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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..48495051525354..599Next> |
#61017 (398/554) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Mattykins: i just did the stupidest thing evar
The Kaos Jester: Installed OS X?
Mattykins: okay i thought i broke my NIC on OS X right
Mattykins: cause it said "The Ethernet cable for Built-In Ethernet is not plugged in." right
Mattykins: and that's what it says when it is broken
Mattykins: so i spend like three hours trying to fix it
Mattykins: and i look behind the computer
Mattykins: the fucking network cable is unplugged |
#60043 (373/519) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<withnail> this is weird, i've been having more of a social life recently and missed loads of irc, and when you come back it's like missing loads of episodes in a soap opera. new characters enter, people change. so anyway, anyone dead or anything? |
#59744 (360/500) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Knightmare> Well that was a night of fear and terror.
<Timork> ?
<Knightmare> I bought a bag of mushrooms and a bottle of Everclear.
<Knightmare> Settled down for a nice evening of mind altering psychadelia
<Timork> Bad trip huh?
<Knightmare> Horrible, I never want to go through it again.
<Knightmare> Somewhere along the line I installed emacs. |
#57180 (431/601) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<taxman> Okay, I seriously don't know how this could happen.
<taxman> I woke up this morning and went into the bathroom to piss
<taxman> One of my nostrils is really itchy and so I grab a piece of toilet paper and blow my nose
<taxman> When I look at it, there's a fucking EARWIG amidst a sea of snot
<Rintin> rofl
<taxman> So I shout in surprise, "Holy fuck! How in the hell did that get up there?!"
<taxman> I drop it in the toilet, flush it and open the bathroom door, and my mom and wife are standing there, staring at me with their mouths half open.
<Rintin> holy shit lmao
<taxman> They haven't stopped making fun of me about it. So I'm here. :/ |
#50245 (344/480) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<JakQ> you know what's ironic?
<JakQ> breaking a pair of safety glasses and having the shards fly up and hit you in the face |
#10958 (388/539) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(morganj): 0 is false and 1 is true, correct?
(alec_eso): 1, morganj
(morganj): bastard. |
#4753 (9097/13036) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself? |
#1660 (317/439) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<DigiGnome> Real life should have a fucking search function, or something.
<DigiGnome> I need my socks. |
#310438 (95/127) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+element> i hope im not bleeding out of my asshole
<Tarball`> famous last words |
#310326 (63/81) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< Spengo> so
< Spengo> I met up with one of my transgender friends who I haven't seen in forever
< Spengo> had a child
< Spengo> now he's transparent
< ryantmer> Somewhere, a drummer did a rimshot, and they have no idea why
< xmc> so technically you still haven't seen him
< ryantmer> Ha! |
#310028 (86/114) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Natrist> what do i do already if i want my variable to be defined once and not get millions of redefiniton errors?
<jrslepak> define it only once |
#117877 (326/452) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<WeirdAl> !seen peterv
<firebot> peterv was last seen 2 weeks, 6 days, 15 hours, 2 minutes and 31 seconds ago, saying '* peterv looks for a place to hide' in #developers
<Wolf> guess he found one.Comment: irc.mozilla.org #developers
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#145685 (622/872) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
lbreeves2: its official
lbreeves2: I have spent far too much time on the internets
lbreeves2: I was just typing my paper and was trying to type "Jewish laws"
lbreeves2: It came out "Jewish Lawls"
lbreeves2: so I backspaced it... and typed the same fucking thing again |
#304619 (235/323) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<pharazon> being a conductor is like the closest thing there is to being a wizard
<pharazon> you just wave your arms and stuff happens |
#303729 (194/268) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+BadFish> Mmmm, emma watson
<+Watson> I find it disturbing that I was highlighted by your sexual fantasies |
#302356 (130/176) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Jesus> it gets worse as they get mobile.
<Jesus> I'm pretty convinced that's why most families are smaller: children have gotten better at cockblocking.
<pjustice> there's evolution for you
<Jesus> it's darwinian, after all -- if they can successfully prevent other procreation by their parents, they get a larger piece of the pie.
<Jesus> my 4-year old can now climb the stairs silently.
<paul> holy shit
<paul> nooooooooooo
<Jesus> I tend to wake up as he's running, silently, full bore at my side of the bed.
* Jesus nods
<Jesus> thankfully, the doors still shut.
<paul> they figure doorknobs out too, right?
<paul> they're like little velociraptors
<paul> CLEVER BOY |
#300947 (389/541) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<meanolthing> hmm
<meanolthing> is pornography in or out?
<aizakku> in
<aizakku> then out
<aizakku> then in
<aizakku> then out again |
#299781 (402/560) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Hobbesy: Ghost, this is an intervention
Hobbesy: You're obviously a raging alchoholic
Ghostrider: No I'm fine
Ghostrider: why?
Hobbesy: No Ghost
Hobbesy: It has to stop
Ghostrider: *sigh*
Ghostrider: where did I post? |
#297574 (263/363) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Havokroft> \o/
<Panzerwurst> I shall steal your slash keys
<Panzerwurst> so you can't cheer any more
<Havokroft> o |
#102065 (314/436) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
[helf] or do like me, have absolutely no idea what the job is for because you forgot you even had an interview, come in looking like you just woke up with a bad hangover, luck out because your soon to be boss has never done an interview before, he doesnt want to do an interview and you both just end up playing nethack for 2 hours
[rielore] i love nethack |
#141263 (286/396) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<swight> "DARPA Advances AI Program For Air Traffic Control"
<swight> C`mon they GOTTA call that SkyNet
<jonathans> haha
<jonathans> yeah
<jonathans> It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are at the arrival gate. |
#153061 (241/333) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
-slushey- [Global Notice] Due to an unforseen shortage in operators, we will now be hosting a raffle to become an IRC Operator. If you would like to be considered for the possible (25) open positions, please /msg Tom and indicate your interest. Thank you, SynIRC Staff.
... ten minutes pass...
-Tom- The raffle has been a grand success, unfortunately, my message queue is now full. Please PM Excelsior if you would like to enter in the raffle from here on out. Thank you!
... ten more minutes pass...
-Tom- I hate my life stop PMing me |
#306044 (177/245) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@CiTay> haha... watching Science.Ch.Moon.Machines.5of6.Space.Suit... in the space suit, they had this "pee bag" with a condom-like hose leading to it. initially they had three sizes for the condom-like part, small, medium and large. but all astronauts ordered the large part, no matter the real need. so they renamed it to large, gigantic and humongous. |
#305635 (257/357) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< JDigital> my sister found out that I know the names of the my little ponies
< JDigital> I don't know how long I can keep up the facade that I don't watch it |
#304006 (188/258) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Danny: Have you heard Microsoft's new Windows line?
Danny: "Windows. life without walls."
Danny: Damn right. All kinds of shit can just walk into your house whenever it damn well pleases. |
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