|
TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..37383940414243..599Next> |
#30144 (432/582) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Milao> Hmm... I forgot to pick up my son from school today, and it's already 9:30... I'm trying to decide whether to pick him up now, or just bring food in the morning on the way to work.
<Jaayy> How long have you been wondering this?
<Milao> About twenty minutes.
<Jaayy> Dear god... some people should not be allowed to be parents. |
#5304 (1696/2321) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<pdksh> jesus h christ
<pdksh> 'i got tired of that screensaver on that other computer so i turned it off'
<pdksh> my sister hard-shutdown my bsd box.
<pdksh> in the middle of a kernel compile.
<pdksh> not to mention that the little blinky light on the hub was annoying her
<pdksh> so she pulled out that wire too
<pdksh> ...
<pdksh> and she managed to rip a wire pair out of the wire.
<pdksh> yet she wants to be a cs major in college.
<dmaster-> I would beat her into a coma
<pdksh> dmaster-: im about to. either that or change her aim password so she jumps off a bridge.
<bob354> pdksh: haha a cs major?
<pdksh> bob354: yeah... 'i like to surf the internet and chat on aim to all my friends all the time so im good with computers and im good at that microsoft wordart. mom said i should go to computer school like you!' |
#910 (404/542) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Kury^> the other day i found out that my Uni's fire evacuation policy for ppl with wheelchairs is to 'push them into a room, close the door, escape and then give the room number to the firemen' |
#86021 (448/602) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Coff> We should bring rain ponchoes back. Problem Solved.
<Cyg> New Problem: I don't want to look like a homeless wizard. |
#295981 (446/600) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+Biiaru> Admittedly, calculus is like sucking dick. I don't very much want to do it, but I have to get to college somehow.Comment: #zelda
|
#307624 (254/338) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Jargon> We don't HAVE BEer pong here in Belgium
<Jargon> The idea that you can somehow "Win" at drinking is purely an American thing
<Quantum_Meddler> So you don't have drinking games there?
<Jargon> no
<Jargon> well
<Jargon> actually yes
<Jargon> there is one
<Jargon> You may have heard of it
<Jargon> It's called "going out and getting laid" |
#300628 (321/429) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ttvd> my gf said if we build more solar panels the sun energy will be consumed faster o.O
<FOXX> Dump her.
<ttvd> no she's pretty smart actually.
<ttvd> although i remember she asked me how deaf read... hmm
<FOXX> Cognitive dissonance there, ttvd? |
#306718 (245/325) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[talking about kuwait]
everbong: i almost got blowed up back in the day.. thats how i got the name everbong
MaxGripper: really?
MaxGripper: what happened?
everbong: this lady came up to a small group of us, saying something, and i was like "everbong?? wtf??" we started to walk away and she exploded
everbong: apparantly she was saying "i have a bomb" in fail english |
#306481 (316/422) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<rorski> You know how Ctrl-a-d detaches a screen session? I just accidently ran that in Outlook... which selected everything in my Inbox and deleted it. |
#306046 (72/92) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
skyhawk2891_: captchas will be the death of me
skyhawk2891_: one day a man will hold a gun to my head, show me a captcha, and say "WHAT DOES THIS SAY OR I WILL BLOW YOUR FUCKING BRAINS OUT"
skyhawk2891_: and that's how I will die |
#270335 (330/444) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@[midas]> I remember calling the Nintendo Tip Line once for Castlevania II though
<@[midas]> Some spot where I had to crouch to make some stairs appear got me stuck
<@[midas]> I still remember their old phone number
<@[midas]> 206-885-7529
<@[midas]> I don't know my sister's birthday, but I remember the Nintendo Game Assistance Hotline |
#304456 (243/325) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< Thaff> my trimmer says "Household use ONLY" on it
< Thaff> does that mean it is illegal to shave farm animals
< draco> not if theyre in your house
< Thaff> touche sir |
#304071 (231/307) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< Bobsentme> And then a graduate student came in, overheard about 3 seconds of our conversation, and explained we could do the same thing for free if we just used nmap and a database
< Bobsentme> So...anyone know a good place to hide the body of a graduate student? >.>
< PID1|work> from a forensic lab??
