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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..38394041424344..599Next> |
#27372 (386/520) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(parazite) Legolas did you take your name from lord of the rings?
(@ Legolas) no, I got it from this magazine
(@ Legolas) it was advertising salogel, its a type of lubricant
(@ Legolas) I just did the name backwards and I liked it....... |
#61121 (414/558) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Ked|work> You know you've used linux more than google when typing 'man pipe' into the search bar doesn't instantly seem like a bad idea. |
#61053 (393/529) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Kat: They should make a NetFlicks for books!
Cassandra: they do
Cassandra: its called the library |
#57852 (375/505) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<werro> damnit :/
<werro> my dad found my porn
<Bob112> So what? I bet my dad knows I have porn.
<werro> but my dad didnt know Im gay :/
<Bob112> Um, like, neither did I |
#57141 (511/691) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Halbred> I still remember the storys my grandfather told me about when he was in WW2, and when they stormed auswichts.
<Kurai> auschwitz.
<Kurai> i'd say "grammar nazi", but that'd be in bad taste. |
#35267 (2286/3142) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<deF> democrats swallow
<TheBrad> well, that's a constructive way to look at politics
<Vampire> deF your not even american
<Vampire> you cant have a opinion
<Vampire> heh
<MECHANIX> yeah hes a fucking swede
<MECHANIX> what do you guys have
<MECHANIX> swedolitics?
<deF> blondes with big breasts
* deF wins * |
#50319 (333/449) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
mrkemak71: Kens "Avoiding Marital Discord" tip of the day :
mrkemak71: when discussing the price of a pound of shrimp...
mrkemak71: Do NOT figure out how much your wife is worht in shrimp, and then tell her |
#47368 (498/674) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Tycho> AND I HOPE YOU ALL CHOKE AND DIE
<Tycho> except you War
<Warmachine> :D
<Tycho> I HOPE YOU DROWN
<WarMachine> oh :( |
#6511 (310/416) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<monami> this utility has a macro recording function but no loop command
<monami> so i record a macro, and then put a stapler on the keyboard to hold the button down
<monami> and go have coffee
<monami> i note that the stapler, on the whole, is a more efficient and productive employee than i am |
#409 (540/732) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<DaZE> at my school.. the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone... and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see 'em and they got passed back the cop had 4 |
#30404 (345/465) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Tridao: i got 100%
Tridao: :D
Xeero: On what?
Tridao: the iq test
Xeero: ...
Tridao: 100% of what/
Xeero: Did it give you a number?
Xeero: That says
Xeero: 'Your IQ is ___"
Tridao: 100%...:(
Xeero: Okay, your IQ is not high. |
#14207 (399/541) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<h|tler> HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M 13 BY LOOKING AT WHAT I'M WRITEING????????????????????????????????????????????????????? |
#106497 (1960/2696) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jamiebarrow> jlitc: psivamp is taking pics of her tits aparently
<jlitc> jamiebarrow: ooh, I joined at just the right time
<jamiebarrow> jlitc: a tit is a kind of bird
<jlitc> jamiebarrow: aww |
#299049 (237/317) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Xagor> mexico legalized drugs for personal use
<Xagor> time for them to be on the receiving end of illegal immigration =P |
#299461 (101/131) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<fahadsadah> Write a small Windows application, that locks up and crashes (infinite loop or something).
<fahadsadah> Wait for the error report window to come up, but before clicking send, locate the report in AppData.
<fahadsadah> Fill it with the lyrics to Never Gonna Give You Up.
<fahadsadah> And that's how to rickroll Microsoft. |
#306677 (341/461) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<maxson> honestly
<maxson> it's weird because
<maxson> normally, i'd get to know her better before asking her out
<Leaff> you're asking for relationship advice froma 12 year old?
<Leaff> oh
<Leaff> ok
<maxson> the only way i'm going to get to know her better is by asking her out
<maxson> so it's like a dilemma
<maxson> also yes
<maxson> irl this would be creepy
<Leaff> yup
<Leaff> irl me hanging out with you would be creepy
<maxson> yup
<Leaff> irl a lot of things that people do on the internet would be creepy
<maxson> like talk to people while looking at porn
<Leaff> exactly
<maxson> "hey james how's it going"
<maxson> "HRRNG oh fine URRRGH you?"
