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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..49505152535455..599Next> |
#249263 (357/497) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Paine> "Cuntcannon" is a fun word.
<Paine> I just invented it.
<Paine> it's a verb.
<Paine> "She cuntcannoned that pingpong ball across the room"
<fireweasel> i think a cannon implies an ignition source. it's more like a pussypult. |
#262694 (539/755) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@terminal> dell guy is here replacing some hardware in a server
<@terminal> dude fucking smacks his head in to the power button of another server and takes it down |
#281442 (327/455) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Pentavite> you know those cliffs and ledges and etc. that have suicide hotline phones nearby?
<Pentavite> I think the govt should designate them as suicide points, for efficiency
<Pentavite> so people know a good way to kill themselves
<Pentavite> just send someone every now and then to pick up the bodies
<GenericLoser> You'd have to post road signs, too.
<GenericLoser> "Suicide Point -- Dead Ahead." |
#298889 (198/272) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<fahadsadah> "Free delivery on orders over £25 when collecting in store" < asda.co.uk |
#296974 (335/465) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Raisin> Here's what I learned from Lifetime TV
<Raisin> Never go jogging or you'll get raped |
#33231 (456/638) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+milkman`bot> 9. Animal Trivia: The hummingbird is the only bird that can ---------
<@Merlord> fly
<+Yoink> fly |
#33885 (397/553) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Matador_> put your $$ where your penis is
<fyzix> you want me to shove money in your mother? |
#59752 (379/529) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<sektie> the glare of the sun off my own skin is triggering the sensor in my macbook that dims the display
<sektie> this is fucking with me
<MrZodiac> submit a apple support request
<MrZodiac> “I’m too white to use apple”Comment: Troubleshooting on EFnet #bifemunix
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#58699 (368/512) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
MadSkz: i was arguing with my dad last night
MadSkz: and i called him a terrorist (hes muslim)
padawan: lol..what did he do then
MadSkz: threaten me with a box cutter |
#52103 (472/660) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Sp3cial> haha, I was at Big W earlier and they had one of those display PC's running
<Sp3cial> it didn't have a mouse, but it had a keyboard.
<Sp3cial> my keyring is a USB pen drive.
<Sp3cial> long story short, WMP is now looping a 19 year old virgin getting pounded by a large tentacle monster.
<Sp3cial> and to make it worse, I unplugged the keyboard. |
#51034 (334/464) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
DerANgeD: not cool! ctrl+w closes firefox
DerANgeD: I was trying to press shift+w and accidentally hit my ctrl button
Triumph: whats shift+w?
DerANgeD: a capital W dumbass |
#50388 (356/496) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Slater_> I HATE sticky keys!
<Slater_> I specifically remember being just about to take that perfect headshot in Counter-Strike, tapping the shift-key to sneak a bit forward for a clean view. ...and then...
<Slater_> "Hello! We think you must be severely handicapped, since you just pressed the shift key. We will now close your game and teach you a bit about using your computer with no hands. Love thy Windows experience!" |
#49278 (364/506) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<OrangeKitten> Why the fuck does a search for 'assless fursuit' bring up 'What should I wear for my job interview?'? |
#46051 (337/467) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<top-cat> there was an article in the guardian recently suggesting that after the EU arguments "anglo-german relationships hit an all-time low"
<top-cat> evidently two world wars were not as serious as an argument about economics |
#43377 (407/567) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(@Someone): <\³
(@Someone): erm
(@Someone): <\3
(@core`cappiez): How the fuck do you get a superscript 3, and a regular 3 fucked up.
(@core`cappiez): The superscript isn't even on the fucking keyboard.
(@Someone): lol
(@Someone): it is on mine
(@core`cappiez): Fuck you, no it's not.
(@Someone): i guess you dont have a german keyboard as i have
(@Someone): 3³ its both on the same key
(@core`cappiez): Who the fuck buys a German keyboard, are you retarded or something?
(@Someone): well you cant buy any other keyboards here in germany. |
#31923 (313/435) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Lailoken> On Cinemax tonight they're showing Shrek from 11:00 to 12:30 and then Best Sex Ever from 12:30 to 1:00.
<Lailoken> Somewhere in America parents leave their child to go to a dinner party, "Here honey, you just watch Shrek and we'll be home some time after midnight." |
#31339 (368/512) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<ghido> hi could anyone suggest me a very good irc server? i have to run it inside an company and it must have a restricted access my User/Pass. Thanks
<SlayerXP> ghido: has your systems administrator given you permission to run an irc server?
<ghido> SlayerXP: i'm the system administrator
<SlayerXP> ghido: then how come you don't know how to use a search engine? |
#25364 (599/841) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Donut[AFK]> HEY EURAKARTE
<Donut[AFK]> INSULT
<Eurakarte> RETORT
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-RETORT
<Eurakarte> QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE
<Donut[AFK]> SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
<Eurakarte> NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM
<Donut[AFK]> RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> ADDON RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> COUNTER-RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON
<Miles_Prower> RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES
<Eurakarte> WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD
<Miles_Prower> ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS |
#32367 (369/515) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Nick> America only does precision bombing
<Mayseth> Yeah, but a country is an easy target to hit. |
#31766 (374/522) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
We had the schools first HP laser printer installed in the PC lab for less than 24 hours when we received the only the first complaint on it. One of the users came down to tell us that the laser printer wasn't printing and had eaten his report. We tried to explain to him that the printer can't eat your report, and he said, yes it truly had and that there was smoke coming from the printer along with strange grinding noises. Upon investigation we discovered that he had taken his 5 1/4" floppy and had somehow crammed it into the envelope feed and hit printscreen, whereupon it promptly fused into a mess. The printer had less than 50 total pages through it. |
#27806 (329/461) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(@LoTTy): I HATE being a chick
(@LoTTy): i cant get the lid of this jar
(@LoTTy): that i wanna put on my corn chips for nachos
(@LoTTy): i got it
(@LoTTy): I'm STRONG!!!
(@IngeniusSpliffWizard): whats that got to do with you being a chick?
(@IngeniusSpliffWizard): we dont use our penis to open jars |
#20950 (338/472) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
* strang3r licks eZ_T4B's ass
* strang3r kicks eZ_T4B's ass
<strang3r> u know they really shouldnt put the "l" right beside the "k" |
#16112 (377/527) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@ataribaby> did you know birds actually have sex?
<@ataribaby> that disturbs me
<@shagman> you didn't think they did?
<@shagman> they just divided into new birds? |
#79369 (461/647) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< kakistos> lol. i liked the java compiler.
< kakistos> does the c compiler not tell you what you did wrong?
< deviant> C is great
< ewan> the Java compiler is all like "you have an uninitialised variable there, would you like a hug?"
< ewan> gcc is like "raaagh! I do no bounds-checking! Your mother sucks cocks in hell!"Comment: #intersocs
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#64358 (386/540) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<absinth> omg ! my father finished call of duty!
<misiek> so what?
<absinth> nothing but during the last-but-one mission he asked me whether one can change Colt to another gun..Comment: note: Translated from Polish
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