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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..53545556575859..599Next> |
#50233 (301/425) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+|404notfound> I just got a great idea
<+|404notfound> you know when you're handing a mug of a hot beverage to somebody, you either hold the handle and let them get burned grabbing the mug, or burn yourself to let them grab the handle?
<+|404notfound> somebody should make a mug with two diametrically positioned handles
<+|404notfound> it'll be fucking awesome
<+|404notfound> you'll be able to hand out hot drinks with impunityComment: Gamesurge: #g4b2s
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#40583 (427/603) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< bien> i'm going to go have a shower.
< Zoo> Have?
< vera> You're supposed to take showers.
< Zoo> It's the difference between a Canadian and an American mindset.
< Zoo> Canadians have things, Americans take them.Comment: #kuro5hin/SlashNET
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#116735 (330/464) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<TashaCosta> So has anyone seen that anti-drug commercial where the dog tells his teenage owner, a girl "I don't like it when you smoke weed...it changes you...."
<TashaCosta> ?
<tawniteamo> lol I think so
<TashaCosta> Okay, well, does anyone other than me think that's a really ineffective commercial?
<TashaCosta> Because every drug user I know would look at their talking dog and go "Whoa, I bought some really good stuff!" |
#291749 (45/61) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+Max[Tea`age]> just sneezed my headphones across the room |
#294792 (344/484) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Xarian: My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... |
#296074 (111/151) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+MurderMachine> Are the ghosts of black people white? Don't interpret that as racist, I've just never seen a black ghost in a movie or anything. |
#296566 (281/393) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Blaze> whats with all the macro buttons haveing no labels?
<Pryoidain> We're computer people.
<Pryoidain> We don't use labels.
<Pryoidain> Makes us look smarter.
<Pryoidain> They're color coded though.
<Pryoidain> You want the blue button xP
* Pryoidain has quit (Quit: Lost terminal)
* Pryoidain has joined #aftermath
<Pryoidain> NEVERMIND. Do NOT hit the blue button O.O |
#296722 (427/603) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* bermejo (n=bermejo@151.Red-83-61-11.dynamicIP.rima-tde.net) has joined ##freebsd
<bermejo> hi all
<bermejo> how do you split hdd of 500GB in partition for mail/web server ¿?
<silverblade> Precision cutting with a junior hacksaw
<hiredman> I draw a line and toss the hard drive into the air
<hiredman> what lands west of the line is for the web, east for the mail
<silverblade> high powered lasers
<ecmuller> in all seriousness though
<ecmuller> ninjas |
#299603 (277/387) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<cxreg> i'm going to go in to work tomorrow, and tell them that i'm going to fix bugs homeopathically
<cxreg> by inserting a syntax error once every 700 billion lines of code |
#304418 (47/61) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< m00nyb0y> and some people do too much work for little money if you ask me
< CarlosGuerrei> I agree
< CarlosGuerrei> I hire those people daily |
#305289 (220/306) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<dr_jkl> I HAVE A THREE DAY WEEKEND AND A SOLDERING IRON.
<dr_jkl> i am going to have so much fun. :D |
#305565 (168/232) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@meeb> HAHAHAHAH i've just accidentally shipped a commercial software build to a utility for use with 8 million customers with a 3.2mb JPG of my gf holding some flowers embedded in it by accident |
#306550 (439/623) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+snacky> being white is awesome. you can easily get adequate vitamin d intake even if you live really far north
<+snacky> and if you need camouflage, you can blend in with snow
<DirtySouth> lol
<DirtySouth> cant say i ever seen someone try that
<+snacky> exactly. |
#3224 (299/419) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<phish> wow, I read this in a slashdot post "Stop slouching! It's two O'clock in the afternoon, PUT PANTS ON!" and immediately thought...damn, he's right
<phish> ...now I just need to find my pants |
#11291 (317/446) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<prok> heh they set up one of those temporary radar speed detector things yesterday, the ones that tell you how fast you're going
<prok> with a big sign
<prok> i did about 5 laps around it trying to get my car up to 120
<ShizCakes> You know it takes your picture if it starts blinking when you go past it, right?
<prok> whoops |
#78733 (557/793) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
*Dravas has quit IRC
<Caprisun> im gonna take a video of me fucking that girl he likes
<PS31791> O_O
<PS31791> that would suck
<PS31791> if i saw that
<PS31791> id be like
*Takumi has joined #main
<PS31791> from now on im gonna be gay
<PS31791> ...
<PS31791> Takumi... i can explain...
<Caprisun> XD |
#33829 (332/468) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<FHCI_SS> I work as a tech support and someone called yesterday with the following conversation taking place
<FHCI_SS> Customer: "Hi, I was wondering if you could fix my laptop. It's under warranty."
<FHCI_SS> Me: "What seems to be the trouble with it?"
<FHCI_SS> Customer: "My wife got mad and threw it in the pool." |
#53875 (358/506) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* Heartless_Bitch (~goth@dsl-216-227-72-216.pivot.net) has joined #net.goth
<Sofa> Hey guys, meet my ex |
#44984 (480/680) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
auslander: i think we can all agree I'm the smartest one here
megaL: your IQ is like 1. im a million time smarter
s1r: a million times 1 is still one, asshole |
#28937 (323/455) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Kitsa> there used to be one doc who would put apple juice in a urine collection cup
<Kitsa> and walk into the patient room
<Kitsa> take a big swig
<Kitsa> and say "tastes fine to me"
<Kitsa> I always wanted to secretly switch it out with real urine
<Kitsa> the spit-take on that one would be great |
#14249 (280/396) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<andjusticeforall> I've figured it out. If you ever get mugged by someone, just say, "Take it easy man, all I got is a $16 bill", then knee him in the nuts when he tries to figure out what the fuck you just said. |
#20193 (397/560) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
«@hyu» i need an 800 by 600 jesus wallpaper
«@SkywardShadow» Type it into google. ;P
«@hyu» i am
«@hyu» google's being nasty
«@hyu» oooh, got a purdy one
«@hyu» and it's password protected
«@hyu» wtf
«@Vormav» haha
«@hyu» who password protects bible pictures?
«@Vormav» ACCESS TO JESUS DENIED |
#18754 (350/494) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Tac0> FiZi
<Tac0> are u connected to the internet?
<FiZi2> What the fuck do you think |
#86110 (364/514) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Stueh> Hehe, in Aus the legal age is 18 and no one cares, just as long as you say you're over 18 :P
<Stueh> I walked into a store when I was 14 to buy smokes, and the guy looks at me and, instead of asking how old I was, he was like "What's your birthday?" and I gave the answer I'm used to "5th Febuary, 1989." Then just thought "FUCK!"
<Stueh> He then looked me up and down and goes: "You know, if you go outside and run around the block four times, you'll be four years older "
<Stueh> So I went out for 10 minutes, came back in, he asked me my birthday, I said 1985, and he sold to me :)
<Stueh> Welcome to Australia! :) |
#120329 (551/783) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<||bass> omg
<||bass> best pictonary game ever
<||bass> I was playing with lenina
<||bass> first she chokes herself and pretends to die
<||bass> then
<||bass> she gives me a handjob and points at my dick
<||bass> you know what i was supposed to guess?
<||bass> "Die Hard"Comment: #nobodysworld on deltaanime
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