<Leaff> "are you fapping"
<Leaff> "LOL NOPE NOT AT ALL"
<Leaff> "DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU WOULD SUGGEST THAT"
<maxson> "did you piss your pants"
<maxson> "you're in the ballpark"
<Leaff> i think we should end this part of the conversation right now
<Leaff> before it gets
* Leaff sunglasses
<maxson> out of hand?
<Leaff> out of haFUCK YOU |
#182384 (185/245) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Zepheric> wow... was playing Tf2 and a guy joined named Barack Obama, then he started telling people why they should vote for him
<Zepheric> so we vote kicked him |
#305281 (289/393) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<RGM79> so yeah, the java instructor thought it was necessary to warn us
<RGM79> because of something that happened years ago for one of his classes
<RGM79> we are told explicitly that we can't write code in MS word
<RGM79> and that he does not grade .doc files |
#193949 (221/295) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Zachary> someone gave me an engraved rock for my birthday with ZACHERY on it
<Zachary> I mean first off you just gave me a fucking rock for my birthday
<Zachary> and then my name is on it and it's misspelled
<Zachary> of course maybe that was just the name of the rock |
#214528 (494/670) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Mike: i was looking at computer parts late at night last semester at school.
Mike: my friend (whos bed was over my desk) leans down, looks at the screen, then looks at me and says
Mike: "you know lerch, normal people look at porn" |
#33571 (680/926) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<antivert> One of them was a total asshole, he was like "STOP LISTENING TO ME!!" because I was call coaching him
<antivert> this guy apparently told his customer "Sir, if you don't calm down, I'm going to have to put you in the penalty box." And the customer kept getting pissed off so he was like
<antivert> "Sir, if you don't calm down, I'm going to have to put you in the penalty box."
<antivert> the guy started yelling again so he took off his headset, put it in one of the metal drawers by the desks and started kicking the FUCK out of it screaming "YOU'RE IN THE PENALTY BOX!! YOU'RE IN THE PENALTY BOX MOTHERFUCKER!!!!"Comment: antivert worked tech support
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#60331 (486/658) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<brisbane> I got a knock on my door and as i was expecting a girlfriend I was naked, I opened it and it was two Jehova Witnessees. Needless to say they didnt stay long and never came back. |
#59664 (352/474) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
garysimat: so...
garysimat: all i need is 2000 now to get my rims
garysimat: 1/5 the way there
Aeternum Tacet: ...
Aeternum Tacet: aren't the stock rims nice?
garysimat: there decent
garysimat: but i want 20" chrome
Aeternum Tacet: I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I hope you get robbed |
#59188 (365/491) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<phlip> I wear it from time to time... I don't usually think about what I'm wearing, just whichever shirt is on top of the pile ;)
<lisa> lol
<lisa> typical male i see
<phlip> well, it makes more sense than the alternative...
<phlip> I mean, who picks the shirt from the bottom of the pile every day? that's just stupid |
#56977 (526/714) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<evilAdmin> WTF!
<evilAdmin> Me and some co-workers saw V for Vendetta on Friday. One of my friends is completly obsessed with the movie.
<evilAdmin> So my buddy is missing today. He does the Unix and Linux shit in the office (I do hardware).
<evilAdmin> Then a white fuckin' van shows up mid 3PM that says "FOR YOUR PROTECTION" on the back. Some dude with a complete Guy Fawkes costume and mask hopes out, complete with boots, cape, tophat, (presumably) fake knifes, and a V Mask. Everyone is like "WTF!?1111!".
<evilAdmin> Dude comes upstairs and has "SYS V" printed on his back and "V SYS" on the front. He starts handing out floppies with AT&T System V (5) Unix on them. Doesn't say a fucking word. Everyone is clueless. The guy handed out like 300 floppies and nobody knows what to do with them.
<evilAdmin> Then he hops back into his white fan and drives away.
<evilAdmin> WTF??? |
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