo id unless you have your official photo id
TrogL> 3 people are trying to get her to see the catch-22 and she's not getting it
[...]
TrogL> the lady with the ID's gave up and is now handing them out at random
TrogL> she's not even checking to make sure the picture matches
TrogL> apparently I'm a skanky blonde
TrogL> the guy next door's picture shows him bleeding profusely from a head wound
TrogL> gotta love low-bid contractors |
#77143 (398/578) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Trinexx> ... wtf?
<Trinexx> everytime I look over at the TV, Groundhog Day is on again |
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