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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..47484950515253..599Next> |
#79641 (467/649) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
[@TheWickerMan] I remember this one earthquake waaaay back in the third grade.
[@TheWickerMan] It happened RIGHT after this fatass kid tripped and fell on the floor.
[@TheWickerMan] We'll never let him forget that..
[@TheWickerMan] Everytime he falls, somebody rushes under a desk. |
#68399 (338/470) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
TrogL> overnight the janitors turned off the master DO NOT TURN OFF THIS SWITCH switch
TrogL> they routinely ignore the DO NOT ENTER OR WE WILL CALL THE POLICE AND HAVE YOU THROWN OUT OF THE COUNTRY sign
TrogL> one of these nights I'm just gonna stay in the server room overnight with my favourite axe
TrogL> I want them so terrified of even LOOKING at the server room they'll emigrate first
TrogL> I'm finding less and less polite ways of saying 'WHAT PART OF STAY THE FUCK OUT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND'
TrogL> apparently 'DANGER, DO NOT ENTER' doesn't cut it |
#68185 (360/498) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
xyzzy: note to self - dont hit on homeschooled chicks
Bahamut Xero: especially during class |
#58125 (334/462) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
DavidMM says, "Next question... do I want to devote the next half hour to writing a Wikipedia article on fruit peel just to satisfy my own sense of injustice that there isn't one?"
Matt_D [to DavidMM]: Are you a botanist or in some other way an expert on plant matter?
DavidMM [to Matt_D]: No, but I like eating things with fruit peel in them..
Matt_D [to DavidMM]: Then you are the perfect person to write the Wikipedia article on the subject. |
#57648 (305/421) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Pan Man 120: you know what sucks?
Pan Man 120: i thought yesterday was april fool's
Pan Man 120: so i went around april fooling people
Pan Man 120: and they were like "its not april fools dumbass"
Pan Man 120: but i thought they were trying to april fools me
Pan Man 120: so i didnt look at a calendar
Pan Man 120: this would explain a lot
Pan Man 120: i was like "get a fucking new line guys its getting old"Comment: April 3rd
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#50729 (479/669) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
thewhathewhat: I understand how scissors can beat paper, and i get how rock can beat scissors, but there's no fucking way paper can beat rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around rock and leave it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why cant paper do this to people? Why arents sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper cant beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When i play rock/ paper/ scissors, i always choose rock. Then, when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper, I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "oh shit, im sorry, I thought paper would protect you." |
#35401 (471/655) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
«XAnimal» I can fist my own throat
«SilentB» There is no emoticon to describe the horror of what you just said. |
#41054 (304/420) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
[ engineer56] im learn python
[@selcouth] i'd suggest english |
#310956 (42/54) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<samantha> these recruiters are getting clever
<samantha> Subj: Disco Party??
<samantha> me: I love disco parties
<samantha> *open email* Hi Samantha, We're looking for a bada$$ front end engineer
<samantha> I WAS TRICKED |
#103237 (388/538) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Rachel> Can't move to Texas, I'm not legally female there. |
#309328 (43/55) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Plorkyeran> comcast sure is awesome
<Plorkyeran> it seems that the reason my internet connection has been down for the last two days is that they tried to give me a free upgrade to 105/20
<Plorkyeran> and instead disabled my connection |
#135637 (2267/3219) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Commander_598: Heath Ledger dead.
Kroko: ...what
Kroko: are you serious
Commander_598: Assuming CNN Headline News isn't just making things up.
Latis: No, he's dead.
Kroko: holy crap he is
Baconfish: have they finished making batman yet?
Kroko: yes
Kroko: I think
happydud: imdb lists Batman as in post-production
Baconfish: phew
Latis: awesome. We're safe guys. |
#307590 (163/221) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<&Asestorian> you can only romance companions of the opposite gender
<&Entity> that's gay :( |
#307040 (78/102) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< Tommy`> cd ~
< Daeken> Tommy`: you're heading home? |
#304240 (228/312) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Amigod> i want to play my guitar
<@Amigod> But Eleni's asleep
<HanSorbo> So wear earplugs.
<HanSorbo> So you cant hear her yelling at you to stop. |
#300537 (439/609) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
bobthekiller: i make your mom wine bitch
BadSpoon: that's nice of you |
#295265 (157/213) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<gwinbee> keyboards should have etch-a-sketch knobs built-in to them
<workthrick> what'd that do?
<Ycros> workthrick: I don't think gwinbee thought that far ahead |
#32616 (343/475) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<double_a> everytime I check in here its like a doctors office waiting room..........silence
* Mayseth coughs
<double_a> *sound of magazine page turning |
#31235 (416/578) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Kaelic> Broadband, although more expensive than dial-up, is actually saving me money through excessive piracy. |
#29839 (363/503) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<aykroyd> the worst "i feel old" moment is when you realize the playmate of the month was born in a year you clearly remember |
#29696 (9159/13115) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Ich> I have passed the transitional stage of internet geekhood
<Ich> I was cashiering at work today, and was punching in the code for plums, which is 4040.
<Ich> and the 0 key doesn't work this well, so I punched it in wrong.
<Ich> and the machine flashed up "Item Not Found: 404"
<Ich> and I actually laughed out loud |
#28960 (304/420) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<m[e]ntor> Does anyone know where I can buy 100 m of wireless lan cable?
<insight> Well, you could try NASA's "things not yet and never will be invented"-department or something. |
#27948 (333/461) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<hkhenson> we may need to modify the expected collision between our galaxy and andromeda
<finite> everyone lean left |
#24945 (309/427) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Milky> Tony Blair has just announced that he is sending the people that chose Liverpool to be the European City of Culture, out to Iraq.
<Milky> The theory is that if they can find Culture in Liverpool then Weapons of Mass Destruction should be a piece of p1ss. |
#72591 (383/533) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<wac> In the entertainment industry's war on its customers, the CEOs of media conglomerates are represented by two separate yet equally-important groups.
<wac> The Motion Picture Association of America, who believes their shitty copy protection will suddenly become effective if they throw the DMCA in enough people's faces.
<wac> And the Recording Industry Association of America, who sues children.
<wac> These are their stories.
<wac> *law-n-order sound* |
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