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#54903 (353/493) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<taste.it> mh... if one of us had to die right now and you could decide if it was you or me, who would you choose?
<wiesel> that's hard... well, i'd say i'd let you die... people are egoistic, that's the way it is
<taste.it> and you think you could live with that decision?
<wiesel> better than with the other one. |
#51854 (389/543) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Mark> oh yeah. so my roommate got me to sit down and play need for speed underground on the xbox. he thought it would be funny because i was drunk, so i would fuck up, and he would laugh at me. except i ended up doing better and beating a bunch of races i wasnt able to do sober.
<Mark> which means im a better driver when im drunk
<Mark> i just have to find a way to explain that to the police. |
#51642 (307/427) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Pentavite> i need help with my programming class
<Pentavite> what's an execution error?
<GenericLoser> It's when you kill the wrong person. |
#49491 (562/790) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<xkcd> Guy in line: English should be the national language, these immigrants should have to learn English when they come here.
<xkcd> Girl in line: Yeah
<xkcd> Guy: When you go to live somewhere, you learn the language they speak there. English is the language of the land.
<xkcd> Sarah Mac: (from behind in line) Excuse me, but -- osio sarah dawado.
<xkcd> Guy: What the hell was that?
<xkcd> Sarah: Cherokee. |
#47143 (409/571) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<hdx> There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
<hdx> When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
<hdx> He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.Comment: #linuxgeneration
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#37558 (217/299) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@David> Yay I get laid today! Been a month.... needing it by now
<@Sony> ...........
<@Sony> TMI TMI TMI
<@David> Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing
<Malpine> Thanks for the info
<@David> eh?
<@David> damn i meant PAID
<@David> I get PAID today
<@David> dammitComment: ZiRC
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#87368 (331/461) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<[F12]Nick> ummm does neone know how to change my font back from size 26...i can read about 3 messages at a time and they all intimidate me
<[E09]SEANO> File > Settings > Colours and Fonts
<[F12]Nick> also...my homepage is meatspin.com...my username seems to be shabongbong and there black porn all thru my recent documents
<[F12]Nick> i think i need to lock my door
<[F12]Nick> next time i go out |
#310283 (104/140) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Karkat> what is the creepiest place you have ever gone *by accident*
<ak00ak> Jeez, by accident?
<Karkat> yeah
<Karkat> like
<Karkat> one time
<Karkat> i was driving around in germany
<Karkat> i got lost
<Karkat> suddenly, dachau
<ak00ak> You should've been concentrating more. |
#309886 (64/84) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Jigsy> Fucking around with computers is how I became a registered Hex offender. |
#306057 (196/270) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Cynic: I watched the movie The Prestige today
Cynic: that was really good
FotG: trying to remember what that one is
Cynic: Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale
Cynic: are magicians
FotG: yeah actors names.... don't really mean much to me
Cynic: Wolverine and Batman
Cynic: are magicians
FotG: Don't think I've seen any movie like that... |
#173028 (439/615) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< Shadow_mil> we don't need biodegradable condoms. Normal condoms already do enough to protect the environment. |
#305906 (57/75) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< tobyx> i want to fly to switzerland and make free love to the founder of rapidshare
< mc44> you'll catch something horrible :(
< mc44> but only after you wait 60 seconds |
#184963 (260/360) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Moozh> my co-worker is making giant penis monsters on the spore character generator
<Moozh> this is the best job
<Zyla> WHY IS IT ALWAYS COCKS
<Zyla> GIVE MAN A MEDIUM TO CREATE
<Zyla> AND THE FIRST THING
<Zyla> COCKS
<Zyla> the washington monument
<Zyla> bullets
<Zyla> rockets
<Zyla> ALL COCKS
<agwho> what was the apollo mission
<agwho> if not the chance to create giant cocks |
#224084 (175/243) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<hci> life lesson: never perform oral sex before visiting the dentist without brushing your teeth first. especially if you're dating the dentist's daughter |
#256707 (292/406) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
His Madjesty: So the water cooler at work is broken. It still works, but it leaks.
Ideasman: that's not good...
His Madjesty: We tried to get someone in to fix it or replace it, but they just said to take the water bottle out when we're not using it.
Ideasman: WTF? where are you working?
His Madjesty: Microsoft. |
#294923 (404/566) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Anemia says: *sigh* as soon as I changed my status on facebook back to single... all the ads changed into "dating site" or "how to get back together with your ex" >:( |
#297356 (272/380) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<dd7> ah, what the hell
<dd7> the girl i just started dating told me she hacks into sites using sql injection and ddos
<Trenzein> your girlfriend is a script kiddie
<Trenzein> lmao |
#297296 (317/441) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
helf2: sup
iKitsune: got a handjob from a midget in boaz today
helf2: wait, what
iKitsune: I got a handjob
iKitsune: from a midget
iKitsune: in Boaz
iKitsune: today.
helf2: yeah, thats what i thought you said
iKitsune: Do I need to post pictures?
helf2: no, I'm good. |
#1633 (312/434) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Defect> i've sworn off dating to the point where my mother's inquiries as to whether or not i'm gay are getting frustratingly more frequent.
<harb> Defect : Haha.
<harb> I hate that.
<harb> My mom asked me ONCE.. and I just started laughing.
<harb> And then went back to my David Hasslehoff shrine.
<Defect> she visited me a couple weekends ago and we went out to dinner, she had a few drinks and said "You can tell me if you're gay you know, i'm drunk now, i can take it." |
#9272 (388/543) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Murder-Is-Funny> I know this girl who is supposedly kinda anti-social - so she says - and she's mentioned she doesnt go many places or have many friends.. - but when I call her, she's never home - whats that mean?
<Byte^> she has caller-id |
#1964 (335/467) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
[01:33] (hilo21) ima looking for a site that seels amp
[01:33] (hilo21) ima looking for a site that seels amps
[01:33] (hilo21) iam looking for a site that seels amps
[01:34] (hilo21) I am looking for a site that sells amps
[01:35] (nexxai) how bout you look for a site that teaches english?
[01:35] (hilo21) fuck you
[01:36] (nexxai) Lemme guess, you'd kick my ass, but can't read the road signs to get to my house? |
#5863 (6985/10080) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<mp> i am convinced i am a woman
<Oreoboros> mp: Why's that?
<mp> cuz i went to bed bath and beyond for a shower curtain and left with $700 worth of shit
<mp> and i had to go back because i realized after i checked out that i forgot to buy a fucking shower curtain |
#7493 (375/525) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Cerebus> being bi-polar must suck
<Kender> well yes and no |
#55285 (357/499) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Lowlypeon> You know the other day, I saw a bumper sticker "I earn it here, I spend it here - USA" And a little flag.
<Lowlypeon> On a fucking MAZDA |
#54372 (323/451) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< zid`> the faster you go the slower time is
< zid`> you lose like 20 ns flying supersonic to america
< zid`> something like that
<+WhiteWolf> 20ns!??!
< syc> no you don't.
< syc> you lose 4 hours on the tarmac.
< syc> 2 hours in security. |
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