< Bobsentme> yeah.
< Tamber> lecture hall. They won't think of looking there.
< PID1|work> or a tutorial class
< Bobsentme> Tamber: "He's always the first to arrive, but sleeps through my lectures!" "He's dead." "Oh...damn. He was the only one passing the course." |
#85592 (577/781) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* Apo[Herpes] is now known as Apo[Heroes]
<+Apo[Heroes]> WHY DIDN'T ANY TELL ME IT SAID HERPES?!!!
<+xpCynic> it looked intentional...
<+Apo[Heroes]> it wasn'tComment: irc.esper.net #rohmacking
|
#311564 (42/52) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
crond: to hell with emacs.
crond: emacs is like using a blender to chop your salad. you CAN do it, but it's overkill, and you just get sludge at the end.
whizzl: more like dropping your entire kitchen on the salad bowl |
#95753 (2314/3184) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<xkcd> honestly, I'm not entirely sure that I will ever get tired of amusing pictures of cats
<xkcd> FORTUNATELY, SOMEONE INVENTED THE INTERNET |
#296104 (377/507) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Forggy: my kitten is almost cat sized now
CorbinFox: uh oh, better put it in the freezer then. the cold makes things contract
CorbinFox: that way you can keep it as a kitten forever!
Forggy: you can't play with my kitten anymore ok?
CorbinFox aw :( |
#307801 (28/44) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Drazhar> someone help me
<Drazhar> because I think I went insane
<Drazhar> I found something that I agree with Glenn Beck on
<Malware> Drazhar
<Malware> You are undoubtedly, irrevocably mad.
<Drazhar> The radio talk-show host says George Lucas should be "tried for movie crimes" not only for what he has done to a beloved franchise, but also for producing "Red Tails."
<Drazhar> George HAS fucked up Star Wars big time
<Malware> Now we are both undoubtedly, irrevocably mad.
<Malware> Because now I agree with Glenn Beck. |
#162955 (488/660) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Faustus> The combination of a barbiturate induction agent and a nondepolarizing paralytic agent is used in thousands of anaesthetics every day. Supporters of the death penalty argue that unless anesthesiologists have been wrong for the last 40 years, the use of pentothal and pancuronium is safe and effective
<@Faustus> how the fuck is lethal injection safe? |
#304938 (304/408) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< Bob_work> This page blocked. Please enter the name of a seedless fruit to continue.
< OWA> Bob
< Bob_work> HEY! |
#304466 (235/315) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<unfunf> the only problem with hemp is that all the sites that support it and show what it is actually good for (and it is good for a lot of things)
<unfunf> look like shit because they are made by fucking stoners |
#301482 (157/207) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Emerald> During the hurricane of 1955 that hit Connecticut, my grandfather's neighbors were on vacation. Afterward, he sent them the following telegram, in its entirety: "What do you want me to do with your roof?" |
#303758 (272/366) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Sebas> Heh, some of our neighbours at Wacken had 30 kilos of dry ice to cool their drinks. It worked after a fashion, but it's difficult to drink whiskey when it's frozen solid.
<Sebas> Of course, my first reaction when they told me was "Hah. Hard liquor." |
#222363 (201/267) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(JadeFrog) chainmail thongs don't look very comfy
(Scrubber) you say that now, but you won't mind when it saves your asscrack from a morning star
(JadeFrog) fair enough |
#14217 (331/443) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<FL|Work> feck, forgot to pay my stupid tax
<Pi|Mu|Rho> you get taxed on stupid? That's going to be one hefty bill.
<marek> he could fund 3 new hospitals all by himself |
|
save page |
share: reddit
stumbleupon
digg
facebook
twitter
tumblr
<Prev1..37383940414243..599Next> |
|